kerana Dia; hindarkanlah aku dari pesona maya

salam a'laikum.

being weird for couple of days.
things are not organized in 'here'. blerrgghhh!!
but then again, i am too weak to stay away from Allah. ^_^
hurm.. why? don't know. i simply can't.
so, made a promise to myself and a promise it is.
i'll hold on to it.
insha-allah.
come one! aimihebat kerana Allah!!!

The one who speaks to the others is speaking to oneself.

become so numb

salam a'laikum.

i've become so numb! sounds familiar? well, it is Linkin Park's song. hurm.. those grey days... well, it is all over for LP and me. ahaks! yeah, it is hard to let go our jahilyah right? and we will try almost everything so that our interest towards jahiliyah can get green lights. blerrghh!! trust me, you dont need to work hard that way, simply find His love. then, you wll now which is white, which is black. there will never be grey! then, you will know whether to stick to LP or not. ^_^ KAWAN-KAWAN, JOM LA CARI CINTA ALLAH! cinta Allah itu best. cinta Allah itu hebat. [ok, jgn nak bermadah puitis pula di sini]

this week had been the most hectic week of all in the history of IB! everyone was like a zombie trying hard to finish up their EE. some didn't even sleep for couple of days. some had consumed excessive caffein. some cried silently inside so that no one knows that they are crying because of this EE thingy. ok, i am one of the people who actually did suffered from the mad world of IB. alhamdulillah, after i had submitted the FINAL EE, uploaded it in turnitin.com for plagiarism, had my final EE consultation... i can say that, now i just leave it to Allah to decide. because i had done my best. for next week, it is all about TOK essay. fuh~~~ O Allah, please give us the strength to continue breathing until 5th May 2011, the final IB exam insha-allah.

ok, actually those exaggerated nonsense is not what i want to emphasize here. they were just merely the reasons why R E M I N D E R keeps silence for weeks. yeah, there were a few posts, but they were written during the gap between those IB stuff. and now, alhamdulillah, Allah had given me the opportunity to still be able to write even at the age of 20. yeah, i am 20 and I AM PROUD OF IT. but still i am a heartless person. dont mess with me. [i'm serious]

ok, along with the hecticness of DUNYA, He never let me drown in it. even sometimes His reminders will knock me hard and made me lose focus. but then again, i am too weak to say no to His love. i dont have the strength to stay away from Him.

here it goes, 

"Or do you think that you shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: "When (will come) the help of Allah." Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near"

[al-baqarah, 2:214]

"Apakah kamu mengira bahwa kamu akan masuk syurga, padahal belum datang kepadamu (cobaan) sebagaimana halnya orang-orang terdahulu sebelum kamu? Mereka ditimpa oleh malapetaka dan kesengsaraan, serta digoncangkan (dengan bermacam-macam cobaan) sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman bersamanya: "Bilakah datangnya pertolongan Allah?" Ingatlah, sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu amat dekat. "

[al-baqarah, 2:214]

when i read this, my heart trembled with fear. i can't control my tear glands. it burst. i felt like Allah was trying to tell me that what i had done for Islam until that particular second, it not enough for me to have a place in His jannah. the tests that i faced right now are nothing compared to what Prophet Muhammad pbuh and his companions [sahabat] had gone through. it is not Ghuzwah Badar, it is just merely an IB! duh~~

for a week, that particular ayah had haunted me. what else can i do to have the chance of meeting Allah in Jannah? what? i was depressed thinking that, Allah was being very mad at me for focusing on DUnya instead of crying because of Him. hence, He sent me that ayah. ah! tensi.

but then, verily,

"Surely with difficulty is ease. with difficulty is surely ease."

[al-insyirah, 94:5-6]

last night, He sent me a sahabat to help me. i asked her, 

"what do you think about this ayah?"

she said that, from that ayah [2:214], Allah is trying to motivate her to work harder for Islam. not being mad at her. i was stunned. O Allah, please forgive me for my sins. thanks sahabat. thank you Allah.

"pernah tak terfikir, kita tidak diuji atau kita yang tidak mencari ujian?"

i was blur, as always. need further explaination.

"kalau kita selalu dalam comfort zone sahaja, macam mana nak diuji? kalau kita selalu manjakan diri kita sahaja, macam mana nak hebat hadapi ujian? kalau kita duduk dalam bilik sahaja, macam mana kita nak tahu dunia luar, secara realiti!"

a point to pounder. anyway, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. all praises to Allah for still give me this opportunity to feel His love and refresh my vow, my shahadah.

just remember and keep on reminding ourselves that Allah kan ada... 

one who speaks to the others is speaking to oneself.

why do we questioned the LOVE?

salam a'laikum.

yesterday, someone asked me.

"aimi, kenapa kamu suke tulis pasal cinta Allah?"

i smiled, i smiled and i smiled.

and then i said,

"sebab...the more we tell others, the stronger the feelings will be."

when it is about Him, if i could, i want to talk about His love all the time! because i am praying for the feeling to be as strong as Rabiatul A'dawiyah's. [insha-allah]. plus, i am really really hoping that others will feel the same too.

when we are in love with Allah,

"makan kenyang, alhamdulillah. tido lena, bonus Qiamullail. mandi segar bugarrrr, niat kerana allah, dapat pahala lagi!... alhamdulillah"

during kulsem, a sahabat shared something.

"kalau nak tahu di mana kedudukan kita di sisi allah, tengoklah dulu di mana kedudukan Allah dalam hati kita."

The one who speaks to the others is speaking to oneself.

siapa; kita?

salam a'laikum.

bismillah ar-rahman ar-raheem.

ingin saya katakan di sini, hati yang terluka tempoh hari, bukanlah sengaja ingin dicanang-canang di blog buat tatapan ramai. [ramai ke yang baca blog saya ini?] apa yang ingin saya kongsi adalah berkaitan ibrah [pengajaran] yang saya peroleh daripada peristiwa tersebut. dan kelukaan tersebut bukanlah disebabkan orang lain, malah merupakan hasil tindak tanduk saya sendiri yang lansung tidak berkait dengan suasana di KMB ini. harap semua pihak tidak membuat sebarang spekulasi [eceh!!]

alhamdulillah, saya masih lagi diberi peluang untuk terus menulis dan berkata-kata melalui dunia maya ini  dengan izin-Nya. sekadar ingin berkongsi perasaan saya tika saat ini. perasaan ini berbunga sejak hujung minggu yang lalu. dan saya sentiasa mendoakan agar ia terus mekar indah.

sangat indah hidup ini sekiranya kita sedar bahawa, segala yang berlaku pada diri kita, tidak kira kebaikan mahupun musibah, adalah ketetapan daripada Allah. dan yakinlah bahawasanya, Allah tidak akan membebankan kita dengan sesuatu yang tidak mampu kita hadapi.

baiklah, perasaan yang saya nyatakan sebentar tadi adalah berkaitan dengan kesedaran bahawa saya ini seorang hamba kepada kuasa yang Maha Hebat.

siapakah saya ini?

apakah lebihnya saya berbanding orang lain sehinggakan Allah memilih dan memberi peluang kepada saya untuk berada di jalan ini?

saya bukanlah seorang hafizah, jauh sekali seorang yang pergi berperang jihad fisabilillah.

hanyalah seorang hamba yang hina di hadapan-Nya. 

tidak layak untuk dipandang sebelah mata pun.

saya berasa begitu rendah diri dan rasa tidak layak untuk menerima kasih sayang-Nya yang super hebat ini. jika hendak dibandingkan kurnia-Nya dengan perjuangan saya di jalan ini, hati terdetik. "abid, khalifah. sudah sempurnakah tugas aku itu? sudah cukupkah perjuagan aku ini?"

tika sujud pada rakaat terakhir, saya lamakan sujud kerana terasa begitu dekat dengan Allah. bayangkan, Allah yang berada di arasy-Nya di langit yang tertinggi, mendengar tangisan dan adu domba hamba-Nya yang sedang meletakkan kepalanya di tempat paling rendah. betapa sayang-Nya Dia kepada hamba-Nya.

namun, nak dikatakan malu dan hina diri di hadapan allah, lidah saya kelu, hati saya cair, mengenang dosa-dosa yang tinggi menggunung. siapalah saya untuk meminta daripada-Nya? acapkali mulut ini mengata orang lain, acapkali hati ini ingin memberontak, acapkali mata ini tidak menjaga pandangan. hanya air mata yang mampu berkata-kata. 

ingin meminta ampun. saya malu dengan dosa.

ingin meminta panjangkan umur. saya malu dengan dosa.

ingin meminta permudahkan urusan. saya malu dengan dosa.
ingin meminta diselesaikan kekusutan otak dan hati. saya malu dengan dosa.

ingin meminta, meminta, dan meminta. saya teramat malu untuk terus meminta.

sujud yang dipanjangkan diakhiri dengan salam pertama beserta;

"Allahumma inna nas aluka ridhoka waljannah"

[ya allah, kurniakan kami keradhaan-Mu dan syurga]

sekali lagi, kerongkong saya bagaikan tersumbat seekor anak gajah. [wow!]. bila kita faham maksud sesuatu ayat itu, kita akan betul-betul merasai getaran jiwa. saya begitu malu untuk meminta lagi. minta dan terus meminta. tidak dapat saya menghabiskan ayat seterusnya untuk salam kedua;

"wa na'uzubika min sakhotika wan naar"

[aku berlindung pada-MU dari kemurkaan-Mu dan neraka]

asif, post kali ini agak panjang. biasalah, perasaan yang terkubu dalam hati ini sudah lama ingin meletop. di saat menadah tangan untuk berdoa, lidah saya bagaikan sudah hilang kemampuan untuk berfungsi. betapa saya seorang hamba yang sentiasa tidak berpuas hati dengan apa yang telah saya kecapi. tidakkah saya sedar saya ini hamba? hamba bukan kerjanya meminta tetapi memberi!

namun, Allah itu Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang. hanya kata-kata kesyukuran yang berjaya dilahirkan dari hati. ya, itulah kata-kata yang dicari selama ini.

ya allah, aku bersyukur kerana masih dikurnakan nikmat eman dan islam.

ya allah, aku bersyukur kerana Engkau meminjamkan kepadaku ibu bapa dan adik-beradik yang sangat mengasihiku.

ya allah, aku bersyukur kerana Engkau meletakkan aku dalam kalangan sahabat-sahabat yang menerima aku seadanya dan menegur seandainya aku tersilap langkah.

ya allah, aku bersyukur kerana Engkau tidak menyekat saluran pernafasanku dan membenarkan aku untuk terus hidup sebagai hamba-Mu untul hari ini.

ya allah, aku bersyukur kerana memberi aku peluang untuk bertemu dengan rakan-rakan aku pada hari ini.

ya allah, aku bersyukur kerana dipermudahkan temuduga aku pada hari ini.

ya allah, aku bersyukur aku masih mampu berjalan.

ya allah, aku bersyukur kerana memiliki tubuh badan yang sihat.

ya allah, aku bersyukur atas ukhuwah yang Engkau kurniakan.

ya allah, aku bersyukur aku tidak jatuh longkang pada hari ini.

ya allah, aku bersyukur kerana diberi kekuatan untuk terus thabat di jalan ini.

betapa banyak perkara yang seharusnya kita bersyukur. tapi sedarkah kita? mana lagi banyak? kita bersyukur atau kita meminta? tepuk dada tanya iman.

Allah itu Maha Besar, Maha Berkuasa. Dia tidak memerlukan kita, tapi kitalah yang memerlukan-Nya.

"Jika kamu kafir maka sesungguhnya Allah tidak memerlukan (iman)mu dan Dia tidak meridhai kekafiran bagi hamba-Nya; dan jika kamu bersyukur, niscaya Dia meridhai bagimu kesyukuranmu itu; dan seorang yang berdosa tidak akan memikul dosa orang lain. Kemudian kepada Tuhanmulah kembalimu lalu Dia memberitakan kepadamu apa yang telah kamu kerjakan. Sesungguhnya Dia Maha Mengetahui apa yang tersimpan dalam (dada)mu."

[az-zumar,39:7]

tapi tak bermakna kita tidak boleh meminta. mintalah, tapi sedarlah bahawa kita ini adalah hamba, dan kalau meminta daripada-Nya, saya suka memohon agar dijadikan seorang hamba yang bersyukur setiap masa. insha-allah....

The one who speaks to the others is speaking to oneself.

[p/s: syukran farah, you are my grammar teacher now n forever. insha-allah]

three words; Allah kan ada...

salam a'laikum.

perhap just a short simple reminder.

this week had been really hard. mentally and emotionally. but i managed to pretend as if like, "yeah, aku hebat!". but deep inside, again, the old scars were bleeding again. and this time, i know that i am not alone. why? it is because, Allah kan ada. ^_^

i reread His love notes, i reread my posts, and i know He is here, in my heart. and He knows what am i going through right now.

"Dan apabila hamba-hamba-Ku bertanya kepadamu tentang Aku, maka (jawablah), bahwasanya Aku adalah dekat. Aku mengabulkan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila ia memohon kepada-Ku, maka hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi (segala perintah-Ku) dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepada-Ku, agar mereka selalu berada dalam kebenaran. " [albaqarah,2:186]

The one who speak to the others is speaking to oneself.

fan clubs, which one?

salam a'alaikum.

lord voldemort, bloody hell, hogward, dumbledoor, magic yada yada...

[those are some of the topics that will be brought up when we are in a circle of people who are the fan of Harry Potter] = Harry Potter Fan Club

sarang hae, gamsahabnida, He's Beautiful, BOF yada yada yada...

[these are what we call, korean crazy. when we are with the korean-addicts, these probably what the gossips will be] = Korean Drama Fan Club

 rasengan, chidori, nine-tailed fox, cakra, hokage yada yada...

[sound familiar? yeah, those who are so into Naruto... this is their jargon] = Naruto Fan Club

i had been around those groups of people through out my life. there are lot more. might be too long if i list them down here. they are unique. they are nice. they are cool. 

when they talked about their respective interest, they were so passionate, so indulged in their own world. just ask anything, they can give you the pricise episod or scene. love to be aroung them.

among thousands different group of people, they whom i really really love to be with, is the one that talks about Allah, that admires Rasulullah, that always reminds me of who i am...

when they talked about His love notes, 

their jargon related to  I S L A M.

when they shared experiences and valuable toughts,

it brings me back to the right path.

when they talked about His love,

their passions are, PERGH!!!

who are they?

i know you know.

they are the one who are totally addicted to Allah's love.

people who realise that they cannot love without His guidance.

they woke up in the morning while others are still sleeping, just to meet Allah.

is this a fan club too?

hah, it more than just a fan club. it is nothing like a fan club.

it is the truth.

it is what we suppose to be.

His slaves and caliphs.

and i am grateful that Allah sent them to me,

the love that connects our hearts is the love from Allah,

is this what we called ukhuwah fillah?

O Allah, thank you for lending them to me and to guide me to be closer to You.

we can befriend with everyone,

no matter who they are, where they come from, what jargon do they use...

mingle around,

just remember, WHO WE REALLY ARE...

it is not like i am not enjoying myself around other people besides them, [the pengingat Tuhan, like syud said].

i do enjoy myself with everyone regardless their appearances or their conversation,

because i do believe there is something Allah is trying to tell me for sending them to me.

everything happens for a solid reason right?

yeah, sometimes this face can be a bit irritating,

this voice might hurt some fragile hearts,

my actions could make others want to gimme  knuckle sandwishes,

my silence might leave a scar on someone's memory,

i'm so sorry.

do tell me my flaws.

please help me to improve, to be a better slave for Him, as i really really want to meet Him.

and i don't want to meet Him alone,

i want to meet Allah with everyone!

for that, my works here, in Dun-Ya... there are still a lot more thing to be done.

i can just keep on writting here and not exposing myself to the real world.

keep on R E M I N D-ing others, especially myself.

but, Allah had granted me with this health, with this capability, with this responsibility.

and for Him, insha-Allah i'll do anything. [i keep on saying that to myself]

working hard to be as fast as al-a'diyat!

jahiliyah nowadays are getting more aggresive, but hve no fear, Allah is always here!

but still, we have to fight for our right. what is it? duh~~~to be in Jannah!

so, to be in Jannah, we must be cleaned from jahiliyah,

so, lets declair WAR against jahiliyah!!!

yeah!!!!

JOM MASUK SYURGA RAMAI-RAMAI!!

^_^

look on the bright side

salam a'laikum.

already in KMB. alhamdulillah... all praises to Allah.

hurm... i was talking to a friend after loitering around the hostel. we talked about our holiday of course. and i told her about my anger towards a friend that once again had left me with a question mark in my head.

how i was very emotional and cant even tell the story straight. but then, she asked me, "what was the problem is all about?". well, sort of.

then, i stopped and think. why was i angry? [huh~ confius]

perhaps it was because of the old scar had wounded again.

ahaks... so not cool.

then, she told me to look on the bright side.

she showed me some possibilities that might be the answers for my thousands question marks.

when we are angry at someone, it doesnt mean that s/he is wrong and we are right. it could be the other way around, or may be none of us are right or wrong. [argh! pening]

see, when we are in anger, we cannot think rationally.

again, Allah will test us at our weakest point.

in my case, aimi... la taghdob.

p/s: one final semester to go. one interview to pass. one IB exam to blerghhhh... ^_^

The one who speak to the others is speaking to oneself.