Shutterspeed (2000)

 Shutterspeed (2000)- *1\2

Directed by: Mark Sobel

Starring: Steve "Sting" Borden, David Lovgren, and Daisy Fuentes

Riley Davis (Borden/Sting) is a Seattle cop with sunglasses, a Harley, and an attitude. While Riley is with Narcotics, his brother Cliff (Lovgren) is with Homicide. There is bad blood between them because of something that happened in their past that we won't spoil here. The brothers must form an uneasy alliance when a mysterious camera with one photo saved on it appears, and the baddies want it. Bad. There are some murders and attempted murders, all because of this elusive camera. Things get real when Riley's fiancee Kenzie (Fuentes) is kidnapped by the camera-seeking baddies. Riley finally snaps out of his somnambulism and is forced to confront the truth - about his brother, his past, his girlfriend, and, of course, the camera. What is the true frame rate of the SHUTTERSPEED?


Okay, here's the truth about Shutterspeed. It's not funny, wacky, crazy, or off-kilter enough to have gained any sort of cult following. It takes itself oddly seriously almost the whole time, to the point where it's even boring and dour in many spots. HUGE mistake. This is a telefilm, shot in Canada for the TNT network, and your main star that's carrying the project is Sting from WCW. Now is not the time to go all serious on us. 

The filmmakers should have seized this unique opportunity and let their hair down and went nutso. Something along the lines of One Man Force (1989) meets Stone Cold (1991). But they did not do that. In fact, they did the complete opposite. They went the bland, safe route big time. What a missed opportunity.



Maybe Sting, credited under his "real name", Steve Borden, was attempting to distance himself from wrestling and show he could do something different, perhaps something that could spin off into a TV series. This might explain the determined, almost willful refusal to have some silly fun. Sure, it's inevitable that some silly fun will leak out, but these moments happen towards the end of the film, and they're few and far between. They should have put them in the beginning in order to grab the audience's attention, not save them for the end, by which time we don't really care.



A couple of light shooting/fight/chase scenes are here, almost like they don't want to be and are dragged along. There is a WYC that doesn't much care for Riley Davis's ways. So that's all well and good, and Daisy Fuentes is certainly an attractive and welcome presence. But we couldn't help but expect more from Borden's Kevin Sorbo-esque meatheaded presence. Producer Eric Bischoff should have demanded more scenes of Borden yelling and getting angry, which happens only once. Director Mark Sobel has done a lot of TV, plus the features Access Code (1984) and Sweet Revenge (1987), so he seemingly was right for this project - on paper. But what was needed was a go-for-broke, wildman approach, which was sorely missing.



In the end, Shutterspeed is not exactly pulse-pounding. It's really a classic case of missed potential. But it's not too late: both Sting the wrestler, and Sting the musician are both still alive as of this writing. They should team up and appear as Cops on the Edge in a movie called Double Sting. Isn't that something we would all watch?

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Icebreaker (2000)

 

Icebreaker (2000)- *1\2

Directed by: David Giancola

Starring: Sean Astin, Bruce Campbell, Suzanne Turner, Mark Keppel, and Stacy Keach 

Carl Greig (Campbell) is a terrorist who leads his team of baddies to an unlikely place: Killington Ski Resort in Vermont. They're after some nuclear material found in a downed Russian aircraft. While they're in the midst of pilfering the nuke stuff, they take the time to take the resort and all its partying inhabitants hostage. Mostly this takes place in the dining room, where concerned dad Bill Foster (Keach) is admonishing his daughter Meg (Turner) not to marry the local "ski bum", a guy named Matt (Astin). Naturally, it's up to Matt and his "wacky" forest ranger buddy Beck (Keppel) to save the day. So now the pressure is on for Matt: not only must he stop the baddies using the only skills he knows - mainly snowboarding - but the lives of the hostages AND the approval of his potential father-in-law is on the line. He wants to start a dialogue with the hostage-takers...but what's his ultimate ICEBREAKER?


Icebreaker, let's just say, has some problems. While the above description might make it sound fun and entertaining, sadly, it is not. Yes, of course it's yet another one of those "DieHardInA" movies, but even the "Die Hard on the ski slopes" idea had been done at least twice before: in White Fury (1989) and Crackerjack (1994). While those aren't the greatest films in existence either, both are far superior to Icebreaker in just about every way. Crackerjack has much better production values (most movies have better production values than Icebreaker) and White Fury, while also a very low-budget outing, has that AIP charm to it. When White Fury is kicking your ass, you know you've got a serious problem.

Because Icebreaker has an almost-punishingly cheap and chintzy look to it, it seems likely that any budget it had went to its three principal actors: Keach, Campbell, and Astin. It's amazing that all three of these names actually agreed to be in Icebreaker, essentially a homemade production from the makers of Pressure Point (1997). Unfortunately, Don Mogavero is nowhere in sight. He would save us all.


Fan favorite Bruce Campbell here fills the shoes of the typical Eurotrash baddie. He's bald this time around, and even his typical energy seems tamped down, almost like he realized that no matter how much effort he put in, it would be all for naught. It would be like swimming against the tide of the flat, brain-cell depleting plainness that is Icebreaker. Nothing compelling or interesting ever happens. Yes, there is an exploding helicopter, likely sourced from somewhere else. It was appropriate that, of all possible ski resorts, they went with KILLINGton, but all of this is nothing but one big missed opportunity.

It's all very, very stupid and not in a good or entertaining way. We found Icebreaker to be something of a chore to sit through. While we appreciate that it's hard to make a movie and get it out there, and consequently we hate to be negative about things, we still have to tell the truth about what's going on here. All the more frustratingly, they had all the ingredients to make it good, worthwhile, and entertaining, but the filmmakers never bothered to capitalize on what they had. They played it agonizingly safe and took zero chances or risks with the material.


If you want to see an awesome movie that takes place on the ski slopes, just stick with Hot Dog: The Movie (1984) or Better Off Dead (1985). You know you're in dire straits when the combined talents of Bruce Campbell, Stacy Keach, and Sean Astin don't even make a dent in the monolithic wall of crud that is Icebreaker.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, DTVC!

Crash and Byrnes (2000)

 

Crash and Byrnes (2000)- * *1\2

Directed by: Jon Hess

Starring: Wolf Larson, Greg Ellis, Joanna Pacula and Steven Williams 

A woman named Lissette (Pacula) is an evil terrorist, as you might expect a woman named Lissette to be. She and her goons plan to drop a virus over the city of Seattle, killing, potentially, millions of people. But she's going to have two very big obstacles in her way: Jack "Crash" Riley (Larson) and Roman Byrnes (Ellis). While the two guys are the Original Odd Couple, insofar as Crash is blonde and American and Byrnes is wacky and British, they team up to fight crime and to stop Lissette. As they're doing this, a man named Shannon (Williams) takes an interest in them. He recruits them into a secret organization called SPHINX, which deals with sensitive and off-the-books law enforcement matters. Will Lissette succeed? or will CRASH AND BYRNES spoil her dastardly plan?


Crash and Byrnes may have that junky, low budget, "ready for syndication" look and feel to it, but you can't really hate it. Every time they use very inappropriately-matched stock footage, fast motion, or silly-looking shaky cam during the action scenes, you kind of just have to throw up your hands and admit to yourself, "hey, I'm watching Crash and Byrnes. It's okay. Maybe I shouldn't be so critical all the time." It's a bit like in our review for Radical Jack (2000), where we pointed out that at a certain point a revelation comes that "I'm watching Radical Jack." Same thing here.


Further comparisons could be drawn to Logan's War: Bound by Honor (1998) and The President's Man (2000). They're all very late 90's/early 2000's syndicated television in look and feel. Crash and Byrnes is no exception. Which perhaps isn't surprising, given all the connections to L.A. Heat, the TV show that featured Wolf Larson and Steven Williams. Crash and Byrnes is like a 93-minute episode of the show...and not one of the better episodes. But, it was cool that the movie was written by Wolf Larson and directed by Jon Hess, the guy who made Excessive Force (1993). In all the technical departments, Excessive Force is a masterpiece compared to this, but at least it got made and onto store shelves and cable listings.



Of course, Crash Riley and Roman Byrnes have lots of arguments, banter, and bickering between them. Pretty much all of it is good natured and lighthearted. Usually Byrnes will say or do something humorous, and there will be a cutaway to Wolf Larson's face in an amusing reaction shot. We give Greg Ellis a lot of credit for putting himself out there as the comic relief. Things would suffer even more without him, even if Byrnes is slightly annoying at times.


There are almost too many cliches to list, and if you've ever seen any buddy cop movie before in your life, you'll pretty much know what to expect. One of the better aspects of Crash and Byrnes was its unwavering devotion to the cliches of the past. It's like a nice, warm blanket you can pull over yourself. Perhaps its one deviation from the formula was that Joanna Pacula beats people up and shoots them. Yes, you get a bit of Joanna Pacula-Fu as she inexplicably plays the terrorist mastermind.

In the end, Crash and Byrnes is just too silly to really dislike. We found a sealed copy at the Salvation Army, and after many months of it sitting on the shelf, we finally picked it up and gave it a chance. If you find it under similar circumstances, that may be the best way to pick it up.


Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

The President's Man (2000)

The President's Man (2000)- * * *

Directed by: Eric Norris

Starring: Chuck Norris, Dylan Neal, Soon-Teck Oh, Jennifer Tung, and Stuart Whitman

Joshua McCord (Chuck) is just a simple college professor who teaches the ancient art of Bushido to young punks who look like Frankie Muniz. Or is he? McCord's secret, other life is that he's THE PRESIDENT'S MAN - a highly-trained Delta Force/Special Ops-style commando warrior who has as his special mission to get the President and his wife out of trouble.

When a Brazilian terrorist group named the People's Liberation Army kidnaps Mrs. President and demands 100 million dollars and high-powered weaponry, McCord swoops in to save the day. But he worries that he's getting on in years and that he may have to pass the torch to a President's Man, Jr. After an extensive search, he and his partner Que (Tung) settle upon Sgt. Deke Slater (Neal), a cocky badass/hunk. McCord then seeks the advice of his aging mentor, George Williams (Whitman), and then the extensive training begins.

It turns out they're going to need it, because McCord's old nemesis from 'Nam, General Vinh Tran (Oh), is now in South America and looking to get into the drug trade. The baddies have kidnapped a scientist and his family and is forcing the poor guy to make nuclear weapons for them. But Slater, Que, and McCord are on the case...can they rescue the family and at the same time settle the score with Tran? Find out today!

If you read our review for Logan's War: Bound By Honor (1998), a lot of what we said in that review applies here, because that movie and this are both quite similar. They're both late 90's/early 2000's TV movies produced by Norris Brothers Entertainment for the CBS network and shot in and around the Dallas, Texas area. They seem like extended versions of the classic Walker: Texas Ranger TV show. What might surprise you, however, is how entertaining these movies are. They're not nearly as "bad" as some wags out there say they are. They provide good action, amusing dialogue, and are Chuck all the way. They're even better than some of Chuck's earlier output.



How The President's man differs from Logan's War is that President's Man is more James Bond-esque. Joshua McCord is like a Texas-Fried Bond who gets into a lot of high-flying adventures. There's even a horn-based musical sting that might sound a little familiar. There's even a special room in Chuck's compound for high-tech anti-baddie gadgetry.

There are not one but two extensive training montages as McCord and Que show their new recruit the ropes. The training sequences are set to patriotic country music, as you might expect. More than just Martial Arts and target shooting, there is an alarming amount of gymnastics involved in becoming the President's Man. It was almost Gymkata-esque. To be fair, it does kind of pay off during the Prerequisite Torture scene with Slater, but still, at times we weren't sure if they were training a soldier or Mary Lou Retton.

Maybe we're biased because we saw Logan's War first, but Dylan Neal is no Eddie Cibrian. I know that's controversial and might ruffle some feathers, but, there, I said it. And I'm not ashamed. He's very similar, however, and the plot idea where Chuck trains a new recruit who looks like a soap opera hunk will invariably remind you of Logan's War.

Some further noteworthy aspects of The President's Man include the fact that evil Vietnamese generals have teamed up with Colombian drug lords, and some of the Colombian drug baddies know "Colombian Kung Fu", a funny form of Martial Arts. For a TV movie, there are more neck snaps than you might expect. Also there seems to be a lot of stock footage interpolated into the film in entertaining ways, and the sounds that arise when someone gets punched or kicked sound like Alex Van Halen's snare drum hits. In other words, they're extraordinarily loud.

If you're looking to embark on seeing Chuck's later TV movie career, The President's Man is a fine place to start. Logan's War would do the trick as well. It's recommended for people that have explored every other aspect of Chuck's career and are seeking out more of his output. There's also a sequel, so watch out for that.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Chain Of Command (2000)

Chain Of Command (2000)- * * 

Directed by: John Terlesky

Starring: Patrick Muldoon, Michael Biehn, Maria Conchita Alonso, Tom Wright, and Roy Scheider 

Special Agent Michael Connelly (Muldoon) is not the guy who writes the Bosch series of novels. He's a Secret Service agent tasked with protecting President Jack Cahill (Scheider). But the upright Connelly doesn't approve of Cahill's Clintonesque philandering, so he's transferred to a squad that helps protect the Nuclear Football. 

His boss, Thornton (Biehn) explains that said football is not actually a football. It's a briefcase. This is starting to get a little confusing. Especially for Connelly, who is a dedicated public servant but not the brightest tool in the shed. When evil Taiwanese businessmen start killing everyone and then kidnap "The Prez" so they can take control of the football and aim it towards China, it's up to Connelly, and, by extension, Vice President Gloria Valdez (Alonso) to save the day. Will it be Connelly or the baddies who spike the football in the end zone? And who will run that up the CHAIN OF COMMAND?

It's Die Hard on a Taiwanese boat! At least that's a relatively novel place to have a "DieHardInA" movie, and not the usual building, hockey arena, or missile silo (although silos are repeatedly mentioned. Thankfully not as many times as in Terminal Countdown). It must be said that Chain of Command - not to be confused with the Dudikoff film of the same name - may seem a little familiar to anyone who has seen The Peacekeeper (1997) or Executive Target (1997). 

Chain of Command is a sort of mash-up of the two; it has all the briefcase action of The Peacekeeper (along with Roy Scheider), mixed with the presidential kidnapping of Executive Target (along with Roy Scheider). It seems Scheider never tired of working on all of these variations of the same theme. Hey, the guy liked to work, and we respect that. 

The problem is that the film gets off to a slow start, and it's a long time until we as viewers see any action. It seems director Terlesky was concentrating on the political drama of the situation, although, let's face it, this isn't All the President's Men (1976). A little more self-awareness and consideration for the viewership of DTV action movies would have gone a long way. 

Compounding that is a lack of competent lighting, one of our least favorite low-budget pitfalls. You've got to have lights, people. Underlighting is the scourge of filmmaking. Whether you're Chain of Command or Boardwalk Empire, you have to at least make a cursory attempt to turn on a few lights. It won't kill you.

During all this yak-yak, somehow they couldn't find time for any meaningful character development. Michael Biehn (who is almost unrecognizable here) does describe the nuclear football as "armageddon in a box" - which is convenient and saves time - and President Jack Cahill does use a rowing machine, predating House of Cards' Frank Underwood by a good many years.

We had to wait until almost an hour in until we got to Maria Conchita Alonso, who was interestingly cast as the Vice President. Will we ever see the day when a Latina with a thick-ish accent is the VP? Nevertheless, we like Alonso and it was nice to see her in that sort of role. 

A better movie would have been Muldoon and Alonso as partners who beat up goons and bust heads together and shoot drug dealers or something like that. That would have been awesome. Instead we get what we get, which is just mediocre. But what else do you expect from a DTV movie from 2000? It wasn't the best year for DTV films. 

During one of the many discussions of the nukes and launch codes and such, more than one reference is made to something which sounds like "Merv Warheads". The DVD has no captions, so we don't know for sure. But that doesn't sound very threatening. Unless that's what the upper-management brass on ABC back in the 70's called their programming lineup designed by Merv Griffin. Then it makes more sense.


In the end, Chain of Command is your typical year-2000 DTV fare. It's not great, and it's not offensively awful. It's just a movie on a screen. It offers no surprises or curveballs of any kind. It could have been much better, which is a shame, especially considering its better-than-average cast, but ultimately this is what you might call video store shelf filler.

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett

Gunblast Vodka (2000)

 

Gunblast Vodka (2000)- * *1\2

Directed by: Jean-Louis Daniel

Starring: Gotz Otto, Mariusz Pujszo, Jurgen Prochnow, and Angie Everhart 

There's an evil Russian baddie on the loose (what else is new?)! In this case, his name is Sacha Roublev (Prochnow) and he's operating a snuff film factory out of Wroclaw, Poland. He's kidnapping girls left and right and forcing them to "perform" in said films. The local Polish cops, including a wild n' wacky guy named Marek...uh...Brzeczyszczykiewicz (thank goodness for cut and paste) (Pujszo) are on Roublev's trail, but they need help. So, naturally, they turn to the one man that can really nail Roublev to the wall: Abel Rothstein (Otto).

Rothstein is a Tel Aviv-born badass who was in Mossad and the Israeli army. He's a tough, no-nonsense dude, and he and Marek are, well, the original odd couple as they tramp their way through Poland trying to put an end to their (snuff) film industry. One of Rothstein's motivating factors is that Roublev really crossed the line when he kidnapped an American woman named Jane Woods (Everhart) who looks exactly like his lost love from back in Israel. Will Marek and Rothstein be triumphant? And who will discover the true meaning of the phrase GUNBLAST VODKA?

If Nothing Underneath (1985) met Taken (2008) in a dark alley at night, had a cameraman that was zonked out on crystal meth, and had a post-dubber who was deaf, you might come out with something like Gunblast Vodka. 

Now, while we didn't think the movie overall was quite as "bad" as everyone seems to think it is, let's be honest. It has some flaws. The frantic antics get tiresome after a while, and the camerawork and editing could be quite headache-inducing. Like a lot of films of this type, it starts to flag around the hour mark. But in this case it reaches a strange mixture of hyper and tired that you don't see too often. And it could have used better lighting.

All that being said, the silly-voiced dubbing provides some entertainment, and the outing as a whole is certainly off-kilter. All the best parts of the film are the ones involving Gotz Otto. Not that that really needs to be said, but let's get it on the record. The movie would have benefitted by having less self-consciously "wacky" scenes and more scenes of Otto beating up and/or shooting people. Otto really does show his range as an actor here, believe it or not, because in Schindler's List (1993) he was an SS guard. Here, he's an orthodox Jew. Otto deserves better material than this, it must be said, but his presence does elevate things a lot.

Sure, the whole thing is unusual and non-traditional (or just "off") but it should get some credit for predating the aforementioned Taken. Rich guys were bidding electronically on the girls who were kidnapped, and Angie Everhart was "Taken". Of course, Prochnow was the baddie as he usually is. For a night of "fish out of water cop in Poland" movies, pair this with Beyond Forgiveness (1994).


While we didn't think Gunblast Vodka was quite as bad as some people say it is, we can kind of see where they're coming from. However, we choose to see the positive: unconventional movie structure, Gotz Otto, and some tasteless humor. Should you run to your local DVD seller or computer and purchase it right away? No, probably not, but if you see it for a dollar at the gas station, you could do a heck of a lot worse.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

U.S. Seals (2000)

U.S. Seals (2000)- * *1\2

Directed by: Yossi Wein

Starring: Jim Fitzpatrick, Greg Collins, Ty Miller, Justin Williams, Geff Francis, and Hayley DuMond





"Keep your eyes on the chicken."



Mike Bradley (Fitzpatrick) is the leader of a SEAL team which also includes his compadres Cosgrove (Collins), A.J. (Miller), Gaines (Williams), and Gepson (Francis). They are routinely sent around the world to dangerous hotspots to do what SEALs do best. Unfortunately, some of the baddies involved in one of their raids enacts a tragic retaliation on Bradley's family. Now burning with revenge, he travels to Albania (of course) to get justice. Along the way, he and his team enlist the help of the mysterious Lucia (Du Mond) - but where do her allegiances truly lie? Will Mike Bradley and his team be the ultimate U.S. SEALS?


What's interesting about U.S. Seals is that it starts off as your standard military slog - you know, the standard, run-of-the-mill type of thing you've seen countless times before. At about the midway point, however, it becomes more of a revenge movie. Against all odds, it picks up steam and becomes more entertaining than it was before. So, that does set it apart from some of its contemporaries.


One of its many problems, however, is that it needed more of a name to help things along. Someone like a Damian Chapa, Nick Mancuso, Arnold Vosloo, Jack Scalia, Antonio Sabato Jr., or maybe a Mandylor. Either Costas or Louis will do. The main guy is sort of Matt LeBlanc-esque and all the other actors seem like they would be more at home on a 90's TV sitcom like Friends or Seinfeld. Odd for a military outing like this.


The turnaround from just a plain 'movie on a screen' to an enjoyable revenge plot was the neat trick that U.S. Seals pulls off. Still, you never get to know the characters all that well, so it makes it harder for us, the audience, to care about their plight. But it transforms nicely enough starting from the second half, we suppose.


Of course, there's all the military jargon and mindless shooting you could ever ask for. It's easy to see why the great Isaac Florentine stepped in to direct U.S. Seals 2 (2001). He gave the second installment a lot of life and pizazz, as he usually does. So that was a smart move on Nu-Image's part to bring him into the mix, even if it was just to change things up.


Other items of note: both pagers and minidiscs are seen on display, there are some classic old-school guard-tower falls for fans of that, Bradley's son seems to develop a foreign accent about 45 minutes into the film, and when one of the SEAL team members jumps from a train, he yells a very half-hearted (and thus very funny) "Aaaaah." 

The main (naturally and cliche-edly Eurotrash) baddie looks like some sort of genetic melange of Kurt Loder, Michael Pare, Sam Donaldson, Peter Jennings, and what Jerry O'Connell will likely look like in the future. But mostly Loder. Instead of preening about and/or fighting our main hero in the time-honored final fight, you think he and Tabitha Soren will deliver us the MTV news.


So, while the first half may be your workaday military slog, the change of course puts U.S. Seals in a somewhat unique position among DTV SEAL movies of this ilk. Is it an all-time classic you must run out and see immediately? Hardly - but fans of this sort of thing may appreciate some of the differences here.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Also check out a write-up from our buddy, The Video Vacuum! 

Militia (2000)

Militia (2000)- * * *

Directed by: Jim Wynorski

Starring: Dean Cain, Jennifer Beals, Fredrick Forrest, Jeff Kober, Michael Cavanough, Brett Butler, and Stacy Keach

"Action? I love action movies!” – Col. Jim Donaman

Ethan Carter (Cain) is an ATF agent with an attitude. During a raid on the compound of the so-called MILITIA group Brotherhood of Liberty, Carter manages to shoot and wound its leader, William Fain (Forrest). Fain ends up going to prison, and most of the compound, including the majority of its inhabitants, are torched. Years later, Carter is chosen to go on a very special mission. He must go undercover as a member of Brotherhood of Liberty, and to accompany him, none other than Fain gets a get out of jail free card. The two unlikely allies have to find some missing anthrax because some baddies are going to attach it to a missile and launch it. Carter doesn’t want to work with ATF newbie Julie Sanders (Beals), but it’s going to take all they’ve got to stop arch-baddie George Armstrong Montgomery (Keach)…or is there a wider conspiracy afoot?

Militia was a pleasant surprise. Maybe it’s because we were expecting the worst when we went in, but we thought it was entertaining and likely the best Wynorski movie we’ve reviewed to date. Now, that’s not to say a lot of the elements he consistently uses aren’t here, including recycled footage from Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985), American Ninja 2 (1987), Delta Force 2 (1990), and Terminator 2 (1991). Hell, why didn’t he just call the movie Militia 2? But the dialogue is pretty snappy, the pace is quick, and it’s somewhat fun to play “spot the footage”. It’s interpolated into the movie better at some times than at others, but Militia still has other strong points to boast…

It has a fine cast of character actors and they all do their jobs well. Fan favorite Dean Cain turns on the charm and the witty repartee as he goes into action as the fairly belligerent ATF agent, and Jennifer Beals as his sidekick provides him a worthy foil. Frederic Forrest gives Cain even more to worry about as the conflicted militia member with his political beliefs, and Jeff Kober is on hand as one of his fellow militia-ists. The centerpiece of them all is the great Stacy Keach, of course, and while he was excellent as the talk radio host-turned-aspiring-world-dominator, it’s the type of role Keach could do in his sleep. Our guess is he didn’t feel too challenged by the part. But it’s almost always a joy to see him in action. 

Honorable mention should go to one Michael Cavanaugh, who played Donaman, as he stood out in that role. The only puzzling thing in the cast department is the nothing role of Brett Butler, who has a mere cameo as a bartender. But since there was a lot of machine gun shooting, rockets being launched, and at least one exploding helicopter around her, perhaps she was attempting to show us the true meaning of “Grace Under Fire”!

One of the great things about DTV movies is that they can be cranked out relatively quickly, so they can stay on the pulse of what’s happening in real life. Fascinatingly, Militia, with all its talk of terrorism and governmental weakness and botchings, came out before 9/11. Also, there are references to incidents like Waco and Ruby Ridge so it can stay relevant and “ripped from the headlines”. And if all that doesn’t float your boat, you can always check out the local country store featured in the film, which advertises such things as “cash for roadkill” and something called “peppered cowboy jerky”. Figuring out what that is just may be the ultimate mystery of the movie. 

Militia must be the best – or one of the best – DTV action movies to come out in the otherwise rather dreary year of 2000. As long as you keep your perspective while doing so, we say check it out. 

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty

Operation Delta Force 5: Random Fire (2000)

Operation Delta Force 5: Random Fire (2000)- *

Directed by: Yossi Wein

Starring: Todd Jensen, Trae Thomas, Clive Scott, and Tony Caprari

When Ambassador Clarence Rodman (Scott) – who probably isn’t related to basketballer/honorary North Korean Dennis Rodman – is on a speeding train somewhere in Kenya, things start to look bad. Little does he, or anyone else, know that super-evil terrorist mastermind Jafari Bin Kasim (Caprari) is on the loose. So, naturally, the DELTA FORCE is sent in. Let by Captain Kennedy (Thomas) and Sgt. Johnson (Jensen), the boys get involved in endless firefights and bombings in and around Kenya. When certain people are held prisoner by Jafari – who probably isn’t related to the bad guy from Aladdin – Kennedy wants answers, but he’s not getting any info from the military brass. After a wave of suicide bombings in America, the DELTA FORCE decides to go back to Africa to save their missing compatriots. Will they hit their mark? Or will it just be a bunch of RANDOM FIRE?

OPERATION DELTA FORCE 5: RANDOM FIRE is a cross between a generic and characterless Nu Image modern-day war actioner and a movie that can predict the future. Sure, there are the endless, repetitive shooting/blow up scenes we’ve all come to expect, but let’s keep in mind this has a copyright date of 1999 and was released in 2000 – and it features a terrorist using a plane to crash into something as a weapon of war, there are many sleeper cells and suicide bombings, and there is a Boston bombing. All pre-9/11. So, pretty impressive for a DTV war movie with nothing else to distinguish it.



The audience knows Jafari Bin Kasim is evil because:



- He has a ponytail



- He looks like Al Pacino after a night of binge drinking



- His name is Jafari Bin Kasim



- He pronounces the word “missiles” as “misSYLes”



…among other rather obvious clues. The movie needed more Jafari. And even during the Jafari we did get, most of Jafari’s face is obscured by bizarre and unneeded close ups while he’s looking through binoculars and singing “Glory, Glory Hallelujah” as the signal to ignite his suicide bombers. While he was onscreen, at least there was some mild tension and/or lack of boredom. But the filmmakers must have thought audiences would be okay without him.

In classic B-movie fashion, all the people we see look like other people. Is that Anthony Michael Hall? No, it’s Trae Thomas. Is that the guy from Seinfeld? No, that’s…someone else. Is that Todd Jensen? No, that’s…Todd Jensen. After seeing many movies with him, we’re still not sure what he looks like. 

While there are a lot of war clichés, there are also plenty of things action movies used to have back in the good old days: exploding helicopters, guard tower falls, guard tower explosions, repeated footage, borrowed footage, and stuff like that. But it’s not enough to make the movie interesting or worthwhile. Some characterization might have helped. Just a thought.

However, our favorite character comes along towards the end of the movie. We don’t think he has a name, but we could be wrong. He’s a guy shooting a machine gun out of a helicopter. The top half of his face is obscured by his helmet visor. He displays no emotion whatsoever, never says anything, and never changes his body position or his gun position. He’s just an unsmiling, seemingly random guy with a gun who can’t be bothered to do anything else. It was pretty funny…if you ever see this movie, lord help you, you will recognize him based on our description, we’re sure.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Please allow us to quote from the back of the TVA Films (Canada) DVD box. It says, in part, after attempting to describe the plot for a few sentences: “The inquiry is interrupted when news arrives that the three men left behind are now being held prisoner in Angola by terrorist Osama Bin Laden.” Wait a minute. Are they allowed to do that? We were led to believe old Osama himself would make an appearance in this movie. So, naturally, like any sane individual, we purchased the DVD at the library store for two dollars. It could just be that the box-writer was confused by the actual baddie’s name, Jafari Bin Kasim, but the only similarity is the “Bin”…which is exactly where this godforsaken DVD should rightfully go. 

We kid, of course, but no Osamas are to be found. The main selling point is a sham. That’s classic exploitation for ya. Well, anyway, best just to avoid this movie and move on with your life.

Comeuppance Review by: Brett and Ty 

The Chaos Factor (2000)

The Chaos Factor (2000)- * *1\2

Directed by: Terry Cunningham

Starring: Antonio Sabato Jr., Fred Ward, Sean Kanan, Susie Park, and R. Lee Ermey

Jack Poynt (Sabato Jr.) is a military man who specializes in ‘demo excavation’, in other words, sweeping mines out of Cambodia and saving the local villagers. Jack Poynt’s life changes forever when he comes across an Army medic’s diary that was written during the Vietnam War. 

It turns out that a fellow soldier named Maxwell Camden (Ward) committed all sorts of wartime atrocities. Now, in the present day, Camden is a big muckty-muck in the government and he will go to great lengths to stop the diary from going public - including sending his goons (one of which is Sean Kanan) out to torture and murder people. Along the way, Jack crosses paths with a ruthless, beautiful female assassin that seems like she belongs in another movie named Kim (Park). But the two will have to team up to defeat Camden and the baddies before a big arms deal goes down between China and Vietnam...and time is running out. Will Jack make his Poynt? Find out...

The Chaos Factor is kind of a middle-of-the-road affair. On the one hand, it’s a PM production, so there are plenty of car chases, explosions, shooting scenes, and a decent amount of action. It’s also not overly junky in the production values department and there is some nice cinematography from Jacques Haitkin. 

On the other hand, it’s supposed to be a serious-minded drama at other times - a governmental thriller with the haunting echoes of the Vietnam conflict infusing it all. Not that that would be a bad thing, of course, but all the drama is undercut somewhat by the odd choice to have footage from Seagal’s Marked For Death (1990) all over the action scenes. Tip to filmmakers: if you’re going for seriousness, don’t resort to Seagal footage spliced into the movie.

Adding insult to injury, the footage doesn’t match very well. You don’t have to be particularly eagle-eyed to know when we’ve whiplashed into suddenly watching a car chase from Marked For Death. Presumably, if you’re watching the Chaos Factor, you’ve already seen Marked For Death - has anyone watched them the other way around? Regardless, this was the directorial debut of Terry Cunningham, so perhaps we should cut him a bit of slack, almost like you would for someone learning on the job. Thankfully, Cunningham had good people around him like Haitkin and Fred Ward who could dress things up significantly. 

We enjoyed most of the scenes with Susie Park, mainly because that’s when the movie becomes out-and-out action. Sean Kanan strongly resembles James Spader, and fan favorite R. Lee Ermey is underutilized...but would you believe he was cast as an Army Colonel? I know, wonders never cease. 

That brings us to Sabato Jr., who is a solid leading man for these types of things...though it should be noted that (in this movie at least) he has a tramp stamp. We don’t believe we’ve ever seen a male action hero with a lower-back tattoo before. Much like how the Seagal footage undercuts the seriousness of the movie, Sabato Jr.’s tramp stamp undercuts our confidence in him as an action hero. It starts off as Sweepers (1998), becomes Broken Arrow (1996), then becomes No Way Out (1987), then becomes Yes, Madam (1985), all with a dusting of a Steven Segal movie from ten years previous. If this sounds like something you're up for, well here it is. The DTV world in 2000 was a confusing place indeed. 

Comeuppance Review by: Ty and Brett