Twisted Spinster

I’m watching the Republican National Convention (mark up another first for me). And so far, my verdict is… Well, it’s kind of awesome. Maybe it’s simply the fact that they chose to have it in an indoor venue, so the energy is better contained, but I agree with Steve H. — the people at this convention seem a lot more upbeat and optimistic than the ones I saw at the Democratic get-together over in Denver. Now to be fair, I only watched an hour and a half of that one or so, and I think I caught them toward the end, when everyone was probably tired, but still — so far everyone I’ve seen speak has been emphasizing what Americans can do, unlike the doom-‘n’-gloom Dems and their “everything sucks, we need to get rid of the sucky Rethugs” refrain.

Uh oh, Romney is getting a bit down on liberals. I agree, but… chill, dude, we can do it. Anyway, I’m basically holding out for Sarahcudda. More later.

Later: okay, failed candidates Romney and now Huckabee are bringing things down just a tad with their attempt to steal the Obama “change” rhetoric. Still, Huckabee mentioned that people want to prosper, which is good. Still, can’t wait for him to shut up. Oh wait — he’s dissing Islamic creeps and government busibodies. I permit that. (She says grandly.) Good save with mentioning Lincoln, who by the way had a crazy wife. Shh!

Update, 9:44PM: the governor of Hawaii is a Republican? I had no idea. I thought Hawaii was some kind of Democrat paradise…

9:51PM: I tried to comment on the Ace of Spades live chat thingie. So far it has not shown my comment. Fuck you, Ace of Spades live chat thingie.

One more: don’t mess with state governors. I’m just sayin’. Governor Lingle: (paraphrased) governing a state is fine experience for being vice-president! Now stand still while I hula your ass to death. (Well, something like that. Australian shiraz is dangerous.)

Added: the Ace of Spadesters are right — this lady talks really slow. Update: see my comments — Lingle a Republican lesbian? That’s not as strange as you might think. Consult Florence King. Still, now my ignorance (as I depend like anyone else in the US mostly on the professional media) is made more understandable.

10:02PM: ah. Rudy. Such a refreshment. See, I grew up in Miami, which is populated mostly by displaced New Yorkers and displaced Cubans, and both groups talk very fast (that is, at normal speed). Then I moved 275 miles north to the Orlando area and I feel like I’ve been living in cold maple syrup for the last nine years. (Aurally speaking — physically it’s as hot as Miami most of the time.) I guess it’s the same in Hawaii. (See the above.) Maybe if I ever go to Hawaii I should be prepared to drink a lot. Anyway, Rudy Giuliani is talking at normal speed. It’s like being home, only without the irritation of either being in Miami or New York, which is the same place.

Later: Rudy is firing up the crowd. Are they serving booze at the convention? People seem a little… eager. Ooh, that’s good about voting “present.” Even as a kid in homeroom in elementary school we knew that was a way to weasel out of a decision.

More: Rudy is good. “He’s never run anything. He’s the least experienced candidate…” Just telling the facts. “Nothing, nada.” Still, I am not that interested in experience. (I have scads of experience in office work. So why am I still stuck at $10.00 an hour?) I’m not even against Obama’s personal friendships with old terrorists like that Ayers ex-Weatherman guy (who should be shot, but I digress) and that cranky old racist preacher. I just don’t like Obama’s ideas and the direction he seems to want to take this country in. (Yes, I know, dangling preposition, I don’t care.) And whatever John McCain’s personal trials, family problems, and those of his running mate, I prefer the direction he seems to want to take the country in. So there.

So bring on Sarah! You’re okay, Rudy, but you’re not the star. Enough!

I changed my mind. It was necessary to hear “Obama was in favor of an undivided Jerusalem — for one day — until he changed his mind!” =O

10:25PM: Oh, Rudy has to be a blog reader. How else can he be coming up with all of Ace of Spades’ quips and talking points? Okay, that’s enough link-luv for you guys.

RUDY ASKED MY QUESTION! “WHO EVER ASKED A MAN–” OH RUDY, I AM YOURS.

(10:30PM. Sarah Palin enters.) SHE IS WEARING THE GLASSES. THANK YOU, GOD.

Democratic Party strategists, take note: this is how you rev up a crowd for someone. Day-um.

Her husband is hawt. Not that I noticed. My evil twin wrote that.

Sarah is so sweet to build up the Dems (“…confident opponents…”) but we all know they are toast.

10:37PM: whatever you may think about her daughter Bristol’s life decisions, it was a real mistake of Dem operatives and the media to freak out over her, and Sarah will now make them feel it. In the nicest way.

Ouch.

God, her husband is hot. (Shut up, evil twin! I’m so embarrassed for my evil twin’s behavior.)

Okay, “every woman can walk through every door of opportunity…” Thousands of NOW members seethed as Sarah Palin handily lifted their raison d’être and walked away with it.

10:45PM: Bitterly clinging to religion and guns! Oh! (Dems: “no… no… no… bad dream, bad dream…”)

Verdict: she’s going to Washington. To kick ass and chew bubblegum. And she used her last wad of bubblegum to plug the holes in her fishing tackle box, so…

“I put it on Ebay.” Oh, oh, oh… LOL.

10:54PM: finally someone points out that just because drilling for oil in our own country won’t cure a liberal’s psoriasis, that’s no reason to sit and do nothing.

10:57PM: I swear, Sarah has also been reading the blogs.

Read terrorists their rights? Crowd responds: “hells no!” Dems curl up in fetal positions under desks, etc., and pray for the bad woman to stop talking.

11:01PM: I can’t keep up with the smacking! I feel like Obama must feel. Mercy, woman!

Quote of the year: “the American presidency isn’t supposed to be a journey of personal discovery.” I think I’m in love.

Okay, and this one, from the Ace of Spades live thingie (which still has not published my IMPORTANT comments): “SARAH PALIN = KEYZER SOZE, BARACK OBAMA – EVERYONE ELSE ON THE BOAT.” Heh.

Okay, I’m kind of tired. Nighty-night!