Your "Story" Is The Problem

I am nearly done with Reddit. The other day I wrote I was seeing a "common theme" of discontent, but there is an even greater, pervading and UNDERLYING theme that I see over and over again, in complaint and questions alike...it goes something like this:

"Person (X) is being a jerk but I can't kick them because they're integral to the story..."

"Person (X) and (Y) don't get along but..."

"I'm trying to save my campaign that's been going on for (X number) of (months/years), but..."

"Our campaign is getting derailed because people aren't showing up..."

And blah blah blahdiddy-blah.

It's all the same problem: the "story" is getting wrecked, and everything is (thus) CHAOS. Pain and suffering and sorrow...oh, my!

I can't relate.

I can't relate because this has never been a problem for me. Just...never. Not even when I was a player in other people's games. Not even back when I was running Vampire the Masquerade, acting as the "Storyteller" of a "Saga" (rather than the Dungeon Master of a campaign).

We are playing a game...a GAME. The players are playing a game. No one is so "integral" to what's going on that the loss of one or more is going to END EVERYTHING. I mean...

(*sigh*)

Forget for a moment that we are playing (or discussing) Dungeons & Dragons. Let's just...for the sake of discussion...say you're running a game of Vampire. Oh, man, I ran so many "stories" (VtM's word for "adventures") back in the day. Blood Bond. The Succubus Club adventures. Diablerie: Mexico. Ashes to Ashes. The stuff in Denver by Night. Those are just off the top of my head...after all, it's been 30 years since I did the Vampire thing.

Did I ever have players who didn't show up, couldn't show up, or (in one guy's case) just did not want to show up (because he decided he hated VtM and would rather play Toon instead)? Yes, of course. Did it bother me if one of the regular players didn't show up to a session? Yeah, it did. Did it stop the session from happening? Nope...not once. Did it ever "derail" the campaign...er, "saga?"

Never. 

Because even when I was playing a game that used rather explicit language about how it was a "storytelling" game, even when the "adventure" being told was about a particular "story" (for example, a vampire girl who falls in love with one of the PCs but is already blood bound/enslaved to another vampire, etc., etc., blah-blah-blah)...the story is about the story, NOT about the characters. It doesn't matter how "integral" a character is to the story being told (and...spoiler...no PC is "integral")...you're running a world and a situation and if the PC isn't there (because the player isn't there)...so frigging what?

Look, an example: in the Blood Bond adventure (if I'm remembering right...Jeez it was a long time ago) there's this girl (Alicia? I think) who's supposed to fall in love with a PC. And then maybe she gets murdered. Or maybe she doesn't. Regardless it cause a big cluster that has to be resolved by the players. In my game, the PC she fell for was this guy named Michael. But what if I'd had her fall for Ben instead (the guy who really didn't want to play a vampire game but was only doing it because of his friends)...and Ben decided to ditch the campaign? Well, then, we'd say Ben's character disappeared one night (and who knows what happened to him...another mystery to solve!)...and then Alicia would either die or not die, maybe turn to a different PC for love/affection/protection (or not)...and the story would continue on, being a big cluster BUT WITHOUT BEN. Because you have to treat these NPCs as if they have lives and motivations of their own. And Ben (or Michael or Mike) is just ONE PERSON in the (imagined) "world" of the game. And that's how you treat the world as a Game Master.

Back to Dungeons & Dragons.

First off, what part of "Dungeons" and "Dragons" don't these whining people understand? Do their games not have dungeons? Do they not have dragons? What a jaded, sorry-ass world we live in when these things are not enough to get the juices of adventure flowing. NO. We must add DRAMA. And STORY. And BACKSTORY. Because MEANING.

Okay, sure, whatever. So you have some Big Bad Person who has "beef" with one of your PCs and you've laid out this whole series of events...plot points...to try to make an "engaging story" (i.e. "railroad") for the dumbass, er ignorant, er young and inexperienced players to enjoy. And then one of the players turns out to be a secret Nazi or something and the group needs to kick her Hitler-saluting ass to the curb. 

Oh, Nos! Our story!

What on earth is the problem? So, the PC just got eaten by a passing wyvern while relieving herself by the side of the road (it's D&D...shit happens) and now you simply need to adjust your Big Bad's actions to account for the fact that his beefing partner is out of the picture. What? Is he going to retire to a hermit hut and grow strange fruit a la Thanos? Or does he have some other nefarious plan to carry out now that the object of his ire is gone? 

Dungeon Master! Wake up! It is YOUR JOB to think for the NPCs!

You are not writing a script. Stop it! You are not writing a teleplay. Stop it! You are running a D&D game...I don't care if its 4E or 5E or 5.5 or Pathfinder 2 or whatever. You are supposed to BUILD A WORLD with CHALLENGES for the players to EXPLORE. Yes, it is OKAY for those challenges to take the form of an Apocalypse Clock situation or Yet Another Big Bad Evil Guy (emphasis on the YA part of the acronym)...but once you create the thing and set it in motion you must run it without attachment to an outcome. 

This is not scripted television. You are not Matt Mercer. You will (probably) not be paid money for running this game. FORGET PLOT. Forget it! Stop it! Your attachment to outcomes is the thing that causes every one of your complaints. "But, but, Sheila's supposed to defeat Baron Badness and avenge her father's death! I can't let Sheila walk from the game!" Why the hell not? Baron Badness can't make enemies of the other PCs? Heck, the other PCs can't avenge Sheila?

"But, but I created this awesome encounter that can only be resolved by a cleric of the time sphere with a specialization in abjuring magic..." [or insert some other gibberish that means nothing to me...a "Circle of the Moon Druid" or an "Oath of Vengeance Paladin"...whatever] So f'ing what? What would happen if something happened to the character BEFORE your quantum ogre encounter showed up? Huh? Would it happen at all? Is it logical for this shit to go down and mash the PCs? Then best to telegraph it so they know (and can either avoid the encounter or find a suitable replacement for the missing PC). That's nicer than how things work in the real world (where they'd just get mashed) which is FINE because, guess what, it's a game, not the real world. But don't throw a hissy fit about it!

Your "story" IS the problem...that's what this all comes down to. You want to tell me that you're the one who plays D&D the right way, that I am behind the times, that the game has moved on from my clunky 1E, etc., etc....fine. But I'm not the one bitching and moaning about how my game has gotten wrecked because one player or another misses a session or quits or had to get shit-canned for being an [insert-]phobe of some type. I've been playing RPGs for a long time and I've NEVER had this problem...but sure, pal, YOUR way of playing is the "right" way. Got it.

*sigh* Tell your stories if you must. Play your no stakes, no threat, "tea party" version of D&D if that's what floats your boat. Dive into "character development" and your character's inner mental space with all the fervor of a Freud fanboy psych major. Coolio...you do you. 

BUT, for the love of all things holy, STOP having an attachment to how you think said story "should" go or which particular PC is supposed to be "protagonizing" in any given session. Rather than spotlighting players, spotlight the WORLD...the campaign that you are created through the adventures/situations you are (hopefully) designing for your players to tackle. Let the "story" unfold as it unfolds, not as scripted by you...that script is the reason you can't have nice things.

Okay. I'm done.

Let Slip The Dogs Of War (Part II)

In which I continue to describe the games I ran at Cauldron 2025, spoiling secrets and providing insights into the mind of a geezer DM...

SATURDAY NIGHT BLOCK: Ship Of Fate

The rousing success of Caul’s Dark Citadel…as well as the final three runnings of the tourney module in Saturday Block II...led to dinner being a boisterous affair, especially at my table. Everyone at Cauldron was in a fine mood and, plied with copious amount of alcohol, a lot of money ended up being shucked out at the auction, with much backslapping, congratulating, and toasting of each other.

A lot of palinka. A lot of whisky.

Thus the set-up for the so-called “night block:” a 9pm to WHENEVER affair (no time limit). At Cauldron 2023 I had skipped this (to my later chagrin), instead unwinding and bantering a bit before calling it an early night. THIS year, I had originally left the slot open hoping to get into one of Prince’s epic night-festivals…and then he decided not to run a game in the block! “Sorry, man, there are games I want to play in,” is he wrote to me last month.

SO determined not to miss out, I decided I would be the one to fire up a big-ass, high level adventure into the wee hours. Enter Ship of Fate, a high level extravaganza I wrote for Prince’s NAP II contest (get it HERE if you like).

Ship of Fate is quite obviously inspired by (and heavily based on) Michael Moorcock’s Elric story Sailor on the Sea of Fate. If you haven’t read it…um, why not? Elric stories are pretty much required reading for high level AD&D play, especially Elric of Melnibone, Sailor, and Stormbringer. But, yeah, I know some people think D&D is supposed to top out around 7th level. *sigh*

Good read.

I digress…Ship of Fate is an adventure designed to be played by from four to 16 players, four of whom take the part of high-level lady and gents (the “Heroes”) and 12 of whom are mid (7th – 10th) level “Companions.” The idea being that each Hero has three Companions. The kicker is that all 16 of these characters were once actual player characters, played either by myself of by my friends…however, I’ll note that – with regard to the high-level guys – they’ve been considerably “toned down” from their original stature and abilities. *AHEM*

I have only had the chance to run Ship of Fate one time…for my home group…and we did not finish more than five or six encounters due to an abbreviated session. Alas, we never returned to it because, being a one-off with pre-gens, it held a lot less “spice” for us than using our regular, organically grown PCs; such is life in a living campaign. Because of this, I wasn’t exactly sure how the adventure would play out. Certainly it was much too big for a standard 4-hour time slot. But we were in NIGHT BLOCK, baby! There aren’t any rules! Go all night like when we were 14 and high on caffeinated drinks!

[it’s possible I was a little drunky when I decided to register this game, pre-Cauldron] 

So, unsure of how I was even going to seat 16 people around the table I’d been assigned, I found myself somewhat relieved when “only” nine people showed up to the game. And then while handing around the pre-gens I immediately lost one of the four “Heroes” (the 12th level fighter)…noooo!

[I might have been a little drunky…again]

Fortunately, Tom still had his 14th level fighter pre-gen from Settembrini’s earlier high-level game. I knocked two levels off, reduced the hit points to a reasonable amount (they were set something like 2 points below max), and axed a magic item or two, but most of the character was allowed to stay.

And we were off!  Just organizing such a group was a bit of an ordeal, but it wasn’t too long before they got it together and decided to send the thief into the first cavern and…

Oh, wait…what’s the point of the adventure?

So, in Ship of Fate the heroes are sailed across the Dunkle Zee…a kind of phantom ocean that connects the various planes of the multiverse…to an island nexus where two sibling wizards (brother and sister) are using a rift in the space-time fabric to drain power from all the planes in existence, gradually snuffing them out. Players are supposed to find the building at the center of the island, kill the wizards, and then fire the building using special magic firebrands designed for the purpose. The ship has a cargo hold full of gold for the players after success in their quest and the wizards themselves are likely to have treasure, too. However, they also have many minions and protectors.

SO…big ass building (like the length of three football fields). Players did spend a flare trying to burn the place down with the wizards in it, but the structure…a monstrous, twisted behemoth that looked something like an amalgamation of alien machine and melted giant humanoids…simply extinguished the flame itself. Which the players had been told it would do which is why they needed kill the wizards FIRST. Amateurs.

A couple entrances suggested themselves to the PCs…a large cave, overhung by vines OR a large stairway leading up. They sent the thief down into the cave where he was soon filled by needles from the needleman forest inhabiting the cavern. Retreating, the party had the wizard nuke the plants with a fireball before proceeding. Into the troglodyte caves.

Those proved nightmarish to try to map, let alone explore in a coherent fashion [it’s possible the players were a little drunky] and the group eventually decided to give it up and go up the grand staircase to the “main gate” (as they called it). At this point, James (the guy playing the 12th level cleric) gets a brilliant idea: “Why don’t I use a find the path spell to locate the wizards?” Can’t…the spell can’t target living beings.

“What about the nexus rift? We know it’s there…and the wizards are likely to be with it!” That seemed reasonable and the spell immediately starts pulling the cleric (who leads the party) the way of the shortest route to the object desired.

Which worked pretty well for a while, as it ignored or helped bypass several encounters, while revealing secret doors and hidden passages. Great stuff; great use of available resources! Plus, it lasted a good long time (12 turns!) meaning they were covering a LOT of ground. No sweat, guys, we got this!

Then it led them through the cavern of the shadow demons.

Mean.

Now, I'd guess there are a lot of us for whom the phrase "shadow demon" conjures to mind the little toadie/spy who follows Venger around the D&D cartoon like a whipped dog. Yeah, no. Shadow demons are highly intelligent, vicious 7+ hit die creatures that are 90% undetectable and can leap and claw and tear at opponents while also having the abilities to dowse lights (darkness 15' radius), cast fear, and magic jar opponents. In this particular instance (not a mandatory encounter, by the way...just the shortest path to the wizards!), it turned into a nightmare scenario for the PCs. Their lights were dowsed, and then the attacks from the shadow demons ended up preventing casters from turning on the lights: every time they lost initiative...or won by too low an initiative amount....they'd get attacked and have their spells interrupted. Fighters were swinging away in darkness and hitting their companions. Two characters blew their saves against fear attacks and fled into the darkness, never to be seen again (one of those blundered into a room full of spectres and was sucked dry in the darkness; I think the other just went to bed). 

They eventually managed to overcome the demons, but it was a brutal toll: only three PCs (all Heroes) had survived. Sonka (now playing Tom's fighter, as he decided to go to bed), Ollie (as Lucky the 12th level magic-user), and James continued on, the find the path spell still functioning. They made it to the nexus chamber, but no wizard was present (50% chance, and missed the roll). However, some minor exploring found her in her workroom, toiling away at constructing flesh golems, with three completed. No surprise, everyone attacked!

Again...pretty brutal encounter. The cleric was felled by a fistful of magic missiles, the wizard badly damaged while the fighter tried to fight his way through flesh golems and mirror images. Tired of having his spells interrupted, the wizard backed off to use his scroll on monster summoning VI, conjuring a pair of weretigers...who did not appear for a couple rounds. Meanwhile, the fighter was stunned with a power word and the flesh golems proceeded to curb stomp him in a fashion unseen in Germany for four score years.

[too soon?]

However, Ollie/Lucky managed to hold on and the were-tigers finally showed up. Something happened to neutralize Giz-Kala (though that part is hazy...perhaps yet another hold person spell?) and the golems bereft of an order-giver allowed the much reduced party to escape, the fighter left with three hit points to his name. 

Deciding "stealth" was now the order of the day, the two utilized a potion of polymorph and a polymorph self spell to change into rodents, with which they finished their exploration of the main chamber, were-tigers in tow. They found the other wizard, laying in a comatose torpor of slumber, and slit his throat. "Now how the hell do we get out of here?!" Neither had been mapping.

It was decided to risk teleporting to the exterior, despite having only observed the island terrain once. Fortunately, Lucky was high enough level to take the beefy fighter with him. The die roll was successful and they fired the dungeon from outside, the flames quickly consuming the structure, and declaring victory, agreeing to split the gold between them. The time was after 2:30am, the players still standing thanked me, and headed off to bed, as I cleaned the table and turned off the lights of the floor (we were the last group still going).

I did not bother to reveal how much treasure they'd left behind.

*****

SUNDAY BLOCK I: Ybarra Florin

Our final session of Cauldron, the "brunch block" took place only after breakfast and the award ceremony had been completed. Some of us (*ahem*) had continued to drink into the wee hours of the morning, by which I mean 5:50am. Given one hour sleep to work with I was...not in great shape.

Thus it was a good thing I chosen an easy adventure to run! The original idea had been to run my I3: Pharaoh re-work, Desert of Kartha, but it's not anywhere close to being finished, let alone prepped and cut to fit a four hour time block (I would have been running the thing with a few sketchy notes). So, realizing my ass would be dragging at the end of a long three days, I decided to go with something I've run several times before: Ybarra Florin.

Again, this NOT really a "Becker original." Kenneth St. Andre penned a short adventure called Tower of Yrkath Florn for the first edition of his Stormbringer RPG. It's a nice little introductory scenario, one I've run two or three times over the decades I've owned the game. About three years ago, I converted it to AD&D; but it's mostly unchanged in terms of layout and premise. Mostly.

A wealthy patron hires the party to go check out the ruins of a dead Melnibonean sorcerer, and bring back any relics you find. Of course, "Melnibonean" in my campaign world means "high elf," all of whom seem to have a Spanish bent to them (hence, the name change. Don't ask me why...).

[I'm not even the first one to do "Spanish elves;" see Aaron Allston's Principalities of Glantri]

The ruined tower is two levels of a once three-story structure that's been wrecked by an earthquake...in my world it's on the Olympic Peninsula, right off Dabob Bay near Quilcene. The St. Andre version of the adventure has a family of clackars...winged gorilla creatures...lairing in the lower portion of the dungeon. But, of course, AD&D doesn't have this monster...

[other than in the 1980 DDG with the Melnibonean Mythos, page 88: they have HD 8, 2x 1d12 damage claws (+rending), immunity to fear and surprise, etc., etc.]

...so I didn't something else for my conversion. Now, when I say "fur, feces, and feathers," does anything D&Dish spring to mind immediately? Of course it does.

I ran this adventure when we were introducing Maceo's younger brother, Winston, to the AD&D game. Of course, he was ripped to shreds. Later, their family took them to see the new Dungeons & Dragons movie and Winnie told his mom, "That's the thing that killed me! An owl bear! See I told you they were scary!"

ANYway, they're scary for adults players, too. Our group (another eight stalwart souls) brought not one but TWO paladins to the adventure. The first paladin was killed by the pair of juveniles in the first room of the main hall. As the rest of the party maneuvered to lure the creatures out into a killing area, the Papa Bear came out of a different door to investigate the sounds of battle (and smell of blood) that had disturbed its slumber. Things got very dicey for the group very fast, despite having a ranger who kept negating the "completely surprised" rolls of the party (without the ranger, it could've got real ugly...)

However, give bulk of the credit to Ludwig the magic-user for saving the party's bacon. Ludwig's pre-gen had a wand of wonder and he wasn't afraid to use it, luckily getting decent results throughout the session! A stinking cloud and failed saves from the 'bears allowed the party to move outside the tear gas and missile the critters to death before they had a chance to clear their nasal passages...a pretty fortunate outcome, all things considered.  After slaying the mother 'bear (combining a slow spell from the wand along with an insect swarm from Paul the druid), the party claim to the family's nest of eggs and young, all worth a pretty penny on the open (elven) market.

Then it was up to the second level and Old Ybarra's workroom, hidden behind a magical door. The door is unlocked but electrically jolts individuals crossing its threshold for some pretty gnarly damage; fortunately, it was Michal the (last) paladin who took the blast, thereby rendering the thing inert. Inside lurks a demon...the same creature that killed Ybarra two centuries before when an earthquake cracked the pentagram that contained it. For AD&D purposes, I used a Type II demon, which is about the right power level, despite being vulnerable to normal (iron) weapons, thanks to an excellent armor class and magic resistance. Using it was nice (it's been a while since I've dropped any demons in an adventure) and I should probably use them more often. In the end, it was defeated without inflicting a single casualty (although it did force both the paladin and druid to flee the tower in terror with its cause fear ability)...and while in retrospect it probably should have caused more casualties through the liberal use of teleport and gate, I will not blame my lack of tactical badassery on "going soft." The fact of the matter is: I forgot about these abilities.

One hour of sleep, remember?

SO...an easy adventure to run and only a light challenge (in my opinion) for the players, thanks to a little good fortune and a heavily hung over DM. And that's okay...the con had been a looong three days (not counting the 5,000 miles of air travel), and I was happy with how the session wrapped up. I even took the time to calc out the experience and treasure take for all surviving party members...per their request. It wasn't a bad haul for the ADDKON characters.

[to be continued...]

Also mean...

Queen Of The Demonweb Pits

I've spent...mm..."many" hours, days over the last week or two examining the old TSR module Q1: Queen of the Demonweb Pits. It's been a bit of an...obsession.

Or a distraction...that's probably the better word. Things have been busy...real busy...'round these parts. I'm keeping my head above water with stuff, but SOME things I should be working on (like getting my crap together for Cauldron) has just been...

*sigh* Shunted aside, I guess. 

The PROBLEM is (and this is my problem, and I realize that) I've got a couple days a week to myself, days that I should be putting together my pre-gens, putting the finishing touches on adventures, figuring out what the hell I'm going to pack, etc., etc. And I keep having to do goshdarn legal BS. Driving to and from Kent. Driving to and from downtown. Spending HOURS, literal hours out of my day in commuting and standing in lines to talk to court clerks and bond companies and legal clinics and whatnot. Just exhausting. And frustrating. And if I'm NOT doing that on my "day off" (as I was today...five hours I spent dealing with this crap, FIVE) then I'm catching up on all the other stuff I should have been doing other days of the week. Just dealing with gross incompetence on the part of other people. Just...a pain in the ass.

SO...I don't get the time I need to do the stuff I want to do. And I'm mentally fatigued and easily distracted. "Highly suggestible"...that's the state my mind is in these days. 

Enter everyone's favorite TSR punching bag, Q1.

I've mentioned the Queen a time or two on this blog, but I've never really delved into it. As a kid, I didn't own it, though my friend Matt did and he loaned it to me for an extended period. Personally, I found it fantastic, probably the most interesting and imaginative adventure (in my opinion) of the TSR era. These days, I own my own copy, and I have my own criticism of it...but I still think it's a pretty good adventure. Certainly it needs less "sprucing up" than the various DL modules. Q1 is a module that I could run...somewhat disappointingly...as is, without much trouble. The main "problem" with it is that it isn't as cool as it could be...a failure of underachievement. But it's not a big pile of crap.

However, it IS odd. Not in that it ignores the Elder Elemental God "plot" as some (notably Greyhawk Gronard) have complained. That is a big red herring as far as I'm concerned, regardless of what Gygax wrote in an ENWorld comment in his later years. No, the odd thing is that Q1 was planned as any type of "capstone" module to the G-D series AT ALL. Reading the text of D3, it seems fairly clear that Q1 occupies the same adventure space as a "side quest" or "bonus level"...except that, in this particular case, it's more of a penalty box than a bonus.

Reading the old, monochrome version of D3: Vault of the Drow (published a couple years before Q1), you see that the main way players can end up in the titular Demonwebs is by poking their noses where they really don't belong (i.e. the lowest levels of the Drow cathedral) and humiliating the avatar of the dark elves' goddess:

If Lolth flees, or is slain in her current form, a silvery (platinum) egg will be revealed. A remove curse will enable it to be opened, and whomever does so is geased to enter the astral gate on Level #1 (14) and confront Lolth if he or she is able or die trying. In the egg are an iron pyramid, a silver sphere, a bronze star of eight points, and a cube of pale blue crystal. (These items have value and use only if the party continues the adventure in the next Module (Q1, QUEEN OF THE DEMONWEB PITS).)

Note that in the description of the astral gate (area 14 of Level 1) it's made clear that this is not a particularly "good" thing:

If any individual is bold enough to walk through the projection of Lolth at 11) and then touch the "mural" he or she will be instantly drawn into the tunnel vortex and brought to the plane of the Abyss where Lolth actually dwells. (If you plan to continue the campaign, this will be handled in MODULE Q1, QUEEN OF THE DEMONWEB PITS; OTHERWISE, SUCH INDIVIDUAL CAN BE CONSIDERED AS SLAIN.)

So, instant kill for anyone who beats Lolth, gets her "prize" (the platinum egg), and figures out how to open it...unless your DM has a copy of Q1 to run. But even then: this is not a reward for beating up Lolth; there's no gold piece value assigned to this treasure. If anything, it is a cursed artifact designed to bring the goddess's tormentors to her own plane, presumably to be destroyed in some fiendish, vengeful manner. 

Probably devoured, ultimately. She is a spider, after all. 

This trip to the Abyss is a punishment for the players' hubris and greed. Why else would they possibly be invading the Great Fane of Lolth? Leave out all criticism of Sutherland and the Blumes and how "Gary's Grand Idea" was suppressed. Just look at D3 and what it contains. Look at the context, in terms of the on-going adventure scenarios: PCs are tasked with stopping the giant threat. Over time, they learn that those responsible for the giants are the Drow. They follow the Drow down into the depths of the earth and track them to their capital where they find that this is simply one rogue band of HERETICS looking to extend their power and influence in the Drow world by conquering lands in the surface world. This has NOTHING to do with the Elder Elemental God...this is just about the political ambitions of the Eilservs clan (Eclavdra and her brood):

The Eilservs have long seen a need for an absolute monarch to rule the Vault, and as the noble house of first precedence, they have reasoned that their mistress should be Queen of All Drow. When this was proposed, the priestesses of Lolth supported the other noble families aligned against the Eilservs, fearing that such a change would abolish their position as the final authority over all disputes and actions of the Dark Elves. Thereafter, the Eilservs and their followers turned away from the demoness and proclaimed their deity to be an Elder Elemental God (see MODULE G1-2-3). Although there is no open warfare, there is much hatred, and both factions seek to destroy each other. An attempt to move worship of their deity into the upper world, establish a puppet kingdom there, and grow so powerful from this success that their demands for absolute rulership no longer be thwarted, was ruined of late, and the family is now retrenching.

There it is, in black-and-white: the whole "Drow plan." Not the machinations of Lolth or the Elder Elemental God...just Eclavdra's bid for power over the people of Erelhei-Cinlu. Eclavdra's clan has turned to worship of the EEG out of sheer spite for the clergy of the fane siding with the other noble houses against Eilservs and its quest for power.  So if the party is actually "following the story" or trying to solve the "mystery" that led to the "Giant War" their trail ends with Eilservs clan (complete with yet another G3-style temple dedicated to the mysterious tentacled eye god).  Why O why wouldn't the players just want to finish up what they'd started and then retreat back to the surface, loot in hand?

Greed, of course.

At the end of the day, we ARE still playing AD&D here, and the players are insatiable treasure hunters. And where are the biggest stashes of treasure to be found in the Vault? Why, in the Drow's grand cathedral, duh. And so...once they're finished knocking over the Eilservs estate, they might as well go loot the temple, right? It's what they (adventurers) do. 

Of course, it's always possible they were pointed that direction earlier. Not only by the Eilservs clan (looking to make common cause or buy their way out of a beat-down) but by the town malcontents...the young males that roam the streets like packs of wolves. See the RAKE encounter on the Erelhei-Cinlu wandering monster table:

...roaming the streets of Erelhei-Cinlu are bands of bitter youths, often outcasts...the bands with elven-Drow members will be hostile to all they perceive as part of the system which prevails in their world, and the Dark Elves with them are of the few who are neither totally degenerate nor wholly evil -- they are haters of the society around them and see no good in it....

If the party manages a friendly meeting with a group of Drow/Drow-elves/half-Drow rakes the youths will tell them about the worship of the Demoness Lolth and the way to her "Egg." The rakes will accompany the party to the area in question if a plan which seems reasonable to them is put forth. They will also leave the Vault-Egg areas in the course of adventuring.

These RAKE encounters show up one time in 20 on the "main thoroughfares" of he city but FOUR times in 20 (20%!) when traversing the "back streets and alleyways," making this the most common encounters in the city. The longer the party spends wandering the Drow capitol, the more likely they are to run into these disaffected toughs who will steer them towards the Fane. Clearly, this was Gygax's intent based on his design.

And the players' greed will be rewarded: the monetary value alone adds up to nearly half a million gold pieces worth, even without counting all the platinum and gemstones that each member of the clergy carries on their person. Add in magical items and the 50 room dungeon can net a pretty rich haul for a half dozen high level adventurers...probably enough to gain an entire level, with combat experience added in (no mean feat for a 14th level character!). Gygax WANTS the players to sack the Fane...and likewise wants the players to confront and (presumably) to BEST Lolth in battle. It's the main ticket to the next module in the series which would otherwise...not attract players' notice?

As with everything, it's all about the Benjamins, NOT the "grand evil scheme" of a goddess (or an Evil Elemental Cthulhu-like 'thing'). The only "scheme" Lolth possesses is her plan to bring the thieving PCs over to where she resides so that she can whup up on 'em (snot-nosed brats). But the adventures in the Demonweb Pits should be considered in the light of pulp S&S fantasy...this is the stuff of Leiber. 

"Hey, Fafhrd...what say we knock over the temple while we're down here anyway?" 

"Sounds good to me Mouser!" 

[later, wandering lost in the Demonweb] "How the hell did we end up here?"

Hilarity ensues. 

This IS "old school" D&D in its purest form: players getting up to hijinx (and into trouble) because it's a darn game, not an epic story of fantasy adventure. Just because you're on module number seven of a seven part series doesn't mean you're completing some grand story arc a la The Lord of the Rings...it just means Gygax and Co. has gifted you with an incredibly extensive scenario for occupying months (or more!) of campaign time. Just as you can spend EXTRA time exploring the side caverns of the UnderDark trek, the enterprising DM can create WORLDS of adventure from the 4th level "portals" of module Q1. This is the potential of I1's Forbidden City on a much larger scale.  Which is great. And which explains (in part) why there's no Q2 or Q3...there's no need. This is not another singular adventure site (like the Hill Giants' Steading) but an open-ended situation for exploration and (probable) exploitation.

So then, what's with the polyhedrals in the platinum egg?

Ah, the sticking point in my ruminations. If Lolth just wants to summon her opponents to her Abyssal lair with the intention of devouring them, why make them jump through extra hoops to end up in her gullet? If the ultimate result will be their deaths, why the grand charade, the multi-level challenge/test? Why not just drop them wholesale into the whatever that serves as her "nest" at the heart of the Demonweb?

Well, it IS a D&D game (duh) so, of course, we can't just make it a one-way ticket to death. And, sure, you can say that Chaotic Evil divinities have minds that function beyond the ken of mere mortals like ourselves (and are insane to boot). But I think there's a fairly easy, in-world/setting answer here. 

Not everyone is worthy of being being food for the goddess.

As a demon queen, an Abyssal goddess, and a giant spider, I keep coming back to the theme of HUNGER. The Abyss is pure chaos and destruction (evil)...the source of all entropy, eroding and disintegrating everything over time. Demons, as beings, are intelligent manifestations of that entropy...to us humans, they appear as ever-hungry, eternal devourers. Eat, eat, eat...bodies and souls, they consume all. This is one of the reasons I like Huso's "demon rules" (from Dream House of the Nether Prince): in addition to his mixing of of AD&D with Christian theology and myth (something I also dig on), he "gets" the hunger inherent in such beings and has cheerfully codified a whole, fat-based economy for the creatures (nice). And SPIDERS...man, they eat, with some consuming 10% of their body weight daily. If I ate 16 pounds of food per day...um...that would be a LOT. It's brings to mind reminisces of Tolkien's Shelob and her un-satiable hunger. 

But, as said, Lolth is a goddess. And while an eternally hungry demon spider by nature, she still has the pride of a queen. And not everything is a fit meal for a queen's consumption...not even the interlopers who murdered her clergy and ransacked her temple before smiting her (material) form. Besides, she has time...plenty of time (if the players succeeded in destroying her material form she is confined to the Abyss for a century, after all). Time enough to "play with" her food...for her own amusement.

Thus the polyhedrals...thus the testing. Make the players jump through her hoops, waste their resources, feel the grinding power of fear and entropic forces as they struggle through her demonweb. Struggle provides seasoning to the meal. And they humiliated her (on their own plane of existence), and now that the shoe's on the other foot, payback is a bitch, baby. To me, it makes perfect sense. Plus, what does she care if the gnolls (envoys from Yeenoghu) or trolls (Vaprak) get destroyed in the process...even her driders (failures of their own "tests")? The demonweb is a demi-plane construct that is but a small part of her Abyssal realm...who knows how many "demonwebs" she has spun over the millennia? How many webs do the spiders around your home spin? 

[September and October in Seattle is "spider season;" I knock down webs all the time...though I usually leave the spiders alive (they eat the flies). And they put them right back up again within hours]

The whole of Q1...at least the first three levels...are, thus, a proving ground of sorts for the player characters, designed to lure them in, deeper and deeper into her web. As flies will struggle, becoming more hopelessly entangled, they are drawn in by dribbles of treasure, slowly losing their resources to attrition, before finding their way to the 4th level with its extra-planar dimensional gates. I will say that I don't have (and never had) much issue with the steam-powered "spider-ship" that acts as Lolth's palace (keep in mind that there was no such thing as "steam-punk" in 1980)...it is assumed to be one of many "palaces" the Queen has stashed around the multiverse (just as the "Dream House" of Orcus is something of a demonic "Summer Villa")...this one just happens to be some sort of mobile war machine, used for conquest on other planets.

Of course, the spider ship is not on a Prime Plane planet at the moment: it is currently anchored in the Abyss (as inferred from the text describing the plane, the text explaining how the ship sometimes makes appearances on the Prime, and the fact that Lolth is herein, confined to the ship after having had her material form destroyed). Which means, of course that ALL the penalties and magical issues (reduced magic item potency, inability of clerics to regain spells, etc.) should apply as parties explore Lolth's palace. This might be quite the rude wake-up call, if PCs just spent an inordinate amount of time celebrating their visits to other worlds on Level 4...they may have been lulled into thinking "oh, good, everything's back to normal"...when, in fact, it isn't. The laissez-faire attitude of Lolth's palace minions might also contribute to this false sense of confidence.

Not that it matters terribly...I'd imagine most groups are going to end up in a TPK. I've run Q1 exactly one time: it did not end well for anyone other than Lolth. Which is probably about right...the BEST players should probably hope to achieve is escaping with their tails between their legs and as much treasure as they could stuff in their bags of holding, portable holes, etc. Actually defeating the Demon Queen of Spiders on her own plane?  Nah. My over-powered, psionic-heavy bard (dual-wielding a hammer of thunderbolts and a vorpal short sword) didn't make it out alive. You think your group could?

Mm.

All right, that's enough for today. I started this post last night (LATE at night) but had to finish it up this morning. I've got two weeks before I'm on a plane to Germany...time to buckle down.

Cauldron Prep

What day is it? Thursday? Whatever...it's 5am (or, rather, it was...I scrolled reddit looking for a worthwhile post but it all just made me want to vomit...) and I'm up thanks to some ungodly "beeping" that went off in our house this morning. No idea what it was. Checked all the fire alarms (and it didn't sound like them anyway). Hasn't repeated itself. But now I'm up.

Status update on "stuff:"

• The Family is doing well. Adapting to our "new normal" of having a high school kid. So far, so good. D came down with a bit of a cold (not COVID), probably from the amount of stuff on his plate, but he's gotten over it quick. Sofia's getting pretty good at rocking Take It On The Run (REO Speedwagon) on her guitar. Wife hasn't murdered me yet. All's fine.
• Soccer: I'll have a better idea of all teams after this weekend.
• Seahawks: hey! I went to the game last week which was...terrible! Not just because they lost (always bad to drop a home game), or that they lost to the Niners (which makes it even worse), but because of how they played...oh, man. It is orky football for sure but, in Blood Bowl terms, they're like the ork team that has ONE goblin catcher (that would be Smith-Njigma) and no one else with any speed/catching ability. The offense failed to stretch the field at all. And "Riq" Woolen was awful. Really, really frustrating to watch. Also frustrating to have to pay $8 for a bottle of water at the game. *sigh*
• Legal Disputes: I might have found a way to resolve my civil suit as early as next week, fingers-crossed. The events that led to the irritation I expressed last Friday turned out to be a blessing in disguise (maybe). We'll see.
• My father was in town. Had a nice visit. He's pretty hale and hearty for an old codger (pushing 80), but I worry about his mind a bit. *sigh* That's life, right?

Okay...onto gaming stuff.

Cauldron is barely a month away, and other than my day-to-day affairs (see above), this is my primary concern at the moment. Despite being on opposite sides of the globe, I've been in rather constant contact (through discord, natch) with the Euro-folks (helps that I don't get much sleep...) and things are getting exciting. Man, I'm so glad I'm going back there. Even if it SUCKS somehow, it'll still be fantastic to see everyone again.

This year they've got six gaming blocks going: two Friday (the first is a shorter, three-hour "sidekick" for folks arriving early), three Saturday, and one Sunday (after breakfast and awards). This year I'm signed up to run games in five of the six, including (*shudder*) Saturday's "night block" (9pm - whenever). In Cauldron 2023, I used that time to sleep, but retrospectively that's silly:

1. My sleep cycle is already out-of-whack from the travel.
2. I'm too keyed up by what's going on (hard to get to sleep and tend to wake before dawn).
3. I'm making the journey to play games, not nap!
4. I've got a nice long plane ride home on which to sleep (and I will).

SO: night block, here I come!

I am also the "tournament director" for this year's "Blackrazor Cup" which does not entail a whole lot of work (thankfully)...now that the adventure's been written, anyway. Probably I'l be tallying scores and whatnot in the wee hours of Sunday morning. No paper certificates this year...the con organizers got real life medals and trophies (I've seen pix). Amazing! I'm sure it will be a good time. 

[we'll see if all the players hate me after this year. It's their own fault for complaining last year's adventure was "too easy." This, however, may have been due to the way the adventure was DM'd...when I ran it for my home group  it ended in a TPK]

For my free block, I will be doing my darnedest to get into Settembrini's Chainmail game (yes, this Settembrini) which he is advertising as having space for seven, Even if I don't I might hang out and watch...regardless, I have that particular time block cleared specifically for that particular table.

Originally, I'd also kept the Night Block clear, partly out of a vane hope at sleep, but mostly because I was considering the possibility of one of Prince's epic night games (he usually brings some 10+ player extravaganza). Unfortunately, this year he ain't. Not because he won't be drinking through the night (au contraire!) but because he has games he wants to play in, for a change. However, he IS offering his own "tournament adventure" (with prize!) that he will be running himself in three different time blocks. It's called "Assault On The Beckerdrome;" the description reads:

Over the last years, you have endured and triumphed in the Blackrazor Cup, the most prestigious event in the history of the known world. Its lustre has endowed you with divine fire, but each night you weep, for lack of worlds to conquer. Yet there is hope. The earth shakes and is split asunder. An ancient fortress lies beneath. You have conquered the Blackrazor Cup, but how will you fare against the one who forged such a contest?

The ultimate challenge awaits.

So, yes. It appears I am the BBEG of his adventure. Sly devil.

[he will be paid back! In spades!]

Of the time slots I'm signed up for, four are nailed down. I'll be running a modified version of Anthony Huso's Silver Temple of Transcendent Flame in the Friday afternoon "sidekick," the BRC tourney module for Saturday morning, a new adventure that I haven't even drawn a map for yet (*headslap*) called Caul's Dark Citadel for Saturday afternoon, and MY version of I3, Legacy of the Pharoid, in the Sunday brunch spot. Of course, that one's not complete yet, either. 

[wait...checking. Checking. Yeah...no]

I'm actually probably going to have to scrap Legacy from the docket. I was only going to run the Body Banks section, but it's still 64 encounters (waaaay too many for a four-hour time slot) and less than half have been keyed. Too big, too long, too un-finished for this year's Cauldron...but I've been in contact with Kelvin Green about some collaboration on the project and it might be cool for a later Cauldron con (maybe as a multi-part running...as I did with Forbidden City in 2023). I certainly doubt I'll have time to write AND play-test the thing before con time, not with needing to do the same with Dark Citadel. I just have too many irons in the fire.

SO...I was looking through my inventory of adventures for a replacement, and I actually have a number of low level (3rd - 5th) adventures that might substitute AND be short enough. There's the Tomb of Bendan Fazier, which was a lot of fun for my home group (though, since I posted it to the blog a couple years back, it could be considered "spoiled"). There's Ice Box which, while written for OD&D is easily converted (it even uses Fiend Folio critters)...except the tournament adventure is already "cold themed." There's Lost Vault of Kadish (a stand-alone 'side quest' in Legacy). Heck, I could even run The Sunken City of Doom, my DL1 re-write; yeah, it's close to 100 encounter areas, but it's for the right levels, has pre-gens (twisted DragonLance PCs), and is mostly keyed...

Oh, wait: here's also Vermin Town, the rat-themed adventure I wrote for my own "Year of the Rat" adventure charity contest...now there's a compilation book I never got around to publishing (*sigh*). Why not? Because I drew my maps by hand and I can never get my damn scanner to work (frigging Paraguayan printer tech...). Ugh. This is a good one, but I'd need to FIND the maps for it (no idea where those are). Ooo...also The Tower of Ybarra Florin. That's an oldie but a goodie.  Okay, I have choices...I'll figure something out.

Then there's the Night Block.

I added an event here because A) sleep is for suckers, B) Prince ain't running, and C) I'm going to this thing to be active/contribute. I mean, Grutzi is running his Isle of the Dead, but I don't have a 9th level character to bring to the party (wish that I did), and pre-gens, IME, are always a bit of a crap-shoot. None of the other games in this block are particularly enticing: I'm already familiar with Black Crag and Black Mark (having reviewed them), the idea of playing a 4th level OD&D pre-gen is...nah. And there's just no way you'll find me sitting down to a game of "Ransack" (sorry, Parti...). No. Better to just run something of my own. I like to run games, after all. And running different games for different people keeps me sharp.

But what to run? Well, what I've got registered for the event is titled *something, something* Doom, but that's just a placeholder. My initial thought, actually, was to run one more session of the tournament adventure. We have eight different DMs runnng the thing (including me), but if I ran it twice, it would ensure that ALL the attendees who wanted to play would get the chance to do so.

[some quick math: there'll be about 80 attendees at Cauldron. The tournament adventure is designed for six to eight players so, with a Dungon Master, that's NINE people at a table. 9x9 = 81, right? But you subtract one ('cause I'd be running twice, and there's only one of me) giving a result that equals the con's headcount]

Plus, I'm kind of loving the adventure, and having already run it twice, I'm getting a good handle on it (there are some tricky bits). Yeah, more and more I'm considering one more session of Rivers...unless I get a message from someone else who wants to run it (which I might...there's still time). And if THAT happens, I'm thinking of running something high level. Maybe Hells Own Temple (which, re-reading it, could really stand some revisions) or Queen of the Demonweb Pits. I don't know. Something challenging. Something AD&D.

Okay, the sun's up and so are the kids...time to make breakfast. It is a perfectly beautiful Seattle morning: grey, misty, and drizzly (we desperately need rain). A little more coffee and I'll be able to tackle those maps...once everyone's out of the house.

Later gators!

: )

***EDIT: I found my maps. Oo-boy!***

M is for Modules

I missed the April A-Z Blog Challenge this year, so I'm doing my own...in June. This year, I will be posting one post per day discussing my AD&D campaign, for the curious. Since 2020, this is the ONLY campaign I run. Enjoy!

M is for Modules...not Magic. I considered writing about magic in my campaign setting, but I've already written extensive blog posts on the way I run magic in my game here and here and here. If you missed those earlier (or just want to refresh your memory), they're still there and I'm still handling magic the same.

Nope, instead I'm going to talk about modules. "Module" is the term given and used by TSR to describe their published adventure scenarios. I assume their choice is because these adventures were meant to be "modular:" easily slipped into any Dungeon Master's home brew campaign setting. Portable, in other words.

I own a lot of these old modules...something in the number of 75+, not counting compilation "super modules." Only one or two are from the 2E era; most (close to 60) were written for 1E AD&D. That is a ton of adventure modules...enough for YEARS of play, even if I was running a weekly game. Which I'm not.

I received an email a couple weeks ago from a rank novice D&Der, asking me about the general purpose of adventure modules: how important are they, what are their purpose, what makes a module "good" or "bad," and some specifics about the DragonLance modules. Here's (some of) what I told him:

There are three types of people who play D&D: DMs, players, and folks who alternate between the two roles. Only DMs have any concern for modules. A module is a modular advenure: a scenario designed to slot into a DM's campaign; in my experience, the term ALWAYS refers to a pre-written, published adventure (i.e. something you buy or download).

In my opinion, modules serve TWO purposes: 1) they provide an adventure scenario/situation for the convenience of the DM (i.e. so the DM doesn't have to come up with something themselves), and 2) for NEW DMs, it provides a 'blueprint' of sorts to show how to create adventure situations/scenarios for their home campaign. The Moldvay Basic set is (IMO) the best introduction to D&D concepts one can get...that the module B2 Keep on the Borderlands was included in the box is MAINLY additional educational material for the starting DM.

The DragonLance modules were published during the age of 1E...yes, 1E...and were a grand experiment for TSR. In my estimation, their popularity was due mainly to the bestselling novels that accompanied them. They allowed players to game the events in novels, using the characters of the novels, i.e. follow the Weiss/Hickman plot/storyline (without actual agency and thus sans what makes the D&D game great).

Many early modules, including the Slaver series you reference, were written as tournament scenarios for conventions. As such, they had 'win' conditions (because parties competed against each other). The only thing they "test" is players' ability to meet the objectives the module sets. I wrote a tournament adventure for last year's Cauldron con (Europe's only OSR con) and the only thing it measured was how much treasure one group could find over another. That is, it measured players' adventuring skill.

The reason to use modules is to reduce the amount of work the DM has to do; your DM can write all his/her own adventures, OR he/she can just use modules, OR they can do a little bit of both. Most DMs choose to do both. They are a labor-saving device, although (for the new DM) they can also show what is possible in adventure design (that is, they can be a teaching tool). But a bad DM running a good module can still result in a poor experience for the players. Such is always the case with a "bad DM" (that term requires a lot of unpacking).

A campaign setting is a WORLD; understand that. It doesn't need ANY dungeons (though we are playing "D&D," right?), nor pre-published modules. What it does needs is a DM to run it, who's willing to create and/or provide SCENARIOS that will lead to adventures...THAT is what adventure gaming is all about.

I post this transcription because I liked my answer to his questions and I felt it outlined my attitude towards adventure modules.

For me, I'm not so much interested in "learning how to write adventures;" at this point in my DMing career, I've got a fairly good handle on that. But I still use modules...many modules!...because they are, as I wrote, a labor-saving device.  None of them are "perfect," but they all provide ideas and concepts (scenarios), maps stocked with dangers and rewards...all things that are welcome for a night of D&D adventure. 

To date, I've repurposed some dozen pre-published adventures for use in my campaign (since going back to AD&D); that's around two to three per year. At that rate, it'd take me a couple decades to use up all the material sitting on my shelves...which isn't my goal, just by the way. When I pull out an adventure module, I'm not looking to "complete" its "story;" all I am looking for is an enticing scenario that players will be interested in tackling (for fun and profit). My world is one that is FULL of such scenarios (many of which I've written myself), but their existence doesn't constitute any sort of "story arc" for the campaign. 

My campaign has no 'arc;' it just IS.

I let the players tell the stories..."war stories," that is...of what happened during a particular session or series of sessions. But the modules aren't there to lend any sort of "coherence" or "narrative framework" to the adventures we're playing. I've used both DL1 and DL14 of the DragonLance series in my campaign, without any of the DL characters, drama, or storyline...just simple (if heavily modified) adventure scenarios. And they were delightful...that is to say, they delighted my players. Without any need for a heroic or epic "plot." D&D doesn't need anything like that to be successful as entertainment. 

My campaign is a world of "dungeons;" modules provide me with more dungeons. That makes them useful to me.

[Happy Father's Day, folks!]

Page Counts

Waaaay back in January, I mentioned Ben Gibson was hosting an adventure writing contest (specifically, an adventure site writing contest), but I absolutely failed to write any particular follow-up post on the subject. My apologies. Here's the skinny: the contest ended and, yes, my entry won. 

However, that latter bit is completely unimportant. What IS important is that the compilation of the best entries was released (um, yeah, back in April dude) and is currently available for FREE over at DriveThru. Would you like a handful of adventure sites to sprinkle into your game world as little side excursions? Well, here you go: 32 pages of PDF consisting of eight "adventure sites," each constricted to two pages of text plus map. Not bad. And did I mention it's free?

Here's the bit that I like about it (besides being one of the entries): it's 32 pages.

There was a time when D&D adventure modules ALL clocked in at about "32 pages." That time was long ago, in the magical time period known as the 1980s. 

[funny side note: my kids have romantic notions of the '80s and have often said they wish they'd been alive at that time. My daughter, especially, has lamented that time travel isn't possible, as she'd want to travel back in time to the 1980s and live her childhood then. It makes me laugh. Yes, there are many things about that decade that I miss and/or that I'm nostalgic about, but having LIVED through them...yeah, no. Mm.  Okay, enough...that's a tangent I could wax on about all day...]

And there's good reason for that number. 32 is just eight pages, folded and saddle stitched. Half the size of the B/X books which (at 64 pages each) were just about the limit for a saddle-stitched printer of the time.

Hm. Okay, I'm making an assumption there: my own printer has told me that 64 pages + cover is pretty much the limit of their capabilities. Not sure what reprographics technology was like back in the early 80s. But all those old TSR game manuals (Top Secret, Star Frontiers, Boot Hill, Gamma World, etc.) clocked in at 64 pages or less.

But TSR's adventure modules were always smaller, maxing out at 32 pages apiece...at least up through 1985. 1985 sees the release of WG6: Isle of the Ape (at 48 pages) as well as the Temple of Elemental Evil "super-module" (although that one wasn't saddle-stitched). Beginning in 1986, larger saddle-stitched modules become more and more common offerings from TSR, including most of the final Dragonlance scenarios, B10: Night's Dark Terror, other BECMI-era modules, the DA (Dave Arneson) series of adventures, etc. Of course, 1986 brought the entry of even more "super-modules" to the market, too (A1-4, GDQ, I1-3, etc.) as well as the infamous H-series (Bloodstone). 

In other words: about the same time adventures started turning bad.

Boo-hiss! JB you suck! I love Mentzer's I11: Needle, and I12: Ravenloft 2 is an absolute masterpiece!

Sure, sure, whatever. I'm sure there are plenty of good adventures published by TSR after 1985...my own purchase of modules post-'85 were very few and far between (unless I was picking up old modules...used...from The Book Exchange in Missoula, MT). Fact is that there was a period of time as a kid when I simply had little access to adventure modules at all...that period being between (roughly) 1986 to 1988. As a kid without income (any "allowance" my parents gave me was pretty paltry and probably spent on the occasional comic book), and no car (few places within biking distance of my house at the time carried ANY D&D stuff...maybe B. Dalton's books), there was simply no real opportunity to even peruse these latter-day modules, let alone purchase any. And by the time I got to high school (1988) I was (mostly) out of the D&D hobby anyway, having discovered actual game stores (in the University District and Capitol Hill) and a plethora of distractions...including other RPGs.

These days, though...

There is a limit to what I will read. That's the truth. My time and, frankly, my attention span is rather limited. A 32 page adventure scenario is pretty much the limit of what I can dig into. Oh, I've picked up other offerings...both from the OSR and those "glory days" of the late 1980s...that are far, far larger than 32 pages. But in general they are a slog to read through. And as adventures, they are tricky (for me) to conceptualize and 'hold' in my mind.

Let me explain what I mean by that: when I DM an adventure I need a good "grasp" of the thing to be effective in running it. I need to be able to keep track of the NPCs, the encounters, the way the adventure 'works' (functions) as a site (or sites, if multiple). I need to be able to hold these things in my head in order to react to the antics of the players in a fashion that is appropriate. And by "appropriate" I mean A) in a way which doesn't harm the verisimilitude of the play experience and B) does not cause a cascade effect of errors down the rest of the adventure due to dereliction or neglect. 

Probably I should give examples...and yet I'm so set in how I do adventures already, I don't have any "bad examples" to provide. Perhaps I'm just lazy: maybe I could take and run a 60+ page monstrosity without needing to look stuff up, flip through pages, get confused, get lost. Maybe. Perhaps I've tried running such an adventure in the past and just...can't...remember.

But here's the thing: an adventure is just a scenario. That's it; that's all it is. It (ideally) has a key of encounters that should be both sensible and appropriate (two terms I'm using very specifically). And (again, this is for me) it should have an overall design concept in which those encounters function together in synchronicity...not like a "well-oiled machine," but more like a healthy living organism. Because when we play Dungeons & Dragons we are immersing ourselves in a world and a world lives and breathes. And the person running that world is also a living organism, one subject to error and illness. 

Ugh. I'm probably not laying this out right. Let me approach it from a different angle: 32 pages is IMMENSE, okay? Considering that you are providing a single scenario for adventure...something that the players may choose to ignore or move on from or spend several evenings delving...there is a LOT you can pack into 32 pages. Ravenloft was only 32 pages...and it has more than 120 keyed areas, AND wasted page count on full page illustrations and fortune-card mini-games. The entire Against the Giant series (G1-G3) was published in a 32 pages, and that can take months to complete.  32 pages is a LOT.

If you need more than 32 pages to pen your adventure module, then it probably needs to be broken up into more than one scenario.

That's my opinion, of course. But it feels like a lot of these huge page count adventures are "something more" than a single scenario. They are "setting guides." Or they are "mini-campaigns." And, especially with regard to the latter, why wouldn't you break them into different sections, different linked/related adventures rather than a single, unwieldy book?

Of course, there are also the vaunted "mega-dungeons": the Barrowmazes and the Stone Hells. I know some folks love these. I know that some folks consider mega-dungeon delving to be the TRUE way of playing D&D based on the examples set down by Gygax and Arneson (with Castles Greyhawk and Blackmoor, respectively). They're not for me. I am nearly as interested...and yet far more invested...in the world outside the dungeon, as in the dungeon itself. The idea of playing through a dozen levels of anything is foreign to my game...why O why would I ever want to purchase such a thing for my table?

Heck, I've never been able to finish reading the Temple of Elemental Evil without dozing off.

So, I've come to a conclusion: I'm not going to write any any adventures with a page count higher than 32. 'Big deal, JB, you don't write adventures.' Well, I'm starting to. And I'm going to set some working parameters for myself. 32 pages, including cover page, appendices, pre-gens, etc. That's it. Truth be told, I am a little disappointed that Dragon Wrack was a whopping 41 pages...however, in my defense it did include six pages of pre-gen write-ups and a three page Chainmail supplement.

No more!

I'm totally serious here (silly as this subject might sound). An adventure should offer maximum playability with minimal prep. A 32 page adventure module can be read and digested in an afternoon, and run in the evening...THAT should be the goal. The adventure isn't the game, after all. Oh, it's a big part of the game, but it. Ain't. The. Game. 

[I feel like I'm writing a lot of sentences like that lately]

32 pages should be an absolute maximum for the adventure proper. Many adventures shouldn't even need that many pages (pick up a copy of classics like S1: Tomb of Horrors or C1: Hidden Shrine of Tamoachan and remove the illustration booklets...count how many pages those are). Just what are we doing these days with the adventures being published. Here's a list of the last 25 adventures reviewed over at TenFootPole:

1. a 60 page "non-adventure"
2. a 17 page adventure with a 7-room dungeon
3. a 32 page "walking simulator" (not an adventure)
4. a 17 page adventure with a single encounter
5. a 30 page adventure with 6 encounters
6. an 18 page adventure with 12 rooms
7. an 87 page adventure with 30 rooms
8. a 100 page adventure with 60ish rooms
9. a 48 page "digest pointcrawl" with 17 encounters
10. a 100 page dungeon of nine levels
11. a 150 page supplement/setting guide
12. a 104 page jungle hexcrawl
13. a 120 page city supplement featuring 3 dungeons ("not an adventure")
14. a 58 page adventure featuring 67 encounters
15. a 34 page regional guide with "nothing of interest"
16. a 182 page adventure (holy jeez)
17. a 31 page adventure featuring 3 mini dungeons of 6ish rooms each
18. a 75 page "Call of Cthulhu-type" adventure
19. a 38 page "not an adventure"
20. a 30 page adventure that seems pretty good
21. a 24 page adventure that also seems pretty good
22. a 24 page adventure with 35 rooms
23. an 8 page adventure describing 12 encounters
24. a 44 page incomprehensible "adventure"
25. a 19 page "adventure" consisting of random tables

[why am I looking at Bryce Lynch's reviews? Because A) he is prolific and experienced, B) he has standards to which he adheres, C) he (tries to) only review things classified as "adventures" and does so fairly indiscrimately]

Of those 25, 14 have too high a page count for (my) practical purposes, 3 more are non-adventures, and 4 of those left have a higher page count than the number of encounters in the thing (which is totally unacceptable). That's 21 of 25 (84%) automatically eliminated from my consideration for running, regardless of how "good" the review might be.

Of the four remaining, #22 and #23 get eliminated due to their ratio of encounters to page count. Yeah, there are more encounters than pages, but nor much more...a designer should not need a whole page to detail an encounter, and even though I realize the number given is the average...well, that's still too much extraneous detail/padding for my taste. Tighten it up, folks!

*sigh*  I'm sure I'm coming off as entirely unfair and/or "out of touch with the times." Yeah, okay. I'm mean and old (and getting meaner and older). But here's the thing: adventures are meant to be played, not read. Yes, I know some people purchase these things strictly for reading enjoyment. Yes, I'm aware that writers publish material with this very criteria in mind (and that's how they earn their bread). Yes, I realize that a shit-ton of people don't really understand this hobby we're in. I get it. Fine.

Adventures are meant to be played, not read. D&D is meant to be experienced through play...not through reading a book and/or watching other people (i.e. on a streaming series). I get that people derive enjoyment from this type of thing, and that's fine (if, IMO, "weird"). But folks that are doing this are NOT "playing D&D."  They are not doing the activity that we call gaming. They are doing AN ACTIVITY, but it is NOT gaming. It is reading. It is watching. It is "fanning." It is consuming.

But it's not playing D&D.

Adventure modules facilitate play of the game. That is: they make it easier. Or, rather, they should make it easier. That was their original purpose. But that's been lost...for the most part. It happens. A lot of things have been lost over the years. Doesn't mean we all need to (or want to) travel back in time to the 1980s.

My parameters are my own. You're welcome to create your own parameters. "32 pages" works for me.

Filling Holes

 Two more "capsule reviews" of NAP entries and then some comments (maybe):

TOMB OF THE TWICE-CROWNED KING (Hawk)

A moderately good adventure. Highlights include a nice, sensible map with the illusion of verticality (rather than practical verticality) and clear, usable text with tight themes. It has received excellent reviews here, here, and here.

Written for levels 8th - 10th, this straightforward tomb includes a lot of undead monsters and appropriate traps for this level range (disintegration rays, 6d6 attrition, pop-up banshees, etc.). The adventure nerfs turning with a -2 penalty, but communicates this from the outset, which should be a clue to experienced PCs to stock up on barrels of holy water and protection from undead scrolls.

It's not bad, it's just not that spectacular. It's written for OSRIC, so perhaps that explains some of the oddities (like "hill giant skeletons" that are somehow more powerful than standard "monster zombies," or little inconsistencies with magic item values). I feel like a lot of this can be bypassed in a party with a 9th level magic-user and cleric, and maybe that's the point. There's some whimsical fantasy elements here that don't make a lot of sense (the iron golems, the giant king and his (human?) wife), but I know the standard line: "It's D&D, it doesn't have to make sense." I'm okay with letting some things slide.

Treasure is quite light for the level range. Because characters in this level range have the resources to power through standard dungeons, I'm inclined to halve the normal amount I'd expect for a 30 room adventure: call it 750,000 x.p. worth of treasure, for a six PC operation. Unfortunately, even if you acquire every last scrap and SELL all the magic items (some of which are quite nice: a cubic gate, a dwarf thrower hammer, a mace of disruption, etc.), you're going to net less than 400K...and retaining/using the magic items will mean taking home barely 150K. 

However, this is somewhat mitigated by the fact that MOST of the magic items are directly applicable to the circumventing the tomb's dangers: oil of elemental invulnerability, the aforementioned magic weapons (good against both undead AND giants), a scroll with spider climb, knock, and detect magic, stashes of holy water, etc. The dungeon is designed like a puzzle of moderate difficulty, where solving things in the correct order make it a lot easier than a straightforward "bashing;" but it feels like the scale is off a bit, and successful parties are going to walk away with a NUMBER of very powerful, very rare items.

This adventure is 'okay.' I can place it in a a small section of the Snake River canyon. Probably won't do the whole "golem smashes bridge thing" which is kind of silly given the PCs should have a method to climb (or fly!) up the cliff face and all this does is prevent the golems from getting to the tomb-robbers (also, a 2d6 damage fall is nothing to a party of 9th level characters). The -2 "defilement" penalty to turning attempts doesn't mean much when a 9th level cleric automatically destroys wights and turns ghasts (half the wandering monster table)...I might change how that functions. Maybe. 

DUST & STARS (Settembrini)

This is a tough one. It appears that it suffers from being translated from a previous (German) text. Having met Settembrini, I can attest that his command of English is excellent, but this needs a little editing for coherence.

I'll not prolong this one: it's not going to work for my campaign. There is a LOT of campaign-specific backstory to this one that simply won't function in my world. The author has re-skinned a lot of D&D's fantasy to function in a weird sci-fi fashion and while I appreciate that (I do that myself), it is very specific in its "lore"...basically, his re-skins don't match with my own.

Also: don't like the giant serpent folk (sorry). Also: don't like the cataclysmically explosive potential of the "star pump." Sorry: I intend my world to far outlast the player characters, and I don't relish the idea of blowing it up or turning it into a post-apocalyptic hellscape.

*sigh*

Treasure amounts are fine, given the "cheats" in area K (i.e. DM gets to make up how much the rare elements are worth/valued...potentially "millions"). But I'm not going to use this one so it doesn't matter. Space/time wars are cool and DO fit with the ancient history of my campaign world...but the details of that history are lost in the depths of centuries and the specifics are unnecessary for the campaign to progress. 

Sorry, Settembrini: probably won't be testing this one any time soon. You can read the more detailed, original review here (and, also, Bryce's gushing). 

SHIP OF FATE (Yours Truly)

As my players are currently in a land-locked, desert region, this one isn't going to work in my campaign as currently constructed. ALSO: I don't anticipate the PCs reaching the requisite levels for at least a couple years. 

*****

Mmm. Ten "AD&D" adventures read. Six deemed "usable." Of those, only TWO are properly stocked, treasure-wise.  That's...not a lot, considering I had a pool of 19 published NAP entries from which to draw. NAP entries that received fairly high marks from all the reviews I've seen.

What does that say about the "standard fare" these reviewers are usually subjected to?

I'll admit that I am a crank, a curmudgeon, and an elitist snob. Perhaps some of the OTHER (non-AD&D adventures) are better written, better adventures. Perhaps. But they're still not written for 1E, so how good are they? How good can they be? Good enough to make up for the deficiencies inherent in running a campaign using a lesser (OD&D, B/X, etc.) ruleset? I know there are plenty of DMs out there who run a much more "loosey-goosey" game drawing pieces from ALL the various editions of D&D that have been published over the years, but (and I know people will object to this statement) that is a pretty miserable way to run a D&D campaign. 

If you disagree: that's fine. If you're having fun, running your OSR/edition-agnostic campaign...well, that's all the evidence to the contrary you need. I can only say: I doubt I would be having as much fun at your table as you do. 

So I guess it's on me? 

But would you be disappointed at my table? Now THAT is an interesting question. And maybe the answer would be "YES," especially if you were used to (and had an expectation of) playing tieflings or dragonborn or being able to cast magic missiles "at will." Yeah, if you needed those kinds of 5Eisms to have a good time, you'd probably HATE my game. 

But, then, you'd probably NOT be the kind of person I want at my table.

All right, that's enough for now; I've got a lot to do today.

*sigh*

Before I continue with my (what RPG.net used to call) "capsule reviews" of the NAP entries in the (ostensibly) AD&D category, a few notes: 

• We did NOT have a chance to begin Lair of the Brain-Eaters Sunday night...it was a VERY long day for the fam, and we went out to dinner and then relaxed on the couch, watching the Oscars. My players DID have a chance on Friday to create new 1st level PCs for a NAP specific run, so we are ready to go. Party will consist of a fighter (bard-in-training), paladin, thief, cleric, magic-user, and an illusionist-thief (two humans, an elf, half-elf, and a gnome). Easter break is coming up and we ain't going nowhere so I'm hoping to get a good pile of gaming in.

• RE the Oscars: I've seen most of the nominated films at this point and so was rather disappointed with most of the results. Oppenheimer is a well-crafted film on a difficult subject, but it failed to move me (in fact, it took multiple nights to watch it, because it put me to sleep). Nah. Also: it is a damn crime to put Barbie into a Best Adapted Screenplay category. Also: I obviously need to see Poor Things (don't even remember hearing about this movie). Also: Ryan "Triple-Threat" Gosling was robbed.

• Finally: the NAP III contest has concluded, and winners (and finalists) were announced. My adventure made the final cut to be in the book (which looks to be some 600+ digital pages long) and I'll be needing to some clean-up work over the next couple weeks. My son was asking me about NAP IV last night as he really wants to participate and has a "great idea." That's pretty groovy.

Okay, enough prattle...on with the read-throughs!

*****

NO ART PUNKS AKA "FUGITIVE GOLD!" (Peter Mullen)

This entry is listed as No Art Punks, both in the initial review and the book's TOC, but it clearly bears the title Fugitive Gold! at the top. I mean, it's not bolded or italicized or anything...but, then, neither is the No Art Punks "title" printed beneath it. Not much for fancy formatting this one...which doesn't bother me overmuch (just by the way), but...well, who cares about the title, anyway.

This adventure is...mm..."pedestrian." At best. It has a spectacular, isometric map that will prove difficult to use in play, though not unusable. I dread the thought of printing it (my old printer doesn't do color), and having to pen in the numbers (which are fairly faint in the image). 

Except that I probably won't, because I'm not feeling this one. 

My first thought upon reading it is that this was done by a kid...maybe a teenager or (more likely) an art student in their early 20s. It's better written than what I would have done as a teenager, but it's not great, and it exhibits hallmarks of youthful exuberance and a lack of sophistication. Take away the carefully crafted map and the complete sentences and it's only a slight step up from "random dungeon." No, that's probably too harsh. But...again...it's something I would have done in my youth (again, I'm talking my 20s). A good one to give my kids to run, maybe. But it's not my cup of tea.

Written for PCs of levels 4th-5th, it's got 43+ encounters. Treasure is abysmally low: under 44K with just a smattering of magic items (about a dozen, only a third of which are permanent, nothing over +2 and a couple couple cursed items to boot). Things like "scroll with one spell (clairvoyance)" or "short sword +1/+2 vs. burrowing mammals." This is chump change that does not raise the treasure count to an acceptable minimum (something in the 120K+ range). One piece of treasure is a 10,000 gold piece emerald that can ONLY be acquired by a "very small halfling" or through use of a potion of diminution (or similar, presumably).  There is no such potion in the dungeon, meaning its quite possible that ONE-QUARTER the treasure will be unobtainable. What's more, the emerald is magical and if submerged in water (the labyrinth is a series of sea caverns with a lot of water), it "screams like a banshee killing everyone all within a 50 foot radius." Okay, pal.

No, this adventure isn't good. There is an optional timer on this one that, if botched, results in the players facing a hostile 18 HD titan, his undead storm giantess consort, and four (undead) giant hetmen (no stats provided for undead giants). If you don't use a timer than there's a good chance the bad guy still activates his infernal machine and summons the Bigger Bads in 1-3 days that summon typhoons and wreck the coastline. Eh. No. Titans aren't angry "storm gods." Storm gods are storm gods. And facing 18 HD titans shouldn't be a "fail state" for an adventure aimed at PCs of 4th-5th level (let alone angry storm gods). This is dumb. 

Which (*sigh*) doesn't mean it's bad. You can have a lot of fun running a "dumb" adventure. It's beer and pretzels night! It's a break from more "serious" fare. It's White Plume Mountain. Etc.

But I'm not throwing it in my campaign. Sorry.  Maybe something for someone to run at a con with its delightful little encounters: ogres selling rat-on-a-stick, leprechauns doing their BS antics, etc., etc. But it's pretty long for convention time slot. Eh. Pedestrian.

ALCHYMYSTYK HOOSEGOW (Alex Zisch)

This one is a tough one to judge.

Zisch has put together a really nice adventure site. It's a little whimsical in an EX1: Dungeonland kind of way (understanding that I don't own EX1 and haven't even looked at in decades...) but it is tightly themed and put together...for the most part...with care and attention.

It's also a "whackier" form of D&D than what I tend to run. Puns and "in-jokes" abound, as is (in some parts) pointed "zaniness." That's not to my taste, but I may be in the minority here; I realize that a LOT of early D&D included the zany, and many old school aficionados think of this as a feature of old edition play. "Why so serious, bruh?" The problem (for me) is that there comes a point where zany tips the game into the realm of farce, at which point no one at the table (DM or players) take the game terribly seriously. And if we're not going to take the game seriously, I really don't have time to run/play the game; I'm a VERY busy guy.

Hoosegow, however, doesn't have TOO much of this. The mine section is good. The tower is a little weird (guards on the roof but they have to go through the warden's bedroom to get there? Hmmm...). It's kind of unclear why there even IS a warden still, since the alchemist has vanished...? I mean (re-reading the background now) I guess the lycanthropes just "moved in" recently; so why bother taking up the title of High Commissioner? There are some inconsistencies here.

Also inconsistencies with regard to the system. The alchemist proper has been polymorphed into a homunculus which, first, no...that's not how you create homunculi...and second, there's no explanation of how or why this came to be. Which, okay, fine, it's a mystery, but so many other parts of the adventure are explained and functional. Mostly...I mean, there's a giant skeleton dead so long that "only a very high level cleric could cast speak with dead" to question it. How long is that? Note to the designers: the PHB lists maximum lengths of time a corpse can be spoken with based on clerical level...no need to be so abstract (since you're designing this for AD&D)...just tell us he's been dead X number of years and we can find the info ourselves.

Lot of puzzles in this thing...lot of puzzles. And a lot of potions and potion mixing. A lot of NEW potions and special magic items in general (not sure how this skirted under the NAP contest stipulations, but, whatever...). I don't get the Plentiful Potions Prototype room...like,are we just supposed to make shit up if they try different formulae other than those listed? Um...huh? Likewise the Potion Mixing Machine room...it references the potion miscibility table in the DMG, but functions differently...so why bother referencing the table? Puzzling puzzles. Along with all the random writings and text the PCs will find in this adventure (much of which is nonsensical), this is likely to be a looong adventure of clue tracking. Which also isn't (usually) my style of dungeoneering.

The adventure was tested for 5-6 character parties with an average level of 7. For an adventure this size, (60 encounters, not counting random ones) I'd hope for 400K-500K in treasure, probably? Enough for players to level up at least once and make a good dent in the next level, so AT LEAST 400K...something like 70K-80K per character.  Total treasure (not counting magic which, naturally, falls mostly in the "potion" category): 167,205. Maybe that gets boosted by various art pieces that had "price tags" attached to them (it wasn't clear from the text if these items were ACTUALLY valuable), but that would only add a few hundred extra gold pieces. The players would find a better use of their time hunting giant dragonflies in the mountains for their fancy chitinous hides.

Speaking of magical treasure...it's really annoying not to include SOME sort of formatting to distinguish magical items from mundane...italics, bolding, underlining, something. Really annoying. Yes, this is a usability issue, not a design issue, but it's really tough to be reading through a text block of alchemical equipment and things like a beaker of plentiful potions isn't highlighted in some fashion (i.e. nothing indicates to the DM/reader that the item is MAGICAL...I just know it is because I've been playing for decades and have some memory of most of the items in the DMG). Same with monsters that don't reference where they're from...great use of obscure critters (fire snakes, stone guardians, spriggans, etc.) but if you're NOT going to detail their special abilities and whatnot in the text, then please provide a reference for me to look them up. Irritating.

However, flawed or not, there's a lot of good thought and craft in this adventure. It's a tad whimsical for my taste and the alchemical puzzles are a bit over the head of my players (the oldest of whom is 13), so fitting it into my campaign is a slight conundrum. There are, of course, plenty of mountains in the Idaho Deathlands, so it would be easy enough to stash...but it's a little too LONG to be a "side jaunt" and a little too light on treasure to make it really worth questing for. I think I'll locate the compound somewhere northeast of Mayfield, Idaho (the wikipedia entry calls Mayfield a "ghost town" but there's more historic data of the town available online for interested folks), and seed a few rumors of the Hoosegow's history...it'll be a good location for magic-users seeking rare spell components (once they have a few levels under their belts) or ingredients for enchantments.

; )