My plate is too small.

I have a lot going on right now. Homeschooling, of course, I'm taking physics (not recommended) and world history, we are  preparing for an international move (and we aren't sure where we are going but we are leaving Mexico), hub's job change, Bible study, my poor husband was sick all weekend, we are celebrating Nikolas' fifth birthday, ugh, there must be more.

I have been very overwhelmed with a lot of anxiety and emotions. I have been turning to food and have gained a few pounds back. I know God has it all figured out and I know He will provide for our family. If I didn't know that I would be in a padded room. Sometimes I am really close to that but then I step back and I give it to God. I can feel my shoulders lift and it feels good. I wish I could stop taking it back though.

5-5-5: Week 3

Last week my to-do list was quite long. And like Courtney, it was a little overwhelming. I remember in all my reading of wise counsel, somewhere along the way I read about a Six List. Write down six things to do each day. Maybe I'll start doing that.
Going back to my goal for week one, I am still sticking with the Weight Watchers and drinking more water. Today was tough because we had a potluck with our small group at church. But I think because I was good the rest of this week that it was okay for a little freedom today. {I am down 1.2 pounds this week!}
This week's challenge is another great one that I will be committing to:
Week 3′s Challenge: (pasted from Women Living Well)
Purpose to not read ANYTHING else before you have read God’s word for at least 1 minute in the morning.  Do not read the newspaper, facebook, a spiritual devotional  or check your email.  Go straight to God’s word first.  And in case you think 1 minute seems a bit stingy with our time – I want to suggest – that once you get started most likely you will go for much longer than 1 minute.  But I want this to be doable.  After reading your Bible, I encourage you to leave your Bible in the kitchen open and everytime you walk past it, pause to read it for 15 seconds and then go on.  Squeeze all the nourishment you can out of the scriptures you are reading. 

I think this is a great discipline and I am praying it helps me this week!

Here are the last two week's posts, in case you missed them.
Week 2
Week 1

5-5-5: Week 2

Last week we talked about a body challenge, this was mine-
My goal for the purpose of the challenge is to eat a more balanced diet and drink more water. Right now I am going to focus on diet and then I will exercise when I can. Baby steps, right?
I did pretty good, if I can toot my own horn... I focused on eating more balanced, trying to get fruits or veggies at each meal and drinking more water, too. I start Weight Watchers again and this week I lost 2.8 pounds! 
On to week 2: Time Management. yikes. Courtney has some great tips and guidance for time management. I followed Courtney's suggestion and made a to-do list:

• Bible study homework
• Daily quiet time
• Catch up on laundry
• Sweep kitchen daily and mop it once
• Homework (anthropology)
• Plant seeds with boys
• Bathrooms
• Living room window
• Clean out fridge
• Exercise 60 minutes total
• Keep up on the dishes
• Read to boys each day
• Shave legs (yes, I really have to put this on a list)
• Make muffins
• Order vitamins
• Dust
• Thank you notes for Joshua's birthday

I think that is it. For now. I wrote out the list and am going to stick it on the fridge so I can see it all day, every day. 

5-5-5: Week 1

Courtney at Women Living Well has a great 5 week challenge going on. This is {as always} perfect timing for me. Here is this week's challenge:

Week 1 Challenge:

Name 1 healthy habit that you would like to work on establishing in your life over the next 5 weeks.  It could be cutting back on junk food, fast food, or soda pop.  It could be to exercise more, drink more water, or get more sleep.  Name it in the comments section…often times we are more apt to follow through on commitments when we have told someone else! 

This is very timely for me because I signed up {again} for Weight Watchers online last night. I lost about 20 pounds with WW last year (see my weight loss journey) and have managed to keep that off but I still have about 30 pounds to go to reach my goal. My goal for the purpose of the challenge is to eat a more balanced diet and drink more water. Right now I am going to focus on diet and then I will exercise when I can. Baby steps, right? Anyone else joining in Courtney's challenge? 

THL Summer Weight Shedding Challenge

The Homeschool Lounge is a great resource for homeschoolers. If you are not a member (FREE) then go sign up! Anyway, starting tomorrow (7/15) they are hosting the Summer Weight Shedding Challenge! It will go for twelve weeks, ending October 7.
My goals for the next twelve weeks...

• Lose about 10 pounds (keep in mind that I am going on a 2.5 week vacation) but I really want to build some muscle and get stronger so the pounds lost are not a huge concern.
• Complete 30 days (Burn Phase) of Chalean Extreme.
• Focus on eating lean protein and fruits and veggies.
• Read Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst.

Just the Beginning

If you missed the story of my weight gain/loss journey click here to start at the beginning. 


While that was the end of the story it is nowhere near the end of my battle with weight. It is almost like an addiction. I constantly have to be aware of what I am putting in my mouth because a lot of the time it is completely mindless. Sometimes I don't feel like I have any control over anything else in my life but food, oh yes I can control food. I can control exactly how much I binge on. It feels like that but I don't think it is true. I am trying to learn to lean on God during those stressful moments, hours, days. I know that He is the only one that can truly help me overcome the food and the stress and change my life.
My favorite Bible verses:

Joshua 1:9

Amplified Bible (AMP)

^9"Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


So, let me get this... He has a plan, He is always with me, be strong and courageous, don't be afraid and I will prosper and have hope and a future. Sounds easy to me. If only I could figure it out and learn it and live it. Guess I'll go pray and ask for more strength and courage.


What do you struggle with? Food? Lying? Porn? Drugs? No matter your sin God sees them equally. No sin is greater than another against God. Pray for His help, repent and overcome. If you take the first step He will be with you ALL the way!

A Long Journey: Part Six (the end)

July 2010, Washington, DC

Continued from yesterday's post...

At 215 pounds I landed in Mexico City. Our third country in three years. I had a lot of stress and then I started getting sick. I was sick for the first seven months here, off and on. I will spare you the details but it was not an enjoyable experience. The boys and I went home (CA and NV) for a month to visit family and try to get healthy. I just got a different kind of sick but it was a nice break. Around this time I also started Weight Watchers Online. I had a jump start on my weight loss from being sick and I wanted to keep it up. I exercise sporadically, I really wish I could find a routine and also get that "high" that everyone talks about. But I have lost 42 pounds in just about a year. I'm over half way to my goal. Now, if the stress would go away and my husband would get me a nanny... Just kidding or dreaming, maybe. My eating has changed, I feel more in control and keeping track of what I put in my mouth has helped so much! Changing my eating has made a huge difference. I just need to make the commitment to an exercise routine then I can watch the rest of these pounds melt off. I feel so much better, I have more energy. My blood pressure has not gone down though. That could be genetics and might be something I deal with forever. 

Pray for me. God and my wonderful husband have gotten me this far. There is no way I could've done it on my own. 

Amen.

A Long Journey: Part Five

Continued from yesterday's post:
In July 2006, Jason and I got married. I was then at my heaviest of 212 pounds. After having Joshua by cesarean and then having my gall bladder out a month later I was so tired and sore for a long time. Five months later we were packing out to move to Sicily. The other side of the world with my new family. After arriving, I was indeed suffering from some culture shock but more from military living than from living in a foreign country. Not long after moving into our new house we found out we'd be having another little one. Our boys were only 18 months apart. But with Nikolas I only gained THREE pounds! That was gone when we left the hospital, three days after my cesarean. I experienced some major exhaustion but also some depression. I don't think it was post-partum but just being so alone and so far from home. Food to the rescue! I was a binge eater for sure. During our time in Sicily, I met God. I was Catholic but while we were there I met and developed a relationship with Jesus. So much changed but it was a long road. I learned to lean on Jesus when I was lonely. Then He sent me some friends that will be my friends for life. They were my family. Two years after Nikolas was born we moved to Washington, DC. We joined the gym, never went, enjoyed eating all the American food we'd been missing. And then Jason starting traveling for work. It was horrible. I was so lonely and stressed. Then we got word that we would be moving to Mexico City... in six weeks. Eight weeks later, after two in a hotel waiting on visas, we flew out. I was at my heaviest ever, 215 pounds.

A Long Journey: Part Four

July 2005 Universal Studios

In July 2004, I "met" my husband. We met online and had three long months to get to know each other. He was deployed and returned in October. I rode the train to Ventura to meet him and I was hooked. He was different than the other boys I'd met. I moved down there about 6 weeks later. We also ate out a lot (more crap!) but he had navy standards to stick to so we did go to the gym. I started working and it helped to get out of the house. But I had an obsession with food. I wanted it all the time, even if I wasn't hungry. So the weight gain continued. As my boyfriend (now hubs) was preparing for his next deployment, we decided that I would move home and look for work. Then we could save money and get a nicer place when he got back. About two weeks after he left I was having lunch with my girlfriend and we came to the realization that I was pregnant. I was exhausted, everything hurt and I couldn't stop crying. He found out he was going to be a dad by instant message while he was in Iraq. I did really well during pregnancy. When I actually felt like eating, I ate as much as I could. There were days that all I could eat was crackers and hot tea. I gained 13 pounds with Joshua and at my 6 week follow up appointment I had lost it all.
Continued tomorrow...

A Long Journey: Part Three

Continued from yesterday's post:

December 1995: Senior Picture

I began my senior year with a wonderful boyfriend. I also had been attending summer school every summer and had earned enough credits to graduate early. In November, just before my December graduation the boyfriend broke up with me and moved on rather quickly (before we broke up). I was devastated. You know, that first love blah blah blah. It took me a while but I recovered even though there were days that I never thought I would. On December 15, 1995 I graduated and planned on going to school to be a dental assistant a few months later. During this time I had a job and spent most of my money on cd's and liquor (aka wine coolers-don't judge me!). If you didn't know, liquor is full of calories and carbs! Never you mind that I was only seventeen. I commuted to school and then started eating out more. more junk. And the pounds kept packing on. It was a viscous cycle. After a few more boyfriends and lets just say a few more drinks I finally hit rock bottom...

Continued tomorrow...

A Long Journey: Part Two

Continued from yesterday's post:

November 1994

In the spring of my sophomore year I met my first boyfriend, like for real boyfriend. I was a dumb girlfriend though. I totally surrendered my life to this guy. I loved him so much. Ugh, makes me nauseous to think of myself back then. I followed him like a puppy. Blech. Anyway, I stopped playing sports so I could spend any waking moment with him, of course. We ate out a lot, ate a lot of crap. And didn't do much else... movies, tv, football games, you get the idea. Sitting. I gained weight fast. I didn't really even notice until I couldn't get my jeans on. This was during the time of baggy jeans and grunge music. My sophomore year at prom (my boyfriend was a senior) I wore a dress that was size 3/4 and I was teeny! My junior year (with the same boyfriend) I went to prom in a size 12! Look at that picture-before the fat set in- at another dance. What I would do to fit in that dress again, I still have it!
Continued tomorrow...

A Long Journey: Part One

When I was a kid (you know, like 14) I was really active. I loved playing sports and being outdoors. I played volleyball, basketball, softball and ran on the track team. I was not very good but I was a great inter-team cheer leader (not the kind that wore a foofy skirt, a real encourager). I loved the camaraderie and being with my friends. My freshmen year I didn't make the volleyball team and didn't try out for anything else but I did join the track team. I really can't believe I used to run for FUN! Hubs doesn't believe me either. I had a smokin' hot body but at that time I didn't really care. Probably because I was hot! ha! I ate whatever I wanted and then...
Continued tomorrow...