I’m Counting on No One Reading Blogs on the Weekend

I want to know what the candy makers are smoking.

Because when I was a kid–we had candy that came in one size: Normal. You went to a store, got a Snickers bar and you didn’t have to worry that it was anything other than a Normal-sized American candy bar.

Then, somewhere along the line, things changed.

We met the Fun-size candy bar. I’m not sure what was so fun about it, since it was just another word for small, but Ellen Degeneres made an excellent joke about some penis being “fun-sized”, so it was totally worth while. And yes, I have no idea why Ellen Degeneres was making that joke, but it was funny, so I didn’t question it.

Then things started to get insane.

Suddenly there was King-size, for people who liked to shop for their mattresses and candy simultaneously. And M&Ms came out with a “shareable” bag. Which is a huge scam, because it’s just a slightly bigger bag, but not as big as King, and because it doesn’t come with a calculator to keep track of the sharing process, I think it should just be re-named The Friendship Ender. I’m no fool, I can see the writing on the wall.

Of course there’s also the mini size, which many people get for Halloween. Especially in the recession.

But this week really topped it all.

Because I saw this in a local store.

Hi, we're Midgees! Eat Us!

Midgees.

Like midgets.

Which is crazy, because everyone knows that little person is the politically acceptable term. Or why not try vertically challenged? Sure, it may not be as snappy on the package, but sometimes doing the right thing isn’t as fun.

Makes you long for the good old days of the Normal American-candy bar, doesn’t it?