Woodberry Kitchen is Back! Who Cares?

Woodberry Tavern menu. Click to embiggen.

When Woodberry Kitchen originally opened to rave reviews, including from people whose opinions I respect, I just rolled my eyes. I'd been to other of Spike Gjerde's restaurants, the ones owned with his brother, Charlie, and while they were good, none were particularly impressive. One was memorable, however., as it was the location of a birthday dinner on a particularly bad birthday. I won't bore you with those details. Let's just say that a whole Maine lobster served in a bowl of oily sauce is almost impossible to eat. Had I been in charge, that lobster would have had its claws and tail pre-cracked, or better yet, I would have removed the meat from the shell and arranged it daintily on a plate. Instead, the Powers That Be dictated that I wrestle with the whole greasy beast, which refused to submit to the cracker (which was also greasy, as were my hands). I should have sent the dish back, but I was already having a terrible day and some part of me must have felt that I deserved my fate. In any case, I've had it out for the Gjerde brothers since then.

Well, mostly Spike. Charlie seems like a nice guy, and his restaurants are all accessible places with decent grub. Spike, however, has long suffered from delusions of grandeur, which can only have been exacerbated by winning a James Beard Award. (Meanwhile, poor Cindy Wolf of Charleston, et. al., is the food world's version of Susan Lucci.) 

Mr Minx and I ate at Woodberry Kitchen a couple of times. Once was for our anniversary in 2011; while the overall experience wasn't optimal, we did have some good food. Another time was a free dinner sponsored by an olive oil producer; I assume I was invited because I was attending the Natural Foods Expo going on at the Convention Center that same week. And the third time was for Restaurant Week a few years back. I chose paw paw pie for dessert. It had the most unappealing curdled texture, beige/vomit color, and little to no flavor, yet somehow it made it out of the pastry kitchen. And while we didn't despise the restaurant, we always wondered how it was so popular. Honestly, I can cook homey dishes like chicken and dumplings myself, so why should I pay good money for it? Yes, it's nice to know that the animals that go into my food have been treated humanely, but I don't want to feel like I'm paying their condo fees.

Woodberry Kitchen has been closed for a while because of Covid, and Spike took advantage of the time off by revamping the place. He sold off the old fixtures and kitschy country barn decor crap and is dedicating what used to be the restaurant dining room to private events. The old private event room on the side is now the restaurant, rebranded as Woodberry Tavern. Just for shits and grins, I put myself on their mailing list so I could find out when they were reopening. Maybe he was going to take a page from Charlie's book and reopen the restaurant as a place the common man can go to enjoy a nice meal. Or maybe not. In advance of the Tavern's opening on December 8, I received an email with a link to the menu, which I have inserted above. 

Spike's out of his fucking mind. $59 for fried chicken with dumplings! $35 for "red pepper squash" and tofu. Perhaps he plans to use part of that $35 to buy a comma. The pig would have to come out in a top hat and do a little soft shoe for me before I'd pay 49 bucks for a schnitzel. Yeah yeah, entrees come with "miso-roasted" carrots, creamed kale, and potatoes with a fancy name that translates to "like a straw doormat" in French. Mr Minx makes incredible pommes pallaisson (note to Spike--you also need to buy an S) regularly, with about .75 worth of ingredients.

I'm sure Woodberry Tavern (hmm...perhaps the prices include an overnight stay?) will still pack in the people who have nothing better to do with their money. The least expensive 2-course meal there, without beverage, will cost $61.50pp including the 23% service fee. (The menu notes, "You are welcome to add additional gratuity for the service staff." Perhaps you should pay your staff a living wage, eh, rather than expect your customers to do it for you, on top of your ridiculous food prices.) We Minxes will only eat there for free, which of course ain't happening. LOL In the meantime, we'll be spending our money at places like True Chesapeake, Cosima, La Cuchara, Petit Louis, and all the mom-and-pop Chinese restaurants we favor. 

Published on minxeats.com

Crazy Crazy Poopy Poop

I realize the title of this post might be less than appetizing for a food blog, but when I started typing the word "crazy," the rest followed automatically. It was something my beloved parakeet, Cuervo, liked to say frequently. But that's apropos of nothing. Maybe even a little bit crazy itself. But that's the theme of this post, so we'll go with it.

Crazy.

By now, almost everyone has heard of Amy and Samy Bouzaglo, owners of Amy's Baking Company in Scottsdale, Arizona. They were the subject of an episode of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares in May, and they proved themselves to be batshit crazy. Now, I'm inclined to believe that half of everything seen on Kitchen Nightmares (and probably the Food Network's rip-off show, Restaurant Impossible) is faked, and Amy's food might not have been as disgusting as Ramsay said it was, but I'm pretty sure the reactions of Samy and Amy were real. Not only did they seem completely off their rockers on the show, but they apparently went on a tirade on their Facebook page after the show aired, later insisting they were hacked.

The Bouzaglos--Amy in particular--maintains that they appeared on Kitchen Nightmares to show the world that they made great food and that the haters on popular restaurant review site, Yelp, were just that - haters. There certainly are a lot of people commenting on the restaurant's Yelp page, but the vast majority seem to be bandwagon whores who have seen the show and feel the need to add their two cents - most of the unfiltered posts are dated May 2013. To see the real crazy, look for the older reviews. In them, you'll find Samy calling a customer who had a bad experience "insane," telling others they are lying about eating in the restaurant at all, and telling another diner that Olive Garden would probably be more to her liking.

And to continue the tide of good press, the Bouzaglos recently kicked out reporters from the Phoenix Business Journal because they had the audacity to find flies in their cocktails. Three times. And things don't seem to be getting any better for the Bouzaglos. Allegedly they have some other issues that may involve criminal records and potential deportation. Of course, neither of those should have any bearing whatsoever on how they run their restaurant or treat their customers.

If you want to keep up with Amy and Samy, you can follow their exploits on Eater.

Oh, and this just in - Amy and Samy might get their own reality show.

The Bouzaglos aren't the only extreme characters in the restaurant business, just the most (in)famous du jour. A local Baltimore restaurateur, Denise Whiting, also appeared on Kitchen Nightmares. Like the Bouzaglos, she wanted her appearance on the show to help right a wrong. Her Hampden restaurant, Café Hon, was losing business because of her unwise decision to claim ownership of the word "hon," a term of endearment used in the Baltimore area way before Whiting blew into town.

What started out as a simple trademark to protect her use of the word on Café Hon-branded merchandise turned into a public relations nightmare. When the public started hearing how she insisted on final approval of the MTA's ad campaign for their CharmCard fare system because it used the word "hon," as well as how she bullied a concessionaire at the airport into giving her all of his hon merchandise, they turned against her. Whiting soon became the Most Hated Woman in Town and eventually conceded in order to save her business. She then played along with Gordon Ramsay and allowed him to change both the decor and menu of Café Hon. Recently, Whiting re-renovated Café Hon, getting rid of Ramsay's alterations. Hopefully they're also changing the menu and getting rid of the "sandwiches served with Utz potato chips and a pickle from the grill." Grilled pickles? (Psst: proper grammar is your friend).

I'm not sure what good any of it did, if putting on a show of pseudo-humility brought customers back to Café Hon. The shitstorm may be over, but I know folks who say they'll never go back. Thank goodness for tourists, huh?

And then there's Alchemy. While the food wasn't bad, the service was atrocious. And judging by the first comment left on the post I wrote about our experience, someone there (owner? server? manager?) is a complete loon. Maybe he or she should go work for the Bouzaglos.

Have you had personal experience with batshit crazy restaurant owners/staff? Have you ever been to Amy's Baking Company in Scottsdale? If the answer to either or both questions is yes, we'd love to read your comments!

Posted on Minxeats.com.