f up

i feel damn f**ked up right now.

it's as if it's like back to 3 years ago.

sometimes i just feel like dropping everything at once and just stone there.

someone help me get out of my misery.

mp3

finally got that mp3 player that i've been wanting to have.

henceforth no more vapid trips to and fro from work anymore! got it at the creative warehouse sale. the zen v plus for 239 bucks, at 4GB. well as long as it works for me, i'm fine with it. even though i don't really fancy the interface that much. i still prefer my old zen micro! although it's really really outdated now.

bought it on saturday, after the lunch session with the guys at pizza hut. supposed to celebrate ramli's birthday, it was. at least i did something fruitful on my last saturday off. never quite managed to go to the gym.

like today. was supposed to hit the gym, but as always, the key word here is supposed. what i did today was just to go out and get my hair cut (a drastic one at that!) and then meet up with sarah for dinner. and talked alot of things. real personal.

recently i've really done alot of talking. alot of yakking with other people. which is really good for me these days, since it really keeps me sane. haha. but conversations have been good. like the other day, with tyan and sarah. combined with that, a badminton game after work. rushed all the way to god-forsaken hougang just to play badminton for a freaking hour. but it was nice, meeting up old friends and just talk. i'm left out of alot of things it seems.

and meeting up with liz, shaz and hadi on friday night. and just yak the whole night away over coffee . then that saturday, yak away with my dearest so called 3rd cousin na'im during the bus ride home.

i don't know, but it seems alot of people are having a tumultous time with regards to their love life. ah it seems to be that time of the year again where people's hearts are just going through testing times. tsk tsk. wonder when all this will end for us all.

on top of that, i've really got alot of things to do. like clean up my room. and cleaning out my closet. not to mention, finishing up the whose line is it anyway cds that i borrowed from shaz. i can proudly say its more than halfway done, and probably around almost 4 years of whose line left to watch. (give me a break man, the show ran on for 8 freaking years!) and the whole of season 1 lost dvds from fab, which i'll probably give back to him when i graduate. and the 1st 2 seasons of prison break courtesy of ali, which i probably won't watch anytime soon. and those whole stacks of books i keep buying and buying, but they just end up sitting pretty on my desk and yellow with age.

can't wait to see the horrified faces of everyone starting tomorrow!haha.

this is an entry with totally no purpose, i admit.

gym

today i went to the gym.

the last time i did that, was more than half a year ago.

me and hadi were up for gym since last night, and the girls liz and shaz wanted to tag along. haha. i really needed a workout since leaving my job as the defender of the fatherland a few months back. my body's very frail actually. but the workout at the bukit gombak gym was okay. i think tomorrow then my arms will ache as hell.

yesterday i was supposed to watch the fa cup final. thank goodness i didn't. it was such a bore, apparently. luckily fab said he was lazy. so i managed to meet up with hadi, and shaz and liz later on, followed by lin. had ben & jerry's first. haha so i've actually broken my virginity with regards to ben & jerry's. but seriously, what's the hype all about it? the taste isn't as spectacular as i thought it would be. after that went to have satay under the stars at lau pa sat, and managed to catch drogba's goal at the end. and then this funny thing happened.

we got to the car to head home, then there was this lizard that entered the car when we opened the doors. so the girls were screaming away, and i took my bag out to also check whether it was inside. then after lin said he saw the lizard scurry out of the car, we just got in the car quickly. inside then i remember i had left the drinks on the railings of the carpark, so i quickly exited and took them back in the car. so we drove off.

then at the cashcard gantry as hadi stopped, there was this security guard running towards the car and waving at us frantically. hadi lowered down the screen and the guard told him - "hey, there's a bag on top of the car!"

haha stupid me forgot to put back the bag under my seat after checking it for the lizard. i just absent-mindedly left it on top of the car! haha. and to think i could remember that i left the drinks behind but not my dearest deutschland sling bag. on top of the car, at that! we could have driven through the CTE still with my bag on top of it. maybe when hadi braked hard, and then the bag would have fallen forward on top of the bonnet. haha that was real funny but really stupid and absent-minded of me. god knows what would have happened if the guard never spotted it in the first place.

on another note.

i'm still bogged down with this 1 huge ass of a problem.

dear you,

all i need is just some time with you. there's certain things i need to talk to you about. i hope you understand.

i still need you.

return

today i mourn the loss of my friend.

the late isz sazli bin sapari. if you've read the news on the taiwanese fighter jet plane crash, the name might sound a bell. yes, he was 1 of 2 to be killed on that tragedy. when i first came to know of it i was really dumbfounded. even till now i feel sad that things had to turn out this way. it's a real big shock to all of us.

i admit i wasn't close to him. but in school, he used to mixed around with us often, despite he being the junior batch. despite us always bullying him, he still wanted to mix around with us. frankly speaking, he's a real down to earth guy. not your typical malay type, he's really earnest and really zesty at times. i can still remember how he sounds like, although the last time i spoke to him was more than a year ago.

and suddenly this happens. i actually cried just thinking of him just now and praying to God for him. we are all so saddened and shocked by this. how would they answer to his parents? i feel that it's real sad that he died this way. so what if he died with full military honours at his burial? one can't bring him back. i will surely miss talking to him.

yesterday i just couldn't sleep. spent freaking 3 hours jus tossing and turning around in bed before i could get some sleep. when i tossed to one side, all i could think of was isz and whatever happened in the past. when i tossed to the other side, the other major issue i'm facing now came to my mind. the 2 issues kept running through my mind back and forth, so much so i really felt so strained trying to fall asleep last night. frankly speaking i've never really felt so mentally strained in quite a long time.

errgh. actually i need someone to talk to now? preferably a female companion?haha. but seriously. my mind's so bogged up now and the more i think the more frustrated and exasperated i get. the normal me would usually just chuck it all aside and concentrate, but nowadays i really can't. i feel so affected, i'm really at a loss. then the news of isz's death filters through. makes my head spin.

dear you,

actually i need to talk to you now. but from what i see, there doesn't seem to be time for that nowadays. if you are reading is, all i can tell you i'm really confused. my mind is so blank and i really can't see the light. tell me if i was wrong, because as you know, i am stupid, blur and naive.

i need you.

spidey

suddenly i just felt like blogging.

earlier this week work has really weighed me down. stress is one thing, the sheer fatigue of it all is another. i feel i am showing signs of disgruntlement nowadays. 1 fine day i fear, i shall really explode.

on another note i've had 2 days off straight, on wednesday and today. now i feel so lazy to want to go back to work tomorrow. wednesday was spent with yan. lunched and then slacked around at the harbourfront area. today (or rather yesterday) was spent w/ jj and fab. had tau hui at the rochor aread before catching a movie. spider-man 3 was the order of the day! my suggestion it was.

luckily i suggested catching it, since we hadn't any proper plans to do actually. being the non-movie buff i mean, i'm not ashamed to say i've actually never caught the first 2 installments of the movie. yes call me a loser for all i care. anyway being the naive me, i thought the movie would last around a 100minutes. well i didn't know it was 2 and a half hours long. and halfway an annoying thing happened.

it was already 1 and a half hours into the movie. my seat was near the left aisle of the theatre. suddenly out of nowhere these 5 male jc students in their uniform appeared out of the blue and were standing on the aisle just outside of my row. then they were discussing something, and they said out loud to me and my friends that we had taken up their seats.

what the hell? it's already more than halfway through the show and you don't just come in and try to shoo others away. they did just that. one had the cheek to say do you mind moving away 'cause you've taken up our seats. i made quite a big fuss over it, and then suddenly one of them turned smart just like that and realised they were in the wrong theatre altogether.

and guess what? NONE even said sorry.

how rude can one get? they had already tried to act ya-ya but trying to chase me out of my seats, and thinking i had nothing better than to take other peoples' seats. they had already disturbed me while watching the show. and to top it all of, not even a hint of regret or remorse by saying sorry.

even till now i'm quite peeved at it actually. so rude and uncivilised of them. making a scene in the middle of a show and yet not wanting to say sorry or anything of that sort. seriously, how rude can 1 get?

i think kids nowadays are just immoral. totally don't know how to act their age and show some dignity and basic kindness. whatever happened to the old age values and morals our forefathers used to preach in the days of yesteryear? seems that they wilt away in time.

ah, the youths of today. they can't wait to be adults as soon as possible, but when they reach adulthood they wished it couldn't have come so soon.