pd

i am starting to feel the heat.

it's not stress, it's just im getting more disturbed, more perturbed and more pressured than ever. i'm not boasting, but i hardly stres myself out to the point where i cannot take it anymore. even for studying, i think i study to actually forget anything else that is stressing me out. studying can be fun and healthy if one manages to find out how to appreciate it and manage the stress levels that supposedly accompany it. i get most stressed when i am planning my timetables for school actually. last semester i took freaking 4 hours just to come out with a proper timetable for myself.

it's with regards to my event. yes, initially there was alot of loose ends that we have not tied. but most of the issues have already been cleared, but new ones have surfaced. it's getting abit frustrating though when some issues just cannot be settled. that's one. and another thing is the event seems quite popular i think. it turns out even my secondary school friends might want to join. it probably gives me added incentive to do better, but it also exerts more healthy pressure on me too i guess.

in any case apparently i ruffled a few feathers with my no-nonsense last minute email to my committee members. well yes, i wasn't being professional by allowing my bad mood to interfere with work. but i felt i was going to push the members soon anyway, and i had to get things done too. yes it was last minute, and my email was abit curt. but it's not easy being in my shoes!

people sometimes think it is easy being the project director. just abuse the authority and just delegate stuffs. well some stuffs i really don't know who's supposed to do, so i do it myself. and i'm not boasting, but i've already done quite a bit of stuffs that i needn't have. and yes, i do forget things also, i admit.

but i'm not perfect. neither am i the best project director around. i took up this post voluntarily because i felt the event was interesting, and not because i was appointed to it and given blessings by the people upstairs. whatever i do, i do according to what i know and who i have. my instincts and gut feelings guide me, which obviously do not involve proper planning and delegation of stuffs. in that sense i'm quite horrible as a project director.

i suppose alot of people would not have belief in my way of doing things. well, all i can say is, i do things as according to what my gut feelings and instinct instruct me. of course i do try to think rationally, but yes, i 'm not the most professional to do so. in any case my methods have not gone down well with people, so i'm sorry okay people.

seriously, i have alot of things, the little things, that i have to settle. come and be in my shoes, than you will understand why it is best to have a project director that is level-headed and always calm under pressure. i don't mind taking up jobs that i can delegate to other people, if i see i can help out in it. it's not a race to win hearts or votes for that matter. in any case, i'm really sorry if my people management skills have been poor.

dear you,

i'm sorry if i was being unreasonable. it's just that i couldn't accept that you would get mad over a simple thing. but yes, i see things differently and maybe i was insensitive. can we start afresh? you know i'm always scared whenever you are around,. and it's not like i'm purposelly giving you the cold shoulder or anything. i'm just scared.