The Spine Tingling Gravity Trailer

When we first got a look at the goosebump inducing teaser for the new film from Alfonso Cuarón ("Children of Men"), the unanimous public reaction was ....Holy Damn. Now Warner Brothers gives us a lengthy look at the film that's going to have you biting off all your nails and climbing up into your seat.

Academy Award® winners Sandra Bullock (“The Blind Side”) and George Clooney (“Syriana”) star in “Gravity,” a heart-pounding thriller that pulls you into the infinite and unforgiving realm of deep space. The film was directed by Oscar® nominee Alfonso Cuarón.

Bullock plays Dr. Ryan Stone, a brilliant engineer on her first shuttle mission, with veteran astronaut Matt Kowalski (Clooney). But on a seemingly routine spacewalk, disaster strikes. The shuttle is destroyed, leaving Stone and Kowalski completely alone—tethered to nothing but each other and spiraling out into the blackness.

Gravity: I've Got You Clip

GRAVITY, directed by Oscar® nominee Alfonso Cuaron, stars Oscar® winners Sandra Bullock and George Clooney in a heart-pounding thriller that pulls you into the infinite and unforgiving realm of deep space.  Bullock plays Dr. Ryan Stone, a brilliant medical engineer on her first shuttle mission, with veteran astronaut Matt Kowalsky (Clooney).  But on a seemingly routine spacewalk, disaster strikes.  The shuttle is destroyed, leaving Stone and Kowalsky completely alone‹tethered to nothing but each other and spiraling out into the blackness.  The deafening silence tells them they have lost any link to EarthŠand any chance for rescue.  As fear turns to panic, every gulp of air eats away at what little oxygen is left.  But the only way home may be to go further out into the terrifying expanse of space.

The Gravity Teaser Trailer

Remember that movie "Open Water" where two people go diving and when they come up, the boat is gone and they are left floating in the middle of the ocean? Well, Gravity is somewhat like that, if you just took the phrase "left floating" and added IN SPACE!!! Everything is better in space.

Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) is a brilliant medical engineer on her first shuttle mission, with veteran astronaut Matt Kowalsky (George Clooney). But on a seemingly routine spacewalk, disaster strikes. The shuttle is destroyed, leaving Stone and Kowalsky completely alone—tethered to nothing but each other and spiraling out into the blackness. The deafening silence tells them they have lost any link to Earth...and any chance for rescue. As fear turns to panic, every gulp of air eats away at what little oxygen is left. But the only way home may be to go further out into the terrifying expanse of space.

Everything I Know About the Rapture I Learned from Watching TV

This will be an attempt to clear things up for my heathen friends, as to what is going to happen this Saturday unless they screwed the dates up again or it was just a sort of heavenly fire drill. I am a Catholic, so I feel I am fully qualified to talk on this topic, though like most Catholics, all of my knowledge will be pieced together from the little I remember of Catholic elementary school and the years of my life wasted sitting in front of a TV. That said...

In the beginning there was Mimi Rogers and David Duchovny, and lo, there was much sex to be had with strangers in airport Double Tree hotels. Wait I should probably go back further than that. Starting over. The Jewish folks nail Jesus to a cross and he dies, so that our sins may be forgiven. So basically, you can blame the Jewish for the loophole of people being able to do any crappy thing they want their whole lives...as long as they repent at the 0 hour, they get a ticket to heaven. Nice. Thank you Jewish.

Anyway, Jesus dies and then rises from the grave. There are supposedly many stories of the things Jesus did when he came back like appearing to his disciples to send them off to spread the word of God. If you watch Family guy, he did magic tricks with his hands that today, seem childish, but wowed the primitive peoples. Jesus says he will return in roughly 2 thousand years and at that time, he will take all those fit for Heaven and transport them away from the horrors that are to come. In the Left Behind movie, the preacher Kirk Cameron shows us we just dissappear, leaving behind empty clothes and bewildered folks wondering why no one woke them for the massive orgy and where the hell everyone went for pancakes afterward. Nude pancakes. Back in the Mimi Rogers world, there are trumpet blasts signalling the coming of the horsemen of the apocalypse, which is why Jesus has to get his people out right quick. Those who are chosen are prepared for this, though, as they all dreamed about a black pearl which was a sign to stop masturbating. If you follow the Squidbillies scripture, we do indeed pop out of our clothes and ascend to heaven with all of our boy and girl parts bared to be scrutinized by others also ascending. It is a long trip. Yes, the ladies will see your small ding ding and point..and laugh. On the plus side, if they laugh for too long, they will probably fall back to Earth and explode on impact..so...there's that.

Now, those left behind get front row seats for some major chaos. The Earth practically turns on itself and there are earthquakes and storms and volcanoes belching lava all over LA and tornadoes ripping down famous landmarks and then the demon hordes come to torture everyone that is left. The Squidbillies tell us this is the optimum time for looting. You just have to do it very quietly, as not to attract the 7 headed, fire breathing monster. American Dad is a little more accurate, showing the world turned into a sort of Mad Maxian landscape where Jesus and his forces do battle with Satan once and for all. Eye patches are in style at this point in time, which makes me feel good about it all. I could totally rock an eye patch. Not so sure about all the leather though. And I can't pull off a mullet anymore.

So, now you are briefed and fully prepared. Should the end come this Saturday, I hope you will have no regrets. Tell the ones you love you love them. Quit being such an asshole to people just for the sake of being the mightiest asshole you can be. When you talk to a woman, look into her eyes..not her boobs. Her boobs will still be there later and you stand a greater chance of touching them if you can look in her eyes for 5 minutes. Let's all be nice to each other, hm?

If You Missed The Season 3 Premiere of Boondocks...

Then you missed this..



George has the mooves. That's probably why he gets the women. I used to dance when i was little but not any more. Now when I think about it, I picture that scene from Angel where the hot girl at the party asked him if he dances and he pictured himself doing an array of amazing dance moves with his tongue hanging out. Then he came out of the trance and decided no, he doesn't dance. I don't dance.

15 Second Reviews: Men Who Stare at Goats & 2012

2012:: This just might be the stupidest movie anyone has ever thrown up on the big screen, and yet, in that it is so ridiculously bad, it's a work of art. Most everything that happens is dumb but the WOA factor in which the destruction of the planet chases after John Cusack and his hapless family is astounding. This is an instant classic..with shots.. in that you should be drinking all through the 3 hours.

The Men Who Stare at Goats:: Did you go into this movie thinking it would be all light and retardedly funny and they'd actually have some crazy government funded super powers? So did I..and I was hoping, but the reality was a bit more depressing..and reality did dominate, sadly. It's still quirky enough to make you laugh out loud often and Clooney just destroys on screen. Worth a shot!