Why and How and Thank You Very Much

Over the last four years, I’ve shared stories with you of birth and death, sickness and health, not to mention bodily functions, birthday parties and bubbles. I’ve shared elated and somber, and all else in between, just as is the normal flow of life’s constant waterfall.

Why I’ve done this requires a twofold answer:

1)   To have a record of ups and downs that my boys will hopefully want to read some day to restore memories they were probably too young to hang onto.

2)   To scratch the left-brain itch that brought me from Ohio to Los Angeles 15+ years ago to become the TV writer I never became.

But how I’ve done it is a different story, and one I’ve never really talked about. It’s not that it’s a secret, but rather I must admit that it’s only recently that I’ve realized that I’ve taken this privilege for granted: every word I’ve published in the last four year has been possible due to one person, and she’s known around here as Mrs. Dude.

Today my wife Shana turned 40 years old. We were just kids when we met, if you consider 27 the tail end of adolescence. Now a dozen years, a couple kids, 5 homes and an incalculable amount of joy she’s brought me later, I want to present her with a small fraction in return.

When I’ve had deadlines she’s never blinked an eye while I’ve sequestered myself with my digital quill and ink until the task is complete. Oh, and those incredible conferences which have literally changed my life? My wife is the one who encourages me to go, despite my entirely-self-imposed guilt, even knowing how much extra work it means for her on days when I’m not home to get the boys fed and delivered to school on time in the morning, make dinner or get them bathed and bedded for several days in a row. Needless to say she carried and bore the two Junior Dudes, too, which are tasks obviously way out of my wheelhouse. 

And for all this, I say thank you, Shana.

Through nearly eight years of wedded bliss and stress, plus another four of dating/engaged trepidation, I’ve been beyond fortunate to have the world’s most calm and patient partner by my side. When I get frazzled about being late to a 3-year-old’s birthday party, she’s the one who restores logic to the equation and reminds me that no one will ever remember or care that we arrived 10/20/30 minutes late. Clearly this is an unintended side effect of marrying a math teacher.

I tend to be my own harshest critic and those moments when she returns me to earth often make me feel not only like I’ve just discovered an endless canteen while lost in the desert, but also that I didn’t know water even existed.

Though I know she’ll likely not see these words, given how hard she works at her full-time job, tutoring other kids on the side AND co-grooming two of the sweetest, yet most devilish, boys on earth, I felt compelled to share this for her, and for our boys, and for you to know how we all got where we are today.

It was legendary rock concert promoter Bill Graham who once said “They’re not the best at what they do. They’re the only ones that do what they do”, about pioneering jam band the Grateful Dead. Excelling at any chosen task is a challenge. Blazing a trail and doing things unlike they’ve ever been done before requires patience, vision and endless supplies of energy. I was beyond fortunate to hitch my wagon to someone who has off-the-charts levels of all three and who helps instill those traits in our family on a daily basis. For this, I am grateful and I trust that my boys will realize someday how lucky they are to have such an incredible mother and role model.

I’m even luckier to call her my wife.

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The Nosiest Question Parents Get from Strangers

We know each other extremely casually. Our paths cross a few times per week, usually for a couple minutes at most. Why would you think it’s OK to be so nosy? Do I ask you about that prominent scar on your forehead, which must have an interesting story behind it? Do I ask you how much money you make? No. So please stay out of my bedroom.

Having almost made the mistake once, I would never consider asking a woman who is not my wife if she is pregnant. Even if she is currently crowning while in stirrups, you can never be too sure and rather than risk embarrassing either myself or a female I don’t know well enough, and by well enough I mean biblically, I know better than to wonder – at least out loud.

But for some reason there’s a tangential subject that people have absolutely no hesitation about asking: are you going to have more kids? I wrote a while back about people asking if we were going to "try for a girl", which is a very presumptuous subject, IMO, as we're perfectly thrilled with our two boys and don’t need a girl to “complete” our family. The same goes for a third kid.

So I usually tap dance around this more-frequent-than-I’d-like query with a non-committal answer like "You never know...", but I'm pretty sure I know. 

Would our duo sound better as a trio?

I’ve been thinking recently about why this question from people who don’t mean much to me gets me so worked up and I think I’ve finally figured it out. It’s because the truth is that I 

don’t know if we’re going to have a third kid and that makes me a little sad.

I’ve long considered parental age to be an important factor in many facets of parenting. This year my boys will turn 6 & 3 years old while Mrs. Dude and I round 3^rd on our 30s and slide into the abyss that is 40. That’s old. Well, it’s not old, but it’s old. Betty White is still going strong at 90-something, but then again she never had children.

40 isn’t as old as it used to be, like 150 years ago when the average American's lifespan was about 45 to 50. But 40 isn’t 30, no matter how badly we might want it to be. In retrospect do I wish I’d started having kids younger than I actually did? Yes! And no. I was trying to carve my life's path during my 20s and early 30s, all of which led me to where I sit today: stuck in this quandary of what to do with the rest of my life, however long that might be.

My mother passed away at 65 and a year later her mother departed shortly after passing 90. Tomorrow is promised to no one, which might be why I’m feeling nervous about my current situation with two small boys who I need to carefully help mold as they progress through school and life.

My lap is currently featuring seating for two.

Since the Littler Dude recently turned 2 ½, it’s not lost on me that my wife and I may have unknowingly smelled the last new baby smell of our own varietal. That scent is indescribably perfect and unique to every child ever born, even when it’s stinky and needs a new diaper. Now we are in the stages of sand-filled socks and still about seven or eight years away from tween boy B.O.  For that, I’m in no rush.

I’m already feeling anxious that I’ll be well into my 50s when my boys finish high school, probably because my parents had three college graduates by that age. It’s absolutely a different time and place now from when I grew up and despite TiVo and iPhones it’s not necessarily a better one. 

I always thought I wanted three kids because I’m a third kid. Mrs. Dude always wanted two because that’s how she was raised and people are often drawn to situations reminiscent of those they were raised in. While I was growing up, my 4- & 7- year older siblings were generally too old to be my playmates.  It wasn’t until during, or more likely after, college when we finally reached the same social stratosphere. If my wife and I were to have a third, he would be almost exactly the same age difference younger from his brothers that my brother and sister are to me. Beyond just the age gap, we’re almost out of diapers and I’m not sure I’m ready to dive back into the Diaper Genie again. I think we have a solid family dynamic with our quartet right now, so is taking a chance on a wild card worth it for us at this point in our almost-40 lives? Or are we missing the jewel of the crown? I don’t have the answer, but the clock is ticking.

So where does this leave me in regard to my nosy acquaintances? Unfortunately not much further ahead than before. All I can say is that if I have something to announce, believe me I will. This decision is grueling enough without your random piqued curiosity. All I ask of you is that next time you see me, please feel free to ask me how my day is, about the weather or the score of last night’s game. Please just don’t ask if we’re having another kid. Those other questions are much simpler, and inifinitely less stressful, to answer. 

Four is the perfect size for man-to-man defense & theme park rides. 

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You Don't Know Dads, Mila Kunis

In our media-crazy world filled with snarky humor (of which I am sometimes a guilty participant) and relentless cynicism (also sometimes me) it is unfortunate that when we see something in the media that is the exact opposite it comes as a surprise. Something that is pure unadulterated innocence and perfection that drills down to the core of humanity and the meaning of life. This week I saw just that and I also saw the opposite.

Though I’m an engaged part of the Dad Blogger community, I will admit that when I see a commercial, TV show or movie that portrays modern fathers as bumbling idiots it doesn’t ruin my day. I may find it obnoxious and think about it briefly, but my mind is constantly scattered in 300 different directions between my kids, my job, laundry, bills, etc., so I don’t have the bandwidth to dwell. I have pasta to boil for two hungry dudes.

12 hours later we'd become parents

Actress Mila Kunis made a joking proclamation to all expectant fathers earlier this week on Jimmy Kimmel Live to not say “we’re pregnant” in reference to their expectant wife/girlfriend/partner, since men aren’t the ones physically carrying the baby. She rapid-fired several other lame clichés influenced by her own current pregnancy, but the truth is if a man wants to feel engaged and a part of the 40 week process which he is half responsible for creating, she should realize that that’s actually a good thing.

There are plenty of men today who are thrilled to play an integral role throughout both pregnancy and their children’s lives, which is a big change from the Ward Cleaver-ish preceding generations. When Mrs. Dude was pregnant the first time I attended every single OB/GYN visit that she did, which was close to an hour in the car each way through LA traffic. I could have skipped some and she wouldn’t have minded, but I wanted to be involved. I was excited to be involved. I was determined to be involved. 

The second time around I attended a few less, but that was primarily because we had a toddler at home who needed his own time and 2 hours in a car plus an hour in a tiny room with his mother in stirrups was not the ideal place for it. Fatherhood is fatherhood and men should be able to say “we’re pregnant!” if they want to. I don’t know that I personally ever used Ms. Kunis' least-favorite phrase while in that situation, but to me any man who is excited to become/be a father should be recognized positively, for fatherhood is just about the best gift possible.

Why we do what we do...

Though she was funny in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I wouldn’t look to Mila Kunis for political, legal or medical advice just as I wouldn’t for parenting and/or pregnancy guidance. To me the irony of the situation is that her fiancée/baby daddy Ashton Kutcher used to refer to his step-daughters (from ex-wife Demi Moore) as “my girls” and “my kids” in interviews while they were together, even though he married the girls’ mother while they were teens and he wasn’t much older. Though Kutcher is most famous for playing dumbbells in That 70s Show and Dude, Where’s My Car?, he’s a savvy businessman and clearly an eager and engaged father. Selling out your guy for a cheap laugh, Mila? Dude, where’s your clue?

Coming full circle, take 60 seconds to check out the aforementioned Father’s Day video put together by Dove Men+Care, a brand that not only gets Dads, but encourages and supports us through thick and thin, in real situations just like the video shows. 

Disclaimer: I was not compensated for this post, but I do think it's a rad video nonetheless. 

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Hey, I'm all about Instagram these days.

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My Second Baby Shower

Red Carpet Entrance -- It's how I roll. 

Having been inaugurated into the world of baby showers last year, when I attended Big City Moms’ L.A. Biggest Baby Shower, I had a more focused mission in mind for my second go-round. While last year I didn’t know what to expect before it arrived, kind of like when I first became a father, this year I was much more prepared, like the second time I became a father, and my goal was to scope out which new parenting essentials might be of most interest to Dude-Fathers.  

The 2014 LA Biggest Baby Shower was held recently at the picturesque Skirball Center in Bel Air, CA, where the last time I visited I did an archaeological dig with the Little Dude. For this visit I also explored with unknown expectations and I left pleasantly surprised by the results. (Much better than that decoy clay pot we found last time.)

Just to make sure I had the energy to make it through a 3-hour-long event after another very short night of sleep thanks to the Junior Dudes, immediately upon entering the venue I jumpstarted my system with some Sprinkles Cupcakes that were sweeter than my kids while at a toy store. Their triple-cinnamon cupcake was epic, BTW.

Since the Junior Dudes seem prone to simultaneous chronic runny noses, allergies and any other conditions that I can classify their nasal leakage as, I was quite intrigued by the new Clearinse Nasal Cleansing System I discovered. My guess is that my boys’ condition likely stems genetically from my own sinus issues, and I know that saline irrigation helps better than anything else since I use it every day myself. As a result, I am eager to try out the Clearinse system the next time they are congested to see how it works, especially since it was created by a Pediatrician who is also a father. Here’s hoping it’s nothing to sneeze at. (Sorry.) 

After checking out the vast selection of stroller and car seat brands from around the world like Peg Perego, Orbit and Quinny at the Shower, and learning about their myriad unique bells-and-whistles, I was most interested in Britax’s new collection of boosters and car seats that are supposed to be super easy to install. Especially since I have never actually installed a car seat, but would like to learn how. Someday. Seriously. 

Britax: Cool gear and smiling faces. 

Daddy and Company was showing another great gift collection for both expectant and experienced fathers. Their Daddy Scrubs remain the one elusive item I wish I’d had before we went into the hospital when Mrs. Dude gave birth, since the hospital-issued scrubs were as comfortable as cardboard covered in paste and made an already nerve-wracking day even more stressful. I also saw some great gift items for Dudes’ Day Fathers’ Day, that I’d like to receive. (Hint, hint) 

I saw some cool new products from Ergo, updates of some items my family doesn’t use anymore and that (briefly) made me want to have another kid. Also, a magical homeopathic elixir called Camilia that is so good at helping relieve teething pain that my Littler Dude, who’d just gotten like 6 teeth in a month when I attended the event, was immediately cured the day after I got home…and I hadn’t even given him the medicine yet. That stuff is nails.

There was one brand at the event which I was both very familiar with and most eager to meet, because I’ve used their product since roughly the day I became a father. When Mrs. Dude was first pregnant, I was totally clueless as to what we actually needed for parenting beside a baby. I told her to register for whatever she wanted and the one thing I’m grateful for is my Diaper Dude diaper bag. Unlike most diaper bags it’s not covered in flowers, paisley or teddy bears and is designed with Dudes in mind. Sold.  I got a sneak preview of some of their new Major League Baseball licensed diaper bags and Dude-and-son matching gift sets. Seriously, these bags are rad and made with Dads in mind, and briefly made me want to have triplets, just for all the new bags.  

The Dude of the House and the Diaper Dude finally meet. Dude!

Now with 2 Biggest Baby Showers under my belt, I can say that there truly is a place at these events for Dudes/Dads both to-be and already-are. There is no shortage of great gear, and thankfully there is a vast enough assortment of vendors to really gain an objective view of the market, which is really the most important thing, IMO. Just because one stroller is great for me, it might not be for you. That’s why the Biggest Baby Showers are truly valuable, because you can meet the people who truly know the ins and outs of the products, because in many cases they created them! Every baby is different and so are their needs. Go spend a night with the Big City Moms when they hit your town and find what’s right for you and yours.  

Though I was not compensated for this post, I was given complimentary admission to the Big City Moms’ L.A. Biggest Baby Shower and I thank them for hosting me. All opinions expressed in this post are mine alone, for better or worse.

Try Again For The Girl

I don’t usually pretend to be a psychic, but one thing I’ve long known based on pure intuition was that when Mrs. Dude and I started having kids, we would only have boys. Though there was no science behind it, there was some reasoning that seemed logical to me, and possibly a little bit of desire. My brother and sister and their spouses have 5 kids between them, 4 of whom are girls.  And since all 5 of my nieces and nephews were born before my kids, I figured it was up to me to even things out a bit. At this point, I’d say it’s unlikely that Mrs. Dude and I will have any more kids, but if for some reason we do, I already know it would be another boy. And that is just fine with me.

I knew the Littler Dude would be a boy even before seeing that little circle near the top left. 

It’s not that I don’t like girls, nor would I have minded having some as my children, it’s just that having boys made sense for my family. To numerous others, there was some question, even though it was really none of their business nor did they have any, skin in the game, so to speak.

With our first pregnancy, we didn’t find out the baby’s gender in advance of delivery (not that I needed to, I was that sure). And invariably during that pregnancy the first two questions Mrs. Dude and I were asked by strangers and non-strangers alike were “When are you due?” and “What are you having?”, which are both pretty standard. The first question is easy enough to answer. The second one is trickier because so many people, especially strangers, are so unnecessarily nosy. I learned that if you tell someone that you chose to not find out the baby’s gender, the belly invariably become subjects for observation, usually followed up by a meaningless anecdote. Whether it’s via random pronouncement with no basis in anything: “You’re having a girl!” Or the people who believe in the old wives tales which also hold no logical or scientific basis in reality: “You’re carrying low, so it’s a boy!” Of course 5 minutes later you will likely run into some other kook who says carrying low means it’s a girl. Again, that stuff is pointless.

With our second pregnancy, Mrs. Dude wanted to learn the gender in advance. Mainly to find out if we’d have to buy new baby clothes or not. So I figured the inevitable inquisitions by these random people would be more cut and dry this time. But I was wrong. The expected first two questions led to a new, and in my opinion ridiculous, third question that usually went something like this:

“Oh, another boy? Are you going to try again for a girl?”

Why people get so nosy and touchy-feely around pregnant people is a mystery, but a question like this is just unnecessary. Maybe I’m trying to breed the next big Boy Band and having a girl would radically alter my master plan for The Five Dudes. Maybe we’re trying to clone the first kid. Whatever the case, why is having a girl necessary? If I’d heard this question only once, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. But it became such a common occurrence, that I realized it must be a common perception that a family is incomplete unless both genders are represented.  

I’ve asked a few people why they asked the question and have received answers like “don’t you want to have at least one of each” or “don’t you want a kid for your wife to enjoy”. Um, what? Do you think she’s not able to enjoy the ones she already birthed because they are measly boys? And really, would girls be that much better? I’m thankful we’ll never have a Girl Scout in our midst. Lord only knows what would happen if I had open access to cases of Do-Si-Dos. And then there’s this experience that my friend Kevin McKeever, from the great blog “Always Home& Uncool” endured with his teenage daughter recently. That alone makes me consider a vasectomy just to be safe.

Having a child is a miracle of life and Mrs. Dude and I are very fortunate to have two happy and healthy boys. Even though I knew we’d only have boys, I’d have been thrilled to have two girls if fate had played out that way. But it just wasn’t in the cards for us. And I don’t think having a girl just for the sake of evening things out would change anything for me, or make sense in any logical way, so I’ll stick with boys. After all, it was my 10 year old nephew, himself a brother to a sister, who summed it up perfectly upon meeting his cousin the newborn Littler Dude for the first time when he said “The Little Dude is so lucky to have a brother!” I couldn’t agree more.  

Are you happy with the gender(s) your kids are? Do you wish you'd gotten a different variety?

My First Baby Shower

Much like Bachelorette parties and sorority hazing, the Baby Shower is a mysterious event that women partake in that men usually aren’t privy to.  And I’ll admit, we are a little curious. Just as most dudes know what really happens at Bachelor parties versus what they tell their wives, we have similar preconceived notions for what goes on at your events (i.e. nonstop pillow and/or tickle fights). Mrs. Dude opted against having Baby Showers during both of our pregnancies, so I had no idea what one really entailed until I attended my first one recently.

I always assumed baby showers consisted of a group of women sitting around, eating salads then cake followed by long talks about baby names, lactation and episiotomies. And honestly, beyond the cake, none of those subjects is of particular interest to me. However when I was invited to the Big City Moms’ recent local “Biggest Baby Shower” event, I figured I should go see if all my preconceived notions were accurate. As it turned out, I wasn’t too far off base.

The line waiting to get inside. 

Held at a beautiful classic building in Hollywood, the Biggest Baby Shower was a massive event for both expecting parents and those with newborns. Having a 6-month-old but no uterus, I wondered how much of the event would be applicable to me and I will admit that I was pleasantly surprised.

While I didn’t hear any discussions of episiotomies (thankfully), there was quite a bit of talk of other changes that women’s bodies undergo both during and after childbirth.  One of the first brands I encountered, Belly Bandit, makes cool looking undergarments designed to help the body regain its pre-pregnancy shape. I was very excited, then quickly disappointed when I learned that their products are only recommended for women, since I still have an extra 10 lbs to drop since the Littler Dude arrived.

There were a plethora of stroller and car seat manufacturers from exotic locations like Europe, Asia and Ft. Wayne, Indiana. Before my first son was born, I was baffled by the myriad options available among the vast stroller displays I encountered. Surprisingly the pimply-faced kid at Babies R Us wasn’t tremendously helpful either. Shocking, right? I wish Mrs. Dude and I had an event like this to attend where we could learn about cool new designs, features and functions before making our decision. Before I was a parent, you wouldn’t believe how long it took me to understand the purpose of a Snap & Go and why we needed one. I saw many similarly lost Dudes at this event, standing beside ready-to-burst significant others, learning from the pros brought in from around the globe by brands like Britax, Peg Perego, Baby Jogger and several more that I never knew existed.

I was amazed how many companies make luxurious potions to help reduce stretch marks and chaffed-nipples. Thankfully, the brand reps correctly assumed I didn’t need either. Whew.

My kids love this stuff. 

With the ultra-picky Little Dude and the ultra-hungry Littler Dude, I checked out some great Organic food options from companies like NurturMe, Happy Family & Ella’s Kitchen. They each have unique health benefits for infants through toddlers by combining the best fruits and vegetables into combos you’d never expect, like Rutabaga, Cherries and Celery. I brought home several samples for both of my boys and every one has been a big hit, leading to a higher success rate than Prince Harry at a singles bar. After learning about those nutritious organic brands, I gorged myself on mini cupcakes from nearby booths for Sprinkles and Georgetown Cupcakes. I believe that’s what is known as a balanced diet.  

Don't worry, I left a couple for someone else to enjoy. 

I met a cool new mother who created an ingenious product called Zippyz. Designed for everyone who has ever struggled to change a newborn’s diaper in the dark or while they’re sleeping: pajamas that zip only halfway up, making it infinitely easier to unzip, change the diaper and re-zip. People like me who often struggle with the unbelievably tricky matrix-style snap-up pajamas will certainly appreciate this great idea. I only wish they made them in my size.

I met bottle manufacturers and myriad must-have baby accessory companies. Coincidentally, all of them have the best products on the market. There was at least one that I could verify: Summer, who makes the multi-camera video monitor system that helps me ensure that both of my boys are snoring in tandem every night.

The Biggest Baby Shower was great for several reasons. First, I finally learned that I’m not missing anything when my wife attends baby showers beside great cupcakes. And second, the event really opened my eyes as to how many unique baby products exist. I just wish this event had occurred about 6 months earlier, before the Littler Dude joined our clan. And that the Belly Bandit would work on me. 

On my way out of the event, I received a ginormous gift bag filled with products from some great baby product companies:

The Littler Dude is obsessed with this
Double Decker bus by Mamas and Papas
from the gift bag

Oh, did I mention that I won a Britax stroller, too?

My moment of fame on the red carpet.
No autographs, please.

Yes, I think baby showers are pretty cool after all. Even if one must endure extensive discussion about, um, chafing  there's always cupcakes. 

Thanks to Big City Moms for inviting me to the Biggest Baby Shower event. Though they let me in the door at no charge, the opinions expressed within this post are completely mine. For better or worse. Check out their website for upcoming events in your area. Seriously, check it out. 

What do you think about Baby Showers in general?

Leave a comment below

What Are You Up To This Weekend?

“What are you up to this weekend?” she asked with an ambivalent smile as she grabbed some cheese puffs from my cart.  I’m sure she was expecting me to say something like “watching the game” or “mowing the lawn”.  I’m also sure it was a canned question she was instructed to ask everyone who reached her cash register as the work week came to a close.  From the look on her face, I knew that my response was one she’d never heard before.

I was battling the clock as I raced to Trader Joe’s after work to pick up some of the Little Dude’s essential items.  I had to be home at 5:00pm sharp and it was already just past 4:30. It would take me 15 minutes to get home which left me barely 10 minutes to get into the store, find everything on Mrs. Dude’s list, and get back in the car.  It was a steamy 99 degrees outside, which made everyone drag a little more than normal, but I had no time to spare.  

I pulled out my iPhone and searched my notes for the needed items. Even though the list contained only a dozen or so items, I could barely remember my name that day let alone what flavor of yogurt I needed to find. My mind was understandably elsewhere.

I headed up the first aisle, grabbing the strawberry yogurt and some fruit snacks, then made a U-turn into the frozen aisle. Grabbing a few items without stopping the cart, I made another quick turn to find a few of the Little Dude’s favorite items were out of stock. The clock was ticking so I headed to the last aisle to find the last two items on the list were also out of stock. I could feel my palms moisten as the anxiety caused by realizing I was out of time kicked in.  The Little Dude would have to get by without his carrot applesauce for a few days.

I raced home for our last family dinner as we knew it. Everything seemed normal, but there was stress in the air.  And Egg Drop Soup. We tried to keep things as normal as possible for the Little Dude that night. He knew what was going on, at least technically, but the extent to which he was able to process it is a mystery. After dinner, we took the dog for a walk, gave our almost-3-year-old his bath, read him some stories and put him to bed. 

Mrs. Dude and I had a lot to finish and the clock was ticking. Would we have enough time?  As I noticed a mountain of unfolded laundry, I realized that we never quite do. We did our best to get everything in order before finally falling asleep around 1:00 AM.

When the alarm clock buzzed just shy of five hours later, I wanted to hit snooze so badly that I would have given my first born for another 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep. But that couldn’t happen, we had an appointment and had to be on time. I felt nervous but excited as I looked across our spacious bed at Mrs. Dude and said “Let’s go have a baby”.

And so we did.

After a few weeks away, I'm excitedly rejoining the YW crew this week.

Blog-ternity Leave

Flying blind can take you interesting places. It can also lead to complete disaster. In preparation for the arrival of our second son, I tried to plan out my blog schedule so I'd have enough ready to publish during the weeks after the birth. Then life with a toddler happened, my plans fell apart and I wasn't prepared. And somehow among the 20 hours or so I've been awake each day over the last couple of weeks, very little has been at the computer. And I’m glad.

I appreciate each person who reads this blog. Truly every single one of you. Even more if you leave a comment or tell a friend. And I wanted to share the experience with you in real time. No, not as I was watching Mrs. Dude get sliced open, but close enough.

Two weeks ago, when the baby was born, I was beyond excited and still am over the moon. I had so many stories bouncing around my skull to share with you. But my family needed me. Mrs. Dude, the Little Dude and the Littler Dude* came first, as they should. Between schlepping back and forth to the hospital, preschool, doctor visits and more I haven’t had time to write. And I felt like a part of me was missing. 

The blogging community, of which you are all a part, has been so kind to me for the last 15 months, but I needed some Blog-ternity leave. I took two weeks, which is longer than I took from my real job, but now I’m back.  I’d say I’m reenergized, but let’s face it, I have a 2 week old kid. I have basically no energy at all.

You may be wondering if things will be the same as before, with me publishing new posts 3 or 4 times per week? Stay tuned. Is there anything you want to see more or less of on this blog? Be honest, I can take it.

I’m still flying blind, but it is even sweeter with another passenger along for the ride. As a wise man once said “I sure don’t know what I’m going for, but I’m gonna go for it for sure.”

Your Pal,

The Dude

With my new pal

*Still trying to decide on a name for him. Do you like “Littler Dude”? What about “Mini Dude”? Any other ideas?? Leave a comment below.

Help Name My Baby!

The time has come. After 39.5 long weeks, Mrs. Dude is ready to deliver the well-cooked addition to our family. She and I are beyond thrilled and the Little Dude is finally getting used to the idea of having another kid in the house so we'll see how he adjusts to a roommate.

When I started this blog last year, it was easy to categorize each of my family members: Me (Big Dude), my wife (Mrs. Dude) and my son (Little Dude). But now that we have another Dude joining the squad I need to think of a way to talk about him.

I've thought of several options (like Baby Dude or Littler Dude) but wanted to put it out there and see what you all think. Any and all suggestions are appreciated. Please leave a comment below with your ideas and let's name this kid!  You can help dictate the future direction of this blog. Or at least help remove this task from my plate in anticipation of my looming sleep deprivation.

Does this picture of him give you any inspiration?

Rockin' Friday: Three Little Birds

As we prepare to add another Dude to our little family, there is one song that easily came to mind for this week's Rockin' Friday selection.  Knowing Mrs. Dude has a scheduled C-Section coming up, Bob Marley's Three Little Birds really stuck with me this week after it popped up on my iPod a few days ago.

I was driving to a Dudes' Dinner with my Little Dude when that reggae beat started & Marley began to sing:

Don't worry about a thing

'cause every little thing 

gonna be alright. . . 

There's been a longstanding mystery about whether the song is actually about some birds that used to hang on Marley's doorstep or about his three female backup singers. Either way, as my family grows from three to four, I know what it means to me.

What is your favorite Bob Marley song?

Paternity Leave for Rich Dudes

No, "Paternity Leave for Rich Dudes" does not refer to my upcoming birthing trip to Hawaii.
A very well-off group is now receiving luxurious newborn benefits.
Is it right or wrong?
Check out my latest piece on Draft Day Suit: MLB's Mr. Moms

(Seriously, please check it out, I might win a prize if enough people read my masterpiece.)

The Dude’s Guide to Surviving Your First Year of Parenthood

I recently shared my words of wisdom with you on how to survive your first pregnancy.  So now that you have made it through the delivery and are home with your adorable bundle of sleep deprivation, you are probably wondering what happens next.  I fully expected my Little Dude to be ready to play when we took him out of the box, so to speak, but I learned the hard way that that’s not how it really works.  So I’ve put together a handy primer on what to expect after you are done expecting, or

The Dude’s Guide to Your First Year of Parenthood:

1)      The first year is boring.  Really boring.  I’m not saying the kid isn’t amazing, because he* undoubtedly is. But if you’re expecting him to do tricks right away, like your puppy did when you brought him home, then you will be very disappointed.  In fact, you shouldn’t expect much activity from him at all for at least 6 months. You know the saying “a watched pot never boils”? It’s sort of the same thing here but with less scalding water and many more unpleasant excretions.

2)      Go to parks. You may feel depressed as you watch bigger kids running and playing on the swings and jungle gym while your little lump is just drooling on his Sophie, but the fresh air is good for him and soon enough he’ll be the one on the slide and you’ll be the experienced veteran who the other new parents will want to trade places with.  

Me with 6 month old Little Dude and an empty playground.

3)      Be flexible. As long as you feed, change and wash the baby on a semi-regular basis (each at least once a week), there’s a good chance he won’t break. Let him adjust to your schedule, not the other way around. If you assume he will sleep at the same exact time every day, you may get lucky. Or you may end up with a Gremlin who becomes evil after midnight.

4)      Speaking of sleep, the baby needs a lot of it.  Especially in the beginning. Who says it can’t occur while you are at a movie, restaurant, or roller derby? If you train the baby to only sleep at home in a quiet room where the temperature is exactly 72 degrees, then you will end up with cabin fever faster than an Eskimo in an avalanche.

5)      Don’t lose your mind. Once the sleep deprivation kicks in, you won’t remember your middle name half the time, let alone when you last changed or fed the baby. Get an itzbeen**. Hit a button to start a timer reminding you exactly when you last changed his diaper (among other things) and you won’t have a baby sitting in more rancid liquid than a month-old matzah ball.  

6)       Read to your kid. You will be so sick of Goodnight Moon within a few weeks that you wish the two little kittens would attack the old lady that’s whispering hush just to make things interesting for a change, but it’s good for the baby to get both the bonding time with you and the vocabulary stimulation. You will start to think Dr. Seuss is really Dr. Kevorkian as you grow bored to tears reading Hop on Pop for the millionth time, but your little one will like it and one day be glad you suffered for him.

7)      Play good music for your baby. If you think typical kids’ music is enjoyable, then maybe you should get checked out by Dr. Seuss. Or Dr. Kevorkian. There is a ton of great rock music that works very well for kids: The Beatles, Bob Marley and Phish just to name a few.  Believe me, the 10^th time in a row you hear Buffalo Soldier is infinitely better than the 10^th consecutive round of Baby Beluga. (And check my “Rockin’ Friday” blog posts every week for a great song your kid will love. Guaranteed to please or your money back.)

8)      There are a million milestones you’ll consider earth-shattering.   Most really aren’t. First steps or first tooth, sure. First bite of asparagus?  Not so much. Put things in perspective and focus on things that the kid will want to remember someday, not trivial things that will bore even the most biased grandparents.

First time in a Bumbo...who cares?!

9)      Don’t make your friends hate you.  I mean Facebook friends, of course.  Sharing a few pictures here and there is one thing. Uploading 50 pictures three times a week will clog News Feeds and surely earn you a few well-deserved De-friendings.

10)   TV won’t kill them. I’m not talking about a 12-hour Jersey Shore marathon. Lord knows that could turn an astrophysicist’s brain into Jell-o halfway through. But there is nothing wrong with a few minutes of screen time here and there if it’s something educational that might benefit them in the long run.  And you in the short term if you need to take a shower for the first time in three days.

What advice would you give to first-time new parents?

*= I use “he” to refer to the child because that’s what I have. Also, I hate saying “he or she” repeatedly. This list applies to female infants, as well.

**= itzbeen didn’t pay me to say that, though I wouldn’t mind if they did. Or at least sent me a new itzbeen for Baby #2. Their product truly helped restore sanity in my house on a daily basis during the Little Dude’s first year.