Loss of a Friend

It has been a hell of a month and I've been on a blogging hiatus. I was sick for a week, then I had an insanely busy week of work in DC, then hours after arriving home I had to make the terrible, tough decision to euthanize my 17-year old cat. That was a week ago yesterday. I spent the first few days after in a cloud - depressed, crying, unable to do much of anything. Then the work week started and it was again an insanely busy week, forcing me out of my funk, at least to focus on work. That was probably a good thing as it took my mind off of my loss. I lost my motivation for awhile to write or talk about anything personal, only having the energy to work and then crash on the couch to watch mindless television. Apologies to my friends who haven't heard from me. I am slowly crawling out of my shell and am looking forward to reconnecting.




To those of you who have lost pets - I share your pain. I always have, but now I have this first hand experience...and wow. Nothing prepares you. I've watched my parents and friends lose pets and you see how hard it is and you feel it, but nothing prepares you for it finally happening to you. My Mr. Kitty was my first pet as an adult. He wasn't a family pet, he was completely my responsibility. I found him as an adorable fuzzy kitten from a shelter in Ithaca, New York during graduate school and I took care of him until last week - for 17 years. 17 years! That cat was with me through so many moves, jobs, homes, house mates, boyfriends/husbands and life changes and experiences. He helped me survive those life changes, tough times and heartaches including disease, divorce, death and so on. That cat kept me going. He came into my life in my 20s and has left in my 40s. No one has coexisted with me in my day to day life as long as him. 17 years. I have always felt a connection with animals and the pets in my life, but I had a special bond with him. It will never be replaced.

One of the last photos taken of my little friend.

He suffered from diabetes for the past 5+ years. We had several near death experiences, but he survived. Almost a year ago he was on death's doorstep, but he had a miraculous turn around which was amazing. I am so grateful I got that extra year. The problem is you start to forget that it won't last forever. It feels like his decline came so quickly. Just weeks ago things seemed normal. But when I think about it I realize that his decline had been happening for quite some time. We sometimes don't notice the changes because they are subtle and we are surrounded by them every day. He was in decline. He wasn't in pain or suffering, but his organs were shutting down. He was old and he was living with diabetes for many years. I swore that I would never abandon him and I would be with him until the end. Which is why I was there when we took him to the vet, holding him as the doctor put him to sleep. The second after it happened, I was in shock and just about slipping over that dark edge into hysteria, feeling like I might simultaneously pass out and throw up. Not only are you losing your pet - this member of your family- but you are playing God and choosing to end that creature's life. When that shot goes in, they die in seconds. And there you sit holding the lifeless body of this being that you love. The motives are good of course - to keep him from a painful death, but it is still brutal. It was horrible. I don't know that I would advise it for others to be there. But I had to be there with him, holding him and giving him whatever comfort I could through it all. Because I had made that commitment.

I thank the universe for the brave and skilled veterinarians and staff at animal hospitals who take this on. I can't imagine having to regularly do what we went through. We had a fabulous animal hospital (AVC) and a fabulous vet who had been helping us with his health problems and emergencies since we arrived. We had a fabulous vet who performed the euthanasia. I am so grateful to them.

I am so grateful for the 17 years I was given with this creature. It wasn't always easy (chewed computer cords, endless litter box cleaning, ruined furniture and carpets, aggressive behavior towards guests, teary drives to the emergency room, lots of $ for medical care and cat sitting to name a few), but overall he made my life more fun and full of love. I have so many good memories and beautiful photos. I take some comfort in the fact that I can pull up in my memory everything about him - his face, his eyes, his expressions, every inch of that body that I bathed and petted, his purr, his antics, his routines. He was a beautiful, unique creature and he was my baby. He will always be with me. Here are just a few photos and memories...

He loved to roll around outside in the sun.

He loved to hang out on the edge of the bathtub when I would bathe. He loved to drink water from the faucet and hang out in the shower. I bathed him, much to other's amusement. If you start them as a kitten, they get used to it.

He would keep me company in my home office during work days, lounging on my papers and folders, often in his classic belly rubbing pose. 

Later in life he developed an obsession with ice water. Every time we would run the ice machine in the fridge, he would come running and demand that we give him ice water. He wouldn't drink water without it. 

This is how I remember him most from the past years living here in SLC - always sitting in the middle of the kitchen. This memory makes it hard to be in my kitchen now without him there. 

The Squirrel and the Monkey

I call this one "I am Trapped Inside and Life's Not Fair."

This is my little cat Monkey being tormented by a squirrel that likes to leap from the edge of our house onto our bird feeder. Stupid squirrel. Happy Wednesday!

More Hamster TV

As always, the PETCO hamster cages were full of these little plastic televisions, and every tv had a cute little hamster in it. This time I got some video.

Happy Wednesday!

Hamster TV

What is it about tiny rodents snuggling in a tiny cartoonish plastic television that makes me giggle every time I see it?

Petco, the pet store where I spend a lot of money each month to care for my two cats (seriously I don't know how a lot of people manage to keep pets - they are really expensive!) sells hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, mice and rats. You can see them all when you walk into the store. I of course, animal lover that I am, have to stare at all of them when I visit. I don't want one, but I think they are cute.

I had hamsters when I was growing up, and then later a little mouse. They are all smelly and not as much fun as cats and dogs, but they can be sweet and entertaining. I used to put my hamsters in a dollhouse. I would also put them in a toy truck that would get pulled around by our poodle. Poor little guys. Somewhere I have a great photo of that. I have a shag haircut too. It was the 70s after all.

Anyway, Petco has started carrying these little plastic tvs. Every cage with any kind of little rodent creature has these little plastic tvs. The hamsters are always, I mean always, sleeping and grooming and hanging out in these little plastic tvs. And its so dang silly and cute. I tried to capture it with my iPhone - two of them snuggling in the tv. I am not sure you can fully appreciate the cuteness of it all via this photo. Or maybe its just me...

Aging Pets

One of the cats crapped outside of the litter box last night. Which wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been crazy sick diarrhea. And if it hadn't been on THE COUCH. And if it hadn't been directly on the spot where the two cushions meet, meaning that there was crap on both of the cushions and down between the crack between them. Awesome. And that was my morning. How was yours?

Thankfully it was on the couch down in the basement rec room. We never use that couch, but still its a nice couch and fairly new and expensive. And now its kind of ruined. I've removed the cushion covers but still...I will spare you all the details.

How come when you get pets you don't think about what you will do when they get old and sickly and have bowel problems or dementia? We always had pets growing up but I don't remember all of this. Oh I remember dogs starting to lose control of their bladders and having to be put down when they were too old and sickly. But dog pee is not cat pee.

I have two cats that are getting older and having more and more and more problems. Yet they aren't ready to be put down. It is extremely frustrating and getting worse. One cat is about 17 years old. He has had diabetes for several years now with several scares and a very traumatic brush with death earlier this year, but he has bounced back and seems to be doing well. Except we think he is getting a bit of dementia. We've had some recent random messes - of both kind. They are very random in timing and location so I can only suspect that he's just getting a little crazy. He ruined the carpet in our basement. Thankfully that is it. The most annoying thing is that he has started howling. Loudly. In the middle of the night. And its happening more often (pretty much every night) and for longer periods of time. It wakes us up. Its eery and sad and it sucks. And I don't know what to do? Do I start locking him in the bathroom in the basement at nights? That's not fun.

But the worst thing that is happening is that my other cat who has always been sweet and problem free has developed a habit of crapping in random places. That carpet that the other one started to ruin? Its really ruined now. I am constantly cleaning up crap from the floor. And its not the clean easy pick up kind. Its the kind that seeps into the carpet and makes it tough to clean. Sorry for the graphic details but I want to be sure you understand the depths of my despair here. Besides, if you have pets and/or kids, you shouldn't be afraid of talk about excrement. Anyway, the carpet was bad, but we already know its ruined, so c'est la vie. What really irks me is that she also keeps doing this on my antique Indian rugs. They are messed up and no longer on the floors. But I had one sitting up on the couch downstairs (after I had cleaned it) and she decided to climb up there use it again as her own personal toilet paper. Sigh. I've cleaned them, but I am not convinced they are clean. I need to send them to a professional cleaner and put them away until the future. But the worst thing is that this has now moved to the furniture. And its escalating in frequency. But its still random so I don't know why she does this or what to do? I am so frustrated. What can I do? Traumatize her and lock her in a room? I am just at my wits end. Realizing that I have two old cats who aren't old enough to just die or be put to sleep, but old enough to have issues, with the promise of more to come.

I love my pets, but I hate this. I really do.

Pet Hell

I have had a rough morning. Specifically I have had a rough PET morning. Those of you who are pet owners know what I am talking about. It has been a glorious Monday morning of pet diarrhea, pet urine and pet vomit. That began last night with even more pet diarrhea and drama. And I am not amused.

I've been trying to do my work in between incidents as it is Monday morning and I follow an east coast schedule which means I start working at 7 am, which is exactly about 15 minutes before I was awakened by the smell of feces in my bedroom.

Perhaps I am being punished by my pets for being away for the weekend? But we go away for two weeks at a time, and this doesn't happen when we return. Perhaps I am being punished for laughing hysterically at my friend's recent blog post where she was awakened around 4 am by one of her dogs having explosive diarrhea all over her bathroom? But she wrote it to make us laugh.

Please allow me to vent and share, to help me deal with this with a sense of humor...

Yesterday afternoon we arrive home from a trip to the desert over the weekend. The pets seem good. We have the best house sitter in the world who takes great care of the cats and has been for more than a year now. We unpack, do some things around the house, have dinner, catch up on some tv programs we taped from last week. I go to feed the cats around 7:30 pm and I can't find my little one, Monkey. As she usually comes flying when she hears the food, I am concerned. I go back into our bedroom and we discover she has been locked in our closet, most likely for a few hours since we've been home. We didn't know she was in there - she usually doesn't go in there - and we shut the doors. Big mistake. Suddenly the smell hits us. I start frantically searching through shoes and clothes on the floor of the closet. I finally find it - massive diarrhea, unfortunately on Paul's side of the closet (Monkey you really aren't helping me convince him how wonderful it is to have pets), but fortunately wrapped up in some t-shirts that Paul doesn't care about, not one of our favorite shoes or items of clothing. Its not just feces, its diarrhea. Really runny, smelly, difficult to clean diarrhea. Good times.

So I set about cleaning. Finally I get downstairs in our finished basement to feed them. And I realize there is more crap in about 5 places on the carpet. This is not the easy pick up kind of feces. This is again, runny, smelly, difficult to clean diarrhea. More good times.

We are renting this house and the basement carpet is essentially ruined. We know we will have to replace this when we leave. It was an old crappy carpet to start when we moved in, but now it literally is an old crappy carpet. Things were all good for more than a year here, then suddenly the other old cat, Mr. Kitty, started randomly peeing on the carpet down there, feet away from his choice of three clean litter boxes. Its only happened twice, but you cannot clean cat pee from a carpet. It is a myth that you can. We just cut out the pieces of carpet and threw them away. Now the carpet has more problems with this recent bout of diarrhea all over the basement.

The urine in the basement we blame on Mr. Kitty being old and senile. He is old and he is sickly from the diabetes, so sometimes he does weird things. Monkey does not typically mess anywhere in the house. And I know she only did what she did in our closet because she was locked in and obviously was having some gastrointestinal issues. I can be frustrated and mad about what happened, but I can't be mad at her. It was an unfortunate accident. And I am concerned that she is having all of this diarrhea. If it keeps up I will need to take her to the vet.

Moving on...

After this drama, we went to bed. I wake up at 6:45, a few minutes before my alarm, because I smell something. Something unpleasant. I can't quite figure it out because it is faint. I walk out of the bedroom into the living room and down into the basement. There is, of course, more diarrhea. But thankfully it is in the litter box this time. I clean it up and put it outside. But why am I still smelling something? I walk back into the bedroom and discover Monkey has had more diarrhea on my antique, expensive rug from India - of course. And even better, I had stepped in it with my sandals (thankfully I was not barefoot!!!) and tracked it around the house. It had sucked before. Now it REALLY sucks.

So, I go about trying to clean my beautiful antique rug, and my shoes and try to find where I might have tracked it. I do the best I can and realize I am just going to have to make time later today to clean all the floors in the house. Again, good times.

So I sit at my computer and start working. Mr. Kitty comes in because I do need to feed them. Its around that time. I need a few more minutes to finish my work. Suddenly I see and hear the cat in the corner of my office - peeing. On the hardwood floors. Right there. Staring at me. I leap up, yell at him, grab him, take him downstairs to the litter box, immediately come back to save the floors and keep the urine from touching anything. That SOB. I cannot believe he did that. Thankfully because I cleaned it up so fast, no smell and hopefully no damage to the floor.

I am tearing my hair out now. I cannot believe this morning. I go back to work. I won't feed them now because I don't want that cat to think he will get rewarded with food if he just pees on the floor anywhere he wants. I know he is old and he has diabetes, but this was just some crazy bad behavior. This was not medical or situational. This was just evil.

I finally feed them. Moments later, of course, Monkey is throwing it all up. And when I go to find it and clean it, I step in it.

So, I am now back at work and nervously pacing around the house every so often to look for more incidents. I am not looking forward to having to clean all the floors later today, along with all the real work I have on my plate today. Pet hell. Not amusing. Happy Monday. Not.

By the way, if you ever have issues with cat urine, I recommend using Nature's Miracle Advanced Just for Cats Stain & Odor Remover. Its the best thing I've found.

Home Break

OMG it snowed today. Which would not be a problem except that it is only October 6th! I mean the leaves haven't even changed yet here. A few days ago we were still needing the air conditioning on and it was sunny and not even feeling like Fall yet. It is just a freak cold front/storm moving through and they expect the weekend to be sunny and in the 60s...but it was still weird to look out the window and see the rain turn into snow, and then stick to the trees, the roofs and some on the ground. I realize I live in Utah, but that is still weird for Utah. I don't live up in Park City or the higher elevations where they start getting frost and snow way early. It better be nice this weekend. I am looking forward to a nice, crisp Fall weekend with some scenic driving in the area to catch some Fall color changing. The colors are changing full on up in the higher elevations.

I haven't had time to blog because I just got back from vacation and have tons of work and life things to catch up on. But I have so much to write about and hope to get to that this weekend.

We were planning to be on the road again (!) down to the desert and San Diego, but thankfully that has been postponed. I love being on the road and it was going to be a fun trip, but its just too much travel on the Byway. I need some home time to sort myself out and reenergize for the next trip on the Byway. There is plenty of travel coming up for the rest of the year. Right now I just want to walk around my house, cook nice meals, catch up with friends, clean the house, enjoy the Fall around here, hang with my husband watching bad tv on the couch, and love my pets.

Working away today with my office buddy. File folders make for some good napping material...

Heaven is...

rolling in the sun.

Mr. Kitty - who almost died a few months ago - is still hanging in there and very much enjoying his old age and his remaining time.

Sad Day at the Vet

I went to our vet this morning. Took my little cat, Monkey, in for a check-up. While in the waiting area I overheard the receptionist telling someone on the phone that the vet had DIED - that he had a heart attack in May. I gasped and almost fell off my chair. When she hung up the phone she apologized, saying she could tell from the look on my face that I had not known. I was in shock and fighting back tears. That feels silly since I really did not know the man that well, but I couldn't help it - I felt shock and sadness and loss and I felt like crying. I am home now and I still feel sad and out of sorts about it.

When we arrived in Salt Lake last year we went searching for a vet. We went to visit a place we had found on line, didn't like it, and while driving home we saw the Foothill Animal Clinic sign and just stopped and walked in to check it out. We liked the energy of the place, before we even met the vet, so we signed up and started taking our two cats there. The only vet there, Dr. Wilson, was a really friendly down to earth guy. He had been raised on a farm around animals all his life. I liked that about him. He seemed more like a country animal doctor, trained from real life experience on a farm, rather than just a young kid out of some college training. He wasn't old - I thought he was probably in his 50s, or maybe even his 40s. He seemed in good health. This makes hearing that he died of a heart attack all the more shocking. My mind won't accept it.

I thought of blogging about him and the Foothill Animal Clinic last year, as part of the blogging I try to do about tips for Salt Lake City. What I loved so much about the place was that there were always several cats and little dogs running around the place. The cats lived there - rescue animals who needed homes who he had taken in - and the dogs, also rescues, lived with the receptionists. So when you walked in there was always a beautiful cat hanging out on the counter or sunning itself near the front door. And there would be an Italian grey hound who would run up to greet you. It was a little chaotic but an atmosphere full of love for animals. It seemed a testament of Dr. Wilson and love and dedication to animals. Some might not like that, but I loved it.

Today the cats and the greyhound (with a puppy) were still there. The cats seemed friendlier than ever and I wondered if they were missing the love of Dr. Wilson. While in the exam room we could hear one of the cats howling in a back room. The assistant said he had started doing that lately and she wondered if he was out of sorts missing Dr. Wilson. It was just so sad. I can still see him so clearly and the way he would handle an examination. And I can hear his voice. A pleasant voice. I had spoken with him several times on the phone back in early April about him coming to the house to euthanize my older cat who at that time was dying. Fortunately my cat has recovered and we did not have to take those steps, but I was so comforted and grateful that he would do that so the cat could pass at home in peace. I last saw Dr. Wilson in April for an appointment at the clinic. I had looked forward to hearing his voice again today.

I am so sad that he is gone.

I found these photos I had snapped with my phone back in December. I  just loved so much how there were always animals everywhere that lived there.

Dr. Wilson and the little greyhound.

Stress and Pets

Today. Sucked. Work has been stressful and intense all week, but today was the cherry on top. Lots of challenging matters. All day long. As the email poured in, so did the problems. Sigh.

Pets are good for relieving stress. One minute you are sitting there just off of yet another phone call feeling the weight of everything you have to do on your shoulders and then suddenly there is this little furry body standing next to you. Two white paws reaching up to your desk, eyes looking at you, purring, willing you to pick them up. And you hug them and pet them and they purr. You bury your face in their fur and they just keep purring away. Pure love. And suddenly you don't feel as stressed about everything and you don't care as much about that other junk. Grateful.

Bunnies

No time for a "real" blog entry today, so here is a video. iPhone 8MM application takes fun videos. I still recommend this one.

I miss my bunnies, and I can't wait to see my husband and them this weekend when I leave this crazy place (WDC) I used to call home and return to SLC, now my real home. I don't really have bunnies. It is a nickname I use for my two cats. I don't know why. We pet lovers say and do weird things...

Mr. Kitty is hanging in there. I credit my husband who is giving him a lot of love (along with his meds) and telling him he has to wait for me.

Make Every Moment Count

Well...it has been two weeks since my old cat, my Mr. Kitty, went into the emergency animal hospital. When we brought him home two weeks ago from the hospital, we thought for sure we were watching his last moments. He was so weak and his eyes were not the same and I sat with him and cried. That first night he was home, we really did not believe he would be alive in the morning. But miraculously he pulled through. The next morning he got up and drank some water and then he started to eat and he got better. He has changed. He is older and different than before he went into the hospital. The vet thinks that in addition to the diabetes he has had for several years, his kidneys are failing and he has cancer. The vet said he was surprised that he lived given how bad he was when he came into the hospital. But man, he must be a tough old man, because he did make it. Isn't it amazing when that happens? I am so grateful that he is better and not in pain and I can spend a little more time with him. We don't know how much time. Could be today. Could be tomorrow. Could be in a few weeks or a few months. We watch and wait. But now that I know we are near the end, I make every moment count while we are waiting. I don't take it for granted. I feel like this is a lesson to remind me to make every moment count for all the people I love in my life.

He is sleeping here in my home office with me as I write this, and I love that.

Losing Your Pet

My cat is dying. And I am reminded that often, usually, death is not pretty. It sucks. I am sure most others share my wish that all of our people and our animals could pass peacefully in their sleep - happy, with no pain and suffering. Instead too often it occurs with uncomfortable and unfamiliar hospital rooms and poking and prodding and machinery. Watching your loved one rapidly deteriorate in a pool of their own blood, vomit and excrement.

Sorry to be so graphic, but I've just spent the night on a death watch with my cat, after watching his now frail body shake everything out of his body from both ends until he was so exhausted he collapsed in his litter box and stayed. His breathing so tiny that I had to constantly check to make sure he was alive. His eyes, while they were still open, were not his eyes. They were dying eyes. The life gone.

I left him there to rest, expecting to find him dead the next time I checked. But amazingly at 6:30 this morning he moved around a little and drank a lot of water and I've even managed to get him to eat a little, without retching it all up. The best thing of all is that his eyes look so much better  - more like his old self. Better yet - he has been purring. Just lying there, sick and weak, but purring. I feel blessed. Thank you universe for this gift. That is all I wanted -  a little more time to hold him and love him and hear him purr. For any of you who have cats, you know what I mean. The purring is the best thing. Just the best. I wanted him to be in his home and have some level of comfort before he leaves this world - not to pass or have to be put down in the animal hospital. It is a very nice animal hospital with great staff, but still, not as good as being in your home around your people and your familiar surroundings. So I am so grateful that he is here even if it does mean prolonging the stress and pain for myself and my husband.

He is still so weak and I am letting him sleep. Last night I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be taking him to the animal hospital again this morning to put him to sleep - to end his suffering, but this slight improvement changes things, although only slightly. Yes, he is a little better, but I see very clearly the writing on the wall. These are his last hours. Last days if we are lucky. We will be putting him to sleep, it is only a matter of when. I can nurse him now, but only so much. His systems are out of balance and rapidly deteriorating. He is sick, but not in pain. Not yet.

And I am so grateful that today I discovered that my vet will do at home euthanasia. When it is time, we can do it here at home where he is comfortable and relaxed. He can pass on from his home. I can hold him as he passes. This is how I have always wanted it to happen. I just hope I can keep myself together and not be crying hysterically as it is happening, which would not be relaxing for my cat. I think I can do it for him. I can keep myself composed until its done.

So, for now I play nurse. Checking him every half hour or so to see what and how he is doing. I give him a little water and try to get him to eat a little. I pet his head and neck and listen to him purr. I tell him I love him and I thank him for all that he has given me for so long. He and I have been through a lot. I reminisce about him in my life over such a long period of time. All the places we've lived, the things that he has been around for in my life. I cry a little. I try not to think about how my house and my days and my routines will miss him. When you live with someone for 15 years, having them suddenly not there anymore can really rock your world and shake your existence. Even if they are a little animal.

But I accept what I have to do. That it is his time to move on. For me to let him go. It sucks. Doesn't it always? That is the kicker with pets, isn't it? They bring you so much love and fun and joy, but one day they have to leave. I guess you can say that about anyone in your life. We suffer through the loss because the time we have with them is totally worth it. And despite how much everything sucks so much right now, it has been totally worth it.

P.S....I promise happier postings in the future. As you can imagine things are kind of sucky right now and I just need to vent and write about it. I know others out there feel these same things and go through these same things.

Me and Mr. Kitty about a year ago

I will miss him hanging out with me as I work from my home office. 

And I will miss how he would always hang out with me in the bathroom. You could not take a bath without him lounging on the edge of the bathtub.

If she was yours...I am so sorry

I wish I could find you. The owner of the big, beautiful white dog that I found on Route 38 (Pearblossom Highway) in an area called Little Rock, California. I found her in the left most lane of Pearblossom Highway heading east, right at 75th Street E. It was around 3 pm on Sunday. It was pouring rain so hard that it was difficult to drive. I am not from your area and was only passing through from visiting friends in Santa Clarita back to Barstow, CA and then on to Salt Lake City.

I was so sad to see her there in the middle of the road. I could tell she had only recently been hit. Then as I was driving by. I saw her chest move up as if she was taking a breath. That freaked me out because there were still cars coming and I was terrified that she would keep getting hit by cars. If there was a chance to save her, I wanted to do this. I was so angry that no other cars were stopping. I knew I could not drive on if there was a chance she was alive. I pulled my car over. I was freaking out and panicked over what to do. It was raining so hard and there were so many cars. I got out of my car and tried to keep more cars from running her over. I want you to know that I don't know how long she had been there, but at least I managed to keep more from running over her while I was there.

Finally I was able to get into the road. Her damages were probably all internal, as on the outside I could only see some blood on her foot. I am sorry to say that she looked gone. Beyond recovery. I saw her chest move one more time. But her body was not moving and her eyes seemed gone. I want you to know that she was not laying there suffering while I was there. I believe she was already gone or just passing and I was just seeing those last movements that the body makes involuntarily even after death. I want you to know that I was with her when she took her last breaths. She was not alone.

I picked her up - she was very heavy - and carried her to the side of the road and laid her in some grass.  I checked again to see if she could still be alive, but I do not think so. I did the only thing I could think of. I called the police. They were closed. I called 911. They connected me to the animal rescue people. I gave them the address - told them I did not think she was still alive, but could someone please come and get her. Not being from that area I had no idea where to take her or what to do. They told me not to wait as they weren't sure how long it would take to get there. So I stroked your dog's head one last time and told her to go in peace. I took this photo of her. Not to be morbid. I thought it might be needed for the police or animal rescue people or to help identify her. I also wanted to remember her. She was so beautiful, even in death. Like a big, white wolf. A beautiful animal. That whole thing seemed so raw and crazy and unreal that when I was back in the car driving I wondered if it had really happened or if I had dreamed the whole thing. I had to look at the photo to ensure it had really happened.

I mourned for your dog. I cried for her all the way to Utah. Sometimes I cried in anger over all of those cars and seeing none of them stop. It made me very angry at people and their stupid cars and their stupid carelessness and then their stupid disconnection from other people's problems. Sometimes I just cried because the death of an animal like that is just wrong. Sometimes because I knew someone had lost their pet. Sometimes because I wish I could have arrived at the scene earlier and possibly saved her. The animal people called me later to tell me they had sent an officer to the location and they could not find her. I was devastated to hear this. I know she did not get up and walk away. So someone must have stopped and picked her up. Was it you? Were you out looking for her and you found her? I hope so. So much. I am going to choose to believe this. Maybe you will find this blog entry on the internet and then you will know what happened. Maybe it will give you just a tiny bit of comfort. I want to know that she had good people who loved her and who would go out looking for her. I want to know that she was reunited with you, even if it had to be like this. Because she needed a proper passing. Which is why I could not leave her in the middle of that road to be run over again and again by horrible people who could not take the time to stop. If that was my dog I would want someone to do the same. And after this experience, I will always do the same.

I am still a wreck over the death of your dog. I have been crying writing this. But I felt that I had to write this to try to cleanse myself of her death, your loss, my experience. Seeing her, carrying her, being too late to save her. I am crushed. I am an animal lover and I can't stand to see an animal suffering. I can't stand to see people lose their pets. I am probably even more emotional right now because I am losing my cat of 15 years. I am grateful that I will have the time to say goodbye to him and send him off in comfort, in his home and with his people. I am so sorry that your pet's passing could not be the same. But please take just a tiny bit of comfort that someone who cared about her was there with her when she passed. I was there. And I cared a lot.

Found in my Bed

I just walked into my bedroom and found this tucked beneath the covers...

I love my pets.

Monkey Love

Today I am not feeling well...been fighting a flu since Sunday. I decided to stop working and climb into bed several hours ago. My little Monkey is here keeping me company. I love her.

Fatty (Mr. Kitty) is here too now.

Paul says I am not allowed to post any more photos of the cats for awhile for fear that I will look like one of those crazy cat people...

Cats in Suitcases

Yes, that is all it is. My own personal collection. Happy Weekend!

Nine Lives

Lots to write about this week's stop on the byway in Washington, DC...but too busy to write at this time, so need to post some photos...

I love animals. I love pets. I have two cats (I love dogs too, but I have traveled too much to take on that responsibility). My oldest cat was adopted as a small fuzzy kitten from an animal shelter in Ithaca, New York when I was a graduate student. He is now 15 years old. He developed diabetes a few years ago so I have to give him insulin shots twice a day. Many who know him know that he has a history of being crabby and unfriendly to others, but he is a little lovebug to me. Like most pet owners and lovers, I find him endlessly entertaining and cute, and I take way too many photos of him, which probably only I find interesting. Here he is - the nine lives of Mr. Kitty.

Hiding Kitty

Sunning Kitty

Artistic Kitty

Angry Kitty

Fuzzy Kitty

Curious Kitty

Sleepy Kitty

Portable Kitty

Silly Kitty

Home

I love traveling, especially for vacation, but there is nothing like coming home. Dropping your bags. Putting on clean clothes. Sitting in front of the fireplace on the big cozy couch eating great pizza from the local shop. Loving your pets. Using your own shower with your favorite bath products. Sleeping in your own bed. Waking up to the sounds of your husband making coffee and breakfast the way you like it in your kitchen. I love being home.

I am feeling especially grateful to be home loving my pets, even more than usual, because earlier this week I thought that right now I would be writing a farewell send off for my old cat, Mr. Kitty. But thankfully the universe has decided he should be with us awhile longer. 

While on vacation we got a call from our friend McKade, who was watching the house and the cats, because the cat was having a seizure. I could hear the cat in the background and it was not a pretty sound. Poor McKade had to rush him to the animal hospital. Thankfully we have one close by. We used it recently in a similar situation. The day after my wedding, and the day before we were leaving on our honeymoon the cat had had a seizure as well. (Why does the cat choose to have seizures at really bad times?) Nothing like that stressful run to the emergency room when you are wondering if your beloved pet is going to die right there in the car. Or in this case, sitting by the pool in sunny Mexico feeling guilty as hell waiting for the call back from McKade that he might be dead. Having a diabetic cat I had the emergency animal hospital run once in DC and now twice here in Utah. And watching an animal, your beloved pet, have a seizure is really no fun. Whereas the earlier seizure after the wedding was nothing, this time it was serious. His insulin levels were way off. His body has changed and it turns out we were now giving him too much insulin. When you realize that you may have caused your cat's seizure from giving him too much insulin, and that your pet is on oxygen and an IV - little kitty life support - it is very stressful. As he is so old you worry about a seizure like this giving him brain damage, or blinding him. Fortunately he seems to be ok now. He had to spend the night in the hospital with lots of tests but he is home now. I couldn't wait to get home and give him some love and thank him for not dying before I could get home. He is old and crabby, but he is still my kitty. I got him from an animal shelter in Ithaca, NY more than 15 years ago as a little kitten and he is still my fuzzy little bunny. He is part of home.

More Old Snuggly Kitties

Sometimes they love each other

I caught them holding hands