Gimpel Beynish the Matchmaker
(Gimpl Beynish der Shadkhn)
Yiddish Comics of the early 20th century

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March 21, 1915: A wise Jew gives himself some advice.

1. Go figure, you can make money with a car that doesn't run.
   
2. If it were the eve of Passover all year, I'd give up my matchmaker's fees.
   
3. Why did you up and stop on me? They're going to be asking the four questions soon.
   
4. To the Dardanelles with you, or to East Frisia, you'd get what's coming to you.
   
5. I only have 83 more houses to bring matzoh to, then I'll be all right.

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March 20, 1915: Poetry is not in his line, even when it's springtime.

1. GB: I just barely survived to see summer arrive, that's to say springtime, as the rhymers say.
   
2. GB: How lovely, how fine this is, exactly like the fields behind our shtetl, forgive the comparison.
   
3. GB: Who's nattering on over there? Is it a crow or a cuckoo?
   
4. Long hair guy: Come here, little birds / You can already smell the little bagels!
   
5. GB: Where can I run to get away from this clown? A pity there is no war here.

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March 19, 1915: If you have an automobile when Passover is coming, maybe all is not lost.

1. Jake: Follow my advice, it's the start of Passover and the automobile can be of good use to you.
   
2. GB: What did that dummy mean? Maybe he's actually a German spy?
   
3. GB: Oh, I get it! Passover eve, automobile - he's not so dumb after all.
   
4. GB: It's done. Passover is a slack time for matches.
   
5. GB: I'll soon be as busy transporting matzoh as Pharoah was with receiving his plagues.

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Another public service announcement for new Americans: you need a license to sell a car. Wait, what?

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March 18, 1915: Getting rid of the automobile causes him grief, too.

1. GB: Hopefully somebody will come take a look at the automobile. Nobody wants to buy it.
   
2. GB: Sha, a policeman's coming, but why would a policeman need an automobile? Besides its providing him a place for a nap.
   
3. Policeman: But you're certainly Gimpel Beynish and the automobile is certainly yours? Tell the truth.
   
4. Policeman: If you are actually a fine person and telling the truth, I have a warrant for you.
   
5. Policeman: And we'll see how many years of prison you get for selling automobiles without a license.

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March 17, 1915: He finds a way to be rid of his trouble.

1. Why are you pausing so long for your prayers again? Haven't you stood in one place long enough?
   
2. It seems I'll have to go to a fortune teller with my swinish automobile, or send it to a hospital.
   
3. As I live and breathe - it never occurred to me. What, can only Bismarck be a wise man?
   
4. Yes, soon all will be well with the world. I'll be a free man again.
   
5. [Sign: For Sale] Well, how long will it be until I'm rid of my troublesome swinish car?

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March 16, 1915: For him the automobile remains, above all, an enigma.

1. GB: Throw yourself in the automobile, loafers, I'll take you for a ride.
   
2. GB: What's your hurry? Just sit there while I crank.
   
3. Motke: Giddyup, horsie! Let's see if we can drive without the cranking.
   
4. GB: Say, loafers! Not yet. There hasn't been enough cranking.
   
5. GB: Look at them go! And I thought it wasn't ready yet.

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March 15, 1915: It seems he'll soon lose his desire for the automobile.

1. Here, it's already come to a stop like a policeman in the back room of a saloon.
   
2. Say, I'll pay you for your trouble, let's hitch your automobile to mine.
   
3. Well, a job, like the bread-trustniks, the submarines, and the Cossacks have.
   
4. So now it is sort of going. Maybe I should buy THAT automobile too.
   
5. Say, where are you dragging me?! I want to ride, not fly. Police! Save me!

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Chicago Tribune January 11 1915
Federal Inquiry into Wheat Rise: Middlemen in protest
To see whether "food cornering" had anything to do with the present high price of wheat.
"There have been statements... that the middlemen and the speculators, not the American farmers, were profiting out of the remarkable advance in the price of wheat since the beginning of the war. Experts of the department of agriculture do not agree... they believe that the American grower of wheat is getting a large part of this big profit.. these experts explained that shortly after the war began shipping stopped... and railroads refused to accept shipments from interior points. This forced the farmer to hold on to his wheat for the simple reason that it could not be shipped. In the next article, An "alleged pool of bakers" was sued for "forming a pool and trust agreement with seven others."