In Search of Lost Innocence

By being at home, I am actually fed more. This is bad. I wanted to lose weight but I might end up gaining more. Sigh. My family is in turmoil. I don't show it, but it is. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes, I want people to know but yet I don't want them to be bothered by it. It's like a dumb conflict with myself. Anyway the problem belongs to the previous generation, but somehow it's affecting my family a lot. I would take the matter into my own hands, but yeah the older generation will never trust 'kids' like us. Sometimes, I wonder do I have to start a family and stop living at this house for them to start treating me like an adult? I am going to be 24 this year. That's pretty much a quarter of my life, if I am lucky. But no sometimes I will just take orders from everyone else and just follow blindly. I guess I don't really have a say either. I finally started work, and went for a swim. It's pretty nice and relaxing to swim, just that swimming p...

I went swimming today. Actually I am starting on a lot of new things. I guess that's good for a start. Things are going to be fine. I know it will. I am not very good at this, but I am glad that there are friends around me at times like this. Maz, Nat, and the little kiddos. Don't know if you girls will ever see this. Thanks. =) Sidetrack a little, I am quite looking forward to shredding some fats and looking hotter. HAHA.

Fridays. Weird days to be at home. I love you. I really do. One year, two years, I will wait for you... but lying in wait while you are in the arms of others.. I might as well be dead. So I will just step aside for now. I haven't cried at all. Hope someday I will. Had a long project meeting yesterday. Seriously, I was in school till 10.30 pm. First time I actually did overtime for a project. My project mates turned out surprisingly nice. You know the ones that I don't like? They actually look up to me a lot. I was surprised that they said I belonged to one of the elites. Haha I almost laughed my ass off. But yeah, it was a nice turn of events I guess. Looks like forensic psych lessons won't be so boring after all. Decided to come up with a swimming regime. Hahaha. Sounds weird right? I know. People who know me already knew how fitness and I can never co-exist. I guess everything just needs a trigger. I am trying to find stuff to occupy myself with. Meaningful stuff. Even ga...

Life is not as good as it was before. It has been a hell of a past few days. Everything crumbled. What did I do wrong,? Why do I need to go through this? These questions just keep flooding in. I don't even know what's real, I don't even know what's going on at all even though I am heavily involved. I feel more like a supporting character in a play, just awaiting the cue and act accordingly to the lead actors. There are just so many things I can pick upon but it doesn't really matter. If things won't improve, then it won't. I don't really know what to expect anymore. It sucks. I hate her. I hate her for ruining everything. Fine, it can be my fault that it happened in the first place. But I hate her. I hate her guts and lack of ethics. There is so much anguish and rage I can just kill someone. Nobody has ever played out on me before. It sucks to know that things can so easily be shattered. It sucks to know that all my effort doesn't seem to pay off. It...

Hello I am back. Somewhat I missed this blog. Well, to be honest, it has went through pretty much most of the rough times I had in, probably the past 10 years. So I've got to be loyal, right? So I came back. I am still at a lost for words though. Actually, I've no idea what's really going on. Have been trying to figure out thoughts and fitting them into actions. It's already in my Year 3 2nd Semester. Wonder why and how things turned out this way. I can't decide what to feel. Just feel like putting everything on pause now. It's like I was never there all along. Sigh. See how it goes. =)