Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

I blog to avoid the internet.

Fifteen minutes tonight filling out permission slips and volunteer forms and her reading log - I feel so grown up!  There's never a moment I drop the responsibility, never a moment their care isn't a live current running underneath everything else happening in my brain, but sometimes, when I have a quiet moment to sit and really think, it blows my mind that I am a mother, responsible for the lives and well-being of two other entire humans.  What they eat, what they wear, when they bathe, how they play - I have a say in all of it.  Not just a say - I damn-near control it entirely.  It's crazy to me that someone let me have this much responsibility without checking to make sure I'm qualified in any way for this much power.  No Pressure.

G had her first parent/teacher conference today, and it lined up perfectly with C's follow-up pelvic ultrasound, so Jimi took the phone conference in the car with G in the backseat while C and I went inside for her appointment.  They were done with her so quickly, we were back to the car in time for the last part of the conversation.  Basically, she's awesome.  She's reading and writing at nearly a first grade level, which is awesome.  She's ahead of most of her class in math, but she needs to keep practicing on her counting (that jump from 29 to 30 fouls her up every time).  She's a little ray of sunshine, a joy to have in class, friendly and helpful to all of her peers.  I heard the part about how they had to move her to a new table because she was too social, and how they expect they'll have to move her again eventually when she gets social with this table too, and I grinned because, yep, that's my girl.

They told us not to expect C's results for a few days.  The technician took the pics, the radiologist "reads" them and sends results to our doc, then we should hear from our doc in a few days.  I want to hold a goshdang Kaizen event to get these people in line - can't we remove a step or two here and multitask to improve turnaround?  For gosh sakes.  Anytime you're in an ultrasound of any sort, you desperately just want to know, "Does everything look normal?"  She didn't halt the test and go get a doc for a second opinion or anything, so there's that, but when she was done, she did say that she needed to check with her doc and asked us to wait for just a moment.  I felt a small pit of dread drop itself into the center of my stomach, but she came back within a few minutes and said we were all set, good to go.  That doesn't answer any questions, though.  So we wait.  And keep sending out into the universe good vibes for no big deal.

My head is a mess, guys.  I'm so sad when I scroll through my social media pages - pictures of new babies and family gatherings sandwiched between horrid tales from sexual assault victims and memes joking about sexual assault survivors posted by men I previously believed to be Good Men.  I want to stay informed, but I've realized my desire to be informed is not so much keeping me abreast of current events so much as depressing the fuck out of me.  I can scroll for hours in twitter and facebook and Instagram, but I'm not gaining any new knowledge or enlightenment from it - I'm just following the crowd into the hole of chaos and awfulness.  I tried to step back last night; I drew myself a warm bath, threw in a bath bomb, turned on a YouTube meditation video to help with stress and anxiety, and tried to let it all go.  When my bath was over, I didn't feel any better, I felt lost and still so sad.  I asked Jimi if he would hold me; I just needed to lie in bed with his arms around me and feel safe.  He did, and I cried and cried until I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore.  I sobbed the big shaking sobs you cry when you're heartbroken, because I am heartbroken.

"I want to live in a world where everything is fair, where everyone is treated equally, where everyone has to follow the same rules."   Why is that too much to ask?

I am aghast at the state of our nation today.  I am appalled.  But I've been doing a little learning, and I'm learning that I shouldn't be all that shocked.  To paraphrase a post I saw somewhere by someone on some social media something:


The United States 
was formed by 
wealthy white supremacists 
to promote their interests and agenda.  
The system is working 
exactly as it was designed.  


In-fucking-deed.  


So yeah.  I'm having a hard time over here, but I'm taking steps to get better.  A social media hiatus between now and election night is on the agenda. I'm even avoiding some of my favorite podcasts, because they're political and informative and the facts they give stress me the fuck out.

Self care, right?  That should be the word of 2018.  It's the only way most of us will survive it.



Friday, May 25, 2018

Moving on...

Need to get the post with the word "Fuck" in the title, twice, off the top of the page, perhaps.  As good a reason as any to write something down, huh?

It's 7:30 a.m. on Friday May 25, 2018.  I've taken the day off as a little mental health gift to myself.  I'm going to spend my day working for my family, and for myself.  Here in a minute I'm going to go take Finn for a walk around the block - Jimi and I were watching Versailles last night and I skipped his walk and so I will make up for it today.  It's really nice outside right now, about 60 degrees.  When we get back, I'm going to mow the yard, front and back.  Then I'm going to take a shower, clean the bathroom, and fold laundry while watching a documentary of some sort or another.  Or maybe Orange is the New Black. I'm going to read on the front porch for an hour, then do yoga in the sunshine.  I'll clean the kitchen while I listen to the last episode of Seeing White, the most amazingly eye-opening piece of education I've ever experienced on the topic of race and what it really means to be white.  (You should check it out - seriously.  It should be required listening for every American.)  I'm going to reorganize my pantry today and get my dining room straight.  I'm going to condense all the cardboard amazon and diaper and toilet paper boxes and get them ready for recycling.  For dinner, I'm making, per Geneva's request, tuna casserole, with peas and lots of extra love.

Once these chores are finished, these tasks accomplished, my house will be ready for a 3-day weekend of playing and fun, not cleaning and straightening.  I'll be refreshed and ready to enjoy my favorite people.  I'm so excited!

Okay, I'm 10 minutes behind schedule already.  Typical.  At least I'm my own boss today.  :)

Happy Friday y'all!

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Breathing deep

Things I Know Are True:
 
Jimi loves me.
 
My parents love me.  Family - aunts, uncles, cousins - I have people who love me.
 
I am a great mother.
 
My girls are amazing miracles full of wonder and delight and I am so lucky to get to be their mom.
 
I am smart.
 
I am pretty.
 
I am a good person.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
I'm working this week on trying to not worry about things that I cannot control.  On setting boundaries.  On remembering things that are true, and not allowing myself to hold space for things that are not. 
 
Starting tomorrow, I've got to start working on my temper, too. 
 
I'm angry, a lot.  Way more than I probably reasonably should be.  For no good reason, usually.  Today, I couldn't find my tennis shoes.  They weren't where I thought I'd left them.  So I tried to look under the pile of dirty clothes on the floor by the bedroom door.  And i got mad at Jimi because there are three hampers full of his clean clothes right there, but no empty hamper for dirty clothes.  And so i threw the pile of dirty clothes into the middle of the bedroom floor, searching for my missing shoes that were not under the pile of dirty clothes, which only made me more mad.  There were tears.  I yelled.  Jimi told me to leave the house because he just couldn't even with me.  Geneva told me she didn't want me to be angry.  My heart broke, but I still had all of this fire inside, this madness that I needed to get out somehow, but breaking windows isn't an option and i can't really throw things at all because moms don't do those things and so I stomp and make passive aggressive comments under my breath toward my husband and my kids who aren't doing anything wrong at all, mostly I'm mad that they're just like me, leaving shit laying around and not picking up after themselves and not being very good housekeepers in general.  Maybe my life's problems would be solved with a housekeeper.  But probably not.
 
 
I got mad last Saturday night over pizza.  It was 9 o'clock, i'd just put a frozen pizza in the oven, thinking I had at least an hour before Geneva would want to go to bed - Uncle J was over!  as soon as I set the timer, she was hollering for milkies and ready to sleep.  I told Jimi I had a pizza in the oven and asked him to check it when the timer when off, then disappeared with G for our bedtime ritual.  An hour later, Jimi was waking me up, telling me my pizza was done...  oh, I was so mad!  Why did he wait 40 minutes to get me - he knows I fall asleep when i'm trying to get her down!  I stomped into the kitchen, pausing to look into the living room and see that Cora was still awake.  Awesome.  And then I saw my pizza, lukewarm and not fully cooked.  I turned the toaster oven back on and put it back in, but i was seeing red.  Uncle J left at some point, and apparently I freaked him out so much he asked Jimi later if I've ever hit him.  I haven't.  I'm not violent, just loud.  Not even yelling-at-other-people loud, and I certainly don't call names or anything like that.  I do stomp, though.  and slam stuff around.  and lately i'm prone to bursting into tears for very miniscule reasons. 
 
I need to get a hold of myself.  this sort of behavior is not acceptable, as I would say to Geneva. 
 
My head gets all cluttered.  There's so much - work, home, kids, husband, family, myself! - so much to do and remember and think about all the time.  So many balls to juggle.  When I drop one, or fear I may drop one, I'm so hard on myself, believing, in the moment of fear and anxiety, things that are not true, worrying myself to the point of a sick stomach about things that haven't happened, things that probably won't happen. 
 
 
Every woman I talk to about this says, "Me too.  Yes.  I understand.  I know."  That helps.  It really does.  It doesn't fix it, but it eases my mind.  It's not just me.  Maybe I'm not losing my mind.  Maybe I'm not crazy as a loon.  Maybe every little thing really is gonna be alright.
 
Jimi is awesome.  I know I say that a lot, and I take it for granted a lot, but when times get tough, he's always right there with the right words, and the truth.  He's really good at telling the truth, even if it's something I may not want to hear.  I love that about him.  It makes me feel safe, because I know that he is honest with me so we can always be on equal footing.  I don't always give him that same courtesy because I think by not speaking my mind i'm sparing his feelings, but then I end up acting like an asshole and the whole thing becomes way bigger than it needed to be or would have been if i'd just told him what was bothering me in the first place.  I'm working on that too, as part of my boundary-setting/worrying about things I can control exercise.  Jimi and I have had some really good talks on our way to work this week, and he's offered some introspections I hadn't considered - like how everything in my life is different today from how it was three years ago.  Hell, from a year ago!  I've had another baby, we have a willful toddler, my job changed entirely when I returned from maternity leave in January, and it's only gotten more stressful since.  That's a lot.  There are a lot of stressful situations I've been facing all at once, and it's no wonder the pressure is starting to catch up with me. 
 
...Deep breaths. 
One thing at a time. 
Don't worry about it if you can't change it. 
Deep breaths. 
Change what you can. 
Do your best. 
What are you really upset about? 
What is the root cause of your frustration? 
What can you do to change the situation? 
Deep breaths. 
Is this reaction setting a good example for the girls? 
Deep breaths. 
 Set boundaries. 
It is okay to tell someone what your boundaries are. 
It is okay to remind them if they forget and cross your boundaries. 
It is okay to have boundaries. 
Boundaries are not rude or mean. 
Deep breaths. 
You cannot control the emotions of others. 
It is okay if someone doesn't like you. 
Deep breaths. 
Remember how lucky you are. 
Remember the good in your life,
add it up - there is so much. 
Deep breaths...
 
 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Balance

I'm trying to identify and confront head-on sources of stress in my life.  In the last week I've been able to, with some pretty deep introspection, narrow down a few of the daily nuances that make me absolutely batshit crazy:

1.  Shoes.  Not being able to find my shoes, not being able to find Geneva's shoes, only being able to find one of the shoes...and don't even let me get started on finding fucking socks that match each other.  It's a Christmas Miracle in July if you can make that shit happen.

2.  Food.  Geneva's Lunch, my lunch, our breakfasts, snacks, morning coffee. Dinner - what are we having for dinner?  All are very important.  All are occasionally missed because I don't have my shit together.

3.  Clothes.  Knowing what I'm going to wear and being able to locate all of the pieces of said outfit.  Wash, Rinse, Repeat for Geneva and Cora. 

Sounds simple enough, right?  Shut up. 

I can recognize how silly and simple that list sounds, but I also know, from living in my daily reality, that those are legitimate, snakes-popping-out-of-my-head crazy-inducing triggers/challenges that can make or break my day before it's really even gotten started. 

I also know how to solve my problems, at least in terms of identifying the solutions - shoes go back in the same place after they come off, food is prepped the night before, laundry is done on weekends and work-week outfits laid out Sunday night.  I've tried.  Oh, how I've tried.  It's not easy being lazy, folks.  When it was just me and Jimi, oh, the lazy times we had.  G came along and required the discipline of every-other-day laundry and regular mealtimes, but she was settling into a pretty good lazy routine too.  Then we added Cora into the mix, and, through no fault of hers, just the pure fact of four people living under one roof, logistics got complicated and started requiring some real planning and execution and follow-through.  Things we're really bad at in the Fowler household.

I was doing great for a minute, though.  When I first went back to work after my maternity leave this last time, I had meal plans planned and prepped Saturday afternoon for the coming week.  Laundry was washed and folded and put away and laid out Sunday night.  Lunches were packed the night before; there was time for breakfast in the mornings before we left the house, rather than grabbing a granola bar on the way out the door.  We knew where our shoes were. 

Those things happened.  They did.  I distinctly remember.  And then we all got sick, and we passed some variety and level of funk around between us for the next few months and it just wasn't easy to keep on top of all of that neatness and organization - it makes everything run so smoothly, but man, it really requires work and staying on top of it.  Or, well, not being completely lazy asses and doing nothing. 

It made me feel better when I learned that there's an actual scientific theory out there that says chaos is the natural order of things - that no matter how nice and neat you organize things, the natural inclination is for those things to become disorganized and messy.  It made me feel like maybe I'm not such a complete failure in life.  Chaos is normal, and expected.  That was long before kids.  It's especially when you have little kids, though, right?  That's what people keep telling me. 

I called a family friend last week, a psychiatrist by trade, and told her that I was pretty sure I was going crazy, and asked her if she could refer me to someone I could talk to.  I don't want any meds or anything, I told her, I just want someone to tell me how to stop being so fucking crazy.  I'd cried the whole way to work that morning.  I was sort of a basket case.  She asked me to explain what was going on - what was my particular flavor of crazy, if you will.  I'm anxious all the time, I feel like I'm constantly going to fuck something up, or like I've already fucked something up and it's going to bite me in the ass.  I can't get my arms around anything, I feel completely overwhelmed and behind at work and at home and I fantasize about burning shit down or quitting my job because then I could start somewhere new and not be behind anymore.  She laughed at me.

"Natalie!  You're not crazy!  You're just a woman!"

dramatic pause

"That's what it is to be a woman in today's fucked up society.  With two small kids and a full time job, of course you're a little crazy."  We can't give enough of ourselves to any one thing to ever feel like we're doing enough or good enough, and then we've given so much of ourselves and our time to those two very important vocations that there's no time or energy left to give to ourselves.  It's a nasty vicious cycle and it can make your brain and your body sick.  She told me how for years she'd held out hope that women could come together, recognizing these truths we all experience every day, and help each other, or at the very least, band together to encourage some positive societal change wherein it was made easier for women to balance these roles.  What she found instead was a bunch of backbiting and judgment. 

Her advice to me was not to seek counsel of a local psychologist - she told me anyone I found locally to talk to would likely be a man, which no ability to understand the perfect storm of emotions i'm experiencing right now, and he'd want to throw a pill at the problem that wouldn't fix my problem.  She told me to hire someone to clean my house, or quit my job, or work part time, or come home and light up a joint to relax after the kids are in bed. 

So those aren't exactly the most feasible options for me, but she got me thinking - what are the sources of my stress?  What makes my day hard? 

I organized my pantry.  I cut up one of those over-the-closet-door shoe holder thingies I never use and put half on the back of the pantry door and filled the pockets with easy-to-grab snacks for us and the kids - fruit, babyfood pouches, granola bars, pretzels, oatmeal packs, fruit snacks.  Now I don't have to dig for nutritious things in the mornings when we're rushing to get out the door  - we have things easily available.  I made a meal plan for the week so we'd come home each night knowing what we're having for dinner and how we're getting it made.  I dug out an old CD rack that is a perfect fit for Geneva's shoes - retraining ourselves to use it is another matter entirely.  Jimi's been staying on top of the kitchen mess and the laundry so we've had things to wear and clean dishes to cook and eat with.  We're off to a good start, I'd say. 

Life is hard and messy and sometimes you just need a good cry and someone to tell you you're not alone, that you're not the only person who's ever gone through this or felt this way.  That you're not crazy.  Not in a "medicate me" sort of way - life is just hard.  And messy.  And chaotic.  Exactly as it's supposed to be. 

Friday, March 30, 2012

Don't read this. The sirens just went off.

Dinner was at Momma's tonight.  Every time I'm with her, I want to be closer to her.  When I'm in her presence, I'd agree to almost anything, so long as it put me closer to her. 

I found myself watching her tonight, looking for signs.  Signs of where I've come from, and where I'm going.  I see my lines in her lips and eyes - hers are where mine are going.  I want to know everything she's ever seen, touched, tasted, heard, thought.  All of it.  I could spend the rest of my life by her side and not know it all.  Especially the parts she doesn't want to share.  Which is most of it, I fear.

She knows Zanzibar.  Z-bar, she called it.  She used to do shots there, with so and so from the hairdresser board, back in the seventies.  Do I even know this woman?  She said we should go there on my birthday, and do shots.  My mother.  "I can't do shots, Momma, I get too drunk."  "Me too, Nat.  You do those five dollar things they sell in the test tubes that aren't very strong, then you can do a bunch."  WTF?  Are we really having this conversation?

The stories my dad tells with passion, she doesn't remember.  Daddy says he has the letters to prove it, Momma says, "we need to burn those" and my heart skips a beat - Daddy's promised to protect and save them for me, but what if she really does get to them first?  My beginnings are in those words, and there's a door there to the people my parents were before they were parents, and I desperately want to know those people.  She wouldn't really burn them, would she?

My great-grandmother is 99 years old.  She's recently been admitted into a nursing home with dementia.  For 20 years, I've had this idea that one day I go visit her with a tape recorder and ask her to tell me all of her earliest memories - what it was like as a teenager during the depression, how it was to birth 9 children at home, did she really have to boil the laundry?  What did she do when she had her period?  What was it like to be celibate for 40+ years?  What was the truth behind that story about the time she cut her hair and her Daddy cried?

It's too late for my questions now.  I've missed my window.  My Granny's gone too, and with her the first-hand account of how she met and fell in love with my Papaw, who, seeing her for the first time, pointed at her through a diner window and said to his buddy, "That's the woman I'm going to marry."   I'll never be able to get clarification on that raw egg she said saved my Aunt Pam's life when Pam was just a baby and barely able to hold down any formula.  What was it like when she went to the hospital, when they shocked her with electricity for having what is now recognized as postpartum depression?  Raising teenagers in the late 60s, early 70s?  Finding out at 40 that you've got a degenerative disease?  Losing the love of your life after 43 years when your plans for the day included lunch and fishing?  Learning, by accident, that you have cancer, and deciding not to say anything to anyone because all you want is to be reunited with him?  Granny said her peace, I suppose;  I wish I would've listened more closely.  The words I remember first, these days, when I remember her voice, are "There's no use crying over spilled milk."  I remember my outrage, "You're SO MUCH MORE than spilled milk, Granny." 

These women in my life.  These strong, deep women, who've taught me so many lessons, but it feels like I was only barely listening, and then, just on the surface.  Now I find myself wanting desperately to know more, so much more - but so much is lost, gone forever.  

My Momma's still here.  She has so many things to tell me, about all of her wonderful adventures, and she doesn't even realize.  She's a hard shell, but she'll talk to me one of these days.  I need to go around more often - not just to get her stories, but because I love her probably more than any other one person in the entire world and it makes her happy to see my face.  And I love it when she talks to me.  I love her voice.  I love holding her hands.  I love putting my arms around her and feeling her bony little shoulders.  I love the way she feels when she hugs me, even if she is a little stand-offish sometimes.  I love how nice she is to me, and how she's always supportive.  She told me tonight that I sing better than her and I think I've never received a higher compliment; her praise is worth a hundred times the value of the most precious metal. 

Twenty minutes, that's how long it takes to drive from my house to hers.  I let weeks and months go by without a visit - sometimes I saw her more when I lived in Michigan.  I am ashamed. Every time I see her I say to myself, self, from now on you will see your Momma at least once a week, and then I do nothing; I don't go see her, I barely call her, I am pathetic and horrible.

I keep thinking there's going to be a day that comes where a switch is thrown and all of a sudden I have to see my Momma three or four times a week and I will be a good and diligent daughter...and then I think, yeah, that'll probably happen when I have a baby...and then I think, but what if I don't ever have a baby?  Will there be no switch?  Oh, and holy crap, I'm a terrible person for not giving them grandkids yet, what if I never do, I'm a horrible daughter...


And I have to admit, I'm always sorta worried that there really is a Heaven like Granny and Papaw described it, and they're totally watching me when I'm masturbating, and I wonder how they'd feel about that, because I know that they'd fucking hate that I've had all that pre- and post-marital sex, but we never really talked about the masturbation thing and I hope that they look away if they're given the option to watch. 

And now that I've typed that paragraph out loud, I may never be able to masturbate again.

Which is sort of a shame, because now what am I going to do with that 8 minutes of my lunch break?

And now I can't believe a post that started out about a visit to my parents' house for dinner has turned into a discussion about my sick or dead grandparents and then masturbation...

Um.  'night.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

O Brother...

Brother is home.  His first act as a newly free man was to make breakfast - sausage and eggs.  He says he was browning the sausage, and got impatient, so he just threw the eggs in with the sausage.  But the skillet was way too hot for the eggs, so they got scorched.  "It's okay, though, they'll still be good," he said.  Then he told me how, when he'd attempted to salt his meal, the lid to the salt shaker came off.  "It'll be fine, though, can't be any worse than what I'm used to."

Momma's got apple pie and chicken stew.  We're all full of tentative joy and desperate hope.  (For Brother, not the meal.  We know the meal will be good.)

If I were the praying type, I'd hit my knees right now and beg.  Oh please let this have been the lesson he needed.  Please let him understand that he has to do the right thing now.  Please let him want to make good choices.

Please let this be the first day of the rest of his life, a life full of good things and happiness and accomplishments like getting a job and a GED and a place of his own and a life he's happy to live.

Please let this be my Brother again.  My parents' son.  Our family, whole.  Please let the fear of brokenness be gone for good.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Itinerary


Jimi's brother went to Vegas last week for his buddy's bachelor party.  We went to his place Friday night to feed his cat and clean the shitbox, and I found this on the coffee table.

Yes, I am the sort that will pick up handwritten papers from your coffee table and read them when you're not around.  (For the record, I originally thought maybe it was a note to us - you know, a "food's in the closet, litter is under the sink" sort of thing.  But it wasn't that.)

It was a list of his flight info and such, and then at the bottom, this gem:

7:45p 7/27 to 12:55p 7/30 = 65 hrs in Vegas

65 hrs - 16 hrs sleep - 3-4 hrs airport/check-in = 45 - 46 hrs party time

$453.00 for 45.5 hrs of party time = $9.96/hrpt

How logical!  

Of course, I wonder if he got stuck in traffic at all, or had times where he was bored as hell - I imagine him thinking "It's costing me $10 an hour for this shit?!"


Sunday, July 24, 2011

Yo!

I'm all drowsy from the phenergan I took before bed last night - I tried to wake up and get out of bed three times this morning, but it was so much easier to just go back to sleep, so that's what I did till nearly 11.  I took the phenergan because my belly was upset, but in retrospect I think it's because I drank that bottle of Exotic Fruits Arbor Mist - or it could've been the grapefruit-flavored beer I chased the wine with.  I should stick to Busch Light.

We visited Brother yesterday afternoon, and took him a lunch of PB&J, kosher dill pickles, chocolate milk, and no-bake cookies.  I'd intended to grab a bag of chips on our way to him, but I forgot and so there were no chips.  I don't think he liked the no-bakes (pretty sure I should've gone with only 2.5 cups of oats rather than 3), but he politely ate one and declared them delicious before claiming to be too full to eat the other.  He looks good, he speaks well, and seems to have his eye on the prize, despite various situational frustrations (like when they had no water or AC for 48 hours last week - in a dorm of 60 men.  Can you fucking imagine the smell?).  He's taking classes to get his GED, and should be finished by the end of August.  He's scheduled to be home by Thanksgiving, and I've got my fingers crossed that there won't be any setbacks or delays - it would be nice to have our family whole and together for the holidays.  

I was furious with him when he screwed up back in March - I just couldn't believe his ignorance.  But now I'm grateful for that back-slide; if he'd gotten away with it, he would've been back on the shit and back to the same old games within a week of being home.  He would've further destroyed himself and my family.  Now, though - now, I think for the first time in his life he fully understands that there really are consequences for his actions.  I think he gets it - I think he knows that he's an addict and that things that roll off of other people take over his mind and control him.  He wouldn't be in this wiser state had he not been so fucking stupid back then.  Funny how life works that way, isn't it?

We finished our visit and rode out to the Mall - Stacy and I had a date so I could buy her a knock-off BellaBand (I ended up getting her a black one and a white one, plus a super-cute maternity shirt).  I don't go to the Mall - to me, it represents everything wrong with the world - something about the combination of the shallow desperate need for things, the stink of too much perfume and greasy food-court food and chlorine-treated wishing-well water, and the teenage girls in bra tops and short-shorts and the boys with their Justin Bieber hair - it makes me feel anxious.  But that's where they sell BellaBand knock-offs, so that's where we went.  Jimi was content wandering around Dick's, looking at shoes and camping equipment, and I must admit I enjoyed window-shopping at Teavana (a new store they're opening that sells teas and teapots and tea accessories).

After shopping, we scooped up our friend Ashley and came back to the house to hang out and be social for a few hours.  She broke up with her boyfriend Friday night and needed to not sit alone in her apartment, poor girl.  (For the record, her boyfriend was a complete and total bag of roosters (cockbag) and I'd happily punch him in the dick if I had the opportunity.)  While she caught us up on the story, I drank aforementioned bottle of wine and beer, and by the time we were driving her home, I was on a total sugar-high and had a good buzz going, so I cranked up the 80's tunes on my mixed CD and we drove through town singing to "King of Wishful Thinking" and "It Must've Been Love" and "Eternal Flame".  And then we dropped her off and it's like she was my energy source; I suddenly was tired and my belly was feeling funny and I just wanted to go to sleep.  

Jimi and I had plans to see the last Potter movie today, but my slow start led me to ask if we can do it after work tomorrow instead - I do this crap to him all the time but he's forgiving and kind and hardly ever bitches about it.  He's going to see Captain America with Steve - I think I'm going to take a shower and spend my day making homemade tomato sauce for a lasagna tonight and watching documentaries on Netflix.  And reading blogs.  Because I'm just that fucking talented at multitasking.  

I hope you have had a lovely weekend, and that the coming week brings you sunshine and rainbows and unicorns.  Happy Sunday!

ETA:  I can't believe I forgot to mention the random penis sighting yesterday!  We were leaving from visiting my brother and Jimi says, "That's man's peeing over there."  I turned quickly and sure enough, there was an old man peeing on the concrete pylon that holds up the train overpass.  I kept watching him pee, and Jimi says, "Natalie, quit watching that man pee!"  "But I NEVER see random penis!"  I mean, it's true - how often do you see random penises?  Not very often, right?  

Sunday, July 10, 2011

What was I saying?

I was going to blog about the fart smelled 'round the world that woke me from a deep slumber and chased me from my bedroom at 6 o'clock this morning, but Jimi didn't want me to write a blog entry whose only purpose is to tell the world that sometimes he farts in bed and it's really stinky.  I thought about explaining to him that all of you know exactly what I'm talking about, because you've been where I was this morning - standing naked in the living room, confused, fanning your face and saying "godDAMN what did you eat last night?", trying to venture back into the bedroom but not daring until the smell has fully dissipated - you've been there, right?  You know what I'm talking about?  It's not that big a deal, just a nice little anecdote to share with your girlfriends, something to add to the "Examples of How Boys Are Grosser Than Girls" list.  So it's okay that I'm blogging about it.  Right?

His brother was in town from Virginia this weekend.  I love Jimi's family.  There aren't many of them, but they've all been nothing but kind and accepting of me from the moment I met them.  But those brothers of his...(you can't see me, but I've hung my head and I'm shaking it slowly from side to side, because that's the only way to finish that thought of "Those brothers of his...".)

In the world I grew up in, "nigger" is a bad word - worse even than the empirical evil that is "fuck".  "Fuck" is something that is said to add strength of emotion to a statement - "nigger" is a hate word and colors everything around it with meanness and spite.  Everything said before and after "nigger" is heard, by my ears, as "wah wah wah waht wha whoo wee", because you just used the awfullest word ever and I can't hear you anymore. Instantly, the person before me is changed in my eyes, altered to reflect the great big sign that just popped up over their head that says "I'm a racist".

I hear "nigger" a lot when the brothers are around.  They know it bothers me, and I think sometimes they try to tone it down for my benefit, but it's still thrown out into my living room, my kitchen, my TV nook with reckless abandon, left floating there in the air around our heads, taunting me with the knowledge that they'll never see the wrongness of their words.  They were raised with the word - it was peppered into conversation like comments on the weather.  I've asked for restraint, I've exclaimed at every utterance, I've objected passionately and argued fiercely - now I just roll my eyes and leave the room.

The older brother told me, as we sat across the table from one another at some random chain steak place, "You'd make the perfect wife, Natalie.  You're just sitting there quietly, taking it all in..."  Jimi gaffawed.  "We're just not saying anything that interests her - talk about a subject she's passionate about and she'll get going."  I'm choosing to believe that he was trying to find a way to compliment me and not that he honestly thinks the perfect wife is one which sits quietly by while the men-folk talk.

Jimi was right - when we got to a subject that interested me, I did get going.  Jimi got going too - the two of us trying to explain to the third how homosexuality is not the same as wanting to have sex with a 12 year old; gay men do not only talk about their love for cock; homosexuality is natural, fucking sheep is a perversion.  That was a fun conversation.

The circumstance of family sometimes puts you together with people you otherwise would never cross paths by design.  It forces you to seek beyond the surface, to listen and attempt to find common ground, because you're family, and so you have to.  It teaches you to agree to disagree.  It teaches you to love even though there are parts that you hate.

It was a good visit, I suppose.  We didn't do much - a few mediocre meals at bleh restaurants, plenty of beer, lots of deep conversation.  The guys visited with their Uncle Joe, their father's brother.  Our guest was gone before we got out of bed this morning, and when he called a little while ago, he was already more than half way home.  I hope he enjoyed his vacation.

Jimi and Steve are brewing beer today.  I've got a battle raging in my head about whether or not I'm going to go visit my brother today.  I mostly want to sit on my ass and read teh internets.

I'm going to go take the dog for a walk.  I hope you're having a lovely Sunday.

Monday, July 4, 2011

And a-camping we will go...

Little Ashy Mushrooms

We camped, and it was good.

We got to camp a little after 8 o’clock Friday night and commenced with the tent-setting-up, the bed-blowing-up and bed-making, fire-starting.  Karen and Gary leave a kitchen tent set up all summer long for general use, and at some point in the last month it suffered a major malfunction; it was partially collapsed in on itself, one pole was shattered, and there was a new sunlight that hadn’t been part of the original design.  (Jimi was able to rig it up Saturday morning with duct tape and a little ingenuity; I think it’ll probably be serviceable through the rest of the summer.)  It was after 10 before K & G arrived; we had just given up on them, figuring they’d decided to wait till morning, when we saw the Jeep come bouncing over the distant hill up by the farmhouse. 

The kitchen disaster
Their late arrival reminded me of camping when I was a child – Granny and Papaw had “The Property”, 25 acres of primitive land in the middle of Nowhere, KY (or Knifely, as the town is actually known, in Adair County), and on summer Fridays, about 5:30 in the afternoons, the phone calls would start; my Dad would call Aunt Pam and say “Byron and Melissa and Sheila and Joe are going, if you don’t go you’ll be the only ones not there!”  Then he’d call Byron and say “Pam and Sheila and Joe are going, you don’t have a hair if you’re not there too!” (Whatever that means.)  You see the pattern, I hope?  Did I mention the Property is approximately 2 hours away, in the middle of nowhere?  By the time we turned off the pavement onto the tree-lined gravel road that led back to our sanctuary, it was always dark, and our little caravan would creep along under the canopy, trying to avoid the deep ruts in the road that rains always created, Stacy and I with our eyes glued out the windows searching for any sign of Bigfoot.  We’d get to the Property and the cars were lined up to aim their headlights toward the spot we’d designated as Tent City, and for the next hour the grown-ups pitched tents and set up the kitchen and built the mandatory 7-foot tall bonfire structure.  Stacy and I, our job was to find sticks for kindling and sticks for hot dogs and marshmallows.  I never remember being an active part of the set-up or take-down process when I was little; I was lazy and my parents spoiled me, I guess. 
I think maybe he was going to chop the fire?

Saturday was the best, as Saturday’s generally are; Saturday, you’re already at camp, all set up.  Saturday, you’re staying another night, so there’s no lingering “Crap, I have to take down all this shit in a few hours” feeling.  Saturday, the only items on the agenda are eat, drink, and play.  Jimi had stayed up all night – he and Gary sat around the fire talking men-talk until the sky was starting to lighten.  Gary excused himself to try to catch a few hours of sleep before he had to leave; he was due to help his mother at the Farmer’s Market where she sells veggies every weekend.  Jimi stayed up and fixed the kitchen.  I woke to a conversation between Jimi, Karen, and a male voice I didn’t know – tent-listening is one of my favorite things about camping.  Lying there on the air mattress, a little humid and sticky and damp in that way tents always feel in the morning hours, watching the bugs crawl between the rain fly and the mesh ceiling, listening to the people I love say the things they say when I’m not part of the conversations.  One of these days, I’m convinced I’ll hear Jimi talk of his love for me in ways I’ve never heard before; or that Karen will say how pretty she thinks I am; or someone we don’t like will say I’m a bitch and then get a verbal tongue lashing from the people who love me best; but until then, I’m happily content to eavesdrop on fireside chats held on the other side of the polyester while I’m trying to wake up. 

Justin was the name of the newcomer.  He was camped down around the corner near Ray’s site, and he happily told us this was his first year back to camp after being banned for the last 5 years.  “What in the world did you do to get banned from Camp?  (Farmer) Fred is a pretty easy-going guy,” Karen says the things I think.  “Aww,” Justin drawled, “cuttin’ down trees, drivin’ through the corn, things like that.  Basically breaking all the rules.”  He laughed and said, “But I’m 25 now, so he was willing to let me back to show I’ve grown up.”  I listened a while longer, then sat up and pulled on the same dirty clothes I’d worn last night to set up camp; a shower would come at some point, but dirty clothes are a way of life at camp.  I wanted to put a face on Justin – I needed to see what this guy looked like.  I wasn’t surprised by his appearance; in fact, he was almost familiar, as he looked like every other 20-something guy that grows up in the country, raised on whiskey and trouble.  He was skinny, almost scrawny, but not quite.  He wore a pair of silky gray basketball shorts and nothing else, his bare feet clad only in a little dirt, his torso covered only partially by tattoos.  He’d driven the 50 yards from his campsite to the outhouse stationed next to ours; now his business was attended to and he was ready to make some new friends.  When asked why he’d previously caused so much trouble for the Farmer, he replied “I like whiskey a little too much, but I don’t go to meetings or anything.  I’m only 25.”  He regaled us with tales of a pill-identifying service, one which you can text a description of unknown medications and they’ll respond with detailed info post haste (for all your prescription-pill thieving/re-selling needs, I imagine); he asked if we take pills.  He commented several times on how nice Gary’s Jeep is, and the scrap value of the catalytic converter attached thereto.  He asked us several times if we smoke marijuana, while raising his right arm to proudly display the marijuana leaf tattooed on the underside of his bicep.  He told us about the time he was wasted and getting a tattoo and jerked, leaving a dot-dot-dot line across his upper arm.  He proudly pointed at his armpit so we could make out the brick wall that was tattooed all the way into the center.  He told us again about how glad he was to be back at camp, now that he was more grown up and responsible, what with being 25, having a wife, and two kids.  “That’s what Fred requires to come back, you know – you have to be 25 and have a wife and two kids.” 

Justin left.  Karen eventually got Gary out of bed and they headed for the Farmer’s Market.  Jimi was crashing fast, after being up for over 24 hours, so went to take a nap.  Me?  I had my book – Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  I sat around the still-smoldering fire for a while, but it was getting hot and sticky and the river was calling my name.  I blew up the raft we’d brought, a double-inner-tube with a cooler built into the space between.  I filled the cooler space with a towel, my dry box (for smokes), and my book.  I had a small soft-side cooler full of beer and ice, and it found a nice little home in the second seat.  Once I got over the initial shock of the cold water, I tied off to a fallen tree and laid back for two hours, reading and enjoying the quiet and swatting at flying things that landed on me.  It was heavenly. 

When I’d had enough, I showered in our tarp-shower.  Our site comes equipped with a spigot, but the water comes directly from the river and is just as cold.  Brr!!!  Despite the cold, showering outside is always refreshing and makes me feel more alive.  I was aiming for a nap, but it never quite came to fruition – Jimi was up when I got to the tent and we were both getting hungry.  We had lunch, Jimi showered, and then we sat by the fire, him with his ukulele, me with my book, and we just enjoyed being still for a while, waiting for our friends to come back and the next meal time to begin. 

Jimi made stir fry for dinner and it was out of this world delicious.  We had red and green peppers, water chestnuts, baby corns, sugar snap peas, broccoli, onion, carrots, asparagus, all mixed together with chicken and soy and curry and Chinese five spice.  It was one of the most yummiest things I’ve ever had at camp.  That man of mine, he’s something else.

We were all well on our way toward bedtime – it was nearly midnight – when a woman in a van drove by on the road and stopped – “you guys haven’t seen a little twelve-year old girl have you?  She was down by the fireworks and disappeared 2 hours ago.”  Whoa.  What?  There’s a kid missing?  Holy crap!  The woman was helping to look, she didn’t even know the girl’s name, much less details of where had been searched and what we should do if we found the child.  Karen and I hopped into the Jeep and headed for the barn – “there are kittens and animals up there, maybe she wanted a closer look,” K said, and it made sense to me.  Floating to us across the corn were cries of “Sarah! Sarah!” – the entire camp was mobilized and searching.  We passed dozens of vehicles on the rutted dirt roads, clusters of children and adults wandering with flashlights pointed into the woods and cornfields.  The entrance to the farm was blocked off, we were happy to see; there was nothing at the barn but curious goats and a kitten with eyes full of puss.  We circled around for twenty minutes, stopping to get updates from every new group or vehicle we passed, and finally heard the words we were hoping for – the girl was found, and she was okay; little brat had gotten pouty and wandered off – two hours later, she texted someone to come pick her up.  Kids. 

Sunday started off promising – the sun was out, the sky was blue, the water was clear and cold.  Momma called and said she and Daddy were coming up for the day.  It was perfect.  Then about noon, Gary said, “Is that thunder I hear?”  We all stopped, cocked our heads, and listened.  “Nah,” Jimi said. “Someone’s shooting something or setting off more fireworks.” 

It was thunder, and the clouds rolled in just as Momma and Daddy did.  We had only a brief little sprinkle, but the sun was nowhere to be found when Momma and I headed for the water.  The water is cold when the sun is beating down on you – it’s downright freezing when clouds are covering the sky.  Eventually, though, the parts of you in the water go numb, so it’s not so bad. 

Momma and Daddy stayed for a few hours, and I’m glad I wasn’t able to talk them into staying the night - an hour or so after they’d left, the sky opened up.  Dark clouds rolled over us, bringing wind and rain and lightning and thunder.  We all were soaked from our efforts to rein in our things – I was nearly dry until we had to cover K & G’s trailer with a tarp; the rain was coming in sheets through the trees and I was soaked through in seconds.  We huddled under the tarp the guys had so ingeniously erected, but the rain was coming in from the sides and the dirt floor was becoming a mud puddle fast.  We’d talked all morning of possibly packing up our things and heading home a day early – drenched and freezing, I looked at Jimi and said, “Let’s get out of here.”  We spent the next two hours gathering our things and securing the things we were leaving, dripping wet the entire time.  We were on the road and pointed toward home by 9:45, home with Taco Bell by 11 o’clock, freshly showered and in bed by midnight. 
On our way home....we're going home!

 Monday, Independence Day.  We’ve got a truck full of gear that needs to be carried inside, sorted, dried out, put away; food that needs to be moved from cooler to fridge; laundry that needs to be washed.  There’ll be time enough for that later.  I had to tell the story of it all first.  And now, some pictures I took last night, in the rain, while we were trying to pack up.  Someone wasn't willing to let their fireworks go to waste:





Happy Independence Day!  Celebrate well.
     


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

I posted a picture of my backyard yesterday and Kari was all, 
"Uhhh your yard is ridiculously gianormous. Seriously. Gianormous."  
Girl, you've got no idea.
  
It takes 2 hours to mow with a push mower. 
I really didn't think it through when I told Jimi the house with the big yard was the best one.  
Of course, he hadn't yet told me of his "grass allergy", either, so how was I to know?

Happy Mothers Day to all of the Mommas out there!  My Momma spent the weekend with her sisters; she'll be back home this afternoon and the plan is for Jimi and I to go over and make dinner and plant the lilies we got to replace the ones that were accidentally mowed over last year (Dad).  Daddy's birthday is tomorrow, so I've gotta figure out something for that - nothing like waiting till the last minute.  It'll all be fine.

I've been reading the things you've all written about your moms and how much they mean to you, and I want to do that for my Momma, too, but I feel like I'd probably do it wrong.  I don't know; I don't feel like I'm a very good daughter sometimes.  I love my Momma more than just about anything else in the world, but I take her for granted; I don't spend time with her the way I should, I don't invite her over for dinner or to bake, we don't meet out for lunch and shopping once a week or even once a month.  I'm pretty sure I went three months without seeing her after New Year's and she only lives 20 minutes up the road.  It's shameful.  I know I won't have her around forever, but it feels like she'll always be there because I can't imagine an alternative; she couldn't possibly grow old and die because she's my Mommy and she still has so much to teach me!

Sometimes I feel like I've let her down by not having a grandchild or two for her yet; like there was a way things were supposed to work out and giving her grandbabies was on the agenda and I've not done my part.  She doesn't make me feel that way - she doesn't pressure or nag - I just feel like I've let her down.  And I fear that if I wait too long I won't have her wealth of knowledge and advice at my disposal.  

Jimi asked me last night what Momma's favorite meal is, and I don't know the answer.  I could only come up with "chicken livers" - I know she loves them, but I don't think they're her favorite.  She likes eggs but can't eat many of them because they make her belly hurt.  Her favorite color is green.  She's left-handed and she plays the piano beautifully - she can open up a piece of music for the first time and play it like she's practiced for days.  She goes to the grocery probably 5 times a week.  She cooks dinner almost every night even if there won't be anyone but her to eat while it's hot.  She's a worrier - all the women from that line are, me included.  She's brilliant with money - Daddy says it's all because of her that the banks would be happy to lend them more money than they could ever hope to pay back.  She makes delicious healthy foods and says they're not worth eating because she forgot to add this or she put in too much of that - Granny did that too, and apparently, so do I.  

She says she's not my friend - she's my Mother.  There's a difference.  At 31, I'm still working to get her to revise her stance on this topic - I get why it was important 10 or 15 years ago, but these days?  Not so much.  

I love holding her hand or hugging her close to me; she's my Momma, and it feels like coming home to touch her.  I know I'm always safe and loved when she's in the room.  Her smell is Aromatics Elixir from Clinique - if I get a whiff on another woman in a store, I have to call Momma to tell her I love her because she suddenly feels close.  

She always has the right words.  When an ex-boyfriend hurt me and I had to leave the apartment we shared, I thought I'd have to suck up my pride and beg to go back home - Momma's words were "Natalie, you get what you have to bring and you come home.  And for God's sake, don't let your father find out what he did."  I don't remember the exact words either of us used when I called her from El Paso to tell her my husband wanted a divorce, but I remember the fear I felt dialing the phone, and the relief that washed over for me when she said she was just so sad for me, but that I was strong and she admired my strength and that she'd get my bedroom ready for me again - and then she sent me a check to pay for my moving expenses.  And last year, when I was pregnant and then I wasn't, she loved me and cried for me and with me and told me everything was going to be okay and I believed her because she's my Momma and she'd never lie to me.  

She's my Momma and everything I have, everything I am, is because of and thanks to her.  She's taught me everything I know, but I still have so much to learn.  I'll try harder, Momma, I promise.  I'll do better.  

Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends out there in blogland, also.  You've all taught me a lot - about life, family, friendship, womanhood.  Like a community of motherly knowledge I can draw from - thank you.    

In other news, this:






Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sunday blah blah blah

31 years before I attended a funeral ON my birthday.  That happens to most people at least once in a lifetime, right?  The shittiest part of life, I say.

Jimi, bless his heart.  He was willing to do anything for me yesterday. He's so fucking good to me.

I called my Momma yesterday morning.  She said, "Natalie, what are you doing?  It's before 8 o'clock and it's Saturday morning."  She, of course, was up - I refuse to believe that woman ever sleeps past 5 a.m., except for that one time when she slept till 9:30, but I'm pretty sure she called the Courier-Journal to announce that.  I called her to thank her for being such an awesome, wonderful Momma for the last 31 years.  "Yeah, some Mom I am, I haven't even bought you a card yet," she replied.  She's in Northern Kentucky with her Choral group, practicing.  Last night, she called me and her group sang "Happy Birthday" to me.  I felt so special and loved. Then she said she had to go because they had other birthday calls to make.  What?!  No one else can have my birthday Happy Birthdays!!!  (Daddy called me too, of course.  I didn't know when he'd be up, so I didn't call him first thing, but Momma called him after she got off the phone with me and told him I was up so he called me.)

We did family/funeral things until 2 or so, then had lunch at Toast on Market (Lemon Souffle pancakes with blueberry compote and vanilla custard for me), then caught up with our friends for the Ale Club meeting downtown, where Steve bought me a beer and the lovely Maria and I had discussions about religion and how much my strawberry shortcake martini smelled like the Strawberry Shortcake dolls we played with as children.  Stacy and Jessie came over late last night to hang out for a few hours, and I talked to my Aunt Pam for over an hour while I waited for them to arrive.

It wasn't the blowout badass party I had last year, but it was full of love, and that's all I need.

We're having Jimi's family over for dinner tonight.  Of course, that means cleaning in the meantime.  And laundry; our laundry situation is getting bad again.

I ordered a couple of photo collages from Snapfish using DC pics that I'd uploaded here - I had my fingers crossed that not having the original files wouldn't affect the print value too horribly.  They showed up yesterday, they look great, and I'm very excited - I can't wait to frame them and hang them on the walls.  I've got 5x7s and 8x10s coming too - oh boy!  Between birthday and funeral stuff I've not yet gotten the computer over to my friend to have it repaired and my photos re-found; today's the day for that too.

It's only 9:34 a.m.; I want a nap already.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Tonight.

Momma and Daddy have letters they wrote to each other over the course of four years while he was in Germany.  My Momma wants them destroyed; my Daddy swears they'll be kept safe for me to find eventually.

There's a lot about my Momma that I don't know.  I hope one day she'll tell me her stories.  I want to know about her.  I think she's afraid she'll lose face, like she'll be somehow less authoritative or respectable if I know that she's human, more like me than she's willing to admit.

My Daddy?  He's like me; he was ready tonight to spill some tales I've never heard before, but Momma stopped him with a look and mouthed words I couldn't read from my position next to her.  He'll tell me anything; and while I know how much he loves me, I think he also really likes me, too.  There's a difference.  I know I sure really like him.

Jimi and I went over tonight and took Momma to dinner; Daddy was working then, but was home by the time we were back to their house.  We hung out downstairs and talked and remembered and laughed, and it was full of that coming home feeling - that happy, I-belong-here, I'm-part-of-this feeling.  That I recognize this is proof that I don't spend enough time with my parents.



And this is how the rest of my night went, after we returned home and Jimi had begged off to bed:

This is Squirrel.

He's Finn's baby.

Oh wait!  
Here comes Kitten!  
(A.K.A. 
Q the Cat.)


He's after the wrist-strap on my camera. 



It's fascinating 
and delicious.  

Oh no!  What's that?

It's the puppy!!!  
And he will Kill the Squirrel!!






You can't tell, but they're all three in this picture.  
That's Kitten there on the right.  

For some reason, I really love these pictures.  They're so jacked up - the epitome of my life.

I'm watching Hustle and Flow on MTV2.  Have you ever seen it?  Whoop That Trick! - it's a motto in our house.  Actually, the movie is almost painful to watch, and the lyrics aren't much better.  But I love it.

There are 427 blog entries in my Google Reader right now.  I'll never get through them all.

I didn't know about the Blogger's Day of Silence until I found my Notie Kari's post - and then I couldn't figure out how to participate so I just waited until after midnight to start blogging again.  Actually, I was really busy at work and then we went out with Momma and hung out at their house and didn't get home till after midnight, but I swear I was somewhat actively participating sorta.

My brain is tired and I cannot word anymore.  G'night and I love you.

No really.  I mean it.  I love you.  If you read all of those dumb words, I love you.  True story.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Week 1, 2011

Kim declared that she's going to eat one piece of chocolate - JUST ONE - every day for the rest of her life.  She was perusing her choices and weighing her options while she ate her lunch one day last week: 



Here's a blurry picture of Jimi's face.  He's pretty even when he's blurry.  












 I'm still trying to get the hang of this camera.
I took some pictures of my orchids.  
And the dirt they live in.





While I drove to Scottsville on Sunday, Jimi took pictures of all of us.





And here's me again:





 And this is Jimi's family, 
Brother Jason, Jimi, Aunt Hazel, Sister Kathy, Brother-in-Law Dennis:


That's a pretty reasonable representation of my first week of 2011, I suppose.  Better than nothing.  :)

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