become so numb

salam a'laikum.

i've become so numb! sounds familiar? well, it is Linkin Park's song. hurm.. those grey days... well, it is all over for LP and me. ahaks! yeah, it is hard to let go our jahilyah right? and we will try almost everything so that our interest towards jahiliyah can get green lights. blerrghh!! trust me, you dont need to work hard that way, simply find His love. then, you wll now which is white, which is black. there will never be grey! then, you will know whether to stick to LP or not. ^_^ KAWAN-KAWAN, JOM LA CARI CINTA ALLAH! cinta Allah itu best. cinta Allah itu hebat. [ok, jgn nak bermadah puitis pula di sini]

this week had been the most hectic week of all in the history of IB! everyone was like a zombie trying hard to finish up their EE. some didn't even sleep for couple of days. some had consumed excessive caffein. some cried silently inside so that no one knows that they are crying because of this EE thingy. ok, i am one of the people who actually did suffered from the mad world of IB. alhamdulillah, after i had submitted the FINAL EE, uploaded it in turnitin.com for plagiarism, had my final EE consultation... i can say that, now i just leave it to Allah to decide. because i had done my best. for next week, it is all about TOK essay. fuh~~~ O Allah, please give us the strength to continue breathing until 5th May 2011, the final IB exam insha-allah.

ok, actually those exaggerated nonsense is not what i want to emphasize here. they were just merely the reasons why R E M I N D E R keeps silence for weeks. yeah, there were a few posts, but they were written during the gap between those IB stuff. and now, alhamdulillah, Allah had given me the opportunity to still be able to write even at the age of 20. yeah, i am 20 and I AM PROUD OF IT. but still i am a heartless person. dont mess with me. [i'm serious]

ok, along with the hecticness of DUNYA, He never let me drown in it. even sometimes His reminders will knock me hard and made me lose focus. but then again, i am too weak to say no to His love. i dont have the strength to stay away from Him.

here it goes, 

"Or do you think that you shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: "When (will come) the help of Allah." Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near"

[al-baqarah, 2:214]

"Apakah kamu mengira bahwa kamu akan masuk syurga, padahal belum datang kepadamu (cobaan) sebagaimana halnya orang-orang terdahulu sebelum kamu? Mereka ditimpa oleh malapetaka dan kesengsaraan, serta digoncangkan (dengan bermacam-macam cobaan) sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman bersamanya: "Bilakah datangnya pertolongan Allah?" Ingatlah, sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu amat dekat. "

[al-baqarah, 2:214]

when i read this, my heart trembled with fear. i can't control my tear glands. it burst. i felt like Allah was trying to tell me that what i had done for Islam until that particular second, it not enough for me to have a place in His jannah. the tests that i faced right now are nothing compared to what Prophet Muhammad pbuh and his companions [sahabat] had gone through. it is not Ghuzwah Badar, it is just merely an IB! duh~~

for a week, that particular ayah had haunted me. what else can i do to have the chance of meeting Allah in Jannah? what? i was depressed thinking that, Allah was being very mad at me for focusing on DUnya instead of crying because of Him. hence, He sent me that ayah. ah! tensi.

but then, verily,

"Surely with difficulty is ease. with difficulty is surely ease."

[al-insyirah, 94:5-6]

last night, He sent me a sahabat to help me. i asked her, 

"what do you think about this ayah?"

she said that, from that ayah [2:214], Allah is trying to motivate her to work harder for Islam. not being mad at her. i was stunned. O Allah, please forgive me for my sins. thanks sahabat. thank you Allah.

"pernah tak terfikir, kita tidak diuji atau kita yang tidak mencari ujian?"

i was blur, as always. need further explaination.

"kalau kita selalu dalam comfort zone sahaja, macam mana nak diuji? kalau kita selalu manjakan diri kita sahaja, macam mana nak hebat hadapi ujian? kalau kita duduk dalam bilik sahaja, macam mana kita nak tahu dunia luar, secara realiti!"

a point to pounder. anyway, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. all praises to Allah for still give me this opportunity to feel His love and refresh my vow, my shahadah.

just remember and keep on reminding ourselves that Allah kan ada... 

one who speaks to the others is speaking to oneself.