Kenangan

Dear readers,
I met this pretty girl at my class( God knows how I love seeing beautiful girls:p). We were talking about my pregnancy and all of sudden while looking at my belly button, she said:
"I'd been considering a belly button piercing for quite a while but.."
"But?"
"Im planning to get married and have a baby this year!So, kalau dah pregnant cannot have mehh..Sakit lorr nnti perut kembang.Last2 tak pakai juga"
"Well, you can always do after your labor day darl!I heard you cannot bend over real well for a few days."
"Yes yes, it's true!My friend had a little tenderness for about a week!!Imagine that?But we're best friend maaa..nak buat sama2!See, I ada tattoo with my bestfriend, the same one.!"
"Whoa,Ouch,it's hurt man!What for?Does this tattoo mean anything to you?"
"Friendship!"

Silent.I was pulsed.
Tiba-tiba tangan kananku terus terpegang telingaku.?Yeah, I have 2 ears pierced.The first one when I was small. Everytime I put my hand to my ears, I think of...HER.I was in high school and I had ears pierced for the second time together with my best friend. She's a darling to me.
( ohh it doesnt mean that Im lesbo peeps..)

Our friendship began when we were at high school.We had the same passions, we argued vehemently and just as vehemently stuck together.What a flood of memories that my "ears pierced"brought!I have thought of her more and more over the years although our contact had grown less apart.
As for me this ears pierced brings personal images and hold meaning to me.
I miss her dearly.

Time flies, I met Diella when I was in Uni year.We had fun together,the best part, all her ex-es became my "abg angkat".Whether it's a birthdays, break-ups and make-ups, we are always there for each other to applaud,offer advice and lend support. How I missed those days.As for me, this "abg angkat" brings personal meaning to me :p

I came upon the photograph during our trip to( alamak lupa nama waterfall tu hape!Tp kat Pahang kan?). Bestnya time tu!Syauqi nampak kurus jugak la kan :p
I met this wonderful girl through my husband( sbb dia bini Syauqi) She's my " traveling partner"(sbb kami pergi berjalan bersama, meredah hutan ke air terjun okeyyy..) Needless to say,Im so happy that I knew her.She's a friend that hug me when I need one and when I need to be left alone, she gave me space.She instinctively knew what to do!

Then, I met Jenan members and their wife( they are such adorable and amazing people!) We click instantly.
I always knew I had a great friends in my inner circle but what surprised me was, how people I barely knew(YES YES..my dear bloggers!!!) "click" to me.Plus, I feel like knowing you guys for ages!

Then came along Leen and many more person that so important in my life.Nonetheless they are everything that I hoped for.Leen is always around and watching over me( even sampai termimpi diriku dah nak beranak. .kan kan).We might not see each other everyday, but you hold a special place in my heart, Leen.Nak cerita kebaikan Leen, sampai esok pon tak habis! Yg penting, she's sooooooooo wonderful inside and out!You suka budak-budak kan, boleh la you jaga anak I kan kan?:p

Now, I see how lucky I am, blessed with the greatest friends!

note:Million thanks to isteri-isteri/gf kawan-kawan kerja/batchmates suamiku, thanks for support and comfort although we only knew each other in a short period.
And to you Fiza..I wish I can blog about you, thank you for helping me through the good and bad times, you know la kan, we share so many things together kan ?


Pregnancy Diaries
As you can see, I have few days to go.I will have my 39 weeks++ appointment tomorrow morning and nak kata..MENCI GILLER KALAU DOCTOR SELUK HAKU PUNYA V!
Okeh Zip.Enough!Oh ya, my dear readers, sorry for all wrongdoings( mana tersalah kata, tersilap bahasa ke hape..sorry..sorry sgt2) Im not perfect.

Will update after balik check up esok ye :-)

P.s:Aristotle's definition of friendship is the image of one soul dwelling in two bodies.

Love.

Sorry

Im praying to Almighty our marriage will be just like every beautiful love stories, princess married to the prince and were living happily ever after..and bla bla bla.
As I was sleeping ,my phone rang:
"He..l..lloo..?"
"Ye.Akak nak ckp ni, jgnla kacau suami akak.Kesianlah kami anak beranak ni."
"Haaa..????sape ni?"

I looked at my clock.It was 2.46am, Saturday night.

"Ya Allah,sape ni. Mummy..you ke?"

"Haaa??..Mcm ni, akak nk bgtau.Kami dah ada anak 7.Jgnlah kacau suami akak.Awak nak ape sebenarnya?"
"Haaa...???Salah number kot..ape ni?Mum, is that you?U buat lawak ke ape ni?Ke K.Fuz ni?"

I was so blur. I rubbed my sleepy eyes,I asked myself, am I dreaming?
"Akak diam je selama ni.Akak tau adik dah kenal more than 3 yrs.Dah nak kahwin pun kan."

What on earth is she saying??!!3 years...!??.
I woke up.I put away my blanket. I told myself to stay cool.

" Jappp japp..you ni salah number ni.You nak ckp dengan siapa? I baru je guna number fon ni..tak sampai setahun pun.(in fact tak sampai 6 mths!)Mcm mana u kata I text husband you 3 years?..U must be kidding.I dun even know who are you, and your husband! "

"Alah, org kalau dah buat salah takkan mengaku, itu akak paham.nnti suatu hari Allah balas balik semua...Abang ada bgtau awak kami ada anak ramai?Akak ni penat mengajar siang malam....bla bla bla.."
Saying that, tears filled my eyes,I was deeply touched.
"Chop, seryes ni..I guess you salah number.I dah kawin pun. Buat ape kacau suami org!"
"U duk Kg Hilir kan?"

I was like..WHAT THE HELL IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?
You are talking crap!
" I duk KL.!"
OMG, where the hell is Kg Hilir by the way?Can anyone educate me?
"Ohh..mintak maaf..maybe silap tekan.Ke before ni ada org guna line ni"

"I have no idea.Tapi saya pakai line ni baru few months.Kalau before ni ada org lain yg pakai, saya tataulah.Im sorry about your husband but trust me, I have no idea what are you talking about."

and then she hangs up.

I feel sorry for her. On the other hand,I saw Obsessed last night .I wasnt expecting much from the movie.It was so right and full of cliches.The plot was beyond predictable. The best part, Ali Larter played crazy as well,she was so Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.Hmm, they could come up with a few more original plots.

All in all, yeahh ..movie was good. But, it could be a lot better.

p.s: sampai skang ni aku rasa mcm tak percaya ckp ngn org yg silap tekan number!Ada org buat april fool ke?
Pastu, Character Ali Larter tu..hmm sgtlah buatkan hatiku geraaam!:p
Love.

Takda Kaitan OK!

Dear readers,
Venue: Subang Parade
Date : Today

Aunty Rok : Hye Fadd, pregnancy ok?
Me : Alhamdulillah ok. Takda ape sgt.
Aunty : Takda nausea?Morning sickness?
Me :Morning sickness takda so far..tatau la kalau belum lagi.Tp evening sickness ada la..Dekat2 kul 6-7pm camtu mulalah start nak muntah. Kdg2 mkn muntah jugak.Pastu sampai tdo..ada rasa loya tu.
Aunty : Haaaa..Aunty tauu what's ur probs!
Me : Apsal?
Aunty : Awak tu selalu sgt tgk Gossip Girls lah, Desperate Housewife la, Samantha Who la, LJ lah, Beverly Hills ape semua tu kann? Pastu awak selalu berangan ala2 Blair kan.
Me : Aunty, takda kaitan okayyy..
Aunty : Kan semua tu citer Americans kan? awak ikut time sana la tu..Kalau kt USA kan time terbalik ngn kita,24 hours kan.

I was !@!#&$%^&**( :p

p.s: Adoii...thanks Aunty, U made my day!! *big Grin*

Love.

Nothing

Here are the photos during K.Fuz's besday celebration at Bubbagump on 23rd April. We had a wonderful night-out.

Seriously, this beef ribs...mouth -watering...

And here, Achik( K.Fuz's aunty),your truly, my baby, abg ha rayyan, K.Fuz and Zahra

Dear readers,

Mood : Malas yg amat

As I said earlier, my husband away for 10 days trip.Huh, the good news is I will have my " me time" .I will able to buat aper yg I love to do, like reading books ptg2, meeting some of my frens or even pergi gym. Cos when my husband around, nak gi gym payah sikit, nnti dia nk mkn, nk minum, takda saper pulak nak jaga semua tu. TP kalau dia tdo and bgn lambat, so I will run to the gym.And I will balik b4 dia bgn tdo.Sbb bila dia bgn, dia nk mkn.

BUT the bad news is, I hate being apart from him. It's killing me!!!

This morning, K.Fuz called me and asking me to have lunch with her at Mid Valley, but knowing me, since kahwin ni, bila my husband takda, malasnya nak gi benda2 camni. Even kalau any of my brothers buat mkn2 especially time husband takda, mmg 100% aku tak gi :p.So, nak taknak they akan buat time my husband ada IF diorang nak kami adik-beradik berkumpul. Ntahler..maybe dah selalu sgt ngn husband ke mana-mana kot.Haih, gedikkknyaaa

Suprisingly, Abg ha& K.Fuz ke Mid valley naik cab, since dia servis kereta kt Jln Ipoh.Diorang ada kata suh bawak jln-jln if my husband ada but since my husband away, they doesnt want to trouble me. Maybe diorang igt payah kot aku nk drive gi sana,hmm ntahh ler..

BTW,Im touched! If you are reading this sist, I want you to know, how appreaciate I am! And..excuse me, Im not sick :p Im just pregnant okayy.

Anyway, I started my exercise routine..again!

Wehuuu..Entering, 2nd trimester, I cant seem to settle down at night, guess what?Im in lala land at 5am!! GOSH. According to one of the pregnancy books, I have to get enough exercise( but not too much) so that my body will be sleepier at night.. And, it works!!! Alhamdulillah. My fav workout regime: Body&Balance ,pilates and swimming

As usual, my evening sickness is quite tolerable.Instead of morning sickness,

I have been blessed with evening sickness. ( of course,any pregnancy symptoms I should cherish , heyy it's a magical experience okayy* big grin*)

Next activity, I have to bake K.Fuz's niece cupcakes.Her birthday will be on this coming 14th May, and the theme will be: HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL.

Wish me luck peeps :p

I cant wait for our next check-up on this coming 13th May. My husband will be back on that day and yes, he will be joining me to the hospital.

I cant wait!!

LOVE.

IF only..

While standing at my balcony,I was dreaming... If only Im wearing fat pink Harry Winston diamond ring or any of their finest diamond jewelry.
OHH boyy!

If only, I can hop into this car.
Pagani Zonda

If only ,Im toting this bag

Nancy Gonzalez

If only , I seriously would like to have them and I wish I could afford to them too
ohh myy....Christian Louboutin

If only, Im living in this and operates numerous of "so and so businesses" across the world
AND If only I have unlimited spending and cash:-)

Ohh, indahnya mimpiku :p
Of course, who doesnt??!

Pregnancy Diaries:
Ptg skang sgt rasa nk muntah.Ohh baru rasa "IM PREGNANT".
Mkn as usual, telan je sbb kalau tak lapar.

p.s: My husband away for 10-days trip.So please excuse my so-called-dreams.Hey, tak salah kan bermimpi, mana tau mimpi jadi reality?Tak pun, sbb tahu tak dapat, aku berangan lah.:p
BUT again..Im so thankful for what I have today.Alhamdulillah.

Tributes To Our Moms

Dear Moms,
Happy Mother's Day.!! 10th May..right?
Im wishing all mommies who are reading my blog now * smile*

I miss my mom so badly now.Biasa la kan, kalau ada je masalah, aku mula la rindu Mi kan :p.BUT seriously,I miss her. Anyway, Im so lucky, I still have Mummy Noe to listen and she's my shoulder to cry on. Ever since my Mi left to Dubai, Mummy Noe called almost everyday just to say 'hi' and asking about my pregnancy journey. I know, I am lucky. At least. I have someone to talk. Even though I see her often, I miss her very much.Tambah pulak, hormon tak menentu so I need "org lama" punya tips especially about pregnancy. She's has been tremendously awesome! Mummy Noe carikan food yang I really wanted to eat ( since my Mi is not around), ohh ya, same goes to my dear friend Hanim. Giller tu, carikan Etok!:p

There was one day, I was crying because I miss Mi so badly.Deep inside,I know, I have to handle everything myself. Ive been taught to be independent since small.:-)

Hmm, it's true, there is no one like a mother.

Who else must juggle all the jobs necessary to raise a family in this day and age?At any given time, a mother may be called upon to be a cleaner, maid,PA, secretary, shopper,teacher,caretaker and the list goes on! Sometimes a mother must perform all these jobs at once.It's clear that the mothers are the original multitaskers.
Clap.Clap.

Happy Mother's Day Moms.
Including to my husband's Emak @my mother in law.
Eventhough, we are not talking everyday or even seeing each other often, we would like to express our deepest love to you. We may adore each other or perhaps disagree all the time ( yeah this msg goes to My Mi too.Sometimes we argue , maybe we need to get ideas across, and get things done)
but what ever it is,
YOU ARE STILL OUR EMAK. You hold a very special place in our heart
No one can replace you.
"Aman is my husband, but he is still your baby boy.I promise that! I wont take him away from you."
Thanks for giving birth to a wonderful man!
I am so lucky, Emak.

How can we honor them or even thank our moms for the gift of life and unconditional love?
So this Mother's Day, give Mom that extra hug, and kiss and let her know just how special she is and that you appreciate all she has done for you.

Ohh ya, Mother's Day can be EVERYDAY huh!!! :-)
Pregnancy Diaries:

• I lost appetite! I just dunno what to eat.
• Ada rasa nk mkn lamb walau tak berapa nk telan ( tp ni bukan craving kot sbb I love lamb sgt2)
• Malas dah kurang sikit. Tp after Zuhur harus mengantuk amat.
• Perut dah tak rasa bloated sgt dah.Gassy pun dah kurang.

Well, yg lain-lain mcm biasalah, wait and see another few weeks.Tgk macam mana.

p.s: Dear husband, can we celebrate Mother's day since Im a mommy to-be? *wink*

Love.

Best Birthday Present Ever!!!

Hi everyone...

My lovely wife is PREGNANT.

My first and only post was the introduction of this blog. This will be my second entry. Maybe, I'm just plain lazy or just waiting for a big occasion to trigger my lazy mind to be creative. :) The sentence above is not only a big occasion but it will bring significant change to our life.

Last month, she did mention that her period is quite late and i suggested that we wait for another week before we did anything (like seeing a doctor or pregnancy test). Went to work as usual and when i get back, I noticed there is something different in her facial expression. A mixture of happiness, anxiety and worried. When she open her mouth and show me the test strip, I had the same expression. On that strip, only a very blur line visible unlike the one on the picture above.

One part of my brain send a command to jump for joy but the other part of it seems worried with what have happen before. I was caught in between and finally settle with a big grin and hug her instead.

Between last month and now, we had a couple of visit to the medical centre. She need a hormone injection to support her pregnancy on top of the regular pills. Furthermore, the normal pregnancy symptoms persist and she needs a lot of rest. And by that, i means "a lot". :) That's why, its been quite some time since she post a new entry.

I choose to share this wonderful news early to get moral support for her. She told me that she have a strange kind of connection with her reader (somehow, you guys 'click' and always hoping the best for each other).

Last but not least, saya harap anda semua dapat mendoakan kesihatan dan kesejahteraan isteri serta anak di dalam kandungannya. Amin...

And now, she's already 2 months.Alhamdulillah.

Aman@Apeng

MimpiKU

Last night, as I was falling asleep, I had a weird dreams. Really weird. I was dreaming about this one tiny little boy who was not even my nephew at our both side. Even though I knew he was not my nephew, I feel deeply "related" to this boy. And yes, I knew this little boy.

At first he was busy playing with his toys, then he slowly looked directly at me, smiled, and said in his sweet voice:

"Im here to play with you!"
"main ape?"
"hide & seek? I find youuu!"

I looked deeply into his eyes, so deeply that I was able to see beyond him.There was a bright white light and I felt pure, unconditional love pouring into me.

"Aunty, I want to play with you!"
"ok..ok.."

I was startled.

OMG, he started to communicate! I still remember the only words he used to say
"aaa..Chaaaaa!!" everytime we were around him.

We continued to talk and play. I was thinking, I wonder should I call his name or not.
And yes I did.
To my surprise, I heard his respond.

"Yes..yes, Im here"
I was so happy playing with him. I was hoping the dream will not be ended because it was so wonderful. There was instant and deep bond between us.
Next morning, I've told my husband about my dreams.
"I mimpi pasal ******"
"I rasa u rindu dia kot"
Mmm.. izzit?
I guess I had always been kind of weird compared with other people, kan?

Nak tau sape budak laki tu?
Let it be mystery okay :-)
What have you been dreaming about lately?

p.s: Neeza, why dont u gimme ur address: YOU AE THE WINNER!

*big grin

LOve.

The call to write"SECRET"

Can you keep it?
How long can u keep it?

Yes, great "tales" are meant to be shared.
Yes, with my loved ones.
Yes,my mom. OR maybe family?
And yes, with them;
Hanim & Haida...
and you H( see I trust u so much!!!)
( I cant mention ur name, yet ppl will ask you!)
MuAhahaha

P.S:Hanim, thanks so much.
You have know idea, I feel "wonderful" talking to you.

Muah

Chop Chop!

Hmm, few weeks ago we had our luncheon at Alexis Garden.But what can I say, I love the pasta.Yups delicious with "hailam"style.

And the main" reason" we went to Garden..to chop my hair!!Yippie. First attempt okay.Tgklah lepas ni kalau berani buatlerr gaya POsh.

^
^
^
^
^
^
^
Anyway, I got this comment/msg from a person who named herself as Ms Loca:
" Fadd, ada ternampak you kat Subang Parade.U pakai pakaian mcm nak ke gym. Boleh share tak mcm mana u ada 6 packs tu? Takpun share cara paling senang nk ada line kt perut tu.I bukan nak perut kempis je tapi yg ada line mcm U.Hope to hear from you."

I was like.WHAT??6 packs?R u kidding me darling?MUAHAHAHA. But hey, thanks! I dont have any secrets tho, but I hope this will help you later :
1. Mm..I dont have any babies grow inside my tummy yet so of course there s no reason for me to have a tummy fat!
2.Im young(fuhh suka ayat ni, MUAHAHA) and only 26 years old so of course, I wont have those fat yet, right?
3.Eating right.This is the MUST!
4.Do pushups and core training. It's tiring but u will love the result.No Equipment for core strength exercises.Body weight exercises are very effective for developing core strength.Best thing- tak payah ke gym pun takpe, buat je kt rumah.


Example:
Hold it..say, 1-2 mins for few sets.And when you are ready to challenge yourself more, increase to 5-10 mins.Hold.
I love doing all this.Of course, you need to work it out! There's no other "cheat"or easy way dear to have those line.

Repeat for a total of 20 repetitions

Hold for 20 to 60 seconds. Do three sets of 15 to 20 repetitions

5.Work your abs babe!Do more crunches.I love ball crunches. Say 3 times a week?U can do at home.Even at night!
6.Pilates..yoga?Helps you to tone your body.To build strength , you have to hold the postures longer and longer ...Then you will see the result.


I hope this will help you. Please bear in mind that you need to do it regularly. By doing it constantly, who knows you will get those "bikini body":p, Insya-Allah.
And tak payah ke gym to do all the exercises.Kt rumah pun boleh buat.
Well, pepatah Melayu ada kata " Hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih "

Love.
p.s: Please ask Somebody who is qualified to supervise you, mana la tau terinjured ke kan.But then again, Im sharing ape yg I buat :-)

Sayonara

Hey everybody!
Im off to somewhere( which I dunno where yet!) from 2nd Feb-7th Feb.
I'm sorry to be leaving you guys( you have no idea I will miss you guys so badly!)
Jadi, jumpa kamu semua di kemudian hari!
Tata
Titi
Tutu!
Muahh!

p.s: Anybody can text me! I will reply:-)

Updated:

Change of plan! We are going..Yups tomorrow!Anyway, here are my gedik moment with Apeng.There were makan-makan at K.Ita's place.

I told Apeng to sing ! He refused!

Well peeps, I really have nothing to say or jot down.Im gonna miss you guys!Muah

Early Gift :-)

An early birthday gift from "circle of friends" .Happy is not enough to describe the waves of emotions I’m feeling right now. Thank you so much!

You know what?

Love it!

I wish...

Well, Do I have to do this..??
ohh dear..At the request of a few persons in my life (including my other half Apeng, himself), I am creating a birthday wishlist.. Yippie, my birthday will be this coming 4th Feb!
Of course, I wish happiness,health and a long life for my husband.
And,Ya Allah, please make him loves me forever and ever, so that he can buy anything I want!
hahahha
Next, I want babies *smile . Hope this year will bring us luck.
I heart Sexy Lingerie!
Oh pls, I have to have those!!

These photos are from Victoria's Secret .Somehow I love everything about Victoria's Secret.

And please, can anyone get me this: Long sleeve robe .This season is all about headbands! Hmm.. Hair Accessories ..yeah anything to do with hair thingy.I just love it!

I loveeeeeee Stacey Lapidus!

Bracelet/Bangle, of course! who doesnt?!
More Tops/Blouse ,yeah yeah..I couldnt ask more!

dress, Yep, I love mini dress or long dress, Im wearing it right now..at home!hahahah

What can I say, I absolutely love the show..I mean Gossip Girls. I don’t know if it’s the fashion in there that’s making me adore it or the actual plot and characters, but I love it nonetheless.Regardless, everything about Blair , Serena, Jenny.. are just absolutely inspiring.
Gambar sekadar hiasan

Love this! Of course!

Earrings. Last time I purchased a "handmade earrings", Ithought they where going to be too big. Not at all! .I love big and bulky.

Long Necklaces.

Aromatheraphy Candles. I love the scent but lately I havent been able to find any ( yups, I was super busy). I wish I can have those BIG & BULKY candles..heheh

Inspiration books or Chick Flit Books. Somehow, I just bought a few books last weeks. Let's hope I can finish reading all :-)

Dinner/Eating out with friends and families. Oh, fancy dinner, romantic getaway! O..I wish!

Last but not least....mmm personally, I want all of you to pray and make dua' for our happiness, our health and wish all our dreams will come true :-)
Believe me, with all that I have now, it’s more than I could have asked or imagined! Alhamdulillah.

p.s: Oh..I feel guilty buat wishlist.hahahah.Im not begging anything guys!But thanks.

Love

A moment in my life

Hey everybody!

Well I never thought I would be writing something like this.Fast forward, I had a retroverted uterus ( tilted uterus).

I went to see gynae few months after we got married and he told me about this bla bla..bla operation..known as the UPLIFT procedure that works to reposition the uterus by cutting and shortening the ligaments that support it. He said the two most commonly occurring symptoms include pain during sexual intercourse, particularly vaginal intercourse (dyspareunia) and pain during menstruation (dysmenorrhea).

He was afraid that I had a endometriosis too ( because of the tilted uterus) which is the growth of endometrial cells outside the uterus, which causes symptoms that may include painful periods and fertility problems. Sometimes, it can cause fertility problems if the scar tissue (adhesions) stops the released egg from getting to the fallopian tube.He told us that I was born like that and affects 20% women worldwide.

I told my gynae, I dont have any pain during menses ( thank god!).

I was freaked out about this( yerla..pergi gynae sbb lain, skali jd lain dah la suh operate!)

"So bila nak operate?"

"Hmm.."

I just cant answer him!

You have no idea how freaked out I was!Being scaredy- cat me. Rasa tak bermaya..mcm nak jalan dah tak boleh.( biasalakan, aku ni kalau dgr OPERATE je terus kaki jd lemah longlai..mcm nk terbang di awan biru je...hahaah)

So here goes my depression days tapi kejap jer..tak sampai 1 weeks pun. Apeng hari2 buat lawak and tried his best to make me happy.Im so lucky!

Obviously I know I can get pregnant with a tilted uterus.I did my research on the internet, books,magazines..ohh name it! Oh wait, I told my sist-in -law about it, K.In: she is a doctor, and Ive found that easier for me to talk to my own sister ( even she is Apeng'sist) She told me that, there's nothing to worry about.Operation is not the solution. So, I was relief. At least I got a positive answer. One day, K.Fuz called me and gave me this one number;Dr.C***** Lee so I went to see him and yes..I got a positive answer from him. But still, the pain doesnt go away..Maybe that's the reason why, my previous GP asked me to operate.Short cut.

My method is simple : get to know my own body better and try to relax as much as I can. I started doing yoga( it was before Haram fatwa was ruled) which helped me to relax my mind and stop thinking about the pain.Yeah ..it's silly to say but..it works!!

So it was..roughly 1 year ago. I was on SOMETHING ( takda kena mengena dgn pil perancang, pregnancy or ape2 ) but I must prevent myself from getting pregnant. Finally I had finished my SOMETHING-course,and I was ready to start a family. That was..after our 2nd anniversary.

Ramadhan ago , my period was delayed..about 10 days( my period always on the dot and never been this late)!! I had this swollen or tender breasts and severe cramps for the past few days.

After tarawih, I rushed to pharmacy and bought myself a pregnancy test. Gosh, I dunno how to use it. First time beli pregnancy test tu..rasa malu pun ada..bayangkan..I masuk kluar pharmacy tu 3-4 times. Dah amik, pastu bila tgk org tgk2, letak balik.. ..hahah apsal eh?

Apeng was not around, so I did myself.I went home and I did "the test" and I walked out of the bathroom. I set the timer on my watch.

tick tick tick... when the two minutes were up I anxiously went back into the bathroom.just waiting for 2 lines to show up.. finally I got my wish.

"It was positive!!!Yayyy"

..and I started crying..-overjoyed,disbelief..bla bla bla

I was extremely happy and that's the best things has happened to me during Ramadhan. I told Dila about the test since we were buka puasa together on that day....And I told Hanim about it. At least I can share with somebody. I was about to text Apeng but I stayed calm.I wanted to give him a surprise. Fast forward, I did a surprise to Apeng. He was shocked and was jumping happily. I can see his happy face and deep inside, this was something he really wanted, and I knew how badly he wants it.

Together, we went to visit a gynae and she confirmed that I was, indeed, pregnant.

"Yes you are pregnant, tapi tak nampak aper2 sac pun ni..now you are 6 weeks already.Patut nampak"

"oh, kalau camtu kenapa"

"saya takut ectopic pregnancy je ni, takpe, lagi 1 week awak dtg, maybe skang ni kecik lagi"

I was scared to death! I was hoping everything was going to turn out well. And yet, after 1 week, I had barely even begun to experience nausea when I noticed I was bleeding.

.I was curious. I began bleeding heavily with blobs of blood and cramping. .

Instinct had told me that all was not right and I knew the facts. One in three pregnancies ends in miscarriage but deep inside, I was hoping for a miracle.

At the hospital, they gave me an injection and Duphaston pills.

The doctor advised me to go home and wait for the bleeding to stop. I would return in a day for another examination. All I wanted was to sink into the ground.

Fact is fact..it was clearly a miscarriage. Habis semua keluar.Redha jelah.The night I miscarriage and the entire day after was my time to grieve. Tp lepas tu jumpa jugak doctor sbb nak check, mana la tau kena buat D&C kan...tapi rupanya dah "complete abortion" means dah kuar habis semua benda.Doctor told us:

"We suspected that, this early miscarriage caused by, the position of your "right ovary" that is failing to produce an adequate supply of pregnancy hormones.Urm, it is in a "funny position"

"What should we do?"

" As soon as you know that you are pregnant again, immediately come to us"

Yups, funny position sbb shifted ( sbb jatuh, accident or..ape2 hentakan).Tp mana la tahu sbb jatuh/accdent mcm ni skali kan?

I learned that so many people I knew had, had similar experiences. Having a miscarriage is very common. This was very comforting to me, it was my way of feeling like I was not alone.And I just put it this way..a miscarriage is an assurance that I am capable of conceiving* smile. Tapi ape yang tak bestnya, aku tak bole jadi macam org lain..bole surprise kan husband pasal pregnancy. Bole buat itu ini, sbb in my case, of course Apeng kena tahu bila aku pregnant sbb kami kena rush to hospital as soon as posibble I am positive.Kesian dia..

Now, it's just a beginning..and I will not give up.

The less I am worring about it, the more easily I will conceive, Insya-allah.

Stay tuned for our next adventures.

Wish me luck !

p.s: My intention is not to complain about my difficulties,I'm not looking for sympathy, I just want to share my experience.And I feel good :-)


Love.

Life ain't always beautiful??

I slept at 9pm last night.I woke up at 630am. Ive been thinking about my life lately.
Scenario

You set your goals in life

put energy into it and try harder to complete successfully, but everything falls apart,unreachable and..all you can do is start all over again?
Ohh..
What should I do? Accept is and believe that there are reasons why?
Suddenly,all this Qs pop up
"bila ni"
"bila lagi"
"cepatla"
"cepat..cepat.."
Guess what, Ive been struggling with this issue long time ago.Balik kampung org tanya..sini tanya,sana tanya! Tired!
Pernah tak terfikir ape yang ada dlm fikiranku?Pernah tak fikir susah senangku?I bet..NOPE. All you can say is.."cepat..cepat..cepat.."
Do you think I am a machine?Push button pastu terus jadi?
Few months ago at my gym.While waiting for my so-called-fav-aunty-at the gym lounge, I overheard this:
Girl A : Do you know one of our gym member tak?Heard kahwin dah 2 yrs, tapi takda anak lagi. Dia planning la tu dulu2.Pastu bla nak payah la tu.. Girl B : Haaa..ada ada..tula ..tuhan nak bagi dulu taknak, skang bila nak payah la tu.
Girl A : Eh, tapi yg mana satu eh that girl?
Girl B: ha..tu kena tanya Girl C sbb dia citer tadi.

You can't possibly imagine how freaked out I was when I heard this.Of course they cant see me because Im not facing them! *smile.OMG..I was so pissed off ! What give you the right to judge me? You barely even know me!??And..are you talking about my fate???Who the hell are you??????!!!!@@#$%^
oops please excuse my languange!

And as I was leaving, I thought I might as well say something..so I did!
Me : Im teribbly sorry but I coulnt help myself..overhearing your chit-chats a while ago.The person that Girl C was mentioning..is me.Im fadd by the way.
Both of them were saying sorry to me.Of course I forgive both of them.But I tell them Im gonna blog about this.And here I am *smile

I am so disappointed right now. Only Allah knows what is the best..believe me, it's really hard for me.Disappointment is perhaps one of the most difficult things to deal with in life.It is painful, but it can inspire me to be a better person. If we let disappointments pile up, they lead to discouragement.As for me, Im turning disappointment in a positive direction, moving myself closer to Allah. No matter how painful my disappointment may be,Allah is trustworthy and I believe in qada' and qadar.

Yups "perjuanganku belum selesai", pinjam kata2 Dr.M.Well, maybe ada betulnya.Ada lagi yg I need to do that doesnt achieve yet.Now, all I need is for you to dua' for me: my happiness, my life...bla bla bla..
There must be hikmah and reasons why... So please dua' that all goes well.I just need a helping hand.Not anything fancy or luxury.Just a dua.
And I hope that's okay.

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Love

My way

My Way- Frank Sinatra
And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, Ill say it clear,
Ill state my case, of which Im certain.

Ive lived a life thats full.
Ive traveled each and evry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, Ive had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way

Yes, there were times,
Im sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

Ive loved, Ive laughed and cried.
Ive had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -

And did it my way!

Urmm this is actually one of my fav.songs.Enjoy!!

Some says, mistakes are life's way of teaching. Albert Einstein said:

"The only mistake in life is the lesson not learned."

Yeahh..let me do it

MY WAY..

*wink

Love.