Be careful when you
pull down your trousers
And take a pee,
That there isn't a leopard
Above and behind you
In the branches of a tree.
But, if there is a leopard
Above and behind you
In the branches of a tree
When you go for a pee.
Then don't panic, or try to look.
Pull up your trousers
Walk backwards quietly.
And if you are lucky enough
And the leopard has eaten
If it pants contentedly,
As it rests on the branch,
Then you might not be.
Phil
On a day's drive from Nairobi to the rift valley, we parked off the main road near a glade of fever trees beside lake Nakuru. We walked along and down to the shoreline, to glimpse the flamingoes, that stunning long splash of pink on the far opposite shore.
No bush loos in those days so, on the way back through the trees, quite near the car, but safely out of sight of passers by, Eve squatted under the tree for a pee. I waited, my averted gaze roaming the treetops... And there, along a horizontal branch sprawled a full grown leopard, quite high but directly above her. It was panting peacefully, the picture of relaxed feline power. I saw the leopard cast one indifferent glance at the sight of bare flesh below, then look away.
At that moment I was instantly drained of welling panic... he'd already eaten, it seemed.. Softly, but audibly, I said to Eve:
"Don't look up now or make any sudden moves, but there's a leopard lying in the trees above you."
"Omigod" She hissed. rapidly pulling her trousers half way up and hobbling towards the car. As we drove off the Leopard didn't even look round.
By Tony Hall
pull down your trousers
And take a pee,
That there isn't a leopard
Above and behind you
In the branches of a tree.
But, if there is a leopard
Above and behind you
In the branches of a tree
When you go for a pee.
Then don't panic, or try to look.
Pull up your trousers
Walk backwards quietly.
And if you are lucky enough
And the leopard has eaten
If it pants contentedly,
As it rests on the branch,
Then you might not be.
Phil
On a day's drive from Nairobi to the rift valley, we parked off the main road near a glade of fever trees beside lake Nakuru. We walked along and down to the shoreline, to glimpse the flamingoes, that stunning long splash of pink on the far opposite shore.
No bush loos in those days so, on the way back through the trees, quite near the car, but safely out of sight of passers by, Eve squatted under the tree for a pee. I waited, my averted gaze roaming the treetops... And there, along a horizontal branch sprawled a full grown leopard, quite high but directly above her. It was panting peacefully, the picture of relaxed feline power. I saw the leopard cast one indifferent glance at the sight of bare flesh below, then look away.
At that moment I was instantly drained of welling panic... he'd already eaten, it seemed.. Softly, but audibly, I said to Eve:
"Don't look up now or make any sudden moves, but there's a leopard lying in the trees above you."
"Omigod" She hissed. rapidly pulling her trousers half way up and hobbling towards the car. As we drove off the Leopard didn't even look round.
By Tony Hall
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