In Search of Lost Innocence

A few more hours & I will be at Tekong. I hafen clear up my feelings since then. Now i m feelin frustrated and down, empty down right to the core.. Sianz. I cant think positively at all. This is not good.

1 more day to Ns. Today went to Manhattan Fish Market to eat dinner. Not a bad place, the food and the service were equally nice, just that the girl who served us 'act cute' alot -.- Before that, met john at AMK then went to town... Dunno why, dumb till agreed to walk to Bugis, Wah lao.. Crazy la.. On the way, he told him quite a bit on Chr*st*an*ty, but that is not the part that impacted me. Whereas it was the belief in the strength of oneself and God that amaze me. Hmm.. its a long story, ask him explain to you ba =x Up till now, i finally know how to let go le. The past venegence, hatred and disgust. I feel enlightened today. No more worries, no pain, no sorrow. Put all things behind me. I am 18 years old. No longer the kid that I used to be. No longer. Believe in myself.

Yesterday night was Dinner and Dance 2005 for NYJC. The dinner was in overall quite a good one, with a lame MC that tried so hard to entertain us. The food was not bad, even though some wasn't really nice, but hungry, so no choice. The prom king & queen event was a bit cocked up. Jeff won it. Haha. Shall not say much. I think the most important thing at that night is to take lots of pictures. Haha.. Took lots. Yeah. Memorable night.... After DnD, went to Cocolatte, with most of the NY cohort. My first experience at clubbing. Haha. Abit high. Went up to see most of the people 'high-ing' was the first thing i saw. Saw a lot of people with their other sides yesterday, which was quite scary though, but it is expected. Haha. I realised I drank too much last night, with the free drinks and all. lolx.. A bit tipsy, making my desires run wild.. Lol.. Don't think so much.. I am still quite sober at that time. So telling you guys, don't drink so much. By the way, Alvyn wa...

Yesterday went to Ms Chiew's house with 3A. Played n joked there. Haha.. Probably one of our last few gatherings. (with me in it) They got a dinner treat from her, while i missed it, coz i haf to go eat with my parents. Couldnt make it for the BBQ also, haha.. Kang ah, paisei ah. So long since we last ate together,haha. Sumwat it feels different when it is at home. Dunno how to describe, juz different. Haha. That feeling is good. I guess that it wat you will call it: warmth. I will stick to my stand on certain things. Wun change de. So dun bother. =)

Hmmm.. Today I am in a deep mood. Went out with her to shop and all............... Haha.. Hope tml, I wun be stoning at Ms chiew's house. Got ppl complain, I seldom update my blog. but then, there isnt realli much to update anyway, since there are few other who published wat i wanna say with much greater details. Anyway, I wun be able to update much after I go into NS. So i m not sure of alot of things. Seriously, I doubt i can slp tonite.

Lots of things happened during the past few weeks, and it's kind of difficult to name all here, moreover, many others have already depicted most of them quite clearly. Yesterday went to S6B gathering, met up with old friends, chit-chat and joke and gossip abit. Some of them were working, some were on a holiday while some left halfway due to some other events. Nevertheless, meeting up with the good old mates of the 'first 3 months legacy' is quite comforting. Don't know what the S3A have been up to, but I guess they might be working or playing hard. Haha. I had a cold since that night at Esplanade. Haha. So cold. But I think I am better now. For those who haven't bought your stuffs for prom night, you may want to do that soon. If not, all the nice stuffs would be taken up. =)

Hmmm.. Suddenly lots of ppl from S3A started blogs.. dunno why... haha... snatch my business -.- Describing in detail everything that happened now n then.. Haha.. Feel free to drop by to know wat S3A is up to. lolx.. Went to NY band today.. Still see those sian sian faces.. Wondering why they are gonna put up that end of year concert. Highlights include : Noah's Ark, Jericho, Tong hua (the one by Guang Liang) & many more. So if u guys interested.. Can find me.. Haha.. Its on the eve of the eve of New Year. think is 6 bucks in NY school hall.. Lots of ppl haf been sayin that this blog seems so depressing n sad... With the song n all that stuff.. Haha.. But then, i guess is my style ba.. Usual is like this de. Haha.. Nowadays been busy with few stuffs.. Can't seem to get somethings off my head. Hmm.. Thinking about myself and the class n some other stuffs. Aiya.. Endless de. Tml goin to eat Kuay Chup at xh's grandparents' shop. Haha.. Free of charge =x Haha.

Wooo... Back from shopping... Haha.. Today went to shop for dinnner n dance.. Saw a lot of nice clothes.. Gonna get them soon.. haha.. The rest of the guys bought some clothes which are equally nice.. Haha.. I saw a coat $149 -.- Dunno wanna buy anot.. See how la.. After JC le, now like quite lost in life. No goals No targets. Haha. First week, which is now, gonna chong playin n goin out.. haha.. So long nv play le.. Muz go out with friends and all.. Enjoy together... Next will go find those long lost frens, before i lose contact with them for another 2 years... HAha.. Wonder how are they.. Last is prepare to go NS lo.. Haha.. Sianz.. 'Serving the Nation' Missed alot of my good old friends.. Well, some enemies also... S6B, 4S2, 6II.. Band members.. Anyway, Mrs Ho's farewell dinner is on 30th Nov. I will be performing. So NY peeps, if u all can make it.. Go ba.. I think will be quite nice to see ur students again before u officially step down.. Haha.. I m not working for NY ...

Haha.. New skin.. Ok right..? I think is quite not bad.. lolx.. Yeah.. A levels ended, and so is my JC life.. Woo.. thankz to one and all who have made my life in NYJC a memorable one. Haha.. Thankz.

Here's a new song by Backstreet Boys in their new album this year. Crawling Back To You by Backstreet Boys Everybody knows that I was such a fool to ever let go of you Baby I was wrong Yeah I know I said we'd be better off alone It was time that we moved on I know I broke your heart, I didn't mean to break your heart But baby here I am Banging on your front door My pride spilled on the floor My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you Begging for a second chance Are you gonna let me in? I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you I know you're in there and you can make me wait But I'm not gonna wait It's the place that I can do, just to tell you face to face I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell Girl I know you're mad, I can't blame you for being mad But baby here I am Banging on your front door My pride spilled on the floor My hands and knees are bruised and now I'm crawling back to you ...

Time really flies. 18 Years passed like a concert. The bits and pieces that these years entail are uncountable, and more or less, they are much significant. Hmm... 4th day into the A Levels. Getting increasingly demoralised as the papers are revealed. Confidence is diminishing. Hmmm... Fear not, we will pull this through together. Hang on. Tomorrow is General Paper. I have been reading crap since don't know when. Gl*b*lis*tion, p*lit*cs & all that stuffs. I am seriously wondering whether they are still in my head now. Can't get to sleep these few nights, so are a few of you guys. All of you must be studying hard. This thing is dragging on for too long. It's wasting my youth. Haha. The music on Fang's blog is forever so enticing. Somehow, everything happened too late. Ohh, trying not to forget this, Happy Birthday to you, Peiwen. Good luck to all, tomorrow will be the deciding factor. I must stage a comeback.

Just what will happen when you see something like this 2 days before the 2005 A levels Maths Paper? I wonder who is the guy who thought of this....

Don't brand me with him. Whatever he does is none of my business. I admit, it was my negligence that I overlooked your feelings. But then... All that is left now, is regret. Sorry.

I wonder what do some people do things for? For a purpose? Or, for the fact that you have to accomplish that to show others something? For this, I am seriously disgusted by you. Yes, You. Get out of my sight, Before I treat you like HIM.

That many Days left. Sometimes, I don't even know what runs inside of me. A bit terrified of who I am actually. Is this what they call identity crisis? Haha. Anyway, Good luck to you guys and All the Best in your A Levels'. Before that, Happy Birthday, Jeff.

Sony Ericsson K750I is a quite a nice phone.. Haha.. Singaporean kids are gettin from bad to worse. And i mean Kids. Was on the bus to school today. service 101. It was kinda crowded in the morning, so i managed to have a seat in those 4 seaters (u know, those which u are facing one another. normalli near the front of the bus). Beside me, was a boy, opposite was his father n another child. Well, I can stand kids playing around. They are young n hyperactive n they need to move. I understand that point. I get it. But what I cannot stand are some ridiculous acts by such stupid public. That child beside the father, I assumed he was sick as he was coughin. His father offered him a tissue to spit out the phlegm, but he don't want. Instead, he spat on the floor. Wah lao. That is extremely disgusting la. Not onli does it seems disgusting, it is contagious also. I wanted to punch that boy so much. He got that pampered look. Yeah. That sandbag look. Moreover, his father did absolutely nothin...

Finally got everything off-studies issues settled. AT last... Applied for that stupid passport, changed that old bank account, and made new spects. Yeahs.. Watched 40-year-old virgin today.. Hah... Quite funny la.. Woo.. I 18 years old le =x Hafen heard from the class for quite long le.. Anyone interested to come out on john's bday? Juz started to get back on tracks. Interesting view on others. Never fail to amaze me. Haha.

Today is Sunday. Juz realised yesterday that its realli gettin near to As. Went to visit the NY website. Got Shocked by the number of days left. But then, its actualli more than wat it shows for most of us. So stunning, but not surprising. Went for soccer on Sat, so good to be running again.. Haha.. So long never work out liao.. Need to exercise more. But then, got a bit sick after that stupid match. Haha.. More MOre MoRe!!! Enlistment coming liao.. Aiyo.. Sf's bday came n went.. Silently and discreetly... If u guys hafen realli started to put in efforts to study, I suggest u do now. I need to slap myself.

I got a sad life. Sianz... I seriously think I might be suffering from depression. But then, maybe not also. In any case, I have got a sad life.

Just realised I got alot of things to do.. Haha.. Neverending.... My TV broke down.. Got ang kong bo siah.. Sianz.. Need to go find repairman... No money also... Next Monday goin to make passport wif my mum.. Sianz.. So late den make.. Haha.. I poor.. No money to go overseas.. Haix.. Tml goin to cut hair.. Should i shave now? Or? Haha... See tml mood.. If i realli botak, wah, dunno how.. Haha... After that goin to school.. As usual.. Haha... Sianz.. Looks like this is gonna continue for quite some time.. Looks like things kinda settled down.. So shall not care first.. Got joyous occasion coming, hopin to go out =p Bored to death at home =x Thinking of post A Level's programmes, I guess there might be a chalet coming up.. Hmm.. i think John wanna plan overseas trip.... Hmm.. I think army time =x Haha... To whom it may concern, All the best in ur studies, and take carez... Dun fall sick =)

Today morning, got up earli for basketball... Hmmm... didnt realli wanted to.. But then, got up. Sumwat, I hate this overflow of audience. Have to start working, if not, complacency will get over me. 3 Weeks. Will have to start to chong le. U better too. Wun say much, but I m fine le. Thankz. Its been a rainy afternoon today. The rain was quite heavy, to that extent I cant see the block opposite. Hmm.. Sleepy. Wonder how the others are doing. I have an interesting lifestyle. 4 Days after Graduation Day.

The Days are coming.. Hmm.. Yet, I see no effort.. HAix.. Juz cant seem to let things go.. But.. I know got more impt stuffs to focus on.. Haha.. So, heck care liao.. Juz be on my toes ba.. Hoping for an outin next week, if it doesnt flop.. Watch movie with class... Well, Kinda difficult.. But then, i shall cross my fingers... Sumhow, I believe there are been an overflow of audience here. hmm.. Its kinda scary, since i m the onli one tokin... Haha... I got more things to handle than this.. Haha.. Thankz for the support... If others are taking this in a negative light, so be it. Sumtimes, little things that ppl sae or do, can hurt someone a big lot.

I will tear down that mask. Someday, I will. Today went to tpy to study.. HAha... Did some work.. Saw quek.. Lalala... Sianz.. No mood to do anything. I need a shoulder.

Doesnt feel good to be cheated. Feel so dumb. I m tired of all this. You dun haf to read this if u dun wan to. Doesnt pay to be good. Maybe he was right. More brains maybe better. But still, I will be the guy the others always know.

Today was graduation day.. haha... Yeah... Hope all had a memorable time with their class... Not bad for S3A la.. haha.. Made cards for them.. Haha... Hope they liked it... small small nia.. Got the thought can le.. Haha... Took photos today.. Haha... wonderin when is the next time we will be takin photos... So long ah... After that went bowling, sianz... Lost form.. Haha... After that abit came back... Haha... Wat's impt is that, i guessed everyone had fun ba... Muz remember the class well, they are the people whom u shed tears n blood with for the past year and so.. Thanks to Cheryl, deshun, fish & quek, for givin me cards... Haha... Thankz.... We will remain as frens de.. Till long long.. Alreadi startin to miss u guys abit liao... haha.. Some of u all zao so fast.. Never had a chance to take photo with u all... I supposed most of S3A visit here... S3A A Class full of intellectuals. First impression for many people is that this class will be a boring class, so many guys wit...

Its good to have friends. Haha.. Realli, sumone to care for u... Even when the sky falls, they will run together with u.. Lately, was thinkin about things. Sumone, felt like no point in living, and no one loves her. But then, what about her parents and friends? She said, parents dun care bout her. Well.... So I thought, friends wun fail her. "They dun care bout me also, they onli care bout themselves!!" I asked her, "Then, why do I even bother to reply you?" Sumtimes, the little things that your friends do around u may not be sumthing significant, but then, they do mean sumthing. It may be quite impossible to acquire all the attention you want, but there will always be people out there willing to gif u theirs. Someone. I believe people need to appreciate their family and friends more. Dun take things for granted, don't turn to them onli when u need to. They aren't there to serve, they are there to love. Stars are always there even when you cannot see them in...

I m seriously tired today.... Slept at 3 plus.. den dunno why wake up at 5 plus... Den went for basketball at 9.. High.. I think i m mad... After went home, go out again to buy some stuffs. I m realli mad. Fatigue. Don't take things for granted. They will be gone if you don't start appreciating them.

My life is messed up... Sianz... Bullshit weekend.. Dunno wth i haf been doin.... CRAP, Quote from Marcus today, sumwat struck me alot... Wat the hell am I doing? Argh.

Woke up at 11 today.. Seriously late.. Cant get anything on track.. Saw a blog that stunned me... Hmmm.. Later goin out wif brotherhood to eat n watch movie... *GOAL!* Hoping to lighten my spirits up.. I miss band practs..

fang ah.. I didnt know u had a blog... Haix.. Its been... So Long... S6B...

Today is Friday.. Yet this is the most boring day of the week.. Wah lao.. Sianz... Watched finished Desperate Housewives Season I... Haha.. The show not bad.. Today school... Boring as usual, but then tok quite a bit to sf.. Haha.. Long time never tok.. I think i gettin sick le.. Feelin weaker n wearker... Can't think as much le.. Lolx.. Better pray i dun get sick soon.. Today tok alot of Ms Chiew during consulation.. I think that Gp tutors can realli understand u and accept ur opinions openly... Haha... They are more concerned about the things happenin around us ba.. Relative to the other subjects tutors.. Someone said, i think ppl that haf Bl*gs that tok about pers*n*l stuffs are st*p*d.. Well.. Haha.. It is rather subjective I guess.. (the * are there to prevent ppl from googling it.) Hmm.. Dunno lehz... Haha.. Well, doesnt realli matter to me, as long as there are ppl visitin this place... The term is ending.. And probably wun be seein quite a few of u guys till A levels.. Hmm....

My heart is feeling heavy now... Don't know why.. Thinking too much again.

These few days, there haf been alot of issues for me to think about... Haha... Maybe is due to stress ba, i seemed to be thinkin more n more unnecessary stuffs that keep surroundin me.. Thinking of wat PW and lene said these few days.. Come to think of myself, I aint any better.. If i were more like u, maybe i will get things done, but then i will end up hurtin alot of ppl. But then, if i do things my way, things seldom get on the way.. Its inexorably that I keep thinkin back to the 3 men group that my class has formerly associated me with.. 3 distinctively opposite characteristics, each with different beliefs and principles... Wonder how do we even fit in together... I can never be like u.. U do things without second thoughts, no concerns about your surroundings... Ruthless, i should sae, in order to achieve ur aim.. Relentless as u are, you rarely heed my advices... I think that it has inevitably lead to ur downfall.. Do u realli know the meaning of life? Dun gif me lectures on it, w...

Should Man be practical or emotional? Sensibility is not something that is granted to someone. It takes time to learn how to manage yourself in your own life. Sometimes, somewhere, somehow, someone is in trouble. Having problems of his/her own, that person chooses to tell you. What should you do? What will you do? What can you do? Be practical or emotional. Choose your own path. Is this apathy? Or being helpless? I think we should be practical. That person has to stand up on his/her own. We can help, but certainly not directly. Growing up and falling down are part and parcel of life.... Am I apathetic...?

Tonite got EPL hightlights.. A must watch. Haha. Tml dun think goin to school.. but.. Who cares anyway... People busy with their work now... LEsser and lesser smiles seen on faces.. Hahaz... Put down the stress man... Take things easy... Got bitten by mosquito now and then... Sumtimes will be afraid de... Now the virus so proficient.. Jia lat... I realli haf an amazing class... Haha... Ridiculous things can happen and not happen at the same time... But then, too much intellectuals is no good.. Haha... Those poor people.. LOlx.. I m crapping...

Sunday.. A day to laze around... Haha... Should be studying mah.. But then, walk here n there n pacin up n down... Cannot settle down... Wondering how the others are doin.. Saw Marcus online till now... But then, he seems to be slpin all the while... Haha.. No la.. Tok cock nia... Sianz... Wat to do now...? Yesterday nite, my blog seems to be abit over-crowded and excited... But then... Tml got school again.. Dun even know what physics lect is gonna do... Wat now?

Hmm.. Apparently, there appears to be a problem with most bloggers who tried to blog.. Not realli sure of the reason why.. But then, I m not realli havin any problems... Today, I slacked again.. Lolx.. Who cares? Went for soccer in the mornin, long time no run, run a bit hei ku liao... Haha.. Good to meet up with old frens once in a while... At least catch up abit with each other... After that went to Long John's Silver... Ate some kuku fillets and chicken at some crazy prices... Haha.. Whatever... Den went to boss' house to play.. Siao liao.. Play till like forget time.. Haha.. Just like the holidays hor.. Haha... S3A is shiftin again.. Haha... Turning of the tides.. Backstage is the safest place to be ba.. Study comes first ba.. Nevertheless, still wonderin whether there will be anyone interested to catch a movie... Think there are a few interested parties.. But then, everything depends.. I haf an amazing class. Haha... Yesterday, tok alot to lene n xh during the wait for GP ...

Todae went out wif Brotherhood gang... Lolx.. Long time never go out wif them le... Realli enjoyed.. Haha.. Went to eat Sakae Sushi... Wanted to hit 100 plates... In the end, so disappointing.. Onli hit 50 plus... Lolx... Haha... EAt liao is around 6.10 pm.. den suggest.. Go see movie... Den saw the timin.. Corspe Bride at 6.15 pm.. Wah Chong go see liao.. Haha.. Juz got home not long ago... Ki siao today.. Wah.. Muggin plans gone.. Lolx.. Tot can do some work today.. In the end, haf fun all the way... Siao liao.. Maybe time to pick up pace... I will catch up... Yeah..

Wah.. Its been 3 consecutive days that i blogged... Got a headache now... Severely exhuasted.. Dunno why... Now cant even go online... Today, GP tutor went through the bloggin question.. Haha.. Sumwat.. I feel like i know more after today.. haha... Zzz... Seriously tired.. My overall results were not bad.. Not what I aimed but at least near there.. Hahaz... Think end le.. Nothing to sae liao.. The headache is too much..

Well, today got back Chemistry and Maths results.. To many this might be a well dreaded issue... But i muz sae i m satisfied wif my results so far.. Wun elaborate much... Juz to share the joy... And people out there who didnt achieve their targets: This is only the prelims. The prelude to the bigger battle which lies much ahead. Minor setbacks are bound to come by, but let them pass, and get on with life. Get ready for the big battle, prelims are nothing. Well, a few cried upon receiving results, some appeared gloomly, while others with smiles. Cant realli expressed my satisfaction earli.. But juz haf this in mind. Do your best ba. Take care people. Yeah. You all can do it, Will Do it, and definitely must do it. My helpline is always available. Yeah.. So long then...

Got a new skin.. Suddenly got the urge to get one.. Haha.. hope it doesnt seemed to gloomly... Well, I guess that symbolises sumthing... Take care people..

Hmmm... School starts... And the whole vicious cycle starts to run again.. I still hafen recovered from wat happened... I will try to be leave that behind n go on... I shall mind my own business, I will, I must. I will stay in the backstage from now. Watching. *Exhuasted*

This is just another forgotten place. These 2 days, I m not realli feeling good.. Not realli knowin the cause of it.. But.. That is juz how it is... Went to visit a few ppl yesterday... Saw lots of things, somethings that i dun wanna see and get involved now... Now is realli not the time... Just leave me. Let me be.

Praying I don't fall sick.. I will try not to.. Sleep earlier. Drink more water. Well.... People are busy studying. Forget it. Even the closest seemed so far away. Is this a challenge? Or merely a means to push me to the edge?

I dunno. I didn't recover from the fall back then. The wound didn't heal either. What I lost, Was never recovered. Should I be more self-centered? I am sick of you. Please go. If not, or else...

Have I changed? I don't know. I really don't. How worse can this get?

Listening to S Club 7's Never Had a Dream Come True Resting from studies... Hahaz... come here to blog... lolx... Heard of the disaster that struck dunno where? lolx.. Haha... World in chaos, think the world is sumwat coming to an end la.. haha... Soon i guess... Thinkin of wat PW said, "what is the world comin to?" Sumwat juz cant help thinkin and askin the same question. Has the World changed for the better or worse? Sumwat there are no clear cut answers. N obviously all know that, but the point is, whether is there anything else you can do? Actualli, to see whether the World in a mess, there is no need to realli bother about global news. Actualli, it might juz be happenin around you. In classrooms, at homes even in the market. I think is these little disputes and disorders that actualli accumulate up to become big chaos. Think about it, I think we haf more problems back here wif ourselves. Even though it might not be that serious in comparison. People here should think...

Yeah. Meaningful day today. Went for Metro Philharmonic Youth Choir's concert at Chijmes Hall.. Haha.. My first time going for a choir concert, ok la, not realli the first, but hey, it was not bad, the general impression was that it was better than band ones. Haha.. Conductor Was Mr Ng Eng Kee, ex-MSSB's God.. Haha.. Good to see him back in the music business, although he is always in it... haha.... These few days I haf been thinkin about lots of stuffs about myself, comparing n so on.. Cant find answers to queries... Super tired, and mentally exhausted... Moreoever, a few of my frens are sumwat down with depression, cant help them much since i cant even help myself. Jialat... Will try to get back to them as soon as possible.. Hope by then I will be fine too.. Hahaz... Today concert was quite a thought provoking one for me... The music, the ambience, that place which was a chapel, all invoke reflections on me... Hahaz.. Began thinking about myself during the concert.. Think the...

Never Had a Dream Come True by S Club 7 Everybody's got something they had to leave behind One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering) How it could be now or might have been (or might have been) All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go I never had a dream come true Till the day that I found you Even though I pretend that I've moved on You'll always be my baby I never found the words to say You're the one I think about each day And I know no matter where life takes me to A part of me will always be with you Somewhere in my memory I've lost all sense of time And tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering) How it should be now or might have been (or might have been) Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go I never had a dream come true Till the day that I found you Even though...

Mocking Bird by Eminem Yeah I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now But hey, what daddy always tell you? Straighten up little soldier Stiffen up that other limb What you crying about? You got me Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad Well I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry Cuz you're scared, I ain't there? Daddy's with you in your prayers No more crying, wipe them tears Daddy's here, no more nightmares We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it Laney uncles crazy, aint he? Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it We're all we got in this world When it spins, when it swirls When it whirls, when it twirls Two little beautiful girls Lookin' puzzled, in a daze I know it's confusing you Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always o...

Sorry For The Stupid Things by Babyface Sometimes we wish for the better When we have it good as it gets Sometimes the grass isn't greener Sometimes we find out we forget Sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool Sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog Sometimes I do stupid things to you When I really don't mean it all Sometimes a man Just don't be a man It's not an excuse It's just how it is Sometimes the wrong Don't know that they're wrong Sometimes the strong Ain't always so strong Sometimes a girl Is gon' be a girl She don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world God knows I don't mean to give it to you So girl I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do Oh so sorry, oh no, oh so sorry Sometimes I wish I was smarter Wish I was a bit more like you Not making stupid decisions made at the last minute You live to regret when it's through Well, sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a ...

School life is coming to an end.... Soon enough, everyone will be parting and going their own ways.. Somewhat, it is a bit sad to see this happen.. haha... But it doesnt seem like it for everyone.. Lots of regrets over the past year, but in the course of it, also learnt lots from them.. Gaining maturity bit by bit, one tries to comprehend the random complexity of life. Lookin back at the past experiences, minds should be filled wif nostalgia and tingling sensation of mixed emotions. Nevertheless, despite the everyday exhuasting battle with our personal duties, people try to excavate fun and joy out of the bland responsibilites. Soon, everything will be over. Given the amount of hardship we went through, our success should be largely prevalent, and altough it is inexorably that failures might drop by, everything is still worth attempting. I may tear down this blog soon. Altough it is quite relieving to hear from fang that she still visits here by n then, but, i guess no point anyway... ...

Now that most of the things are comin to an end, I started to question myself a lot this few daes... Dunno why or wat happened, I begin to question about myself. The reason why i m here and all that crap. I started to question my responsibility to alot of ppl, whether i haf been up to standard.. but... i cant seem to find an clear answer... I abit lost this week, havin weird dreams and feelin tired almost every now n den.. Now that i haf hurt my finger.. the one thing i haf to sae, is that... It hurts alot. Pain =x.. Human relations sumtimes are too difficult to comprehend, i am exhuasted wif all that stuff over it... I need a rest.... Questions require answers, when you can't find them, what happens? Sumtimes juz feel so alone... Going to somewhere far, far, away...

Some people has astounding pace and stamina in this race. But I don't. SIanz.

Well. Long break.. Nothing much to do.. No mood also... Sumtimes i m juz thinkin, whether i think too much. I agree that sumtimes i m being too sensitive n picky over minor stuffs. But there is juz how it is. I juz pick up little things along the way. Well, I dun realli understand why ppl do irrational things. Commitin sucides or watever crap they can think of. Why do ppl like to choose these kinds of roads to take? Out of desperation? No choice, or juz tryin to take the easy way out n escape. IF anyone did that and die, I will never cry for them. What they did is far beyond any rational human will think. Pls, if u cant get things solved, get help, if not, juz leave it. Why take ur life for sumthing so silly?? It may sound noble and all, but in the end it stills makes you a nothing.. Dun think death brings anything, in fact, it doesnt bring anything good. NO ONE will ever be happy over sumone's death. UNless that person is nuts or wat. Dun be a fool n do stupid stuffs. You have no ...

Well.. Its been along time since i m here... Not realli coz i dun haf the time, but is sumwat i dun haf the feel to blog ba..life's tough nowadaes... Its all better for the whole lot of us to concentrate on wat we started off at first... These 2 weeks.. I haf heard of the lost of 2 lives.. Nvm hu... But thinkin about it... Sumwta it is scary.. U nv know when it is u... Hahaz.. N i started askin ppl questions... Will u cry for mi if i die? Maybe yes.. Maybe no... But the main point is that.. Live your life to the fullest first ba... U never know... Try not to let yourselves down... Hahaz... I m quite busy wif my class actualli.. Wif all the politics goin around, i haf been tryin to heal and mend the cracks.. But seems like bad 'weatherin' is creatin summore... Not realli sumthing which i can do much.. But juz take one step and see how ba... It's realli saddenin to see my class gettin so separated... Maybe things arent the way they meant to be... I m no hero.. I m more bu...

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I haf been hearin the same stuff over n over again... Maybe it all lies down to me.. But i juz can't think it through lehz... Siao Liaoz... Think it all started with me.. I need to find myself back. feng le.

Things are gettin more n more disappointin as day pass by. We dun realli get wat we want in life. Sumtimes it juz hurt so much. I m gettin tired more easliy nowadays. Maybe I m ageing.

I was never wat u saw. I m merely an self created double. You had so much impact on my life, tat u changed mi so much, I m wat i m becoz of u todae. Since small, you were like my next to kin. I looked up to you as a role model, model professional, coz everything in you is like so perfect. You were popular among other kids, and i wasnt. I was juz another quiet and inferior boy u passed. Yet i got to know you. I wanted to be like you. You haf great fitness, does well in stuides, jokes well and gets popularity from other ppl. I wanted those things. Those things tat i couldnt haf it myself, things i couldnt haf achieved without you. You opened up a whole new world for me. Deep inside my heart, I told myself, I want to be like you. Without you, I would haf never tok to any other stranger in my life. Without you, I may frown all the while I'm alive. Without you, I will not haf the successes that i enjoy now. Without you, I was nothing. Subconscisouly, I m mouldin into another you, withou...

sianz.. Life is getting more n more meaningless... Every start of the week, I m lookin forward to the weekends... It is so routinal. (if there is such a word) I need to sort out my thinking fast.. Shou fang kai.

Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong And no one understands you Do you ever wanna runaway? Do you lock yourself in your room? With the radio on turned up so loud That no one hears you screaming No you don't know what it's like When nothing feels all right You don't know what it's like To be like me To be hurt To feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked when you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down With no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out? Are you desparate to find something more? Before your life is over Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around? With their big fake smiles and stupid lies While deep inside you're bleeding No you don't know what it...

This is getiin from bad to worse, or from worse to worst. Watever, I cant remember the degree of it le. I haf got a super duper ultra trying-to-be-funny lazy and fat brother, who doesnt like to do anything that will make him burn any of his beloved fats molecules. WTF. He will die in army lo.. He is 75kg.. WTF.. that is 15 kg more than mi... Throw him down can kill an ox... Wah lao... Stubborn mule.. U dun understand wat i go through de. All u know is i go to school earli n come back in the afternoon... N nothing much seems to happen in my life. But little did u know tat, life is not as simple and easy like the kampong days U had. I dun go to school and play goli n go back home wif nothing to do n juz play or catch fishes in the drains.. It is much more complex den u think... There is shit out there, and it is not onli about studies.. Get this clear. U dun understand, and looks like u nv will, coz we are separated by this age barrier.

Life is gettin duller. I m gettin quieter. Juz leave me alone ba. The rate my class is sprinting, is extremely astounding. I will try to keep up. Closed my eyes. Shut my ears.

Tired and exhausted.. I am sick of playing mind games... Warfare of mental assault.. Juz tired.. Poor results, bad grades, lack of time and stress.. These are gettin on my nerves.. Wth.. Looks like i m losing all my friends. Sumtimes maybe keepin quiet is the best thing in life.

Cant bear to see her leave. Cant bear to see her cry. Cant Bear to leave her. Coz I love her too much. N i got her back. into my arms. i m holdin her hand again. and we will walk the rest of our lives together. We will.

Changed to a new skin. Yeah.. Everything past last nite. Sumwat It was too fast. Hope that there will be no after-effects. I haf nitemares last nite. Maybe. Nevertheless, playing soccer later. Took me 1.5 hours to get everything up on this skin. Hahaz. Cheers for mi, and you.

Hurt and scarred. Sumtimes I feel so alone. No one cares. No one bothers. Wound inside my heart tat doesnt seems to heal. Crying deep inside. I m juz an ordinary person tryin to do extraordinary stuffs. Life's juz so bleak.

Ghost of You and Me by BBMak What am I supposed to do With all these blues Haunting me everywhere No matter what I do Watching the candle flicker out In the evening glow I can't let go When will the night be over I didn't mean to fall in love with you And baby there's a name For what you put me through It isn't love, it's robbery I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me Seen a lot of broken hearts Go sailing by Phantom ships lost at sea And one of them is mine Raising my glass I sing a toast to the midnight sky I wonder why The stars don't seem to guide me I didn't mean to fall in love with you And baby there's a name For what you put me through It isn't love, it's robbery I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me The ghost of you and me When will it set me free I hear the voices call Following footsteps down the hall Trying to save what's left Of my heart and soul Watching the candle flicker out In the evening glow I can't let ...

Finalli got to rest. Tough weeks to come by. Sumthings, I juz cant do it the way i want it to. I m tired. Realli realli tired. I need to scream. Juz realised that the generation gap between my parent n mi is gettin bigger. Harder to communicate wif them. Sumtimes, just feelin so lonely. My family is gettin worse and worse each day. When one day I cannot take it, I may just take a chopper out, and make chicken rice. ....... Under lots of pressure from my family. I m the eldest son. Ya, and seems that all the responsibility of lookin after the home will depend on mi soon... Wah.. I m simply not ready. Too much, tremendous pressure. Quek was tokin to mi tat day.. tokin about friends. Tat we will lose some n gain some. Not possible to haf them all. Then i was thinkin.. Was this wat happened to LCJ and low? I dunno. Partly was my fault ba... But, I realli wanted to get back to them. I wan them back... But too bad.. Most things like tis are irreversible.. And i guessed they got used to it al...

Untitled by Simple Plan I open my eyes I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light I can't remember how I can't remember why I'm lying here tonight And I can't stand the pain And I can't make it go away No I can't stand the pain How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I've got no where to run The night goes on As I'm fading away I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me Everybody's screaming I try to make a sound but no one hears me I'm slipping off the edge I'm hanging by a thread I wanna start this over again So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered And I can't explain what happened And I can't erase the things that I've done No I can't How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I've got no where to run The night goes on As I'm fading away I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me I made my mistakes I've got no where to ...

My Immortal by Evanescence I'm so tired of being here, Suppressed by all my childish fears. And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave. Because your presence still lingers here, And it wont leave me alone... These wounds won't seem to heal, This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase... When you'd cried i'd, wipe away all of your tears, When you'd scream i'd, fight away all of your fears. And i've held your hand through all of these years, But you still have all of me. You used to captivate me, By your resonating light. Now i'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams. Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me. These wounds wont seem to heal... This pain is just too real, There's just too much that time cannot erase. When you'd cried i'd, wipe away all of your tears, When you'd scream i'd, fight away all of your fears. And i've held your ...

I wanna smile like the turtles.

How worse can it get? I seriouslly need to tok. Haix... Pls treat mi like a normal student. juz like anyone else. I m no hero nor superman. Juz a kid hu lives in Hougang. I may haf scored good results in my exams or even got into honours. So? I m still human. Dun be jealous of tat achievement juz becoz u didnt get it... Sumtimes, things make mi believe tat i haf to failed badly before i 'qualify' as a human.. Wat on earth is this? I haf enuf of this fcuked up society. Sumtimes i feel that i m breathless, you hold mi too tight. I know this is sumtimes not by your wish. But, i feel tangled. Seriously. I am under alot of pressure to keep myself alive and dun fall dead. So as not to disappoint u and myself. By doin so, I m actualli drainin myself out faster than it should.. U understand? Ohh yeah, speakin of loved ones, how much worse can it get? Wen u haf an obstinate unruly father, plus a sensitive and over caring mother? To top it off, add in a ignorant brother hu is oblivious o...

Losin consciousness in this overly-bustling world.. Cant seem to catch up wif everything... Sianz... School is almost reopenin.. Ya... Wat a dumb thing. I m losin my determination to carry on wif my duties... Realli.. I m gettin tired of everything.. And this is drainin me out before it should.. I need a fe-fuel... Realli nid one... Wantin to play soccer at least once tis week before the start of school terms, if not we will be busy wif watever we are doin le, mainly studies ba... but the kuku VIPs-alike blockheads are so hard to make appointments wif them.. Think muz at least "book" them 2 weeks beforehand... Now rottin in my home, daydreamin at times.... I wanna fly.

Lately I haf been thinkin of a lot of stuffs... Realli alot of stuffs. Been daydreamin wif the turtles too..Hahaz.. Juz dun feel like studyin in the day or in the night... I haf heard of ppl been troubled about stuffs... And gettin real depressed and all... But why we teens juz cant be like teens huh... Sumwat to a certain extent the education system's main goal n purpose have been undermined by other side effects that the system come wif.. I find that the system realli doesnt work to educate ppl.. Well, it juz gives u mere qualifications u need to potray to ur future boss tat u know tat u can score 4As in an exam but others cant. Just wat does tis show. Basically, i believe that is nothing.. At least i think that the moral part of education is not fulfilled.. I haf seen 7 yrs old kids scoldin fuck u to their parents.. Well... You may think that this has nothing to do wif the education system. But doesnt education start from home? Sumwat i think it is a flop. FLOP. Wif students thi...

Its time to blog again... Been a long time since i blogged... Hmmm, can sae i busy ba... But definitely not in the area of studies... Too slack le.. Left 2 weeks... Dun think will ever be prepared for tat... Haix... Too much things on my mind le.... Today was a fine day... Yeah.. Played soccer and met up wif old frens... joked n crapped a little... Tok about Sec 2 days n band days.. Hahaz.. So funny.... Yeah.... Hahaz.... Hope more of this can come... I realli hope to play in that match wif Kang's frens... Long time since a serious match... keke... Yeah.. Brotherhood Day rocks.. Fridae went out to celebrate my One Year anniversary wif Minmin... Hahaz... I guess the details are all on her blog... More detailed than u think it is.. Hahaz... I realli enjoyed on Fridae... I love you always dear... yeah.... Thankz for the adorable turtles!!! I guess my class is alreadi half way through wif their studies le ba... But haha... Wat's the rush? I think tis will be my onli period of fun l...

So long nv blog le... woo.... The debate is now on Band. Whether to continue the hobby or give it up, since it has halted todae.. With no more band pracs le.. Haix... Ppl tellin mi: 'Where is your passion that u had in Montfort? Where is the good nutured player tat i saw the last time...!!??' 'Why not? Band is so fun.. I m gonna continue learnin more about instruments.. And pursue it...' 'How i wished i was a saxophonist..' These comments damn objective lo... Sianz.. Now i dunno wat to do le... MY passion died 3 years ago wen SCC came in the destroy MSSB. The batch before us couldnt subdue her... Den came a TAY... WTF... Completely destroyed our dream... It was hell lo... Lucky he left at the end of 2002.. But my batch committee was alreadi chosen, and many workin principles were dumbly fixed by the 2 demons... The battle for SYF at 2003 was a tough one... Due to strong odds against us... Haix.. We managed past it.. Now in NYJC. The main reason tat i didnt wanna...

To tell u the truth. I m realli sad. Realli. I was quite prepared for this moment, but still, it was too hard a blow. While waitin for Miss Yue car to come, i was overblown by the result. I juz sat down there and stone. Tryin very hard to hold watever is comin out from my eyes. Sianz. All i could do is to blink so tat it doesnt come out. Ohh man. wat a result. Wat i(we) worked hard for didnt came to us. I wanna blame a whole lot of ppl n things. But so? Its over. Dun realli feel like bloggin. But i still think is a bit unfair. Juz becoz of the judges' own taste and preference, a band can be awarded any medal if the music appeals to them. Not becoz the band fulfilled the requirement, but rather the band plays the type of music the 5 old men liked. Enough. Life gotta go on. Yeah. Back to normal ba. Love you guys out there, whom i fought together wif.. Yeah... Well done NY band, nevertheless.

Sianz... SYF is comin.. All those who haf competed got SILVER. First, Dance, then, Gu Zheng, Guitar and Harmonica Orchestra. Well done n congrats to them... Maybe they didnt wanted tat result, but nevertheless, it is still not bad. Band, pls pls pls. NO silver, dun even think of anything below tat. This competition is very very impt to mi, there lies the key to Montfort Band's failure to get a Gold last SYF, n to prove to those out there hu think NYJC band SUX. Ah tay, MJ ppl, n many more. Juz u wait. I will shock the hell out of u. YEAH.. Hahaz.. Shimin dreamt tat she dreamt tat we got GOLD WIF HONOURS. n she was tokin to Ruth about it.. See. The pressure is comin, no doubt, we are juz so far (5 Days) To SYF. Not a lot. But also not little. A lot of things can be done durin these 5 days. Yeah, i m realli strivin for the best.. Next, to sae sorrie to all those ppl whom i haf treated unknowingly, bad to them. Due to extreme stress n pressure, den.. hahaz.. I dunno. These ppl include...

Sianz... Today was super suay dae lo... WTF.... Yesterdae went to buy bus concession, in the end, found out tat i bought the train one instead... I used the ATM machine den the machine a bit sot sot one... Den i ignored it, to find out in the next mornin(todae) it was actualli a train concession.. I wasted 25 bucks due to stupid machines... Ya, continuin tat, i was at the bus stop outside interchange for any buses tat can go to NY tis mornin... den i saw 853.. i flagged.. den the bus juz went past mi.. den i tot WTH... But actualli the bus stop doesnt haf 853.... haix.. so nvm... i head for the interchange to take 105, but juz as i started walkin a 53 zoomed past mi.. wah lao... sianz... Haiz.. Stupid dae.. Tokin bout band, i m still equalli disgusted by how our band members feel towards the SYF competition.. they still dun haf much confident of NY band... If u all insist on ur stubborn thinkin tat, NY can onli get silver n NOTHING ELSE.. Den most probably u will get ur wish... I serio...

SYF is nearin... Practised hard for the past week... Realli effective, i tot the trainin.... Hope we can get sumthing good tis time.... Todae went to play soccer.. Met some frens who were at MJ on Sat.. Hearin that NY sounded good was a pleasant thing.. I believe we were impressive and many ppl tat looked don on us was shocked.. Even the MJ president sae so... Tat is one thing tat is true.. NY band has realli improved alot since the Esplanade performance... Thankz to everyone especially Mr Adrian Chiang as well as Desmond Ng for coachin us so far... And everyone else who haf put in lots of effort in pracitsin... We can do it... 10 more days to SYF... Phew... So fast.. Think of it.. I think we realli learned alot in NY band... Compared to the Past... Hahaz... Hope we can realli clinch a decent award tat reflects our playin... Funny thing is, i keep on dreamin of us gettin gold with honours, lol.... We will get tat k... Hahaz... Hope it will come true... I was discussin wif my frens on R...

Todae is one of the worst days of the week... Emotions getting up n downs... Life is always full of worries n troubles... Sumtimes ppl get into depression and breakdowns n all tat... Well, it is inevitable tat ppl get stuck at crossroads, even regrettin the routes we haf chosen at times.... Life is not juz about us... Its about everything. Everything tat embraces us n those tat does not... Everyone tries extremely tough to haf even a little control over their lives.... But always in vain.. They cant... So do we.. Ppl sink into depression... Lowerin thier heads in shame, almost once they lost n failed in sumthing... Prolonged exposure to tis kind of depression is no good, in fact, it is bad. Sumtimes, no matter how optimistic we may try to be, things juz stubbornly dun go our way.. We juz hope some hero will rise among us to help us through those difficult times.. Despite the desperate prayin n desire for that sumone, they normally dun appear.. And we haf to rely on ourselves... Once we...

Woo... Long Time since i blogged... Todae got Band prac.. Nothing much though... hahaz... WAH.. I got shuffled by lots of uncles n aunties todae.. On bus 88... very packed ma... den i one of those few to board... SO qiao got a mother n son alightin at the front.. So i stand to one side lo.. DEN THE PPL BEHIND (AH PEHs N AH MUMs) pushed mi away, and tried to go into the bus despite the mother n poor little kid alightin.. WTH... Why Singaporeans like to be like tis huh... Wait a while will grow millions of white hair izzit? or Grow ROOTS on the floor? sianz.. nothing to sae le.. All take carez k.. Blogger like got problems... Hmmm.. dnnno la..

Too Serious Too Soon by Gareth Gates I wonder where you were I wonder what your thinking about tonight I wonder Maybe your alone Maybe you've been crying just like me I wonder I don't know why I lost your touch Maybe I wanted to be loved too much Too serious, too soon I wanted you to love me I wanted to be there for you like no one else before Too serious, too soon I wanted you to love me It's been a rainy afternoon Now I'm Staring at the moon Thinking we got too serious, too soon I told you every day I told you every night in every way I love you Maybe you got scared Maybe I have nothing else to say But I love you So baby now my life's a mess Cause I'm, cos I couldn't love you any less Too serious, too soon I wanted you to love me I wanted to be there for you like no one else before Too serious, too soon I wanted you to love me It's been a rainy afternoon Now I'm Staring at the moon Thinking we got too serious, too soon It's not right It's ...