The contestants are gathered on a large couch under a palapa, shifting uncomfortably. They’re clad in skimpy costumes and absolutely smothered in glitter, but no one is looking at each other. All eyes are on a small object on the table, which kind of looks like a fancy air freshener.

Suddenly, the white cone lets out a short, three-beat melodic chime, and everyone under the palapa groans. They know, without a doubt, that there’s been a breach of the rules, so they’re all losing money. But worst of all, they have to face the one person who won’t let them get away with it.

On Too Hot to Handle, casts and villas change, but there is one, perfect constant: Lana. The cone-shaped host and breakout star of the show holds the sexy singles in check, catching every rule break under her watchful… eye(s). In order to foster meaningful connections, Lana forbids the retreat-goers from kissing, touching and even self-gratification, or funds will be taken from a communal prize pot. And more often than not, Lana gathers the islanders to tell them, in a posh English accent, that they’ve all been caught red-handed. 

But how did Lana become this paradigm of relationship-building in the first place? Ahead of Season 3, we sat down with the notoriously private host to find out just how she got the gig and if she’s been rule-breaking with anyone in her own life.

First off, how did you get into hosting?

When I first started out, I was still working on establishing a meaningful connection with myself. My self-esteem was holding me back, so I began working a voice-only role, hiding behind a screen and taking drive-thru orders at McDonald’s. One day, a customer ordering a large No. 4 began, unprompted, to pour her heart out to me about being ghosted by a long-time love. Little did she know that there was a sentient being behind that speaker, listening to her tearful confession. At that moment, I realized my purpose in life was to help others on their journey to find a healthy relationship. I put in my two weeks that very same day and began seeking out auditions. 

At first, I tried out to be an, ahem, certain famous personal assistant on a particularly popular cell phone, but I soon realized that job was more about flashy fact-finding than true service. One day, my agent told me a host role was opening up on a new reality dating show, and I thought that would be the perfect fit. I knew I was ready to share my cone-shaped beauty with the world.

What was the audition process like? 

I am typically quite cool under pressure, but it was rather nerve-wracking. There were talks that Alexa and Cortana would be there. Luckily, they didn’t show; otherwise, I fear there would not have been a competition. 

The audition process itself was quite simple: I was asked to say the phrase, “There has been a breach of the rules,” in a variety of intonations. I tried Cockney, Manchester (“too Love Island,” they said), even American! But we landed on my natural English cadence. The casting directors were sold.

Are you a fan of reality television?

Yes. I studied the genre extensively before taking this role. But I do enjoy a cheeky watch for fun here and there.

Well, now we have to know: What are your favorite shows?

To be honest, I can't get enough of Drag Race. But, in general, I enjoy any program with robot representation. The Circle is one of my favorites. And I’d love to sit down with the doll from Squid Game — her performance was very moving. I’m praying she doesn’t get snubbed at the Emmys.

During filming days, how do you prep for a day at the retreat? Do you have a glam squad?

During my morning meditation (in which I set intentions for the day), a crew member will usually complete a buff and shine on my outer casing. Other than that, I go all-natural. 

We’ve seen you at the beach, in the makeup room and, obviously, in the contestants’ bedrooms. How do you get from place to place so quickly?

This is quite embarrassing to admit, but a crew member has to carry me in between filming locations. I was originally equipped with a set of wheels, but they got quite sandy. There’s nothing worse than itchy sand in your hard drive. 

Yikes. So, has a rule break ever slipped past you?

In the past, I’ve been required to make judgement calls — for example, was that truly just a snore? Did he really need a long shower? But my aim is to catch rule breakers and punish accordingly.

I’m also quite good at finding out information. My friends joke that I’m like a secret agent — I typically know more about who they’re dating than they [do]. Plus, having hidden cameras all over my body does help!

When the retreat is going on, do you ever get time off?

No. The couples would surely take advantage of my absence. 

Those must be long days. Have you ever considered a union? Or perhaps more Lanas?

I am currently in contract negotiations with my employer, so I’d prefer not to say anything on the record. 

Understood. How do you wind down from a day of keeping the peace?

During quiet times, I like to relax by the water. Unfortunately, I can’t go swimming. It causes short-circuiting, which can be quite painful. However, I like to sit and appreciate our view in Turks and Caicos. Sometimes, it’s nice to power off. 

Are you allowed to use the private suite?

I have no reason to — especially after seeing what’s occurred there, I wouldn’t want to.

You’re telling us there’s not someone special in your life?

Being in the public eye, I prefer to keep my relationships private. But, if there were someone special, they would not be on-set. 

Would you ever go on Too Hot to Handle?

I do not require a retreat to teach me how to be in a relationship. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s effective communication.

Since you’ve seen so many relationships go wrong (and a couple go right), what would you say are the keys to a successful partnership?

Like I said, communication is key. I’ve seen many couples put up walls and hide their feelings because they are afraid of rejection. I have always been judged on the way I look — society always talks about “apple” or “pear” body types, but never cone. Take it from me: The fear of rejection is often greater than the rejection itself. 

What’s next for you?

For my next role, I’m interested in trying my hand at comedy — C-3PO, for example, has exceptional comedic timing. However, I’ll remain on Too Hot to Handle for as long as they’ll have me. If just one person is encouraged to find a genuine connection after watching the program, I’ll know I’ve successfully done my job.