return

today i mourn the loss of my friend.

the late isz sazli bin sapari. if you've read the news on the taiwanese fighter jet plane crash, the name might sound a bell. yes, he was 1 of 2 to be killed on that tragedy. when i first came to know of it i was really dumbfounded. even till now i feel sad that things had to turn out this way. it's a real big shock to all of us.

i admit i wasn't close to him. but in school, he used to mixed around with us often, despite he being the junior batch. despite us always bullying him, he still wanted to mix around with us. frankly speaking, he's a real down to earth guy. not your typical malay type, he's really earnest and really zesty at times. i can still remember how he sounds like, although the last time i spoke to him was more than a year ago.

and suddenly this happens. i actually cried just thinking of him just now and praying to God for him. we are all so saddened and shocked by this. how would they answer to his parents? i feel that it's real sad that he died this way. so what if he died with full military honours at his burial? one can't bring him back. i will surely miss talking to him.

yesterday i just couldn't sleep. spent freaking 3 hours jus tossing and turning around in bed before i could get some sleep. when i tossed to one side, all i could think of was isz and whatever happened in the past. when i tossed to the other side, the other major issue i'm facing now came to my mind. the 2 issues kept running through my mind back and forth, so much so i really felt so strained trying to fall asleep last night. frankly speaking i've never really felt so mentally strained in quite a long time.

errgh. actually i need someone to talk to now? preferably a female companion?haha. but seriously. my mind's so bogged up now and the more i think the more frustrated and exasperated i get. the normal me would usually just chuck it all aside and concentrate, but nowadays i really can't. i feel so affected, i'm really at a loss. then the news of isz's death filters through. makes my head spin.

dear you,

actually i need to talk to you now. but from what i see, there doesn't seem to be time for that nowadays. if you are reading is, all i can tell you i'm really confused. my mind is so blank and i really can't see the light. tell me if i was wrong, because as you know, i am stupid, blur and naive.

i need you.