Any 'ol Reason: Almond Pluot Cake

-I love the fancy color of pluots. Somehow it makes it look like more work than it is.-

I’m a comfort eater in the worst form. I admit it. I enjoy finding solace in food when my mood turns afoul and when life seems to reinforce the concept that I am at times nothing more than the universe’s personal rectal thermometer due to the number of assholes as crappy situations I have to deal with. (Or when, like, half of you unsubscribe due to that sentence. It's okay. I understand.)

I’m also a lazy cook. It may be hard to fathom at times with the sometimes rather intricate recipes on here and the fact that I’m cobbling together an entire book of recipes – some of which, I admit, are rather fussy though so fulfilling and completely worth the investment of your time and sweat. On a regular basis I would rather piece together a simple meal than something over the top. Though, I like to think that I think a bit like Alice Waters or David Tanis in that a simple salad or rustically (read: haphazardly) prepared produce and meats are delightful in their own right and need little touching up in the kitchen outside the application of a bit of heat.

-Genius way to write a book, too.-

29: Almond Joy Ice Cream

-Almost the end of an era.-

29.

I know that doesn't generate a lot of sympathy for those of you who have already seen this number come and go. You've made your peace with your twenties. They were swell, you had a shitty apartment and your older friends bought the drinks. You made a few bad decisions that - with luck and a bit of hindsight - hopefully haven't been repeated in your thirties-plus. I'm sure you think your twenties were nice and you have some great memories, but who would want to go back to that?

But bear with me for a bit. Remember that once it was suddenly the last year of your twenties. How suddenly that number had the gravity to yank you down to actualized adulthood. Think of how the next blank-9 birthday of your own is coming up and how another decade in your life will be closing so fast that if you turn to look at the days gone by you'll risk way-back whiplash.

A few years ago - heck, at 28 - the looming possibility of 30 seemed so abstract. It was a number. Something far, far away. Way over there and so distant you needed binoculars to get a fuzzy view of it. Little did you know it was charging in your direction like a pissed-off menstrual rhino.

We all poo-poo'ed our friends who turned 29. "It's just a number, after all. Who cares? Don't stress," we said so haughtily.

Then, sweet Georgia Ann, it's your turn. What the hell did you know a year ago and how did your older friends not backhand the shit out of you every time you opened your dismissive maw with another age joke or half-handed condolence? You're a god damn twenty-something anyways. What do YOU know about life?!

Pick Up: Blood Orange Amaretto Spritzer

-A simple spritzer to help you deal with whatever you gotta deal with.-

I was early for dinner with Hank by about a good 40 minutes as my errands had taken far less time than I had expected. This being the case I decided to grab a quick drink at the gay bar across the street because with no kindle at hand and nothing else to do grabbing a drink served by hirsute and chapped bartender while I watch 80's music videos seemed like a smashing idea.

"Excuse me?" asked a voice behind me. I turned and was a bit taken off guard by my questioner. He was blonde and had blue eyes that spoke of something rather lurky. It wasn't his eyes that took me off guard though but the wheel chair and the very obvious case of palsy in his left arm, legs, and neck.

"Uh, hi. What's up?" I asked. To be honest, I wasn't in the mood to be hit on by him or anyone else, but my ego craved attention so I continued the conversation.

"So," he said as his smile began to swagger, "nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

-ROMANCE!-

Pause...

The Tiny Gourmand: Apricot-Frangipane Tart

-A classic recipe and a new kitten make for an excellent weekend.-

After she bit my finger we realized she had taken on a proper affinity for the name we had given her, our little Zola. Short, of course, for Gorgonzola. We named her because calling her The Kitten for the past week left a bland aftertaste of indifference in our mouths that none of us cared for. The name Zola had given her a sense of character and bequeathed her a piquant chutzpah and certain regality reminiscent of her namesake.

Romantic as I try to make it the name was originally picked out because she smelled outrageously funky when we plucked her stray little self out of the garden like a fuzzy little turnip where she had been hiding under the thick tomatillo canopy. We heard her mewling and lost, separated from her mother and siblings. We quickly went out and carefully - delicately -chased, cornered, and captured her. It was a difficult task considering how tiny and fast she is. She hissed and cried when I picked her up in my Ove-Glove guarded hands. She was scared and terrified of the giants that her missing mother had trained her to fear.

She spent the night wrapped in a warm blanket with a bowl filled to the brim with food and a saucer of water. She seemed to take her sudden imprisonment with quiet fortitude and guarded distrust.

Yet, in less than a day, she softened to us. The next morning I quietly crept into her room. As I cooed to her like a new mother she nervously crawled out from her sheets. She cowered when I reached for her but made no sudden dash. Her hackles were just barely bristled from tension, but she allowed me to pet her. As I stroked her neck and cheek she erupted with purring. It was a soft sound that bellowed from her tiny frame and filled the room. She cradled herself against my chest, looked at me and went to sleep.

-She also enjoys sleeping with Cid.-

The next morning she was dumped into the sink and given her first bath. Scrubbed and soaked she dealt with it with a begrudging quiet like a student being lectured by a teacher he doesn't particularly care for. Though, given her size, it wasn't as if she could escape my hands, which were able to keep her securely in the water. A few minutes later, fluffed dry and fed, she ran into the other room to continue her very full kitten schedule of napping, snuggling, playing, and pooping.

I was smitten with the kitten. Soon, she as well with me. More so with Roommate whom she snuggled mercilessly and whom she cried for whenever he wasn't around.

Her wiles have worked their magic as he has decided to adopt her.

Christ. It's now four cats to three gay men in this apartment. How stereotypical sitcom is that? Punch my pink card because I'm done.

As I type this Zola is attempting to chew my fingers, which is making blogging rather difficult. It makes me miss those first few days of her tepid uncertainty back before she was ricocheting around the apartment with all the vim and vinegar of youth and attempting to devour my hands for another morsel of cheese.

-A perfect sun for a cloudy day.-

Allow me to explain the cheese and finger nipping.

You see, a few hours ago I was nibbling a piece of Parmesan when a small crumb fell to the floor. She instantly pounced on and devoured it out of kittenhood curiosity. (She is, after all, at that stage where kids put everything they find into their mouths.) A swallow and some smacking of the lips and she had had her first accidental taste of human food. Immediately, Zola began frantically scouring the floor for more, hunting furtively like a meth addict searching for a good shard of glass.

I picked her up to comfort and tease her a bit. That was my mistake. My fingers still smelled of cheese. She sniffed them and without any thought chomped down on my fingers with her needlepoint teeth as deep as they would go. She didn’t break skin, but, holy hell, enthusiastic kitten bites hurt. When I yelped she wasn’t even fazed. She smelled the cheese on my breath and lunged for my face licking my lips and greedily sucking up my curdy breath in a purr-heavy frenzy.

You could see it in her eyes, "MORE!" they screamed. "MORE WHATEVER THAT WAS!"

Through the fate of a name and allowing the feline employment of the Five Second Rule I had created a monster. A fuzzy, adorable one that sleeps under your chin and enjoys wrestling an old shoe lace, but a monster nonetheless. A monster with a taste for cheese.

Roommate is understandably concerned.

Zola now seems to be an Eat Beast in training. She follows him around in epic, playful battle. He’s her mountain to climb and his erratic tail her dragon to be vanquished. Eat Beast takes it in stride simply sitting there and only showing protest when she bites his tail a wee bit too hard. He cleans her, takes her to the water dish, and generally looks after her. Still, we’ve made a clear cut policy in this home that she will not be allowed people food ever again.

-How much luck do you really think we're having with that policy?-

Which, you know, is going to be a difficult rule to enforce. She trails after Eat Beast and is taking his unintentional tutoring to heart. When he starts sniffing around a plate of cookies and snatches one away she follows along, takes a bite of his loot, and then decides to go back for a cookie of her own. When he sneaks into the fridge she does the same. She, too, has an unhealthy curiosity for what's under the lid of the butter dish. God help us all.

So, with that, the structured life of our apartment - that of myself, BF, Roommate, and the three cats - was suddenly turned upside down with a rambunctious ten week-old kitten. We couldn’t be happier for it, if not also slightly freaked out since kittens are essentially perpetual motion machines that constantly eat and poop. This one with a particular inclination towards the former.

It’s also not just cheese she seems to crave. She has a taste for apricots, both raw and cooked. Zola is a gourmand in training with a bit more of a discerning palate than Eat Beast. While Eat Beast goes for anything and everything; Zola is a picky, little snob. I can whip out some dime store lunch meat and she won't bat an eye. I roast a duck and sauce it with cherry-balsamic and she's all over me like a hooker on a hundred dollar bill.

-"Soon, little apricots, soon you will be mine."-

So, as we do with Eat Beast, I now put her in the other room when I bake just to keep her out of the way. If I don't she circles the kitchen and has a tendency to get in the way. And, while she still can't jump on the counter, we're trying to instill a sense that even thinking about jumping on on it is a quick way to get hosed down with the spray bottle.

We're also trying to teach her not to try and scale us like a mountain when we eat. I swear, every time I take a meal it's like a race between her and me to see just who is going to eat what's at the business end of my fork. Lucky for me, she's tiny and I'm faster. The bad news is that during our races she has no qualms using her tiny claws to scale up my pant leg and the leg within it.

It's going to take some time to train her. (Dear God, I hope we can train her.)

-Cute and mischievous: A rather evil combination when it comes to kittens, cute people you meet at the bar, and children.-

I do have some hope. She did stay clear for the most part while I crafted together this tart. A simple shortbread crust, frangipane, the first sunny apricots of the season. The fruit was surprisingly ripe in spite of this ridiculously bipolar weather this Spring. Biting into one the juice burst out and ran down my arm onto the floor where Eat Beast and Zola gleefully lapped it up. I lightly lacquered the apricots with a brushing of honey mixed with a bit of rose water before dusting it all with a bit of pistachio to liven up an otherwise homespun treat.

I guess this tart - at least, for me - is a way to celebrate change in life by bringing in something old and familiar. A new kitten, child, job, home... it can all be stressful. These things throw your life into a bit of chaos. Chaos that you revel in, but chaos nonetheless. It's freaky and exciting, and it will make you exhausted. A plain 'ol tart, your favorite cake, or whatever comfort foods you enjoy are ways to mellow things out.

Celebrate the new by ringing it in with the old.

Just be sure that you keep an eye on the new because the second you turn your head it might get sneaky and eat the old.


Apricot-Frangipane Tart
Frangipane recipe adapted from David Lebovitz's, Room for Dessert

For Shortbread Crust
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup sugar
pinch salt
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, cold, cut into cubes
2 egg yolks
3 teaspoons ice-cold vanilla extract
1-3 teaspoons ice-cold water

1. Place the flour, sugar and salt in a food processor and pulse a few times to blend. Add the butter and pulse until the butter is the size of peas. In a bowl whisk together the egg yolks and vanilla extract. Pour into the flour mixture and process for about 5-10 seconds until clumps form. Do not let it form into a ball. You should be able to squeeze the crumbs together rather easily. If they fall apart add a teaspoon of water ad pulse several times. Test again and repeat if necessary.

2. Turn the dough out on a lightly floured work surface and knead the dough 2-3 times to bring it all together. Pat it into the shape of a disc. Wrap it in plastic wrap and chill for about 20 minutes. Roll the dough out between two pieces of wax paper. (If it cracks, let the dough sit for a few minutes until it softens. Roll the dough into an 11-inch tart plate and press into place.

3. Preheat oven to 375F. Line the unbaked tart shell with foil and fill with pie weights or dry beans to prevent the crust from bubbling during the prebake. Bake for 20 minutes. The foil should come away easily and not tear the dough (if not, bake for a few more minutes). Bake for 10 more minutes. Allow to cool completely.


For Frangipane
4 ounces almond paste, crumbled
1 1/2 teaspoons of sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons all-purpose flour
pinch of salt
1/8 teaspoon almond extract
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces, room temperature
1 large egg, room temperature

While the tart shell bakes place almond paste, sugar, flour, and salt in a food processor and process until crumbly and almost sandy. Add the butter and process until smooth. Add the egg and extracts and process until smooth.


For Finishing the Tart
4-6 ripe apricots, cut into quarters lengthwise
1/4 cup honey
1/2 teaspoon rose water
pistachios for garnish (optional)

1. Spread the frangipane onto the prebaked tart shell. Arrange the apricots into a circle. Bake for 30-40 minutes or until the frangipane is slightly golden and firm. Cool on a wire rack.

2. While it cools heat the honey and rose water in cup in the mixrowave or in a saucepan. Brush onto the apricots, being careful to avoid the crust. Garnish with finely chopped pistachios for garnish is desired.

-Success! Om nom nom!-

Pomegranate Caramels with Toasted Almonds and Kosher Salt

-This demure bowl of candy contains striking, super sour caramel that'll make anyone swoon. Photo by Elise Bauer.-

Do you ever come across a recipe that, once you see it, you realize that you immediately have to make it right then and there. That's generally how I feel about most of Matt's recipes. Of course, it's not just the recipes themselves, but the striking photographs - portals to his kitchen studio - and his writing that, if you met Matt, can immediately recognize as his voice and personality in print.

Now, given, most of the times I don't make the recipes I fawn over. Either it's a matter of time, ingredients, cost, or sloth; but this time the stars were all aligned. Assuming that one of those stars is a bottle of pomegranate molasses. The recipe in question was for fruit flavored caramels. The fruit called for were blood oranges. Lots of them. Blood oranges I did not have.

But blood oranges are kind of like pomegranates. Sorta. Kinda. Think about it. The taste is fruity and vibrant, as scarlet as their juice. Both are bold flavors reminiscent of berries. So, yeah, they can be interchangeable. In a pinch. When you need them to be.

In this case I did. And it worked out wonderfully. The caramels are surprisingly sour. Each bite causes you to suck on your teeth both from the tartness and from the candy sticking to the roof of your mouth and between your teeth. The salt sweeps your off your feet and makes the sour more sour, the sweet more sweet. The toasted almonds give a crunchy contrast, a warm nuttiness that balances out the sweetnsour(nsalty).

Pomegranate Caramels with Toasted Almonds and Kosher Salt

1/4 cup of pomegranate molasses
1 cup of granulated sugar
1 cup of packed light brown sugar
1 stick of unsalted butter, room temperature
1/3 cup of heavy cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup of almonds
2 teaspoons of kosher salt

Preheat oven to 350F. Place almonds on a baking sheet and bake for 10 minutes. Place in a bowl to cool.

Line the bottom of an 8-inch square baking dish with parchment paper. Butter parchment paper and set aside.

Place pomegranate molasses in a 3-quart heavy saucepan and bring to a boil over high heat.

Remove from heat and stir in sugars, butter, and cream. Return to high heat and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Turn heat to medium and let boil until a candy thermometer reads 248 F. This only took me about 5 minutes, but my electric burner is possessed.

Remove from heat and stir in vanilla.

Scatter almonds on bottom of parchment paper. Pour caramel over almonds. Let sit until cool and firm, about 2 hours. Remove from baking dish and sprinkle salt flakes over top. Cut into 1-inch pieces. Wrap in squares of wax paper or candy wrappers.

-A good sharp knife to cut the chewy goodness.-

Rum Soaked Cupcakes with Dulce de Leche Frosting

-Dulce de leche will never be a food faux paux.-

I recently had a talk with my friend Kate who said she read the cupcake trend was coming to an end soon for a variety of reasons - the new fad of funky flavored ice cream, the bad economy, the over-saturation of cupcake bakeries. I was generally unfazed and unsurprised.

"Of course it is. You read about my Rocktar Ingredient Theory. Remember in the late 80's how every chef and product went insane for kiwis? Or the craze Alice Water's caused over her deification of green zebra heirloom tomatoes? I knew cupcakes were going out of style about a year ago," I said with assurance and a touch of arrogance.

My friend Kate looked at me,"Didn't you say you were making some later today?"

"Yes, but that's not the point. You see, just because it's out of style doesn't mean you can't still eat it and love it," I replied smugly.

Food fads aren't quite the same as fads in music and fashion. The way I see it food is centrally focused and has a direct purpose: to provide sustenance. Furthermore, food has the additional bonus of providing extreme pleasure through the senses. If something tastes good we get satisfaction from it. While you might not see kiwis on every plate at a restaurant, people still buy, grow, eat, and cook with them. The fad may be over but the food in question is still present and visible in the public consciousness, it just doesn't sit on a pedestal anymore.

Cupcakes may go out of style and a few cupcake shops may close, but no one will ever recollect about 2008 and wonder what they were thinking when they ate that cupcake with dulce de leche frosting. They'll think how sweet and moist the cake was, how the frosting had just enough salt from the cream cheese which tempered the rich dulce de leche. They'll remember the crunch of the almonds and the spice of the rum.

Then they'll go and make those cupcakes again because to hell with fads - good food never goes out of style.

-For fun times and big laughs put a dab of this stuff on your pet's nose and allow hilarity to ensue.-

Rum Soaked Vanilla Cupcakes
adapted from Gourmet - makes 12

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder
pinch of salt
6 tablespoons of butter, room temperature
1/2 cup of sugar
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 teaspoon of spiced rum (break out the Captain Morgan)
1/2 cup whole milk

1. Preheat oven to 350F. Put cupcake papers in a muffin tin.

2. Whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl and set aside.

3. Beat the butter and sugar together for a few minutes in high until light and fluffy. Add the egg, vanilla and rum and beat for another minute or two.

4. Add the flour mixture and milk alternatively in batches, beginning and ending with the flour mixture and mixing until just combined.

5. Divide batter among cupcake cups. bake for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack. When cooled brush with rum. Allow it to absorb for 10 minutes. Brush again with second coat of rum. When the rum is absorbed frost the cupcakes.


Dulce de Leche Cream Cheese Frosting

5 tablespoons of Philly cream cheese
1/2 cup of dulce de leche
slivered almonds

1. Beat the cream cheese on high for a minute. Add the dulce de leche and beat well. Frost cooled cupcakes and then add a small amount of slivered almonds.

-Couture comes in frosting.-

Burfi Cupcakes with Almonds & Cardamom - Experiment #1

This "cupcake" was more of an experiment than anything else. I put cupcake in quotation marks because really, it's kinda funky as a cupcake. Burfi is a traditional Indian cheesecake, and while delicious, does not work in a cupcake wrapper. Like, at all.

This recipe uses ricotta cheese as a base, rather than making your own cheese at home, and utilizes sugar, ghee (clarified butter) and whatever you want to flavor it with. That's it. It's intensely sweet stuff. One batch I made used saffron and pistachios, this one used cardamom and almonds.

The main problem is that the stuff is meant to be poured into a greased pan and then cut into squares, not poured into cupcake papers which it adheres to with nefarious intent. It's like a cross between pudding, cake, and honey. I also think I just missed a step somewhere, though after reviewing many recipes I still can't figure it out what it might have been.

But really, I should stop focusing on the negatives. It really was good, a bit difficult to eat, but good. It's very sweet. Intensely sweet. I'm now diabetic. The almonds help put off the sweetness a bit, and for the second batch I reduced the sugar which helped. Serving it with fruit is a wonderful idea, and it works as a perfect stand in for honey on toast or with ice cream. I also think that if I pour it while still hot over a future cupcake, this would be a fan-freaking-tastic glaze. I mean, I see possibilities with this if I treat it more like spun honey than a cupcake.

I don't think I'm done tooling around with this recipe, but I have some other cupcake ideas I want to move on to. This recipe really is simple and takes only a little bit of active cooking time, so I think if you pour it in a pan and not a cupcake paper (or maybe Pam the papers first?) you should be fine.

Part of this blog is extolling my successes and admitting my not so successes. This is the latter. Flavor is right on I think, but we need to work on the structure and texture. Maybe chickpea flour will temper things out? If anyone out there knows burfi, I welcome any advice and e-mails.

Other than that make some of this "cupcake" to spread on your waffles!

Burfi Cupcakes with Almonds & Cardamom
Makes 8 cupcakes

What You'll Need...
2 cups of ricotta cheese
3/4 cup of ghee (clarified butter)
1 teaspoon of cardamom powder
1 1/2 cups of sugar

What You'll Do...
1) Mix the cheese, sugar, and cardamom. It will be liquidy.
2) Fry in a big pot in the ghee. Fry the mixture until it turns light golden brown. Pour it over a greased tray or in greased (use Pam spray) cupcake papers. Sprinkle almonds.
3) Chill and cut into squares or serve in the papers.

Ricotta Alternative: Simmer milk with a few drops of lemon juice. When it separates into solids and liquid, strain out the solids and use in place of the ricotta.

Peanut Butter Black Sesame Cupcakes with Almond Whipped Cream

This was one of the entries from the cupcake challenge. This particular one just seemed to stick out in my mind when it was submitted by Joann. I did have a few issues with finding the black sesame soup so I instead used a soybean black sesame powder that you mix with milk for a surprisingly tasty drink (thought it would taste groady to be honest, but yay for it not!). I also went to three stores for corn syrup for a simple frosting but to no avail as well. I mean how do three supermarkets not have corn syrup?! So instead, I made a simple whipped cream with a hint of almond extract and sugar.

The cupcake had a sweet slight peanut buttery taste that was backed by that black sesame. Very different and shibby tasty! The light almond whipped cream was just the right flavor to assist the cupcake. I piped on the character "Fu" which means luck. I colored them with black sesame seeds however due to their getting in your teeth and not adding positive texture wise, I might just heavily pipe "Fu" on them next time and do a very light sprikling of the seeds. I'm inspired to try a few more Chinese flavors, especially since Chinese New Year is coming up, and it's year of the Boar baby! MY YEAR! *woot woot*

With the overall flavors of peanut, sesame, and almond these were quite a hit at work. Not too sweet, a little bitter, and a slight umami flavor. Yum! A very tasty, easy to make cupcake! Thanks Joann!

Peanut Butter Black Sesame Cupcakes
Makes 12 cupcakes / 350 F degree oven

What You'll Need...
1/4 cup of unsalted butter, softened to room temp
1/4 cup of smooth peanut butter
1/2 cup of sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup of flour
1-50 gram individual package of instant black sesame soup powder -OR-
3 1/2 tablespoons of black sesame and soybean powder
3/4 teaspoon of baking powder
1/4 teaspoon of salt
3/4 cup milk

What You'll Do...
1) Prepare muffin tins with paper liners. Preheat oven to 350F.
2) Put butter and peanut butter in a bowl of a mixer and mix on medium until creamed together.
3) Add the sugar and mix until the mixture is light and fluffy.
4) Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each. Scrape down the bowl to ensure the incorporation of the eggs.
5) In another small bowl, sift the flour, black sesame powder, baking powder, and salt together.
6) With the mixer on low, alternate the additions of the flour mixture and the milk to the butter mixture, starting and ending with the flour mixture. Scrape down the bowl and mix until smooth, about 2 minutes.
7) Scoop batter into the muffin liners and bake in the oven for 18-22 minutes. Test if they're done with a toothpick. When it comes out clean, they're done.
8) Cool for a few minutes in the muffin tins, then remove to a cooling rack to cool completely.


Almond Whipped Cream
What You'll Need...
1 cup of heavy whipping cream
1 tablespoon of powdered sugar
1/4 teaspoon of almond extract

What You'll Do...
Place all ingredients in a mixer and mix until stiff peaks form. Duh, it's whipped cream.