In Search of Lost Innocence

Despite repeating this before, I still have to say it. Tuesdays are my sulkiest days. The pressure is mounting. I woke up alarmed at the fact that I have only 2 weeks left to my first paper. Well, that's still alright, considering that fact there are Japanese Oral and Listening tests next week. Oh wells. Sigh. HS* Club Committee is rather screwed up, at least I think it is. There has been 3 occasions whereby information was conveyed at the last minute; either the night before or on the day itself. Seriously, this isn't good. For a CCA that considers itself a Tier 1 Club, such efficiency is horrendous. You can't expect people to work within a 6 hours notice, can you? Tonight was the last lecture for Human Resource Management. There was a mock test or rather, a question posted to us, and we are expected to answer it. Apparently, things aren't as easy as they seemed. I realised pure memorisation of the facts doesn't exactly equals to scoring well in the paper. Haha. So...

Well, it is 2015 on a Friday night, and I am still at Hall, eating Subway alone. Obviously bored, I am here trying to blog about anything that comes to my mind now. Haha. Wei Yen better thank me for waiting for him while he does his 'project'. Haha. Well, to sum things up, life hasn't gone that bad since the last week. Seriously, what could be worse than that? It wasn't exactly negative to begin with. Heh. Someone once told me that when you reached the bottom of the pit, the next step is usually upwards. It's nice having Psychology mates like Jane, Huiqi and Corrine around. Each of them gives you a whole new taste to University life. Corrine is like Alice in Wonderland , and she never fails to cheer me up with her 'blur' character. Seriously, who can still get lost in NTU at this point of time? Haha. Somehow I can see the Geok Leng in her, but she has a much stronger character. Well, it isn't a bad thing to be so innocent at our point of life now. At lea...

Tuesday is still my most tiring day. I start lessons at 8.30 a.m and ends at 8.30 p.m. Well, that effectively means I am awake for more than 12 hours in school. To top it off, I had to eat dinner alone tonight. Haha. Nice start to my week. My paper starts on 13th November, and that roughly sums up the number of days I have left to exams. Haha. It's a terrifying thought, considering the lectures haven't ended and will probably last till next week. That doesn't provide me with much time to study at my pace, I guess. Well, adaptability is probably the key. If I present to you a glass of water filled to the halfway mark, will you consider it to be half-empty, or half-filled? It's a matter of perception, I will want to think of it as half-empty. At least, it isn't empty completely. I hope I am turning optimistic already. I went through a lecture on Social Psychology today. I read the wrong chapter beforehand, which got me a little disappointed, but I guess nothing is los...

3 months into a new phase of life and some things certainly don't change. Take it on me for being over-zealous. I might have aimed too high, and the fall I had was too painful. Before the start of everything, I wanted to achieve a lot of things. Supporting my own self, targeting good grades, passing my driving test and many others. I guess I certainly ain't on the right track now, for most of these objectives set back then. In retrospect, maybe I wasn't cut out to be so ambitious. Overestimation of myself probably rode over my head. Even now, I also don't think I am cut out for a lot of things. I have been guilty of a lot of things. Guilty of breaking promises, guilty of not upholding my principles, guilty of changing. Is this an inevitable phase that all must go through? Regrets, I had a few, but none were too serious that I wished they weren't irreversible. But maybe my conscience is rocking now, because of them. I must not let my loved ones down. That's proba...

I can't sleep, and probably I didn't sleep much. I didn't look at the clock for fear of counting how much sleep I have lost. I am scared of daybreak. I can't rest my brain with this immense negativity proliferating around me. I have a lot of worries, lots and lots of them. My cognitive perception just got worse and worse each time I thought about it. I am going to shut myself up for a while. It might only be temporary, who knows. And I am still sick. Wonder when I will recover. I really hope it is.

Despite that strong medication, I am struggling against the immense drowsiness that comes with it and fighting it to the end. I am doing what I think I do best; Getting into people's heart. I don't give up when I believe I need to extend a helping hand, regardless of whether you belong to my group of close friends or not. I do what I believe I need to do. Even if I die doing so, I won't regret it. I don't give up. Only for 2.4 km I guess. The medication's side effect didn't come at a good time, but it's effective at least. But probably, that's the limit a Human can go, I guess. Believe.

I gues there's no need to emphasize this, but exams are in one month's time. I have been considering the S/U option for both my Human Resource and Crystals. Oh wells, there is a crystal test today and the results today should determine the S/U outcome. I really regretted listening to others and taking the electives together. In the end, others also dropped. There will be no repeat next semester. I swear on it. I should start stressing everyone around me. I have completed my 2 essays due next week in advance. I am really starting to study. Life's really quite tough in University. Whoever that was whom said that University was easier than JC. He must be a genius. Struggling with medication in class is no joke. I shouldn't waste my parents' money in university. On a lighter note, I just received my Birthday present from CASTaway gang. Haha. Thanks a lot people, I am sure it costed quite a bit. Thanks again.

I fell sick, yet again. Throat inflammation has always been my nemesis since young, and I never really grew out of it ever since the Band days. Maybe I am really just weak. I thought I was going to die over the weekend in Hall 11, since having a high fever with no one around me was a rather scary thought. What worries me was that my corpse will rot until Wei Yen finds me on Sunday night. I rather die with my body intact, not some ants crawling over it. Then again, I am healthily alive. Haha. Incidentally, that made me stay at home on Saturday. I realised I haven't been home on a Saturday night for quite a long while, and somehow I think my family missed me. Even though they will be doing their own stuff or sleeping, their presence alone is enough to make you feel at ease. I think I should stay at home more often nowadays. Nonetheless, I would like to extend my apologies to a few for missing out on the Hari Raya visit that I organised. Due to my sickness, I probably will struggle to...

I have fallen ill at a silly inappropriate time like this. That means, my weekend's plans are gone more or less. Despite my large reluctance to withdraw from those activities, the final call will rest on my body tomorrow morning. I will see if my body can take it. Ok, this might not appeal to most of you. My command of English isn't fluent, but hope it gets the message out. Even though negativity is in the air, there's at least something for me to smile about. Not trying to boast about it here, even though I feel my ego boosting. It's really nice having someone out there who cares for you. Not that my family concern ain't enough, but it's a different form altogether. Life in university has been rather tough. Probably taking up the responsibility of holding the hand of another isn't going to alleviate the situation here, but there are other takeaways from it. Really. It really feels good when you know someone puts all her faith in you, and really believed in ...

Sometimes, I am wondering why I keep this blog for. I got back both of my quizzes' results today. Considerably and relatively, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but still, there's no time for complacency I guess. Stressful as it is, school work never fails to pile pressure on us. I believe some of us are desperately grasping for air, struggling between Hall or CCA activities and work. I am sure it won't hurt to really re-examine your workload and schedule, to see if you are getting enough respite for yourself. It's not nice seeing your tired faces out there, slogged the day before and missing that little smile. Exams are coming soon, and hope everyone survives through this ordeal again. It's a little strange when someone approaches you on your way to the toilet, and asks you for advices on his relationship problems. Well, I don't think I am a love guru or something, but nonetheless, you are still welcome to find me and share your problems. Haha. On ...