Getting past the fear to begin

In April I went to a retreat outside of Austin, Texas, in the lush, rolling hills. I'd been toying with a book idea for a while, an idea that would be different from anything I'd ever written. I was so afraid to begin. I think it's one of the hardest things for a writer - going from idea to story and putting words on paper.

Sometimes the idea seems too good to be true, and we're afraid we'll ruin it.
Sometimes the idea is too vague and we worry it will fizzle out once we start writing.
Sometimes the idea feels bigger than we are, and we're not sure we have what it takes to write it.

But as I sat in a quiet, sunny spot with my journal, the trees whispering encouragement, I realized I was in exactly the right place to start this story that scared me so much. I had time and space and room to breathe. I could immerse myself in those early chapters and see what might come of them. I could let the characters lead me where they wanted to go and wherever it was, it would be okay because that is what a writing retreat is for: to write and to explore.

And so I wrote. I wrote 25 pages or so, and then I came home and had to put it away for a while but over the summer, I kept working and working. I had hoped I'd have a draft by September, but that didn't happen. So I wrote in September. And I wrote in October. And finally, a couple of weeks ago, I finished the draft.

I'm revising now, reading over printed out pages, marking them up, trying to figure out what's missing, what doesn't ring quite true, and on and on. I don't know if or when it will sell, although I hope it does someday. What I do know is that after I read a scene today, it brought tears to my eyes. And then, I thought back to those magical trees, and I'm just so glad I took that first scary step and started writing.

We don't always get to write in such a gorgeous spot, I know. Although I think the universe is happy to give out words of encouragement wherever we are, if we just take a moment and listen for them. I wish they were as loud as the words of doubt always seem to be, but they're not. So get quiet and listen, and remember, there can be no ending unless there is a beginning.

The most important thing a writer must learn to do

That probably reads like a click bait headline. Oh well. I'm keeping it. I like it. And I completely one hundred percent believe what I'm about to tell you IS the most important thing a writer must learn to do.

 I wonder, right now, what do you *think* it is?

Write every day, even when you don't want to? No way. I don't believe that.

Develop a thick skin? Not this either, although of course this is true, but you've heard it a million times.

Write a FANTASTIC story in order to get it published? Nope. Because I'm not even talking about writing to get published.

I'm talking about writing wherever you are on the path of being a writer. Maybe you're just playing around right now. Writing to see how it feels. See what it looks like for you. Or maybe you are one that's been doing this for a while, and you're thinking about querying agents soon. Maybe you're like me and you've published some books, had some successes and some failures, and you're wondering - what's next?

There's one thing you have to do and keep doing no matter if you've never published a book or published a hundred books.

You have to learn to write with doubt. 

I feel like I could make a rhyme about that.

Figure it out,
all writers learn to write with doubt.

I did an author visit at a middle school one time and I LOVED this wall of poetry they made in honor of my visit. Do you think those students worried about me reading the poem they had written and that would be hanging on the wall in the room where I'd be speaking? Of course. Do you think any of them were afraid I might not like what they'd written? Absolutely. But you know what? They somehow managed to DO IT ANYWAY.

Every time I start a new book, I have doubts. I am scared. I am worried it won't be good enough. But I understand it is part of being a writer. It shows I care about the work I'm doing, and that's not a bad thing. The difficulty is in learning how to manage the fear.

In her book BIG MAGIC, Liz Gilbert tells us to tell Fear it is welcome to come along with us, but it does not get to drive the car. No, if it wants to come along, it has to sit in the backseat and be quiet.

I think I've always thought of Doubt as this pesky little thing on my shoulder that won't go away. It really likes my shoulder, and so it sits there. And when it starts whispering ugly things in my ear, I have a choice as to whether I listen or not. It's completely up to me. I have the power - Doubt does NOT have the power. It simply has messages, messages that often times aren't even true.

Often, Doubt is loudest when I sit down to start my work for the day. Opening the document is often the hardest part, yes? But once you just do it, and you let your characters talk to you, Doubt tends to quiet down.

I get so many notes and emails from kids and teens asking me - how do I write when I'm scared? Scared it won't be good enough? Scared I don't know what I'm doing? Scared people will say bad things if I even manage to somehow show it to someone?

I wish I could say there is a magic trick writers use to make the fear and doubt go away, but there isn't. The truth is, every writer who has finished a book managed to figure out how to send it to the back seat or to write with it sitting on their shoulder.

You can't avoid it. You simply have to figure out for yourself how to write with it.

Happy March - hope you have a great month!

How to combat the fear of rejection

Last night, I went to see Matt de la Pena at the 2011 Teen Author Lecture here in Portland, made possible by the Library Foundation.

First of all, if you ever get a chance to hear Matt speak, GO. He is personable, relatable and funny! I told him afterwards I want to steal all his stories, because they are that good. The audience was filled with teens, which was so awesome to see. It was an amazing event, and I'm really glad I went.

Plus, I've been meaning to read one of Matt's books for a long time, so I'm happy that I now have a personalized copy of WE WERE HERE to dive into soon.

One of the questions an audience member asked him got me thinking, and I wanted to talk about that a little bit today.

A man said he'd been writing for a long time, but he was afraid of rejection, and did Matt have any advice for him?

Matt said something like, even when you're a published author, there is still rejection. Basically, it comes with the territory. Because, after all, not everyone who reads our books likes our books. Sometimes we get bad reviews, and all that fun stuff. Matt said when he was submitting stories to magazines, he made a game out of the rejections. When he got one, he celebrated. It made the rejections easier to take.

I love that idea!

And he's right - in order to be an author, you have to develop a thick skin. But how do you DO that? Here are some of my thoughts on the subject.

1. Separate yourself from the story. Just because they reject a story, it does not mean they are rejecting YOU. Pretend the story is a fruit cake. You are sending the fruit cake out to people to see if they like it. You KNOW some people don't like fruit cake. But obviously, some do, or fruit cakes wouldn't even exist. You are trying to find the person who likes fruit cake. When you get the fruit cake back in the mail, saying, "No thanks," it's not about YOU. The person simply does not like fruit cake. No big deal.

Years ago, I submitted stories over and over to one editor in particular. They were an open house at the time, and I really wanted to work with her, as I'd heard amazing things about her. Each time, she sent me a nice little rejection letter, and I'd file it away. I'm guessing I have close to ten rejection letters from this ONE editor. Yikes. Fast forward six or seven years, and my agent suggests sending my middle grade fantasy to this same editor. Oh no, I thought, what if she remembers all those awful stories I sent her in the beginning of my writing career, and doesn't want anything to do with me?

I don't know if she remembered or not, but she loved the story we sent her, and she bought it. This batch of fruit cake, she loved, and the other batches didn't matter to her.

2. Don't be afraid to fail. Markus Zusak gave this advice at a book signing I went to a few years back. Although, with his adorable accent, it sounded like, Don't be afraid to file, haha. He went on to explain that he felt like he had failed thousands of times writing THE BOOK THIEF. Can you imagine? The award-winning, NYT best-selling book?

Yes, because when we are writing, it is hard and it is painful and we ask ourselves over and over, why are you doing this, no one is going to want this failure of a book. But write anyway. Revise anyway. Make it the best it can be and maybe, in the end, it won't be a failure after all. But if it is, at least you tried!

3. Which leads me to the next point. You will never know unless you try. Are you going to be on your death bed regretting that you tried and got 100 rejections? No. Are you going to be on your death bed wondering what might have happened to that novel you spent years on and never sent out? Yes. Live so you have no regrets.

4. Rejection is part of the job. It's that simple. If you want to be an author, rejection is part of the job description. Every job has an aspect that isn't very fun. Teachers have to deal with angry parents. Maintenance techs have to unclog toilets. It *never* goes away for an author. But the good parts of the job, like getting letters from readers who felt a connection to your book, make the sucky part totally worth it.

5. Life can't be all pleasure and no pain. Working out is hard. Painful some days. But the results - a healthy and fit body, make it worth it. And so it is with rejection. It's going to be painful some days, there's no way around it. But you have to go through the pain to get to the pleasure of seeing a book YOU wrote on the shelves. You *have* to go through it. Just like every traditionally published author before you.

Is the fear of rejection holding you back? Well, go on, submit something. And if you get a rejection letter, I hope you'll pop a bottle of champagne and celebrate. You're in the same league as Markus Zusak now - just like him, you're not afraid to fail!

Fear and Gratitude

I wrote my first three young adult novels while I worked 32 hours/week in Human Resources. I'd get up early in the mornings to write, and I spent many weekends writing as well.

A number of things led me to a place in January, 2010 where I was now going to give the full-time writing thing a go.

I was SO scared. I didn't know if I would fly or fall.

Maybe deep down, that's why I ended up writing a book that's ultimately about fear. About moving forward even when you're terrified. About finding people who understand and can tell you, when you need to hear it most, It's going to be okay. I began writing The Day Before in February, my first book as a full-time writer.

There are a lot of things in this business that can cause a writer to feel fear. In fact, I think it's safe to say, there's something at every turn.

You have an idea, and what if it's not as good on paper as in your head? Fear.

You finish your manuscript, and now it's time to find beta readers. Fear.

You finish your revisions, and now it's time to write the query letter. Fear.

You finish writing the query letter, and now it's time to send it out. Lots of fear!

You get requests to read the manuscript. More fear.

You sell the book, and realize people are going to actually read it. Fear.

Galleys are printed and sent to reviewers. Fear.

Release day comes. *gulp*

I heard a definition recently that I want to share. "Courage is not the absence of fear, but actually forward motion in the presence of fear."

Still, I know, some days, it's hard to be courageous. And so, this week, here's what I'm doing. I'm focusing on gratitude.

If you had asked me five years ago if I'd have four YA novels and two MG novels on the shelves by 2011, I'd have thought you were totally and completely insane. And yet, thanks to my agent, Sara Crowe and my publishers, Simon Pulse and Aladdin, that's exactly what has happened. I'm SO grateful to them.

I'm thankful for my family, who has supported me in this writing thing from day one, and for the many wonderful friends I've made along the way.

I'm thankful that I'm still here, writing full-time, doing what I *love*.

Each time a book is released, I have to figure out what to do with the fears that start to surface about reviews, sales, etc. If I've learned anything since my first novel, it's that when the book hits the shelves, or the e-reader as the case may be, it's no longer mine. If I'm going to stay sane, I *have* to let it go and give it away. Pass it on to who it belongs to now.

You.

And that brings me to more gratitude. Oh how I'm grateful for my loyal and faithful readers, who buy my books and tell their friends about them.

Thank you, dear readers. Really and truly, THANK YOU! Those are the words I'll play on repeat in the coming days, if the fears start to surface. I'm pretty sure it's impossible to be afraid when you're feeling grateful. And I do have so much to be grateful for!!!

As for my book, I'd just like to say - welcome to the world Amber and Cade. I know it's kind of scary, but I have a feeling you're going to be just fine.

On fear and what I learned in 2010

The dedication of my next YA novel, THE DAY BEFORE, reads:

This one is for all of you
who feel the fear and do it anyway,
in writing and in life

It's interesting to me, but perhaps not surprising, that my next book tackles the subject of fear when 2010 has been a year where I myself have had to, again and again, feel the fear and do it anyway.

A year ago, I had given notice at the day job and I can't even describe how scary that was for me. I'm not a bestselling author! Yes, I get royalty checks, but they are about ten to fifteen percent of what I made at the day job. I would have to sell not one, but TWO books in 2010 to make up for my loss of income. And the one and ONLY book I had completed had already garnered a number of rejections.

But I believe in listening to the still, small voice and trusting it. And it had whispered to me, after lots of discussions with my husband and prayerful consideration, "It's time."

I'm going to do a month-by-month look at 2010 tomorrow or Friday, but I've learned a lot about myself this year. I've learned trusting God is hard sometimes, but I'm getting better at it. I've learned over and over again, the only thing I can control is the writing, and it's not always easy, but the key is to keep writing. When something isn't working, it's okay to scrap it and start something new. No writing is wasted writing. It is a journey. As I started my new career of full-time writer, I had to shelf a completely good manuscript that took me an entire YEAR to write, because no one wanted it.

Was I afraid? Abso-freaking-lutely

But I dug deep, told myself I didn't have to understand why things happen but needed to trust it was for the best, went for walks, scribbled in my idea notebook, and after even more rejections on other projects, I began writing what would eventually become THE DAY BEFORE.

A book about fears - big and small - and how we can help each other through but ultimately, it's about confronting them straight on and not letting the fear win.

So, my biggest accomplishment this year?
Not that I wrote four books.
Not that two of them sold.

No. I think it might have been - I didn't let the fear win.

Remember this? One of the best movie scenes of all time.

"You must believe." Oh yeah.

Fear vs. Courage

The wise and wonderful Sara Zarr did a blog post yesterday on fear, titled THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE. You should read it. Really!

I've been thinking about this in particular: "Every day when I wake up, the battle seems to be: Will I go forward in courage, or be crippled by fear? In life, in writing."

My thing is that, when it comes to writing, I'm often afraid I'm not good enough. That I have no business writing when there are so many amazing writers out there. Talk about a fear that will cripple you.

Yesterday, on twitter, my agent pointed to THIS BLOG POST by agent Jenny Bent on confidence. You should read that one too. Really!

She says at the end: "Believe in yourself and your talent and your strength of will."

It's easier said than done, right? Because there's that fear, always looming - what if I'm not good enough? 

So, how do you believe? How do you go forward in courage and set the fear aside?

While we ponder this question, here are some cute kittens for your viewing pleasure.

 

Okay, back to the question. How do you go forward in courage and set the fear aside?

I don't know how YOU do it, but I think for me, it's just this:

You don't let the fear win. Sara said, it's a battle. And it is!! But it's one where WE choose the winner. We can let the fear win and go do something else, or we can let courage win, and sit down at the computer and write. We can believe that we have a story worth telling and try to tell it to the best of our ability. And we have to know that with each word we write, we get better. As I've said before, there is no way out but through. I also remind myself, almost on a daily basis, I don't have to be as good as everyone else. I only have to be the best Lisa Schroeder I can be. And I write the story first and foremost, for me. Because I want to know what happens. That's how I get that first draft down. 

Kate Messner did a post on fear recently, and there are some interesting thoughts in the comments. You should read it too!!

Someone recommended this book, ART AND FEAR, by David Bayles and Ted Orland. I'm going to check it out:



And a funny thing? As I was pondering all of this, I realized that all of my YA novels have a variation of this theme - fear vs. courage - at the heart of them. Wow.