It's the Fourth of July! In the United States, this is the day in which we celebrate our independence and love of what our country stands for by blowing stuff up. Growing up in America means it's not a July 4th unless someone's roof catches fire. Let's hear it for freedom!

Meanwhile, here at PlanetFargo, I've decided to create some fireworks of my own. Last week I pitted all of the PlanetFargo characters against one another in a horrifying contest of wills. After taking YOUR votes, we have our winners! You can see the results right here.

And now we enter the most brutal phase of the contest, the semifinals. WHO WILL GO ON TO FIGHT FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP? Your votes decide! This week's showdown will be color-commentated by Mike Sliszowski, wargaming veteran and author of the PlanetFargo guide to Medal of Honor and flawless Battlefield 1942 strategy.

The Battle of the PlanetFargo Greats Continues!

Fargo: Good God! I never thought that Alarik the Unreal Tournament bot, who appeared in one of my first columns three years ago, would have come so far. But now he's up against that hero of that classic game Nethack, who starred in this popular comic: SPYKE! Mike, what do you think?

Mike Sliszowski: I think that the only way to play Unreal Tournament is to turn down the gravity, turn up the speed, turn on the instagib, and play in CTF. There's no kill more satisfying than popping one into the back of a smacktard floating on the ceiling typing "Where do I find the rocket launcher?"

Fargo: No, I mean, what do you think about the match?

Mike Sliszowski: Oh yah, I think the little circle-dude'll win. He looks like he's got a lot of pent-up anger.

Who wins?




Fargo: You gotta love the guy who needs an APC pickup, I mean, he STILL hasn't gotten one and yet he keeps screaming into the chat channel! He ousted the bad PlanetSide captain to take this spot in the finals. But can he possibly hope to stand victorious against ... my COW!? Can anyone?

Mike Sliszowski: Believe you me, that cow's got the eye of the tiger. And it's dangling from her hoof, you know, with a vein still attached, after she RIPPED IT OUT. Did you ever hear a cow laugh? It's a deep, throaty laugh, like my Aunt used to make, when she was watching Welcome Back Kotter. Let me tell you a story about my Aunt. One time, she died. And after the wake, or whatever that thing is where you all look at the body, my Dad closed the door to the funeral home and closed the drapes. He said, "Son, I need your help," and he pulled out a pair of pliers. I had to hold her down while he removed her gold teeth. I was eleven at the time--

Fargo: Mike! Stop -- just -- stop. What about the Tribes guy?

Mike Sliszowski: I don't think he's got any gold teeth.

Who wins?



   


Vote and Click Above to See the Results!