My question is answered.
"Love is not love when it alteration finds"
this is not love.

Wove Rainbows At Friday, October 23, 2009

We all need heart-to-heart talks at one point or another of our lives.
it is such a basic need..
but yet, so hard to be fulfilled.
being able to talk to anyone and everyone about anything isn't such a big deal.
but you can really give yourself a pat on the back when you haf succeeded in getting someone to open up and share about their personal life.
this is really no small feat because a person who has bared his/her life is vulnerable to the other who has the information.
so trust and love needs to be in the picture first before any heart-to-heart talks can take place.

i've been in too many conversations tt revolve around the weather, animals, food, sports, music with endless jokes.
sometimes, i wonder..
why do we focus so much attention on the things around us.
sure, they matter as well but wat about the issues on the inside?
why are they so often left unspoken?
i'm glad tt my cg has moved on to another level of friendship.
at least among the sisters, we haf started to share more abt our family, relationships, work, and other issues.
really miss talking to den, ting, joa, joyce, silin & even xw.
we may be a little distant now and in different seasons of our lives..
and though the initial awkardness may exist for a while,
i know once we haf warmed up again to each other,
it will not be a problem talking abt the things tt matter.

Wove Rainbows At Friday, October 23, 2009

"’I love you‘ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me."

i had shamelessly ripped this off a friend's blog.
it depicts a love tt is so beautiful.

my thought life has been a mess this past week.
thoughts like:
is it possible to find a love as pure as what Corinthians 13 describes.
are you loving your partner if you place your own interest above him/her?
can a person really change and stay changed?
and so much more..
i feel worse trying to pen everything down so i'll just stop.

at least, i know from the extract above that selfless love still exists in this world, among fallen people.

Wove Rainbows At Friday, October 23, 2009

i dunno want to laugh or cry..
i've been resisting frienster, facebook n other similar social entities..
not becox i'm anti-social but simply becox its too much trouble.
anyway, tt boy went to create one for me behind my back and.....
it says xubin_isabella@hotmail.com!!!!!
at first i thought tt isabella was one of his friends n was pissed.
"why create a joint facebook a/c for me with his isabella friend?"
and then.......the explanation came.
"dear, isabella is ur new christian name.."
faint!!!!!!
and..................
he also sent out invitations to my friends with tt beastly name!!!
omg!
baff!
faint!
so anyway, to cut the story short...
the a/c has already been deleted and a new one set up in place by him again.

oh well...
i guess i'm now a facebooker.

Wove Rainbows At Monday, July 20, 2009

i want to live in the present.
i don't want to look back and regret.
i don't want to look ahead and worry.
i want to be happy living in the present.
i want to give my 100% in whatever i do.
i'm done planning abt what i'm going to do after i graduate or when my 1.5 yrs contract is up.
i'm tired of wondering whether he is the right one.
i'm sick of thinking and hoping and wishing that this will improve and that will change and...
when the time comes, i will know what to do.
it has always been this way.
for now, i want to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Wove Rainbows At Tuesday, June 30, 2009

i need a change.

Wove Rainbows At Saturday, June 27, 2009

i pride myself in being fair.
in relationships, it has got to be fair.
in friendships, it works the same.
what about at work and with my family?
it has to be fair!
guess i was brought up this way..
my family is the democratic kind where children get an equal vote as the adults.
and so, fairness and equity have been inbuilt and are my guiding principles.

well, i must say that this demand for fairness has brought along its fair share of joy and sorrow.
while, fairness has done me well in governing my relationships and disallowing me to overstep my boundaries, it has also made me disappointed time and again when favors are not returned or when i feel that i have underbenefitted from a relationship.
and i realize that this obsession with fairness has caused me to become extremely calculative.
i find myself standing at the end of a long line of disappointments really drained.
i've become cynical about friendships.
don't tell me about friends forever.
i used to believe that when i was a kid.
i've become weary of people and their motives.
i know you want to be friends only because i have this, and that.
i'm no longer enthusiastic when there is an opportunity to mingle and befriend.
to me, friendship is still a need of the heart.
but, it takes alot, too much perhaps to maintain, protect, and build a friendship.
the scary part is, you can put in alot, even everything, but at the end of the day, you can get back nothing.
is it worth it?

yes, it is.
i still believe it is.
agape.
is all that is needed.

Wove Rainbows At Wednesday, June 24, 2009

and so my life as a piano teacher started yesterday.
expected it to be as easy as the practicum session was.
man, was i deluded!
the first class (Encore, 9am) was crap.
everything that could go wrong went wrong.
the handover list that the previous teacher drafted was grossly inaccurate.
thus, i couldn't really follow the lesson plan that i had painsakenly drafted!
i spent like 4 hrs doing that plan btw.
its not her fault since she had done tt lesson plan way in advance and had so many other things to wrap up.
also, the thought of disobedient children didn't cross me.
oh, naive me.
and so, i was taken aback when not 1, or 2 or 3 but everyone in the class with the exception of 1 or 2 good ones refused to do anything.
they didn't want to sing the songs, or play the piano, or even hold the toys & teaching aids i had brought!
everyone tells me that this is normal since the children have been with the previous teacher for years and they will definately miss her and dislike the new teacher for a start.
but, the feeling of being stared at and disliked by little children and even their parents is really disheartening.
well, that was it for the first class.

thank God everything went well for the subsequent 5 classes.
at least i was mentally prepared abt what to expect so i wasn't too affected when the children threw tantrums or when i had to tweak the lesson plans here and there.
and the best part was, i wasn't the least bit nervous for the other classes.
after the first experience, i kept telling myself, what more could go wrong?
and so i gave it my all.
sang, danced, coaxed, went down to their level and behaved like a big child.
gave it my best shot.

at least my colleagues are really helpful and encouraging.
bought lunch for me, knocked on my classroom doors to remind me that time is up and that the next lesson would be starting soon, comforted me when i was near tears after my first lesson and assured me that even if parents were to complain, they will stand up for me and help explain to the principal.
thanks lynda, marcia, karen & wendy even though you may not see this at all.

Wove Rainbows At Monday, June 15, 2009

China was GREAT!
despite my many complaints abt the polluted air and shitty food, i still enjoyed the trip tremendously.

some facts abt China:
1. They love 3-layer-fat meat - the fatter the better =X
2. The food is seasoned with only SALT! no XO sauce or even the ultra-overused oyster sauce we Singaporeans crazily pour into every dish
3. The women have smooth, pimple-free, skin and are mostly really quite pretty.
4. The temperature in the summer can go up to 42 degree Celsius and -42 degree Celsius in the winter.
5. The traffic is horrendous. Nearly got slammed by cars many MANY many times!
6. The things are expensive! the cheapest, most ugly blouse you can find in a neighbourhood shopping centre costs 35 sing dollars. and bata shoes are sold at 120 sing dollars on the average.
7. If you're looking for a place with lots of greenary and water, China is the place to go. There are mountains, and lakes and pagodas everywhere! at least in ALL 5 states i visited.
8. It is legal to smoke in shopping centres, restaurants and other air-conditioned place.

Overall, I wouldn't mind revisiting China.
probably in spring or early summer where the weather is still nice and chilly.
and yes, an oxygen tank and mask wld be one of the things i'm going to pack in the luggage.
the air is just way too polluted.

Wove Rainbows At Monday, June 08, 2009