Sad

On my way home from work I was suddenly and unexpectedly overcome with a heavy sadness. Since I'm not one to cry in general and definitely not in public, I initially tried to pass it off as intense thinking. Somehow that didn't work. Then I tried flipping through my iPod to find a song that would push it away. I was listening to Lady GaGa's Poker Face when it started so I guess I should have known Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne, Milkshake by Kelis and Ninety-Nine Red Balloons by Countdown Singers wouldn't do anything either. Even my attempts to concentrate on the words, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." did no good. The tears spilled over my eyes and I started sniffling like a coke head. For some reason I can't explain, Convoy by C.W. McCall really brought on the waterworks. I felt my cheeks grow hot and subtly wiped my eyes only to discover my mascara was running... A LOT. This was going to be ugly.

Even upon reflection I couldn't tell you what it was. I racked my brains for a cause: Rough day at work? Liesel's Oscar-worthy dramatics when I left this morning? Senator Kennedy's passing? I'm actually a Jedi and someone has destroyed a planet full of innocent people with no weapons? For the life of me, I couldn't pinpoint it. I guess I was just overwhelmed and my body couldn't hold it in any longer. The more I tried to stop it, the worse it became (ever had that happen to you?). I eventually gave into silent sobbing over holding my breath which led to alternating choking and gasping. Neither option was very discreet, but I couldn't help myself.

It's a strange thing to be crammed in a tight space like a subway train during rush hour with so many people and have so few even notice you. Or perhaps they did and just ignored me anyway. That thought just sunk me deeper into my funk. The girl sitting next to me actually slid away as soon as she got the chance. Maybe she thought I was sick and didn't want to catch what I had. That's okay, I wouldn't have wanted to pass it along to her. Two people actually did take notice. One was an ancient Asian woman who peered at me searchingly behind her deep wrinkles and wide cone-shaped hat. The other was a balding middle-aged man standing by the door. He looked truly concerned and had he not been packed in by so many people I think he would have made his way over to me. As it was, he was pushed out the door by exiting traffic at one of the stops and I never saw him again.

I cried the whole way home... almost all of my 45 minute commute. Liesel met me at the door and she was so excited she stomped her feet and hugged my legs right away. I'm going to bed early and that should help. Most of all, I think I just need a new day... I'm tired of this one!