Glitch, Season 2, Episode 6: The Letter

It’s the last episode and I want answers….

Which isn’t going to happen

Instead we have Phil in prison being questioned by James and he’s dancing around all kinds of answers: Phil makes a big slightly epic speech about there being rules to the universe and one of those big ones is that living things are born, live and die in that order. This is how things are, this is how things should be. And it is Phil’s job to enforce those laws

He doesn’t answer when James asks if he’s enforcing them for god but I am doubling down on my belief they’re angels. It’s all very ominous

He does say he is like Phil - he has Phil’s body and memories - but also admits to possession pretty much.

James then gets a call from Beau telling him that Paddy has been shot - James realises there’s another like Phil and Vic out there and he goes to Beau to help him

Beau is actually kind of sad about Paddy which I still think doesn’t have enough reinforcement - there’s still little reason for Beau to value this man. But it does give James and Beau chance to talk - revealing that Beau was there when the dead crawled from their graves (he visits the graveyard to think about his father - who isn’t buried there. But Paddy, a male ancestor, was). I think they cross the boundary though - because Paddy’s body turns to dust which all spookily blows away: Beau remembers Vic’s body doing the same thing after Phil messed with it. James is more distracted by a bullet left behind in the dust - a bullet like the ones the police use

Without a body to dispose of James can leave Beau and go check in with the others telling them Paddy’s dead and someone else is out to kill them - and they need a place of safety (Kate takes a brief time out to check in with Owen and say that she can’t be with him for reasons). The only place they can think of is Norgard - using Nichola Hysen’s security. Especially since the ever shrinking boundary is centred there.

There’s not a lot of trust but Kate is convinced enough for her and the others to join William while James goes off. Inside Nichola explains Elishia’s research: chemicals + sounds + stem cells = magic, basically. With a heavy emphasis on memories being what makes them people rather than copies, clones etc etc. And they think they can fix the Boundary - but it will also kind of involve bringing Elishia back again - or so they hope.

While everyone’s out and about, Sarah frees Phill and they have their own in depth discussion - he is doubting her resolve. He also doesn’t understand why she’s looking after Nia since the baby gives her nothing and it’s an entirely one way relationship. Sarah can’t exactly explain it, just saying it’s love and what you do because love is pretty hard to understand. She’s also torn up about killing Paddy - and killing him in front of Beau, likely traumatising him. I think we see Phill isn’t entirely a stranger to parental responsibility since he actually says that Beau has him now. There’s a definite sense of a connection there.

We get more ominous talk about how they’re basically stuck in these bodies until they die as well - as is right and proper - and some conflict over whether that’s punishment or reward. Phill is growing to like his humanity

Following research they realise the dead have fled to Norgard and Sarah leaves her baby with the awesome midwife. While James has put 2 and 2 together and realised that Sarah is his other killer

It’s less 2 and 2 to make 4 and more 2 and 2 to make 766567 but run with it, it’s a short show. He calls her and is full of rage and grief and horror that this monster has possessed his dead wife and now has their baby...while Sarah tearfully tries to convince him she’s still Sarah (and a killing angel person).

James naturally checks on his baby first before running to the rescue

At Norgard, Hysen’s security is non existent. We’ve seen this before when William first left. So Phil and Sarah have no problem breaking in (especially since Phil is in a relationship with Ellen, Beau’s mother, who works there) and Kate, Kirstie and Charlie all run to the cemetery where Nichola and William are already practicing some science woo-woo - in the process Charlie is shot but not killed.

Glitch, Season 2, Episode 5: Walking Wounded

So we ended on a tense moment last episode with James finding Phil’s bloody clothes in the washing hamper and demanding an explanation from Sarah - she fumbles and finally recounts how she was bleeding heavily from the vagina after her pregnancy and she used this t-shirt to stem the blood. Her heartbreaking recount naturally directs James to get her to the hospital where they focus on making sure Sarah is well and awesome midwife is there to look after her. And free James up to return to shenanigans when suitably reassured that she’s ok

Kirstie has finally tracked down her murderer - it’s policeman Chris’s brother. A man in a wheelchair and with a brain injury after rolling his car when he was 19. Chris insists his brother doesn’t remember anything which is not nearly enough for Kirstie. Chris won’t let her see him and Kirstie accuses him of letting his brother get away with rape and murder.

Which he is. Though this can be described without disabled slurs.

She leaves and calls James who is bemused as to what exactly he can do - he can’t exactly arrest a man for murdering someone who is actually alive. He’s more concerned with whoever killed Elishia since he assumes that a man in a wheelchair isn’t a threat (this is a problematic assumption that infantilises disabled people - it doesn’t take the ability to walk to use a gun).

James briefly holds onto the idea that Owen is the one responsible for the murder of Elishia but finally admits this is way more to do with Kate’s relationship and his inability to get over her than anything else. Perhaps finally leaving that red herring alone he goes to collect Paddy because he wants them all together and safe. Oh James, don’t you know that working with the Risen is like herding cats? He speaks to Beau and learns what Paddy’s up to but also that his step-dad Phil is in town and had a near death experience

James makes a not-entirely-unreasonable-but-still-a-bit-of-a-reach conclusion and tells everyone that Phil is the killer. Because near-death = possession. He also gives Chris a talking to about hiding his rapist brother but with everything else going on he kind of puts a pin in that.

James’s whole demeanour this episode is “seriously?! Now what!”

Of course, everyone has scattered to the four winds. It started with a reasonable assumption that being in public was actually safer than being isolated in a cabin, but they quickly start splitting up

Kirstie tracks down her murderer and tries to confront him about his crimes - but he cannot remember them due to his head injury no matter how she threatens him she doesn’t get an admission or any satisfaction. It’s a moving and painful scene to see her pain and anger and having no real recourse for that - not even the empty satisfaction of screaming in her victimiser’s face.

Glitch, Season 2, Episode 4: A Duty of Care

Elishia is buried by James and William who is the saddest of sad pandas. James is also pouty because he starts praying then has a tantrum. And honestly I don’t know if anyone really showed that much care for her before.

William assumes that Nichola Hysen is the culprit which isn’t exactly poor reasoning - but he does disagree with the idea that Nichola is like old policeman Vic who tried to kill the Risen - because Nichola wanted William alive.

They do tell the other Risen who all despair and panic especially with the boundary shrinking and Elishia not being around to fix it - since she created it (more news from William). They decide they’re under threat and need to guard the place - so James tries to give Kate his gun. She refuses because… well because James and he could offer her water while she was dying of thirst and she’d still throw it back. But also because she says she doesn’t know how to use a gun. So James keeps his gun

Hey, remember Charlie was an actual soldier who fought in a war? Y’know it’s JUST POSSIBLE he might know how to use a gun!

Once James is gone, the under threat endangered risen promptly decide to scatter to the four winds. James would have better luck herding cats.

Kirstie is determined to find out who murdered her and Charlie - dispatched by Kate to stop her running off- becomes her willing servant in questioning her friend who is now an estate agent. Honestly everyone needs to stop treating Charlie as their personal sidekick.

It’s all awkward because Charlie is super inexperienced in the modern world and definitely not used to buying modern houses. But through questioning and Kirstie’s slow recovery of her memories they learn what happened: Vicky hasn’t abandoned her friend, she’s traumatised and trying to protect her son. Back before she was murdered, Kirstie saw Vicky being raped (fathering her son); Vicky tried to keep quiet and hide but Kirstie wasn’t going to let the popular football players get away with their crime and was a vocal criticism - leading to her being targeted and dying

The whole scene is painful, traumatic and dramatic and mixed up with Charlie’s fumbling feels unnecessary.

Glitch, Season 2, Episode 3: All Too Human

We add a little more belated angst to James as he remembers in his dreams that Vic, dead cop Vic, was the one who helped pull him out of a bottle when he succumbed to despair after Kate died. So he totally owed him and then he murdered him which was super super sad.

When he wakes up (and finds Sarah already awake with the baby) she is there to offer support and point out he clearly is keeping things for her. So he confesses to kill Vic… ok, I admit that was… surprising how quickly he just admitted to murdering a colleague… but ok. He talks this through with her and she is… even more surprisingly ok with this? I mean she’s not cheering but she’s not exactly shaken either. She decides he “did what he had to”. But he’s worried that Chris is going to find the truth so Sarah advises telling him as much as possible so he trusts James more. Which makes sense. Oh and he should exploit Chris’s desperate wish to keep Kate safe

Because Sarah is also kind of savagely ruthless… Sarah is slightly worrisome.

He takes this advice and when Chris confronts him about lying - because Sarah has already told him there are more Risen out there. Sarah is up to something. James wins Chris over by revealing that, yes, there are more Risen, Kate is under threat and sadly Vic was acting totally weird and he’s not saying he killed Vic but nor is he saying he didn’t either… Vic just vanished. Convenient.

This means Chris also gets introduced to the other Risen who collectively… don’t really care

See Phil visited them during the night looking for Elishia - but she’s gone. Something Kate discovers when she wakes up. She calls James who tells them to wait there for him and Kate being Kate she promptly stomps out because he can’t tell her what to do!!!!!! Seriously, this is the only reason she leaves. If he told her not to hug a shark she’d be heading to the coast right now.

That leaves Kirstie to recount that Elishia has escaped and be huffy because James is less interested in her remembering more details about her murder (her best friend Vicky was there but when the police interviewed her she even denied being her friend - so she drags her best friend/servant Charlie off to go confront her) than he is in the fact Kate has sloped off again.

Kate tries to drive off but ends up running into the Boundary so instead hangs around a bit and meets Sarah - who rather brutally asks her not to steal James from her now she has a baby; she firmly believes that James loves Kate and would leave her if Kate asks. Kate insists that she definitely would never do that (especially since she’s storming around so much lately hating his every breath) and offers to help babysit because they’re friends. Sarah says they aren’t. Which is… probably honest but also harsh. Normally I’d frown at such jealousy and woman-vs-woman but I think this works as a) woo-woo or b) part of the ongoing depiction of post natal depression that we’ve seen on Sarah with her insecurities running overdrive

And I include a because she meets Phil. So last episode I assumed she’d actually texted Vic and got Phil because he stole Vic’s phone. Nope, she was actually sending information to Phil… he wants to know where Elishia is and when she says she doesn’t know she agrees to both dig up more info - and he does the weird and super creepy mouth-to-mouth-information drain on her. Which also cures her persistent headache. Definitely some woo-woo going on. Things are getting damn confusing.

Phil now has a lead to Elishia - Nichola Hysen the evil scientist who works with Nogard. Elishia is also thinking of Nichola. She and William/John Doe are on the run and she’s not entirely happy that Nichola told William who he was. But they both remember each other and feel deeply connected. When pressed to explain this weirdness, Elishia insists she can’t explain it in words becauese that would be too easy. I bet by the end of this season I can.. But she does reveal she deliberately brought William back and the others were an accident.

She is concerned about his butchered hand and wants to take him to the clinic - except of that pesky boundary nearly kills him. Note again that despite being risen she isn’t bound by the same rules.

Glitch, Season 2, Episode 2: Two Truths

James returns to the Risen because gods forbid he spend 5 minutes with his wife and child. I’m choosing to think this is a terrible director decision to try and cram everything into this improbably short season and not because James is just an arsehole.

He takes Elisha to the other Risen while explaining about the whole Boundaries changing and their old hide out being ransacked and all - she claims ignorance but James is super suspicious of her now he knows she’s also one of the Risen, possibly caused the others to Rise and hasn’t told any of them.

All Elisha is interested in is finding John Doe - or William as we now know - she’s terrified that Norgard has him and insists that Norgard will kill him. Norgard is also the utter worst and she insists she was just a contractor there. She doesn’t know how she came back from the dead, she died of a seizure and Norgard was experimenting on her. Which seems… dubious to experiment on your own researcher. She insists she cares about the others and she came to Yoorana and the head of Norgard to try and find some answers - and protect them from Nicola the ultra big bad

James is similarly doubtful and intends to check with Norgard for himself. And because he doesn’t trust Elisha he’s going to handcuff her to the stove and leave her guarded by Kirstie

But first we have awkwardness with James and Kate - starting with him walking in on her having sex with super sexy neighbour Owen having sex (thank you for the far far too brief visual). So she’s pissed. Unfortunately she decides she’s also coming with him to Norgard. And when James objects (I mean she’s has no credentials or reasons to do so while he is a police officer) she stomps and growls that he can’t tell her what to do

She also decides to assume the identity of a detective. Despite having no qualifications. No badge. No credentials. No ID. She puts on a baseball cap which totally is a detective disguise. Oh and she’s also dressed as… as… honestly I can’t think of a job which would consider her clothes remotely professional.

And this is why I’m increasingly disliking Kate. Because her asserting her independence and resisting James’s control would be good. Her being a little annoyed and put out by the whole ex-husband is now married with a kid is understandable. But her asserting her agency feels like, well, Spunky Agency. She isn’t making a lot of sense, is generally unpleasant and not making a whole lot of sense. She is expressing her agency but her agency isn’t making a lot of sense and is generally annoying

Just in case we had any questions as to who is actually evil, Nicola takes William to Norgard to reveal his history (including being flogged and executed as a murderer) - and that Elisha knew who he was. She also has ominous evidence that Elisha has been feeding her information - she has samples from all the Risen. It looks dubious but Elisha did mention she was trading information in the hope for answers

But if there was any evil doubt, Nicola decides the best way to experiment on the Risen is to tie John down and cut off his fingers to see if they can make them regrow

Yeah, definitely evil there.

Luckily for John he’s guarded by both a highly gullible scientist and this while highly secure facility is guarded by one person (when James and Kate visit they wonder what top secret research facility has a guard. I wonder what top secret research facility only has one guard).

Glitch, Season 2, Episode 1: A Rare Bird

We start with a flashback to remind us of the big reveal: Elisha, the doctor who has been our source of science and medicine in this show, is actually one of the Risen herself. She died 4 years ago - before the rest - and then faked her continued death before staggering out of her lab and her life all alone.

This news is passed on to James who is super distracted by it - which is probably a really bad thing because his wife Sarah has just had a baby and could use some support and he’s all distracted by the walking dead. Sarah has every right to be pissed to be honest - not only do they have a new born baby but Sarah nearly died during child birth so some support might be nice. James stop seeing dead people, you got a damn baby!

Another distraction is his colleague Chris who is not an entirely incompetent policeman and he’s noticed that Vic, the evil cop from last season, is missing (dead and buried) and he’s not falling for all the very basic red herrings.

See this is what comes of burying bodies rather than feeding them to crocodiles. Or koalas. Isn’t a body in Australia just eaten by the wildlife if you leave it unattended for 5 minutes?

James herds three of the other Risen off to a cabin he has to try and keep them out of trouble. Kirstie is snarky but obedient. Charlie is a doormat because… he always is and just about everyone challenges him on being a doormat this episode. Except it’s less “stop being a doormat” and more “damn it Charlie, be MY doormat”.

While Kate, James’s not-dead ex-wife has decided to move on a little from the whole Sarah/James/Kate love triangle which is something as a relief. But she’s decided to… act out like an angry teenager? I mean, I totally support her “James you don’t get to tell me what to do!” stance, but her “I’m gonna do this because James doesn’t want me to!” is not exactly something I’m running with and it all feels like she’s just being… petulant because Sarah has a baby? Anyway she falls in with neighbour Owen who is made of hotness and they both go swimming in a waterhole together (in Australia. This must be suicidal). But it’s ok because they’re both local and know where the big scary snake is (hey let’s go swimming and just swim round the… lethal snake. Australians are… odd people). They smoke cannabis and bond and discuss his dead parents and he is very very very very very hot

James is concerned because she’s telling someone she just met her name and possibly exposing herself.

Meanwhile Paddy is rampaging around being Paddy. He wants to prove his land was willed to the wrong people and has a copy of his will - except it’s several decades older than federal Australia and going to be difficult to prove. While he’s trantrumming and pouting his lawyer will do some research. In the meantime he recruits Charlie for shenanigans at the house he intends to “defend”. Charlie goes along because doormat+homophobic slurs

Requiem: Once Upon a Time

So after six seasons, Once Upon a Time desperately tried to fend off the inevitable with a seven season reboot. Sadly for the show, it wasn't enough and ABC finally gave up on the show. After following this from the beginning there's always a bitter sweet element to letting it go - even when there are several elements we certainly don't miss - there's still a lot there that still could have been

Which, of course, means it's time for a Requiem

Good

I think it’s hard to remember how original and interesting this show was when it first started all those many years ago. I think we need to give praise to that even as it has become more normalised in the years the show run. The whole concept of taking these fairy tales and mixing and mashing them up was really fun for me to see. Simple things like Rumplestiltskin being, obviously, the titular deal-giving monster, but also the Crocodile from Peter Pan and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast is the kind of mash up that I really really love.

The show has also brought some really iconic characters - Regina first and foremost, of course, but Emma, Maleficient, Cruella De Ville were some of my favourites. Throw in some really nice plot twists - the weirdness of how King Arthur fit into the show, Peter Pan as Rumple’s father, the complicated Cora/Regina/Zelena family tree. It had some gems.

Also Killian’s eye-shadow.

Bad

The Charmings. The problem with the Charmings is they’re probably the characters that have most held onto the fairy tale origins of the show. So while everything else is bring a sometimes-gritty but often more eye-open reality take to the world, the Charmings are there being kind of flabby and soggy and grossly PASSIVE. These two are repeatedly held up as heroes but, despite occasional past flashbacks of action, they generally did nothing to earn that. They only ever react to what the bad guys do - and then not often. In fact, even their claim to heroism seems to be far less because they champion the little guy or help people or hunt down evil - they’re heroes because EVIL COMES FOR THEM. If Regina didn’t devote so much effort to actually squishing Snow then she’d probably not do anything at all, no matter what kind of reign of terror was unleashed on the actual kingdom.

And this pervasive passivity followed through to everything they did. They never planned anything - just rested on this soppy “good will find a way” “love will find a way” “good is rewarded” “evil never prospers” twee philosophy which ruled out them actually having to do ANYTHING. If they are “good” then good never succeeded or triumphed -good twiddled its thumbs ineptly until evil collapses under its own evilness. And they’re central characters, they’re heroes, they’re leaders of their people for crying out loud! Words can’t express how frustrating I found their smug, pointless, passive, purity.

Good and Bad: The Season 7 Reboot

I know I’m almost a broken record on the final season of Once Upon a Time but it’s because I’m so twisted up about it as being both a perfect example of why we need Reboots while similarly being a text book example of how reboots can be badly done

I praise season 7 being a reboot - because after 6 seasons, Once Upon a Time was done. The fairy tale ouvre just doesn’t have enough big bads to both match up to the last big bads AND to be able to assail the amazing force that Team Good Guy had finally mustered. The core characters had hashed out every single last emotional family drama possible at this point. Emma had love and family and it’d be ridiculous to sunder this AGAIN. The Charmings after 8,000 plots keeping them apart were now together. Everyone believed, Henry was the author and if Rumple turned evil just One More Damn Time or Regina had ANOTHER tragic love affair I was just going to scream. It was done. Stick a fork in it.

Once Upon a Time, Season 7, Episode 22: Leaving Storybrooke

It’s time for the final episode of Once Upon A Time ever, barring spin offs (and, let’s face it, there’s a good chance of there being spin offs here). Which means, being Once Upon a Time there won’t be a whole lot of common sense or logic but we will have lots of soaring emotion and tweeness.

So Robin and Alice have gone to Storybrooke to seek help and it all kind of goes wrong because Granny and the Dwarfs all scream “OUTSIDERS!” and try to kill them. The hell is this?! Since when is this a thing? Did they all start supporting Trump or something?

Robin and Alice run to Zelena instead and quickly convince her by throwing lots of insider knowledge to convince her and recruit her on side

Back to the wish realm with everyone stuck in a big magical snow globe and ye gods why why why do villains not just murder their enemies already? Anyway everyone’s cold, evil!Rumple has used Henry’s author powers to completely rob Rumple of his magical powers. So he can’t escape. Instead this leaves Rumple and Killian to play nice and reflect on the bond that years of trying to kill each other has created. And Killian finally asks why Rumple with all his power didn’t just kill him

Haven’t you being paying attention, Killian? Villains don’t kill people. They torment them until they eventually turn around and win. It’s a rule

Rumple instead says that Killian is the closest thing to a friend he has. Which is deeply tragic but we don’t have time to explore this so let’s just say “awww, they’re friends who occasionally try to kill each other”. It’s like friends with benefits but kinkier.

And now I have a mental image of Killian and Rumple and kinky things and leather and that’s just distracted me from the rest of the episode.

Anyway, Maui’s hook just appears (this isn’t explained at all) which lets them break out. This gives them chance to angst a little more, plan the future and for Rumple to have a heartbreaking scene where he realises he will never be with Belle again

Meanwhile young!Henry has Regina captured and wants to make her suffer for killing his grandparents (I’m assuming this is Wish Realm Regina but at no point does Regina make more than a token effort of explaining that wasn’t her). Regina is super focused on telling Henry how he can be good and forgiving and nice and shiny and how she’s totally his mother in another dimension. In some ways this is why Regina doesn’t really want to convince him of her innocence because she wants Henry to embrace goodness and innocence and forgiveness et al.

Henry isn’t listening and expects to fight Regina in a duel. Of course he doesn’t just kill her because it’s a villain rule. Regina does have a happy dream of Robin, the original Robin, mainly because this is the last episode so everyone needs to have a cameo. Hey they went to Storybrooke just to throw in some dwarfs and even then they could only manage three of them.

Time to check in on Evil!Rumple’s evil plan: he has written a book for every single character ever and he’s going to use Henry’s dark-Author powers to suck everyone into a book containing their own personal hell. If by “personal hell” you mean “being alone”. Honestly you’d think he’d be more creative than that - there’s so much you can do with bamboo skewers or electrodes or disco CDs

And this “villain rule” is getting a little silly. Honestly why why why don’t you just KILL PEOPLE? You wouldn’t need Henry’s Dark Author powers. You wouldn’t need to watch while portals suck them in. You wouldn’t need to bring the blue fairy back just to throw her in a portal without even giving her a speaking line.

The gang goes to rescue Regina with Robin (young) and Killian providing a distraction for the guards (and Robin asking for Killian’s blessing in marrying his daughter and it’s sweet and awesome and shiny and yes the whole concept of a father giving his blessing for a marriage is rooted in patriarchy and sexism but context also matters: a same-sex couple getting any kind of familial blessing means a lot more in the context of the sheer number of LGBTQ people who are rejected by family on top of their relationships not being acknowledged.)

Once Upon a Time, Season 7, Episode 21: Homecoming

Flashback time - young Henry is all chasing after adventures, facing dragons to rescue sleeping princesses by sexually assaulting them while they’re asleep. Unfortunately for Henry, it turns out this princess actually loves someone else who kills the dragon, sexually assaults her awake and then runs off with the princess declaring that Henry is like a brother to her and so wonderful

Please take note, this friendzoning is going to be relevant later and want us to burn people to death because of it

Anyway, Wish!Rumple shows up in all his sparkly to offer him a Happily Ever After in exchange for a deal. Which Henry refuses because ye gods making a deal with a Rumple, any Rumple? Naaaaaah.

So to the present and everyone is super happy because they have their memories and magic back and Henry runs around saying “mother” and “daughter” and “wife” to remind us he has a family because the focus has been away from them for so very very long that we need to re-establish that they’re actually supposed to be important somehow. Of course not everything is perfect - Killian and Alice still have that poison heart thing. And Facilier is missing

Presumed dead via Wish!Rumple and lo the Black man who was a complicated, powerful and mysterious character with dubious motives, genuine affection for Regina warring with his desire for the Dark One Dagger is just unceremoniously snuffed out. That’ll learn you for thinking you could do more than make occasional baked goods.

Regina goes to check on Facilier and finds Rumple - who everyone is calling Gold to draw a line between him and Wish!Rumple. Regina and Gold catch up on how super evil Wish!Rumple is running amok while Wish!Rumple himself whisks away Henry’s new family - he demands Henry get his Dark One dagger because apparently if Gold decides to give up his dagger then Wish!Rumple will also lose his powers and he’s totally not into that.

A quick revenge council is formed of Regina, Henry, Killian and Gold with Henry vaguely thinking about accepting the deal but Regina being clear they’re just going to kick all the arses especially since this Killian is Wish!Killian he has connections with the Wish Realm and he can totally teleport to this realm with his hook. Apparently?

Henry thinks he should go alone because he has delusions of competence? I mean Regina with all her magic, Gold the Dark one and Killian pirate with magic hook. But failed writer is definitely the guy who should lead this? Shall I mention, yet again, that this series has utterly failed to establish Henry as something useful? I mean, he’s the author, he’s the grandson of the Dark One, son of the Evil Queen and the Saviour - you could have loaded this character with woo-woo.

So through to the Wish Realm and what i think is the beginning of a big cast reunion for Once Upon a Time. They’re split into Regina & Henry team A who are in Rumple’s much much much darker castle complete with Peter Pan (Rumple’s father - yes you remember the Neverland storyline I don’t care if your therapist has urged you to blank it from your mind. At least it isn’t the Frozen storyline) who is kept in stocks because Wish!Rumple holds All the Grudges. They don’t even pretend to care and certainly don’t release him but Rumple does show up to show them that he’s locked Cinderella and Lucy in a snow globe. As one does.

Oh and they find Cruella who Rumple has brought in for the big reunion and to defend his castle. Cruella, a woman with no magic or fighting skills. Cruella, a woman who’s main villainy is distasteful fur trade. I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s super cool but this is just bizarre. Especially since for some reason they give her the ability to sword fight (why? She’s from a Flapper 1920s time line. Flappers don’t fence! Give her a Tommy gun) and then she fights with Henry (in that coat!!! I don’t care what kind of ninja you are, you can’t fight in that coat) while Regina watches because we have to pretend Henry is useful and Regina couldn’t fry Cruella with a snap of her fingers.

Once Upon a Time: Season 7, Episode 19: Flower Child

It’s time for us to see the history of Gothel and finally get some motivations. And this could have been done some time before and not have left us all guessing

Gothel isn’t human. She’s a tree nymph. But wasn’t all that thrilled with tree nymphness, despite being the heir to all that magic and responsibility and instead wanted to hang with humans and their pretty dresses. Her mother was very confident she’d see sense. Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t. Instead she goes to see some rich humans and is spotted using magic. But rather than be afraid these humans, led by a woman called Ilsa, are all fascinated and insist she teach them and invite them to their ball with all the other fine rich people

Only to then humiliate her and call her an abomination. And then cut down her grove and slaughter all the tree nymphs there. Y’know I can kind of see this. I mean humanity and people who are different/shit we don’t understand? Does not have a good track record. What I can’t see is Ilsa ordering the slaughtering of the grove but being content with plastering Gothel’s pretty dress with mud. I mean, let’s engage in some light genocide and dress ruining?

Gothel is most upset and declares epic revenge against mankind which are a terrible affront to nature and slaughters Isla and all her guests with plant magic. Except Seraphina, who has magic of her own which she kept hidden out of fear and now admires Gothel’s courage - and becomes the first coven member. Returning to the grove, Gothel explains even though wiped out humans will come back so they have to leave and recruit more so they can have another round of purging

What’s interesting is she also says humans have finally “created” a land without magic - the only such land that exists. Suggesting Earth is artificial.

But we have a motivation for Gothel - who was apparently hunting the Guardian for… what? Magic? Either way I think in the last 19 episodes some indication of genocidal hatred for humanity and/or an extreme eco-activist bent could have been hinted at

In the real world she begins her evil plan by corrupting a cop to wake her sisters and harvesting blood from Margot for her nefarious plans (and also finally ranting about humanity being the biggest pest - and, again, this is rather out of the blue). And she finally approaches Tilly. She introduces herself as her mother and suggests Tilly join her and they can be one big happy family again

To which Tilly responds that Gothel either a) is lying, or b) abandoned her as a baby. And either way

And she goes to Killian

Killian is having issues. He’s finally decided that hey, letting Naveen go because he was wandering around a crime scene is a bad idea so let’s have an interview. And Naveen basically says “MAGIC!!!! WITCHES! MAGIC!!!” and Killian says “this is madness! Foolishness I say” but Naveen points out he has an autopsy report of a guy being stabbed in the heart from the inside so MAAAAAGIC MAGIC MAGIC.