Halloween treats

Hopefully the hard cider is for an adult Halloween party, because I doubt it would be well received as a Halloween treat for the little tykes. Getting your house TPed would be the least of your worries when the neighborhood moms and dads found out. 

 

Halloween cheesecake

Click image to enlarge

The cheesecake in my Halloween photo for this post is just fine, but it strikes me that the two pumpkins in it fall far short on the spookiness scale.  Rather than being scary, the one on the right looks like nothing more than a cheerful doofus. In fact, from his visage, he might be the village idiot of Pumpkinville. Meanwhile, the one on the left, with its eyeballs pointing hither and yon, looks like it is harmlessly crazy rather than frightening. The photographer's pumpkin carvers needed to up their game.

That said, have a good Halloween. Hopefully you won't get 'healthy' treats for your tricks, your house doesn't get TPed by local hooligans and your little tykes, if you have any, don't hurt themselves as they bounce off the walls from their candy-induced sugar rushes.   

  

Trick or treating

Dorothy and her friends go trick or treating

It's that time of the year for underage mooches to pester people for free candy. The only thing the little panhandlers have to do is dress up in costumes that will offend nobody, including the ghost of Jeffrey Dahmer, and grab as much sugary loot as they can.

Above we have one group of trick or treaters. I must say the guys have fine costumes, but the little girl's costume is pretty low effort. Along with the usual witches, there is another popular costume this year -- the flying monkey. I hear that there are scads of those little goobers running around smashing pumpkins and what-not. 

However, there's always at least one doofus on the route that makes the kids sing for their treats or some other obnoxious thing. I hear there's a guy on the route, who dresses like a wizard, that makes the kids do some sort of 'trick' for their treats. When done he still more or less stiffs the trick or treaters with some useless made-up treat like a broken alarm clock, or a participation ribbon from the 6th grade math Olympics, or some fake certificate printed off from the internet; and of course, there are always the grannies who give out some annoyingly healthy treats like apples, or Ka'chava, or some other such thing.

Anyway, have a good Halloween.

   

Happy Halloween

Click image to enlarge

Yea... the happy looking scarecrow monster is an unfortunate development for her, but what I'm really wondering is why a damsel would go pumpkin gathering in high heels in the first place? Anyway, Happy Halloween.

 

The day after

Last night there were Trick-or-Treaters out and about where I live. It was good to see. Of course that means today there will be sugar-addled tykes, smashed pumpkins and spooky decorations to take down.

Historically, the now very secular holiday of Halloween evolved from All Hallows Eve, the day before the actual holiday it marks -- All Saints Day. While overshadowed by its Eve, All Saints Day is still celebrated, with liturgies, visits to graves to place candles and flowers and other local traditions. 

Happy All Saints Day to you all.  

 

Happy Halloween

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,

Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,

Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,

Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,—

For a charm of powerful trouble,

Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.

Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn, and caldron bubble.

― William Shakespeare

   

Happy Halloween

Oh my, Halloween is so fraught with landmines in these politically correct neo-puritan days that even picking out a card can be a chore. Anyway, and at the risk of being insensitive and offending any Children of the Corn that might visit this blog -- Happy Halloween.

Errr.... also, please try to ignore the unhealthy and oddly cannibalistic connotations of a corncob pipe being smoked by a corncob (insert the Surgeon General's warning here, etc., etc.).

Happy Halloween

I researched inappropriate Halloween costumes on the web and am pretty sure the above image does not run afoul of any PC sins. Well, maybe a vegan would be offended, so maybe it's not OK. By the way the silliest costume no-no I saw mentioned was "This Sexy Convict costume could be interpreted as trivializing the US prison system." Mustn't offend the incarcerated I guess.

Anyway -- happy Halloween all,
 
 

This year's perfect Halloween treat

Last year I suggested candy cigarettes as the perfect Halloween treat. While candy cigarettes and cigars are still a fine choice I would also like to recommend chocolate guns, grenades and bullets from Chocolate Weapons.

Of course stocking up on an arsenal of chocolate weapons to distribute on Halloween is a bit pricier than a few cartons of candy cigarettes, but think of the joy you'll be bringing the little tykes dressed up like ghouls, goblins or, if you live in a liberal neighborhood, women in binders. 

By the way, Chocolate Weapons also has a line of soap weapons. You might consider buying a case of two of them for any foul mouthed brats who show up in need of getting their mouths washed out with soap. Just prepare to have your house get toilet papered or worse if you go that route.

The perfect Halloween treat

I'm sure with Halloween approaching many of you are agonizing over the right treat to buy to hand out to the little tykes that will be ringing your doorbell. 

Sure, you could be unimaginative and buy little candy bars, or demonstrate you were too lazy to shop by handing out coins, or -- worse of all -- prove that you're a complete wanker by giving the little ghosts and ghouls a healthy snack. 

Fear not, I have the prefect treat choice: a pack of candy cigarettes! You can buy them online in various assortments, and even get them in gum or chocolate as well as cigars rather than cigarettes if you prefer.

Just think how their little eyes will light up when they seem a pack of candy smokes, with simulated red glowing tips, as they dig through their treat bags. Why, they'll be able to pretend to be adult and sophisticated as they pose with their cigarettes. Add a little glass of soda and they can also pretend that their knocking back hi-balls just like mommy and daddy.

Plus, if you're a guy in the dating pool, you'll have another benefit. I guarantee that the single moms in your neighborhood, upon seeing your thoughtful treat, will be banging on your door and screaming your name. Win! Win! Win!

DISCLAIMER: Flares is not responsible for broken bones and/or shattered reputations you may receive should you actually hand out candy cigarettes/cigars for Halloween.