White Flag Waving

Lately, Young Ladrinka has been, how do you say in your language? Oh yes, a huge pain in the ass.

You heard me.

My beautiful boy, my 8 year old pride and joy has been unbearable.

And the bitch of it is–it’s not a sudden transformation, so I can’t even blame early onset male menopause.

You know how he is–he’s smart and sort of funny and can be very literal and everything’s a negotiation and last week, I basically had it.
I respect smart, but let’s just agree that sometimes children need to bend to their parents’ will.

Like if I say “Be quiet, please,” I don’t want to hear “WHY SHOULD I? IT’S A FREE COUNTRY!” in response. Because that’s how the Nazis will find us in the attic.
And I don’t want to hear back talk. Or smart talk.
So if I say, “Please take the dishes in,” I don’t want to hear “In? What do you mean in? Like inside? What, you think we’re outside now? That makes no sense.”
When I say, “You know the rules, lights out,” a “Oh MY GOD! Your rules are so turdy!” is not an appropriate response.

Last week, I’d had it.
“You know,” I told him. “I think I need to teach you respect.”
“When?” he asked, irony-less.
I didn’t know. I mean, I was having a busy week, so maybe we’d just listen to Aretha and he’d absorb the concept that way. Besides, I think saying that you’re going to teach someone respect means that you’re going to smack them, and I’m too sore from the Physique 57 workouts to engage in that kind of corporal work.

We had a friend over for dinner on Sunday, and Young Ladrinka’s behavior was abysmal. He was loud, he interrupted people, he put his feet on his chair. He knew better, and I knew that he knew better, so it was pure defiance.

I was livid.

So I did what any normal person would do.
I tweeted my pain.

My son was so obnoxious tonight, if I had any money I’d disown him.

And people were supportive. I got a “ooh not nice!” and “easy there” from some obvious Young Ladrinka loyalists.

But I’m on it.

Young Ladrinka had a long, meaningful talk and he now understands that we are operating under a zero-tolerance policy. Any backtalk with have a consequence. And unlike in the past, when the consequence was my having a nervous breakdown, now it will be loss of electronics.

He is very unhappy about it and I think he’s working on an appeal to the Supreme Court. Or maybe the Hague.

Wish me luck.

One year ago ...

• Insert Week In Review Post Here - 2012