yo

caught the england-wales match yesterday. i think it was more of a footbore than it was a football match. so drab, and only 1 goal was scored. pathetic, i say. i can't believe i travlled all the way to chijmes just to catch a boring game. should have jus stayed home and caught dude where's my car instead(damn i totally forgot it was being screened last night on channel 5!)

am very tired now. guess it's the exertions that has taken it's toll on me. add to that my lack of sleep and my inability to sleep when i need it the most. irritating. anyways i just got my dark green beret last thursday. it's hard to wear a beret and look good in it, because one has to keep adjusting here and there. one can end up looking like a cook(or rather, a cock) or even a sailor! haha that's actually because the beret isn't seasoned yet, hence it still feels rather stiff all around.

oh well, today i'm gonna blog on a topic that's surely close to all of us - friends. but nothing positive about it. it's all gonna be negative i guess.i dunno, it's juat this thing about friends has always triggered trains of thoughts in my mind for a very long time. i've always wondered alot on friendships and such stuffs. maybe what i want to say here may not correspond with what you guys believe in, but well, everyone has different views on various matters.

firstly, one thing that has bothered me is the issue of best friends. first and foremost, i don't believe in such a thing called 'best friend'. i have never had a best friend before, not because no one wants to be, mind you, but because it's just so hard to have a friend who is really gonna be your 'best friend'. seriously. i think alot of people have best friends, but do they really qualify as the 'best friend' that i'm referring to here?

best friends share the same interests,passion, mindsets attitude etc. they like each other's presence and hence hang around rather often. but i believe best friends are forever, not just through our secondary school life and that's it, end of the best friendship. best friends will go through changes, i mean who doesn't change over time, but surely they change together and still remain intact as they go through such changes. or even when best friends go seperate ways when they go on to different schools, surely they will still remain close and in contact, and still do the things they used to do. and they will still remain as best friends even as they grow up, as they get married and have children, and as they grow older, into their twilight years, one thing is for sure - that they will still enjoy each other's companionship because it makes them a better person.

hence therein lies the problem. is there assurance that best friends are for forever? what usually happens is this, that once best friends leave school and go on to newer pastures, usually they break contact and their best friendship is buried forever. the cycle goes on as an individual moves on to newer pastures, as he/she loses a best friends and makes another, thnen loses that best friend and makes another and so on. i find it absurd to have an 'ex-best friend', or rather 'ex-best friends', honestly.

that's why i simply refuse to classify anyone as a 'best friend'. why? because they never last. because it's really hard to maintain close contact, what more meeting up regularly, whaen best friends go to seperate schools i once had a good and close friend who proclaimed herself as 'my best friend'(she said - yusri, i'm your best friend) and that was back in my secondary school days. and now? my handphone number isn't even stored in her handphone, although i know she did have it once. well maybe she lost her handphone, but if she's really the 'best friend' i was once supposed to have, then why didn't she bother finding my number back? in fact till now i find it hard to believe she actually self-proclaimed herself as my best friend. because i knew it would be so hard just to keep contact after we left for different schools at the end of secondary four.

even when i'm not referring to best friends, even the normal friends are had to keep contact with. a friend once said to me - i have forgotten friends and i have been a forgotten friend. it makes me wonder who is really at fault here. the one who was forgotten may have actually be the one who has forgotten, and vice versa. it's really hard to define. i'm seriously not sure whether i have forgotten friends before, but i know i have been a forgotten friend. a few times i think. suddenly i would get close to someone for some reason, and then the next moment he/she is never there for me anymore. i suppose time changes, and people change as well. it's sad and regrettable when such things happen, but i suppose in the future there are many more friends for me to befriend.

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

im sure you all know this song. but the message the that the song brings across is surely non-evident to me. at least, from what i've seen, noticed and experienced for myself. maybe you people might beg to differ. like i've said, each to his own.