masters

It's been eons since I've blogged. Almost 9 months I think.

For much of the first half of 2011 I got caught up with so much work. From December all the way to the last day of March, I was practically just spending my time working on the honours thesis. Indeed, that period was one of the most trying I've had. The only class I had was rhetoric in politics, in which I parodied Chaplin for my presentation in class. That was such an awesome get-up and performance in my own opinion. I fought in IVP, but lost in the second round (all this while the day and night before I was struggling to finish the references and bibliography for my thesis). In any case NUS emerged overall champions, which was really a remarkable achievement! (considering how badly we did last year). 2 days after my rhetoric exam paper I flew off to Macau and Hong Kong for my 1st grad trip with the Fatcampers. In effect I missed the GE2011, though I did try hard to stay up as late as I could in Hong Kong for the results. 2 days after getting back home from Hong Kong it was off to Jogjakarta with the guys. At the end of May I received my results and thankfully I got A- for both the honours thesis and for rhetoric, which was really more than what I was earnestly hoping for. June passed without any notable events really, and July was when I had my commencement and I went to KL to catch Arsenal in action against the Malaysian national team.

And now what? I'm doing graduate studies in NUS too. Well, the feeling of being an undergraduate and a graduate is different for sure. I hope the next 2 years will be kind to me, because it's been a stop-start experience for so far. On some days I feel justified about why I chose to continue studying, on others I just feel that it might have been a serious mistake. But I push on nevertheless - the next 2 years of my life has been determined, and I hope those two years spent along this path shall be justified. I take this leap of faith into the unknown, maybe having to face my baptism of fire soon enough. Somehow I will get through all of this, I hope and I pray.

I don't know why I blogged today. As a form of escapism, probably? My 3 month break consisted of so many things - holidays, training sessions, researching. Very many ups and downs. Maybe more down than up. Rather, the scale of the down completely outweigh all the ups. I can't deny I'm affected deeply. I figured the whole disappointment thing would dissipate but apparently it hasn't. It rears its ugly head now and then, and it makes me feel like crap from time to time. The cahiers de doléances might be quite long, but maybe it is my destiny that all this has had to happen.

Maybe I am destined for other things. From an egoistical perspective, maybe I am destined for better things.

History repeats itself - first time as tragedy, second time as farce.

Should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads to nowhere?