[HMtW] The Grumpus (Blogwagon Holiday Special)

Another blogwagon time. This go around its a hex for a Christmas themed hexcrawl in the style of them old Rankin/Bass stop motion pictures outta the 60's. You know the one: young kid runs away from home because he's different from the others, meets various barely contained psychopaths, and returns years later to be accepted because the cruel taskmaster overlord needs to exploit him. A noble yeti is forced into domestication via violence. Something about a toy Vapula? Yeah, that's the one. That and it's eighteen sequels. 

Only trouble is, well, fuck this holiday. It's a miserable time of year when the corporations pump their propaganda on an already broke and breaking working class, guilting them into buying the over priced slop that no one needs. At one point, Saint Nicholas only gave to the needy; a good and proper thing to do. Nowadays, Santa Claus is a false idol in the worship of materialism. Buy that overpriced, easily broken, unrepairable, beeping, blinking, do nothing piece of plastic and precious metals that will sit in the remains of a landfill long after your carcass has crumbled to ash OR ELSE YOU HATE YOUR LOVED ONES. "Consume, you ignorant bastards, it's on sale!" They continue, having jacked the prices, only to cut them by a meager amount to make it look as if you're saving money. 

Fuck that. Fuck them. Fuck it. And the holiday they rode in on. Especially for making me agree with the Calvinists on this. 

"But Wayspell, the lights and decorations are so pretty. Everything is so happy and cheerful." I can't help you if you're going to intentionally blind yourself to the reality at large with glittering trinkets, like some sort of mutant magpie on hallucinogenics. I'd tell you to "put on the glasses" but that would make me Roddy Piper, you Keith David, and, well, my back already hurts. 

But, I didn't come here to go on and on about your shortcomings. I came here to tell you about - 

The Grumpus

Crossing the borders of this forested hex is a notable ordeal: whatever snow was falling, whatever whimsical song was playing in the background, whatever merry time was being had - ends. It all just ends. The snow stops falling, melting upon the ground. Background music goes from wintery bells bullshit to something more appropriate for Halloween. The trees are no longer beautiful pines, hearty and strong, but sad, cruel, twisted things, hunched over and bare of all needles. Ravens caw and mock just out of sight. A thin fog snakes along the ground, thick with malice, but intangible.

At the center of it all lies the homestead: a small cabin and accompanying garden. The garden is a small one, enough for only one person, though it contains several scarecrows wearing red fur coats. The cabin is a simple thing of wood and stone, adorned with wind chimes made from tinnies and antlers. There's most likely a small fire in the fire pit out front. A single, old, wooden chair sits there, partnered with a table for holding drinks and cigarettes. Honestly, the table is probably a telephone cable spool. Inside is mostly bare: A cot, a chair by the fireplace, a cooler for beer. More tinnies dot the floor. The room is awash in the soft glow coming from the noses of the reindeer whose heads are mounted along the walls. 

This is the home of the Grumpus. 

Standing seven foot tall, with eyebrows reaching to the brim of his hat paired with a wispy bearded to his knees, and clad in a shabby blue robe patched with red fur, a rough worn wizard hat, and the lingering smell of nicotine, the Grumpus* is a crushingly dour individual. He lives here, in the cabin, neither happy, nor fully alone; but in an empty acceptance of the bigfeet who call this hex home. If he knew how to make it a sanctuary for them, he would. But he don't. So he don't. Despite his demeanor, he fully respects guest rights, as long as those who intrude respect host rights. 

Now, what he does not respect - not in the slightest; not in a single modicum or even an atom of respect - perhaps better to say he outright reviles, is that villainous, revolting holiday known as Christmas. His malice towards this ever decadent holiday is to the point that he will offer to pay 500 gold for any Santa pelts brought to him. 

What's that? Oh, yes, there's plural Santa Clauses. That's why he (probably) keeps turning up in almost every hex. Plural nasal bioluminescent deer as well.

Thought I had time for art. I was wrong. Hopefully I'll fix this later.

The Grumpus

Man Strategist

A former wizard adventurer turned hermit, the Grumpus carries no patience or joy for things deemed "cheery" or "jolly." He resides alone, save for the occasional visit from the near by bigfoot tribe, and prefers it this way. While retired, he still carries his archwood staff, mostly out of habit, slightly out of necessity for walking in his old age. Not that he'll admit it. 

Health/Defense: 3 / 4

Attributes: Swords 1 | Pentacles 3 | Cups 4 | Wands 7

Likes: Bigfoots, Being alone, the Mari Lwyd (strangely)

Hates: Christmas, Santa Clauses

Notes: 

* Heavy Metal Christmas - His beard counts as a Shield, for the purpose of Defense.

* The Night Santa Went Crazy - IF violence does break out, he's attacking the jolliest looking motherfucker first. 

Lesser Dooms

* Drinking Up Christmas - Heals a Wound by chugging a beer as a Miscellaneous action. Dude can carry a full sixer in his robe.

* It's Not Christmas Until Someone Cries - Using the Staff as a focus, the Grumpus can make attack Attack actions of arcane energy up to one zone away. He adds is Wands attribute, rather than Swords, to these Attacks on his turn. He is never engaged by using this ability. 

* Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight) - Seemingly having a mind of its own, the Grumpus can wiggle his beard, lashing out in surprising ways. He may perform Roughhouse actions using his beard. 

Greater Dooms

* There Ain't No Sanity Clause - While holding the staff, the Grumpus can cast any Weald spell from Appendix A without components. Also the Welkin spells Binding and Life, for some reason. Cast spells by playing a lesser doom Speak Invocations actions and discarding a greater doom card to cover Resolve cost. Each additional greater doom card discarded adds +1 Resolve. 

If you're cold, they're cold. Let them in.

Mari Lwyd

Unique Spirit

The Grey Mare, a grim yet festive personification of winter. Appearing as a skeletal horse with glowing, wrapped in a cloak of spectral mist and wearing festive ribbon and bows, the Mari Lwyd wanders from home to home, spreading cheer in the form of screaming rhymes at each other and consuming all the booze in the house and chasing people.

Health/Defense: -

Attributes: Swords - | Pentacles - | Cups - | Wands - 

Likes: Singing Rhymes, Booze, Chasing people

Dislikes: Teatotalers, Sobriety

Notes:

* Put the Cards Away - You won't need them, we're trying something a little different here. 

* Pwnco - When the Mari Lwyd appears, it demands booze from the party in the form of a rhyming couplet or insult. Should the party fail to respond in kind with a witty excuse as to why they cannot provide wanted booze, the Mari Lwyd inflicts damage against the part in the form of consuming all the booze within their inventory. Should the party have no booze in their collective inventory, then it consumes half of all rations. Should there be no rations within the party, it inflicts one Wound to everyone and leaves. IF the party manages to outwit the Mari Lwyd, it cackles wildly and runs off, leaving behind twenty inventory slots of alcohol. 

The Meatgrinder

01. Torches/Spells Gutter

02. Torches/Spells Gutter

03. Torches/Spells Gutter

04. Torches/Spells Gutter

05. Torches/Spells Gutter

06. [Curiosity] A mournful cry of something intelligent, but not human, echoes through the forest.

07. [Curiosity] What looks to be a poorly made lean-to sits forgotten beside a fallen tree. 

08. [Curiosity] The mixed smell of spiced cider and wet moss drifts on the wind. 

09. [Curiosity] A skeleton in a faded red coat lays impaled upon a twisted wooden spike, several feet taller than expected. Smaller spikes dot the area, hidden in the underbrush.

10. [Curiosity] Muddy ground still holds massive, human-like footprints, well over 15 inches long.

11. [Travel Event] Lashing out from the debris littered ground, a snaggle vine wraps around the leg of the final adventure of the marching order, Rooting them. The more they struggle, the tighter it squeezes. 

12. [Travel Event] The mist moves in tight around the characters, obfuscating the path. A Disadvantaged Cups test is needed to keep from getting lost.  

13. [Travel Event] In the distance, a ways through the dark, a red glowing light blinks slowly. Anyone approaching the glowing reindeer nose must make a Pentacles test or get caught in snare traps, dragging them up into the tree branches.

14. [Travel Event] Laying on a rock, pretty as you please, is a golden triangular coin. Free gold! Score! (Well, actually, the coin is cursed and if it's picked up, the carrier is Stressed by strange voices as long as they carry it.) 

15. [Travel Event] During a brief rest, a tear in an adventurer's pack is discovered. The item in the last inventory slot(s) has fallen out and is now missing. Taking the time to backtrack and scout for it causes another Meatgrinder check. 

16. [Random Encounter] Three imps make silly faces at one another, using the shiny breastplate of a long dead knight as a mirror. 

17. [Random Encounter] Nestled among the withering trees, a premeditation of Gorcrows watch the adventures, following along and looking for their time to strike.

18. [Random Encounter] Wandering leisurely through the forest, a troop of bigfeet will begin throwing stones and other debris, should they notice the adventures.  

19. [Random Encounter] Escorted by an entourage of corpse lights, the Mari Lwyd cuts through the thick fog, eyes aglow and set on the party's food and drink.

20. [Random Encounter] Weaving through the misty forest, the Grumpus keeps watch for that villain Santa Claus. 

21. [Quest Rumor] 

---------

* His real name is Percival Cromwell of House Humburg

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[HMtW] Bone Charms

 Every death in this world is a sorrow, every murder a stain. Yet what happens when a Hilbert Whale, a creature of beauty from a higher dimension of reality, is brutally murdered in a lower realm? It’s last moments of anger and rage and fear and hopeless struggle freezing as near physical manifestations. Using the beast’s bones, and a little scrimshaw, folk wizards are able to bind these final moments into charms to bestow small but helpful effects upon the wearer. Some might think these as actual magic, but magic starts in the outer realms, and the whales are purely of the Flesh. No, these are items of Probability made Physical.

We take their lives, we take their body, we take their fluids, and now we take their deaths. Is there no level to which we won’t sink?

Yes, I obviously stole this idea from the Dishonored series

Bone Charms of the Astral Sea

Each takes up a single inventory slot and are consumed on use, shattering as the Reality stored within manifests on the local space-time. Which, in turn, also causes Stress. Charms are largely identified by the sudden rush of emotion left over by the whale, experienced when picking them up, as described by the italic text. (Annoyingly I have to indent for the italics to work). Visual descriptions too, would be helpful?

A Turned Bolt Never Fells

"That terminal, desperate, futile hope that the final lance strike would miss."

Two curved arrows, twisted around one another. Ranged attacks are redirected towards a nearby valid target, for the same attack value.

Bloody Defiance

"Defiance, bloodied but unbroken until the end. Pointless."

A broad, flat piece, adorned with a tiny iron sprocket. Some whales, when beginning to be stuck with multiple harpoons attempt to flee, rising to higher dimensions for safety. Others, prefer to stand their ground, bloodied but defiant. Add the number of Wounds (not counting Notches) the wearer is currently suffering to their Initiative for Defensive purposes.

Bloody Riposte

"That final moment of aggressive panic that could have changed the outcome, were it for naught."

A cruel little piece, all sharp angles and straight lines. Add the number of Wounds (not counting Notches) the wearer is currently suffering to their Riposte score.

Dying Heart's Desire

"Lustful, hungry, aggressive wanting. The sort that binds a poor bastard to the cruel wheel of rebirth."

Crystalline covetousness, inlaid with jealousy. If you know a person has an item that you desire, spend a Resolve to find it within your inventory. Must be a specific item known to you and able to fit in your inventory.

Essence of the Long Watch

"Memories of long solitary treks; never ending, never resting."

A long stretch of bone, carved ever too thin. The wearer can perform an additional Camp Action at the cost of being Stressed.

Falling Satellite

"That tinkling in the pit of your stomach when gravity suddenly realizes that you are someone it should be concerned with."

A central sphere encircled by sail like wings. When falling from a boat or ship into the Void, the wearer briefly orbits the vessel and lands on the opposite side.

Firm Hand of the Greaser

"A fleeting force of will, called up by a dwindling reserve of determination."

A vaguely hammer shape, cracked and lashed. By giving a firm whacking, and spending a Resolve, you make a broken magical machine operate as though repaired. Note: this does not actually repair the machine, and further usage will require proper fixing.

Fortune Favors the Gold

"A frenzied drive for capital, sending desperate Fools to desperate shores for desperate acts."

A flat, crude circle mimicking holed coinage. The next treasure you sell returns +10% the agreed upon price. The merchant doesn’t overpay, so much as the extra money appears unknowingly during the exchange. No, not magically; we've discussed this.

Grim Notes of the Thieving Type

"The grim realization that when this is over, you will be forgotten; a vague experience in a sea of chaos."

Cracked bones, jagged and angry. Gone now, the whale felled and butchered; who will sing of its death? Who has sung of its life? By loudly singing a dirge at a lock, which may attract attention, you open it as though you had the key.

Lance of the Bloodied Sailor

"Bloody determination in the face of inevitable defeat."

A pointy little thing of all spikes and hatred. Slowly drips blood, but who's? When Injured, your next successful attack does Critical damage.

Last Grasp of the Slain

"Roiling, boil anger, seeking retribution against those who have trespassed against you."

A spherical mass surround by crude curves of tentacles. Upon being Wounded, shadow tentacles lash out, Rooting everyone else within the Zone. Targets can recover normally, except those who have slain a whale: they must discard two cards to recover.

Lessons Learned for a Price

"That very sudden and undeniable realization you've fucked up."

A fragile looking thing, thinly carved and trimmed with cracks. Gain 1XP the next time you fail a Test of Fate.

Lucky Vestigial Foot

"A strange sense that things might, actually, despite all supporting evidence, work out for the best."

These bones of the forgotten hind limb are weighted with Luck. Allows the wearer to draw one more card during a test of fate BEFORE pushing their luck.

Memory of the Failed Escape

"The undeniable need to get away. To escape. To flee. Undeniable, but unfulfilled."

Curved pieces meeting at jagged edges, and lashed by sinew. Character may Dash as an interrupt action. Disengaging is automatic, and carries no penalty in this specific instance.

Protection of Saint Laika

"The feeling you've done well, paired with unending loneliness. Cold and adrift."

Carved in the shape of a tiny shield, bearing the mark of St. Laika. Provides one unrepairable notch to suffer any blow as though Armor.

Restorative Vengeance

"The knowing that you've been wronged and will continue to be until you show you aren't helpless."

Carved as though a head of an axe, with blade tongues pointing in opposite directions. Felling an enemy heals a Wound.

Reverberations of Echo’s Lore

"Whispering voices echo in your mind, bringing you knowledge to which you should not know."

A small bone, uncarved, though etched with an unknown alphabet. Acts as a needed Motif for a single Lore bid.

Virtue of Spoiled Rations

"The fleeting moment of relief between instances of your stomach being evacuated."

Three toothpick sized slivers, jammed through a pebble sized chunk of astrogris. Automatically clears an Affliction during Rest and Recovery.

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[HMtW] Hilbert Whales and the Tools Used to Harvest Them

Hilbert Whales

Beast Dungeon Lord

Descending from higher Euclidean n-spaces to feed, the Hilbert Whale is a native to the Flesh realm, just a different geometric part of it. Long ago gams* of Hilbert Whales were seen traveling the astral space on a regular basis, but once Wizards learned of the powerful astrogris and stochastaceti all up in their guts, the numbers dwindled from constant harvesting without time allowed for the numbers to repopulate.

Attributes: Swords 8 | Pentacles 0 | Cups 2 | Wands 2

Likes: 8D Krill, the echoing songs off of Minerva Cascade

Hates: Harpoons, Lances, Whalers

Special Rules

• The Whale itself is a big ass creature, consisting of several zones unto itself, each an antagonist: Head, Tail, Body, Left Tentacle Node, Right Tentacle Node.

• Each zone has lesser and greater dooms associated with it. If a particular  zone is disabled, entangled, or defeated, it can no longer use those abilities. 

• Despite having separate pools of HD for each section, Whales have only a single Initiative.

Head

Health/Defense: 4/6

Frontal part with all the thinking bits, hard cranial shell for ramming, and big bitey bites for chomping. If this part is defeated, it is Blind.

Lesser Dooms

• Bite: Usually a filter feeder, it’ll still bite the shit out of you. Doing a big chomp, it makes an Attack and Roots the target on a success, until it opens its mouth again. 

Greater Dooms

• Bile Attack: Feeding on linear causality, it can regurgitate its recent meal as chaos. Forces everyone within a zone to draw from a random maleficence table.

• Swallow: Any foes currently being Bit may be Swallowed. The victim is held in an extra dimensional space composed of higher geometries, until they fall into the whale's stomach. Killing the whale causes it to automatically barf up all swallowed creatures.

• Victims can use the Test Fate actions to test Swords while swallowed. 
• If they succeed 3 times, they make the whale vomit them up. 
• If they fail 3 times, they fall into the whale's stomach and are annihilated. 
• Greater outcomes count as 2 outcomes for free/annihilated purposes.
• Smart ideas may cause the whale to barf up all swallowed creatures.

Left/Right tentacle clusters

Health/Defense: 5/0 (each)

Typically used for feeding, they can also be used for limited defense. Once defeated, these limbs become useless.

Lesser Dooms

• Grab: Roughhouse to attempt to grab a foe. While grabbed, an adventurer is Rooted. 

• While grabbed, a foe can be Squeezed, Thrown, or moved to the mouth for Biting. 

Greater Dooms

• Sweep: A tentacle lashes out, sweeping across the zone. Performs an Attack against everyone in the Zone. 

• Squeeze: Play a greater doom to squeeze all grabbed foes, automatically dealing them a Wound. 

Body

Thick fur covers the body making it extremely hard to injure, but also climbable. If you’re into that. The flippers are located here and, if defeated, it will be unable to steer itself.  

Health/Defense: 6/6

Notes

• Tough. Actions targeting this section must exceed its Initiative. 

Greater Doom

• Ram: With a mighty thrust of its flippers, the whale rushes forward crashing through with its mighty cranial shell. Both Attacks and Roughhouses whatever it crashes into. 

Tail

A bifurcated, Y-finned…uh, tail. Also its primary form of locomotion. Defeating this section causes the beast to be unable to Dash.

Health/Defense: 7/0

Greater Doom

• Thrash: Through a broad sweep, the tail attacks every target in the zone.

Yeah, the front part is more active than the back.

Harvestables

You're not out here butchering these beautiful creatures for nothing. Besides pay. Once you harvest the whale, though, its technically company property, so these reagents will have to be purchased.

Potions: Using the astrogris within the intestines you're able to make a Love potion, which effectively drags anyone experiencing the wearer two positions towards "Admiration" on the Disposition star. 

Bomb: Using the stochastaceti from inside the skull, you make a bomb which forces the target to draw against a random maleficence table as stochastic energies crackle around the area. 

Oil: The blubber of the beast creates one helluva oil. Lanterns burning this whale oil gain an extra flicker, but forever reek of a fishy smell. 

Oil: The astrogris may also be rendered into a frictionless oil that is used to power many magical machines.

Food: Preparing the dark, tender, red meat is possible in multiple ways: steak, sashimi, salt-cured, dried (jerky), or in hot pot dishes. Consuming it, however, swarms with consumer with visions of multiple possible futures, leaving them Stressed. Much like mince pies of the mid-1800's though, the nightmare experience is part of the appeal. 

Wearables**: Whale hide and fur may be made into light armor with 1 extra Notch. 

Tools of the Trade

Harpoon

Harpoons are technically spears: Wooden shaft, metal tip, made for jamming into soft meat bits. Whaling harpoons were much heavier than the war spears, intended not to be thrown and retrieved, but only thrusted into a whale long enough to deliver the barbed iron tip, tied to ropes leading back to the whaling boat. This tied off bard was then used to tire out the whale and keep it in place while it was getting killed by the lance. Technically, it should be a petty officer doing the harpooning, but this is a game, make the players do it. 

Mechanically, the harpoon does 1 damage, as standard. When a harpoon is struck, the thrower is Rooted to the larger creature. If the combined Swords of all harpoon-wielders is greater than the total Health of the larger creature, the creature is Rooted instead. Requires two hands.

Lance

Lances are what did the gruesome killing on a whale. Vicious blades jammed into the vital organs of the tired out whale and jambled around until everything keeping the whale alive stopped working. Technically, this should be a mate or the captain, but this is a game, make the players do it. 

Mechanically, the Whaling Lance does Critical damage to Rooted targets. Requires two hands. 

____________________
* Hold up, hold up, hold up. A pod of whales can also be called a "gam," right? Well, habitual readers will note from the last entry that whalers called their social gatherings "gammings." They named their social gatherings after whale pods. Those dork ass losers. No wonder no one liked them. 

** I could have sworn someone wrote a subsystem for armor crafting in one of the gamejams. Damned if I can find it now, though.

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[HMtW] Encounters Upon the Astral Sea

Whaling Upon an Astral Sea

Some dang fool blorbed an astral whaling ship into their prep, but never reckoned the players would set foot on the Most Interesting Thing. 

The entries are written assuming the Players have taken on as Greenhands (180th lay), unless the character's have relevant failed Careers: Blacksmith (20th lay), Carpenter (120th lay), Cook (120th lay), Cooper (30th lay). If that is the case, then the characters may hire on as an Idle and receive higher pay.  

It's also assumed the environment is more of a Treasure Planet style Etherium, awash in neon magenta and vibrant purples, along with all the oxygen you could ever want to huff down, rather than the cold, cruel void of realistic space.

The Meatgrinder

01. Lanterns Gutter

02. Lanterns Gutter

03. Lanterns Gutter

04. Lanterns Gutter

05. Lanterns Gutter

06. [Curiosity] The deck of the ship begins to become encrusted in salty rime.

07. [Curiosity] The Oldhands, as one, begin to sing a grim sea shanty of lost shores and forgotten loves. 

08. [Curiosity] A lonely dyson sphere has come unmoored and drifts lost and forgotten. 

09. [Curiosity] Out, just on the edge of vision, something red and blinking follows the ship for a watch, before turning off and returning to the eternal night. 

10. [Curiosity] If you strain your ears, you swear you can hear a thin, monotonous whine of accursed flutes drifting upon the solar winds.

11. [Travel Event] A nearby star has gone super nova. The initial gravitational wave has knocked out the helmsman, with other crew, and the coronal mass is rapidly growing closer. If the card is [upright] the former star forms a diffuse nebula, or [reverse] it collapses into a black hole. Which brings it's own set of problems.

12. [Travel Event] The ship passes within view of a galactic void, long thought haunted, and the Oldhands of the crew make a sign of warding. Anyone who doesn't is Stressed by an odd foreboding sense. 

13. [Travel Event] An Oldhand, scarred and grizzled, challenges a character to a wager of Five Finger Fillet. Two options here: test of Pentacles to avoid stabbing yourself, OR letting the player test their skill in the real world (their choice, obviously, and preferably with something safe, but I ain't your momma.) If successful, coin! If unsuccessful, the character takes a Wound as they stab their own hand.

14. [Travel Event] Just off to port, coming from the passing asteroid field, drifts the song of space sirens. Gods, it's enchanting! More and more of the crew are beginning to agree and REALLY want to get over there for a better listen.

15. [Travel Event] Chronowaves wash over the ship, revealing the ghost of a lost Cosmonaut. It largely stands there and screams, head aflame, unable to fully interact with the world around it. The distracting scream causes Disadvantage on tests of Fate aboard the ship until it's dealt with.

16. [Random Encounter] Many cultures interact with the astral space differently. One has sent out an arcane Von Neumann probe, which has attached to the ship and created [characters+1] aggressive copies of itself before setting off again. 

17. [Random Encounter] With colors nailed, a pirate ship sets its eyes on the player's ship. The symbols upon their flag make it clear: there's to be no quarter offered or accepted.

18. [Random Encounter] A comet of burning green ice shoots overhead, dumping [characters] worth of Astro-zombies onto the deck of the ship. 

19. [Random Encounter] A tear in reality reveals a Hilbert Whale returning to Real Space, diving down from a higher dimension to feed. These things are swollen with astrogris and stochastaceti; and are the reason you're out here. 

20. [Random Encounter] From nova's heart I stab at thee! The captain has spotted the white Hilbert Whale and craves their revenge. All current quests and agreements are forgotten, all that matters to the captain is revenge. The captain's commands from here on out should be reckless and endanger everyone.

21. [Quest Rumor] A ship in distress, lulls in the distance to starboard. Convincing the Captain to give aid and succor to the ship allows the adventures to meet a traveling sage who surprisingly knows about the McGuffin the characters are after. 

One day I'll get the patience to put that in a table to make it easier to read. Not today.

New Camp Action: Tattooing

Without devolving into another anti-capitalist rant (which I did half type out), I'll simply state that my brief research suggested that American whaling companies did not often keep maritime tradition, including that of line-crossing and tattooing. But, fuck 'em, this is a game about magically sailing a boat through space to hunt space whales. You're getting tattoos.  

Until I've time to make them into a whole _thing_, they are Advantage in social situations among people who would be impressed by such things (sailors, former sailors, youth dreaming of adventure, etc). 

Getting Paid

Whalers were paid in lays, rather than a wage. These were basically fractions of the profit from the overall voyage, which would return with $35-50K worth of oil. This meant, should a Greenhand not desert over the 2-4 years at sea, they would end the journey with a cool $200 lining their pocket. Assuming they didn't take on any debts with the company, that is. They most likely did.

Game wise, you can just reward the players with 100 gold per whale harvested. OR consult the list if you want to bring in their skills and importance to the ship: 

Greenhand: 100 gold

Blacksmith: 900 gold

Carpenter: 150 gold

Cook: 150 gold

Cooper: 600 gold

If you've got some made up profession important to your "totally serious and need for complete accuracy space whale hunting game" the pay rate equation is ((36000/lay)/2) in gold per whale harvested. 

Gamming

I seem to just be adding in random bits at this point. 

Whalers weren't really liked in maritime social circles. Merchants and Navy folk often saw them as unfit sailors with subpar ships. This was basically true given the company owners cut costs at every turn, would hire anyone, and instructed the captains to encourage desertion on the return trip, so the owners wouldn't have to pay the sailors. Again, turning away from the rant, this didn't exactly breed competency. This in turn caused other sailors not to like being around whalers. So, they had to stick to themselves. 

Gamming was a form of socializing at sea among whaling vessels. Basically when two ships met, they would come together, man and officers mingling ships, to trade gossip and information. Newspapers and gifts were often exchanged. Dances were common. 

Mechanically, what this means, is if another whaling ship is encountered, a modified City action can be taken by the party. If you're gonna go into a whole whaling side adventure.

References

Most of what I learned about whaling came from here. Surprisingly interesting. I have learned too much about whaling to ever be happy again. 

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Every Table has that one friend who wants to play, and we want them to play, but their awful schedule makes committing to anything nearly impossible. I'm currently that friend and because of that I've been fascinated with the idea of a class based around not always being able to make it. Something that can keep up with the other classes, even if it's been a while. Technically, yes, that's all of them, but new features are fun to get and the lethality of the system can make it hard get anyway after too many missed sessions.

Originally the idea centered around abilities powered by how many sessions you've missed. I'm still taken with the idea, but after some late night sci-fi, I went in a different direction. One where your "not knowing the plot" or "not having a clue about the current situation" is a feature. 

It's geared towards usage in Some Weird Sin, but there shouldn't be any actual hindrance in using it in another GLoG rule set or setting. It might get a little Mary Sue-ish, but c'mon, your friend can't make it often, and also there's the high lethality again.

The Leaper

Not a Batroc sort of leaper, mind you. More the Sam Beckett sort. Or Ben Song. (It was a decent follow up series and you fucking know it. Other than their pure cowardice at not continuing the outrageous future fashion trends.) 

You're someone from the future who has, for some reason or another, chosen to travel back in time, only to find out you have no actual control of where and when you're going. Also, instead of traveling through space, you seem to be traveling through aura - that is replacing the physicality of a person with your own, while wearing their aura and thus looking like them. That might sound weird, or unscientific, but you were foolish enough to step into an untested time travel machine. So, glass houses.

There's only one level to the Template as it's intended to grow in breath rather than depth. Delta templates still affect you, however.

Starting Gear: None

A. Quantum Replacement, Upgrade Points, Holographic Companion, Holographic Interface, Super Computer

Quantum Replacement

You jump into the initial scene of the current game session, physically replacing an NPC, but keeping their aura attached to you. Mechanically, this means you look like them, but carry your own stats with you from session to session. While you exist in their place, the NPC is in the future with your aura, kept sedated in a medical bay. Should you die while replacing them, they are forever trapped in the future. 

Additionally, this also means you don't have starting gear, or any gear, other than what the NPC had on them. 

Upgrade Points

You don't have the standard XP progress everyone else has. Instead, your Conviction is replaced with a goal related to the person you've replaced, often revealed by the Companion a moment or two after getting your bearings. Completing this goal nets you an Upgrade Point, which is spent on 'purchasing' Features of the Super Computer, which in turn adjust your abilities. Explain it however you feel most comfortable. Use the word "quantum" a lot.

Holographic Companion 

You've a Holographic Companion that only you can see and hear. Transmitted from the future through quantum signaling brainwave transmission bullshit, they're also able to see and hear your general surroundings, but not physically interact with them, or you. (Though sometimes they can sit or lean on unattended surfaces? It's not very clear). They serve as your connection between the present and the future, able to communicate with the rest of the support staff. Note, though, that while they are genuinely concerned for your safety, they have their own life they also have to attend to and may not be experiencing time in the same order or rate as you.

Holographic Interface 

In the future there exists a Holographic Imaging Chamber which allows your Companion to communicate with you, and see what you see. Through a series of technobabble that you didn't pay attention to, the Imaging Chamber is able to adjust your visual and audio experience based on the assorted abilities of the Super Computer. I'm going to call this an Overlay Attempt and doing so requires a 1d6 roll on your part, dealing 1 point of Fatigue damage on a 3+.

Super Computer 

The project operates on such a scale of unfathomable probabilities that normal computers, even future computers, aren't able to handle the calculation load. Luckily, there exists a multi-story, multi-room super computer covered in aesthetic lighting and containing more qubits than grains of sand on a beach. Also, maybe your DNA for some reason? It needs its own fusion reactor to meet it's computation needs. 

Features

Language Databases

Every point in this feature gains you access to an additional Language. Your Companion will slowly interpret or translate for you, potentially making things awkward. An Overlay Attempt is needed in order to speak said language.

Location Lookup

Every point in this feature improves the Super Computer's chances (x-in-6) of being able to locate a particular person at the current moment. Cycling through related camera feeds from the past takes a few moments, though, so be patient. An Overlay Attempt generates a visual trail to their location, allowing them to be followed if on the move.

Password Database

For each point placed in this feature, there's an X-in-6 chance the Super Computer can estimate the password for a given system. 

Signal Detection

Through better aligning with your biological neural network residual frequency and...uh...aura, the Super Computer is able to detect potential radio signals to decode and playback, given an Overlay Attempt. 

Skill Databases

Every point placed in this feature gains you access to an additional Skill. Well, not you, but the Super Computer. But, you can ask questions of it as you would normal Skill you had OR with an Overlay Attempt, you can physically use the skill as if you knew it yourself by following the training dummy only you can see.

Visual Augment

For each point put in this feature, the Super Computer is able to analyze an additional light frequency and display it over your vision with an Overlay Attempt. Frequencies include: Magnetic, infrared, x-ray, ultraviolet, radiation, light-to-dark, and dark-to-light. Only one may be accessed at a time and each change requires a new roll.

Additionals

Evil Leaper

Evil assholes from your future's future, trying to stop you from doing something you'll probably do in the future. Real jackasses. Because both of you exist within the holographic quantum display interface relay thing, you're able to see past the aura they wear to their real self underneath. I'm saying that you'll be able to actually be able to see them, and them you, rather than each seeing the person replaced. So you'll know 'em when you see 'em.

The Final Leap.

Finally got a decent schedule you can commit to and looking to get back to a normal template? Go on, then, cash out and send your Leaper on one final leap (they never make it home). Afterwards, take the number of Update Points you have, multiply them by 100, then us that much in Cred when making a new character.

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It just occurred to me that all this time I've assumed "Dr. Sam Beckett never returned home" meant he was still out there, continuing to leap and help people. It could just as easily be that, without Al's help, he screwed up the very next leap on his own and is dead, somewhere back there in the past. Like all those forgotten Cosmonauts.

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Kingdomites: Brutal Frontier (A Review)

I never had television as a kid. Utility companies really hate running out to the ass end of Nowhere for a handful of people too stupid to leave a dying town and the aerial never picked up too well from any of the major stations half a state away. Given them circumstances, I never really got to see cartoons.

So when the OSR community goes on about their "Pirates of Dark Water" or their "Ducktales," I can only nod and pretend to fit in. I know of these things, osmosised from popular culture somehow, but the absolute specifics that friends of mine seem to run on are a mystery to me.

I'm just a Nexus-6 staring at shared memes, wondering who the hell these people were and trying to make connections. 

That being said, as soon as I started flipping through the physical copy I had made of "Kingdomites Brutal Frontier", one of the many games made by Hodag, my head snapped back like a Democrat president riding through Dallas. Neurons blazing connectivity in the nicotine soaked meat imprisoned in my fracture lined skull. Autogenic memories boiling to the forefront of Knowing. I was suddenly aware of what an Eternia was. What the hell a Battle Cat was and it's differences to a Snarf. The unfettered joy of crass commercialism and making shit up purely to sell toys. 

I sat and flipped through the physical prints: Three A4 sized booklets (The Player Guide and Character Maker; Villains and Vehicles; and the Balloids bonus zine) across 5 sheets of paper, double sided. Immediately what stuck out was the fact that these things were undeniably Hodag and completely DIY. Sure, these days it's easy enough to acquire publishing software and pump out something that looks good, but sterile. All smooth lines and clear, uniform text; readable and usable, but boring.

This? This is pure human made.  

Sections of the book are blocked off with a thick marker that wabbeled as Hodag's hand moved across the page. There's not a straight line in this. Marker ink blots in one place from a pause that lasted a moment too long. Hand written text that, with enough patience and careful copying, one can use to produce a letter that'll get Hodag in very big trouble with the local FBI office. Hell, you can even see where there was a piece of dust stuck on the scanner he was using. In these modern days flooded with AI slop, Hodag remains unapologetically human.

The pure, unadulterated DIY of this drug my mind back to the handmade concoctions that were the punk zines of the later 20th century. Hand made out of passion, scoffing at conformity, and dripping with attitude. Thems the sort I would find laying around the flophouse I lived in. Back when I was a feral teen clad in a leather jacket and fueled by horny anger. Scavenging cans for the deposit, just to afford a ticket to a show. My largest expenses being 40s and packs of cigarettes. Before this sorry state I've become. A sad, overweight, divorced, fifty year old man clad in depression and fueled by white monster energy drinks. I drive a minivan and own a sweater vest for god's sake.

I lit the remains of a dogged cigarette - I needed something to slow this train of thought down, countersteam this bastard before it threw me off the rails, sending me careening headlong into the shadowy gorge of forgotten memories. I sat with the lingering self doubts and regrets. Reassured myself that while I own the sweater vest, I cannot firmly verify its whereabouts. 

I just...Fuck. Alright. I get the cartoon nostalgia thing now. Better days, better days. 

The system itself is straight forward 2d6 "meet or beat" using a points array for the six attributes: Might, Magic, Mechanical, Marksmanship, Mobiles, Motivation. These are for exactly what they sound like (with the last two being for vehicle and emotional actions respectfully). Then there's your Play Points, which cover both your health and magic resources. Combat is simultaneous, with everyone acting at once and relying on the game master to interoperate rolls and make judgements based on the game flow and logic at the current situation. 

I can see the logic behind the Play Points lumping in health and magics together, I just ain't entirely sure how I feel about 'em. The points can be reduced by 1d6 via weapon damage, harmful magic, and are easily restored by 1d6 via healing magic. Technically this makes the attempt to heal "free," as you spend 1 Play Point to cast heal for 1d6 Play Point restoration, as long as you're playing a magic character; which you just can. If you want. Sure, why not. 

Honestly, a lot of this system relies on a "sure, why not" attitude of relying on the game master. Can your character do magic? "Sure, why not." Can I bring a character back next time after they've already been defeated? "Sure, why not." Can my fur wearing barbarian fly around on a photon powered hoverboard? "Sure, why not." Typically, something like this doesn't work terribly well - take the travesty that is the later books of the Dark Tower for instance. 

Wait, hold on. The system and setting are couched around the idea of action figures at play, with no character actually dying, just removed from play for a little bit. "Returning next episode." Alright, I talked myself into it. The Play Points work, you just gotta stop taking everything so seriously. Sure, why not.

Also, as I'm writing this I have the He-Man cartoon playing in the background. The Champion of Castle Greyskull has just invaded Hell with a mechanical elephant man and a laser cowboy. Also heaven was killed? So, sure, why the hell not.

Additionally, there's mention of "how to roll D66" that never really pays off anywhere. A little digging shows this to be a hold over from the "Kingdomites! Of Teknoskull Island" game that Brutal Frontier is based on. Just not really related to the current version. An odd, nominal mention, really. 

Over all a firm 4 out of 5, with points off purely for Hodag's preference of Pepsi over Coke. 

To get Kingdomites: Brutal Frontier, simply email Hodag at (Hodagmag at Gmail dot com) with the subject line "GET BRUTAL". Additionally, more of Hodag's prolific library of work can be found at his blog, No Foes, No Traps, and his Itch.io page.

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