Dead Pool 180: weathered the storm edition
The dick goes to mossomo with Hassan Nasrallah. According to his Wikipedia article, he was killed while meeting other leaders in a bunker 60 feet below a residential building, though it may have been smoke inhalation rather than the blast that done him.
We will not shed a tear.
Are we all ready?
0. Rule Zero (AKA Steve’s Rule): your pick has to be living when picked. Also, nobody whose execution date is circled on the calendar. Also, please don’t kill anybody. Plus (Pupster’s Rule) no picking someone who’s only famous for being the oldest person alive.
1. Pick a celebrity. Any celebrity — though I reserve the right to nix picks I never heard of (I don’t generally follow the Dead Pool threads carefully, so if you’re unsure of your pick, call it to my attention).
2. We start from scratch every time. No matter who you had last time, or who you may have called between rounds, you have to turn up on this very thread and stake your claim.
3. Poaching and other dirty tricks positively encouraged.
4. Your first choice sticks. Don’t just blurt something out, m’kay? Also, make sure you have a correct spelling of your choice somewhere in your comment. These threads get longish and I use search to figure out if we have a winner.
5. It’s up to you to search the thread and make sure your choice is unique. I’m waayyyy too lazy to catch the dupes. Popular picks go fast.
6. The pool stays open until somebody on the list dies. Feel free to jump in any time. Noobs, strangers, drive-bys and one-comment-wonders — all are welcome.
7. If you want your fabulous prize, you have to entrust me with a mailing address. If you’ve won before, send me your address again. I don’t keep good records.
8. The new DeadPool will begin 6pm WBT (Weasel’s Blog Time) the Friday after the last round is concluded.
The winner, if the winner chooses to entrust me with a mailing address, will receive an Official Certificate of Dick Winning and a small original drawing on paper suffused with elephant shit particles. Because I’m fresh out of fairy shit particles.
Note: I am woefully behind on dick deliveries. If I owe you one, you’ll know how long. I ain’t gived up, but I haven’t drawn much since lockdown. Some day, your heirs might hear from my heirs.
October 11, 2024 — 6:00 pm
Comments: 24
You think Florida had it rough? Pff!
That’s a photograph of my computer screen showing the BBC hour-by-hour forecast this morning. That 2,269 is wind speed in miles per hour. It’s like that for a few days and then returns to normal.
BBC put out a sheepish note saying ‘yes we know we have a problem’ but it’s been 24 hours and it’s not fixed yet. Nobody knows how to drive their software, I guess. The more suspicious among us speculate that there are algorithms in place to tweak the incoming data and one has gone rogue.
I have a lecture to go to later, so this will do for now. All the best for everyone in Florida.
October 10, 2024 — 4:32 pm
Comments: 4
Boo!
I threw a sheet over the two chairs we inherited to keep the cat (pictured) from scratching the upholstery. It didn’t work, naturally.
It’s not the first time I’ve had this thought, but I know – from reading Victorian novels – that rich English people who had more than one home would put sheets over the furniture in the off season. I’m as sure as sure can be that this is where the popular conception of a ghost looking like something under a sheet with two arms raised in the air comes from: armchairs under sheets. Or grandfather clocks or birdcages. Either drafts blowing the sheets around or dark rooms giving the illusion of movement.
It’s too perfect.
October 9, 2024 — 6:27 pm
Comments: 5
I did not know that
Huh. We had a tornado warning yesterday, and I didn’t feel a thing.
Tornadoes in the UK are surprisingly common and no one knows why, according to this article titled Tornadoes in the UK are surprisingly common and no one knows why. In fact, they’re more common than the US, but very weak.
According to this article, the UK has more tornadoes per square mile than any country in the world. Okay, it’s Reddit, but still. Winds here are insane, so I wouldn’t be surprised.
I think we probably have a definitions problem here. Tornadoes don’t show up on satellite, so they don’t count if they aren’t caught by a weather station or human observer. We are very densely populated, so many observers make for more reports. But do you count every swirly and dust devil, or only the big ones?
We get 30 or so a year that are indisputable and strong enough to do property damage. Not yesterday. There were several intense bursts of thunderstorm overnight into morning (including right at the time I usually leave on my bike), but no twisters.
I do hope my Florida peeps are snuggled into a Georgia Motel 6 tonight.
October 8, 2024 — 5:34 pm
Comments: 4
I think I did this right
Tennessee’s absentee ballot is really more of an absentee IQ test. There are 312 numbered ovals. The first 192 are on the other side covering every inch of the card. It’s a terrifying wall of ovals. Then there’s a separate booklet that tells you whose number is whose. The numbers are random. Trump’s was 7.
Or maybe everybody’s absentee ballot is like this? I dunno. I always voted in person in Rhode Island. I seem to remember it was like a picture with a name and a box next to it. Or did we have to finish an arrow? The hardest part was, my polling place was deep in the projects.
Rich Rostrom tells me Nasrallah was mossomo’s first pick, making him the winner of Dead Pool 179. He explained it to me, too, but I’m’a just take his word for it. New Dead Pool Friday.
October 7, 2024 — 6:45 pm
Comments: 6
It’s Friday and I’m all out of chickens
Fortunately, Uncle B sent me this stupid chicken meme.
It amuses me that we can sit at opposite ends of the couch and send each other dumb stuff bouncing off of billion dollar satellites in outer space. Best use of technology.
That’s how the internet works, isn’t it?
We did the long distance thing for 13 years (if I’d known it was going to be that long…). We had to come up ways to stay in communication, with technology that was awfully primitive.
We’re talking, like, 1995. There was no “connected to the internet all the time” in them thar days. We got used to lobbing messages at each other at intervals all day long. It was our normal.
Shall I tell you a secret? Uncle B uses more emojis than a Japanese schoolgirl.
Have a good weekend!
October 4, 2024 — 7:06 pm
Comments: 18
Giant wooden chicken
Holy cats! It’s big. Brick for scale. It’s wood, not papier papier mâché. You can see very old traces of paint on it. Drew Pritchard would go nuts for this thing.
Urban dictionary won’t tell me where the expression absolute unit comes from, but this surely is one.
His parents bought it on a trip to France. Uncle B thinks it’s a shop display of some kind.
October 3, 2024 — 4:48 pm
Comments: 11
Waiting for The Chicken
Illustration is from the other day when I was trying to trick AI (in this case canva.com) into giving me a farting chicken. As a farting chicken, it’s a failure, but I kinda liked the image and wanted to preserve it.
But – whooeee! – look at those mangled toes! Why is AI so bad at digits?
Ten minutes ago, I finally managed to register my little flock. The site has been unreachable all day, but I kept trying. What an awful lot of drama for three roosters and an elderly hen who lays about six eggs a year.
Meanwhile, I have inherited a chicken. Or, rather, Uncle B has. His mum died during lockdown and some of her furniture has been stored away waiting for us to arrange delivery. We finally got it down to two arm chairs and The Chicken.
I have no memory of this object, but I’m told it’s a large and impressive papier mâché chicken that she somehow picked up in her travels. It should be here in an hour or so and then we’ll all find out.
October 2, 2024 — 6:38 pm
Comments: 7
I are a criminal
You may recollect me bitching and moaning about one of my main Gmail accounts running out of storage. Google keeps sending me nastygrams about it. I deleted and deleted and it didn’t seem to make a substantial difference. Tonight I discovered one video that was using up ten of my fifteen gigs.
It was a lecture by my boss. Saved to my hard drive.
I have now sent two different addresses to the chicken registry six different times and still haven’t got the confirmation email I need to start the registration process. That means as of today, me and my flock are officially outlaws. The speculation is that thousands of people are registering their supermarket chickens and it knocked the website out.
Very funny guys, but I’ll be pissed if I go to jail for poultry crime.
I don’t have any way to prove I tried to register. I’d ask you all to be my witnesses, but I’d have to send authorities to my blog. I don’t think that’s a very good idea.
If you know where I can get the best information about the flooding in Appalachia, I’d appreciate. East Tennessee and Western North Carolina is where I was born and mostly grew up and I’d like to see the damage. I’ve tried Facebook, but I’m not following anyone from the area any more. It’s been a long time!
October 1, 2024 — 5:33 pm
Comments: 5
Ohhhh…weasel no likee
The law used to be that you had to register flocks of fifty birds or more. Now if you own a single chicken and it’s a pet, you have to register.
You can imagine my first thought, but this is a criminal charge. There’s no talk of jail time, but a £5,000 fine and a criminal record.
You have to ask yourself, do any of my neighbors hate me enough to turn me in? Well, there’s this one guy…
The excuse is bird flu control – and if there’s an outbreak in the area, they’ll definitely come out and kill my birds – but it’s more broadly seen as the first steps of an attack on self-sufficiency. There have been articles lately on the surprisingly high carbon footprint of growing your own food and the dangers of wood fires.
p.s. well, that tears it. The first step to registration, they send you an email with a verification code. The email never came. No, it’s not in spam.
September 30, 2024 — 5:32 pm
Comments: 7