In Search of Lost Innocence

Its getting increasingly boring at home nowadays. Blogging is such a chore, especially when you have nothing much to talk about. And with people commenting much about my bad grammar, I really think I shouldn't talk much here. Anyway, I went to Johor and came back on Friday. Yeah. Being such a noob and never stepped foot into our friendly neighbour's land before, I finally realised there are elsewhere other than Singapore in this World. After dwelling in my peaceful lair for 21 years, I can finally say this with pride, "I went to Malaysia.". Oh wells, I doubt anyone cares either. In comparison, I think I will prefer Singapore more, especially the traffic. Well, nowhere beats a place like home. Still, I went crazy shopping with Carmen and bought rather lots of stuffs. I probably won't visit it again soon, although I haven't satisfy my wishlist. Alright, next stop: Taiwan. Despite that heavy shopping, I went out to Queensway on Saturday and got myself a pair of ...

Exams are pretty much over. This is the time when rest and relax kicks in. I guess there are many I should meet up, since I have seen them since June. Carmen's birthday came and went. I hope she enjoyed her day and like the card. Many thanks to Eldar people whom specially made time to meet me. Well, tomorrow is painting day. Haha. My house is coated in light pink now. Haha. I will continue the corridor lining with another colour, which we haven't decide. Haha. I am going Malaysia on Friday. I shall see what I can buy there. I will sound like a noob if I say I haven't been there before, but so what? It will be my first time there. Haha. Ok I shall update when more activities rake up.

You know, all along in my life, I always thought that I was blessed somehow. Ever since young, I always felt this spirit following me. Yes it is a spirit, but I have no idea who is it, or how it came about. It has always been my pillar of support since the Secondary School days. I don't normally share this but it has not failed me again, I guess. And probably, it's the only reason and cause that will keep me sane and being myself again. Others have a lot of faith in me. People like Carmen, Sharon, Ying, Tessa, Xinying, Li Xuan & of course, my band of brothers, to name a few. I have been relatively good so far, as in I have not deviated much from the 'standard' course that most adolescents walked. I was on the bus and I saw young punks, blasting music on the bus, and spitting on the floor. I don't do that, and neither will I. And I probably will stay on course till, maybe my whole lifetime. I guess it doesn't matter which way I take, as long as I stay above m...

So I am finishing my final paper tomorrow at 2.30 p.m. I had 2 papers on yesterday and I think both weren't well done. I swear I will try to avoid taking 2 papers in the same day next semester. The overwhelming pressure and sense of inadequate prepared-ness can just kill. I am come to terms with this cruel World. Sometimes, life's just goes on without mercy, without consideration of every individual that it comprises of. The World still turns even when some have stopped following the current. I have this eminent gut feel at times that I should just stop bothering about everything else in this World and let the tide of time decides whether people can ride or sink in it. Follow the current and ride on the tide and live like the World revolves around you instead of you revolving around it. Let egocentricism thrive at its fullest and apathy kicking in with vengence. And I will see the World performs its show from there. And someone shall start an epidemic. An epidemic so wide a sca...

Tell me about insomnia. It's probably the anxiety of ill- preparedness for the 2 papers that's coming later, or the weight of taking them both in the same day is just too much for me to bear. Or maybe it's just other stuffs. I had trouble falling asleep. Incidentally, that will count as the first sleepless night I ever had here. It's like 2 a.m in the morning now. Considering that I faintly remember that I last saw the clock at 1.15 a.m, I think, I just woke up. And I woke up due to a nightmare. It's quite scary. Well, guys also have nightmares, don't they? That stupid same old recurring dream. One day I shall strangle that Uncle, even though I always feel helpless in dreams. One day I shall, that is, if I meet him again in the dreams. I am going to wear the Higher Entity's clothes later. See if it's really that high and blessed.

It's been one week into the examinations already. Some would have dried up in this long run while others still struggling and a few baffled by how some others managed to whizz past this period. Still, it's still like a pit-stop, although with dire expectations for worse to come. We shall look forward to the end together, if companionship at least helps a little. My Japanese paper came and went. All I can say now is probably I shouldn't have underestimated the paper. Having attempted a few past years' papers, I misjudged the difficulty, and didn't prepare adequately enough. I daresay the Japanese are not only creative, but they are tricky as well. Haha. I am just hoping th at I will do just good enough. The Bell curve. Haha. If I really flunk it, I guess there's nothing much I can do either. Oh wells, if there's someone to point a finger to, that will be myself. Li Xuan just commented that she enjoyed reading my blog. Haha. Well, it isn't anything signifi...

In the midst of studying, I guess it's alright to find some entertainment to relieve some stress. I went to play soccer on last Saturday morning with the usual gang. It's really quite good to hang out with good old friends, despite me seeing them almost every weekend. Khong Chin kindly asked us to go and play bowling ah E! Hub for free, as her aunt is a NTUC club member, but it turned out only he gets to play for free. It was a competition. Well, at least the 3 of us managed to study a little at Coffee Bean, while waiting for him to play finish his free bowling competition. Anyway, the Taiwan trip's proposal came up again. However, to arrange for a trip this late seemed futile. Just trying our luck I guess. We went to eat at Mr Chicken Rice. If I am not wrong, the chef came from Chatterbox at Mandarin Meritus. From what I heard from the others, the standard doesn't seem to compare to the one back at Chatterbox. It must be due to the different ricecooker they used. It mu...

Life's like an irony. Maybe it has always been that way since. The grass is always greener on the other side. I guess this phrase is apt to a certain extent. I used to grumble about how much I wished that I have this and that, and now those wishes came true, threefold of what it should be. The chase in greed seems endless, and we can have possibly impossible wants and needs. When one acquires one thing, he wants another. Maybe the only way to escape from this cycle is through contentment. Easier said than done it is, it could be the most unattainable trait in our whole lives. If everyone possessed this quality, then probably it will be a perfect World through a child's eyes. But in reality, that perfection is only imaginary. I am probably experiencing cognitive dissonance now, I don't practise what I preach. Neither do I preach much. I think I am sounding rather incoherent, and I shall stop for now. On a side note, here's an apology to Peiwen, for missing out on her par...

I can't help but feel that it has been a rather disappointing year so far. After consolidating the resolutions that were left undone, I then realised I didn't achieve much, at all. Maybe things will go for a change next year, but looking at the way things lie stagnant, it's going to take more than a change. It could just be the fact that I had set unbelievably astonishing targets to achieve. I think I took a really bad fall this time round. I am literally scavenging for any remains of efforts and hopefully reuse them the next time. I guess life just doesn't go the way you prefer it to at times. Some time has passed. Inevitably, a person like me, will recall a lot of weird things. I vividly remember what Yi Wen's great granduncle said, the last time I visited her. Well, I know this issue is just a matter of perception and as a budding psychology student (I hope), I should have understood that there is little validity and reliability in fortune telling. Haha. Now the ...