Captivate Network Should Pay Me to Write This Post

Every day, I walk into work and wait at the bank of elevators downstairs to take me up to floor 9 where I will begin my work day. 

Every day, I wait and pray and pray with all my might that I won't get the one elevator without Captivate Network inside its doors. Captivate Network, if you're listening, I would love if you would pay me for this endorsement. I love your product. If I owned a building, I would put you in all my elevators. But since I am poor and own no buildings (come on now, you all know I barely own food), I cannot buy you. But I will enjoy you to your fullest. 

Quick explanation for those of you without Captivate. Some elevators in this world are privileged. This means that their owners went out and decided, "Hey, we'd really love to give those who ride our elevators day in and out a treat." So they called Captivate Network and had tiny televisions installed in each elevator. And voila! Now we have little TV's to help us avoid awkwardly talking to people we don't know on our way down to grab a sandwich at lunch time. 

I know some of these tiny TV's can be actual TV's with newsfeed from CNN or whatever, but I think I prefer this more. See these little TV's give us tiny snippets of information that leave us wanting more. For example, I found out today that Alyssa Milano is engaged. How did I find out? From Captivate Network's gossip news! I also found out that it's going to snow Friday (boo!), that unemployment is way up (duh), and that some sports team beat another sports team at some sport (yea, sorry, I could care less). 

Point being, this little TV brings me immense joy in the middle of a boring day or a hectic day or just a day when I need to know the weather and my Internet is down because I kicked some wires under my desk taking out my Internet with my swift karate kicks and thought that the whole server was down and went complaining to anyone who would listen that the server was down when it wasn't (true story). 

As I mentioned above, there is one lone elevator in my building that does not have a tiny TV with Captivate Network. And everyone avoids this car like the plague. Including myself. Sorry elevator, I don't know why but you weren't cool enough to have a tiny TV and therefore are a loser elevator. 

So in short, I have somehow become addicted to a tiny TV in an elevator at work. And the fact that I'm even writing this down makes me pathetic.

That is all. 

I Don't Smoke...But I Do Read PerezHilton.com

I have noticed lately that a lot of my fellow employees are smokers.

How can I tell? Yellowed teeth? Check. Reeking of smoke? Check. Vacant from the office at inopportune times? Check and check.

For real, it doesn't bother me that my co-workers smoke. It's their prerogative and their addiction to face. But should their guilty pleasure come with 5 minutes away from the office throughout the day? Because that my friends, those 5 little minutes, make me jealous. And have on occasion made me want to start puffing (but cigarettes are expensive and I am poor).

Those 5 minutes are literally written into our company handbook. Something along the lines of all "employees are allowed five (5) minute cigarette breaks during the work day". Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating. So they probably are really only allotted two breaks per day and they have to be speedy quick. But again, I'm jealous. Very jealous in fact. Leading me to make my next statement. I feel it's somewhat unfair.

Just because I don't choose to fill my lungs with smoke a few times throughout the day doesn't mean that I shouldn't have a break for my own addiction/guilty pleasure. Yes, I think you all know where I'm going with this. Instead of getting a smoking break, I would like to institute company-wide Perez Hilton breaks. Or People.com. Or Pink is the New Blog. Whatever your Internet addiction, I think we non-smokers deserve our own little daily breaks.

I'll admit it. I have an addiction and it's to trashy celebrity gossip in the form of little nuggets of information that Perez Hilton dispenses (almost) on the hour. I keep my hand on the mouse to refresh almost every second of the day. It's pathetic and sad, but I own up to my disease.

Ultimately, I think it's the fair thing to do employers of the world. We gossip blog addicts should get our junkie on with just a little bit of silence just like our fellow smokers.

Shoo Fly, Don't Bother Me

The online shopping website Bluefly makes me want to punch a baby (just an expression, don't worry readers I'm not literally running around NYC punching babies).

And no, Bluefly doesn't drain me because of my slow internet connection or because it doesn't have that Fendi bag I'm dying to buy. No, it's because of their constant contests, giveaways and promotions. That. I. Never. Win.

WG1 and I have similar morning routines in that we both get up, shower, get dressed, and go our separate ways to work. Around 9:05ish, both of us appear on Gchat and proceed to complain about we have once again not won the Bluefly daily giveaway.

Sample conversations:

9:35 a.m. WG1: i got heel stuck in a grate

9:37 a.m. WG2: i got hay fever

9:10 a.m.: WG2: wardrobe malfunction

9:13 a.m.: WG1: heel stuck in grate!

You would think these conversations would be about real encounters on our way to work. However, WG1 and I have not recently gotten our heels stuck in any grates or had any horrible wardrobe malfunctions within the half hour it takes to get to work (though it is possible). These are in fact the conversations we had every morning this past spring as we played Bluefly's "Spring In the City" Giveaway. Last spring, WG1 and I faithfully spun the Bluefly's spring giveaway electronic wheel to see if fate would let us win a $10,000 spring wardrobe. Alas, we never won and the rigged wheel of fortune never spun us fates that would allow us to wear a designer that didn't have the number 21 on the label.

Bluefly gave us a mini-break for the first months of summer. No contests or giveaways presented themselves. But last week, I got an e-mail in my inbox from WG1 urging me to get daily reminders to try and win Bluefly's "The Designer ABC's Giveaway". I could win $1,00o luxury "loot" by choosing the correct shopping back out of the three presented to me.

I gave in and subscribed myself to receive daily reminders to play this taunting game that I know will never really materialize any loot or money for a designer wardrobe. And everyday WG1 and I commiserate about how we still haven't won anything. Sure, every once and while Bluefly will let us "win" $30 off any purchase that day. But really what can I do with that? Thanks Bluefly, I'll be sure to use my next paycheck to buy a leg of one of those designer pants (yes, I can only afford one leg at a time).

It's frustrating. But I come back for more everyday.

I'm WG2 and I'm addicted to Bluefly's online giveaways.

Wii While You Work

WG1 and I would like to apologize. We know. We've been delinquent bloggers. We blame this on a few things: the summer weather, our love of the Jersey Shore, and the fact that we're moving at the end of the month and are soon to be homeless (and just an fyi if you live in the Hoboken area and need a mattress, couch, dresser, etc. let us know as we are selling all our shiznit). So in short we apologize. 

Now back to our regular scheduled programming. 

A few weeks ago, I opened Outlook to find an e-mail that had been sent to the entire company announcing that The CEO had bought Wii (yes, I repeat Wii). Originally our new Wii was to be used exclusively that Friday when the e-mail had been sent out. However, after much persuasion, The CEO has decided to let our new Wii system live in the large conference room to be available for after-hours, break times, and as a stress reliever. 

I have heard rumors of companies that will do things like this for their employees - like a lot of movie production companies have Guitar Hero or ping pong tables so waiting clients have something to do while waiting for their materials and I've heard that Google has a skating ramp so employees can take their scooters and skateboards for a joy ride when stressed. I guess I just never thought my company (one that barely lets us expense cab rides) would man up and purchase something totally and completely fun that had absolutely nada to do with anything corporate related. 

I have to admit that the Wii has already started to bring us co-workers closer. For instance, last Friday I played a quick game of tennis with some of the new tech guys. And while I'm sure they probably won't ask me for another game in the near future (let's just say I have yet to master the Wii backhand or forehand for that matter), I do know that I've made some new friends all because of our new entertainment system. And I now know that our Senior VP is super competitive (aka do not engage in a game of bowling with him...ever). 

And Wii is pretty great with stress relieving. One round of baseball after a bad conference call last week and I was good to go for my next grueling meeting. 

Despite all of Wii's positives, my next order of business is bugging The CEO into getting Rock Band for the office. Because my guitar solos are insanely spectacular and I sure would love to hear The Boss rock out to "Roxanne".  

One of the Cool Girls

Every morning on the bus I see Working Girls on their Blackberries e-mailing their co-workers or playing Brick Breaker. Every morning on the bus I give those Working Girls dirty looks because I am jealous. When I see a Working Girl with a Blackberry, I think that she must be important and she becomes somewhat of a Working Girl Idol. "I want to be like her one day," I think.

Well, one day happened. Last Friday, I got a Blackberry and immediately felt more cool and more important. Every time I've pulled it out of my purse, I've felt like a powerful Working Girl. Now, I really shouldn't have felt this way because the only reason I received a Blackberry is for my upcoming business trip to South Africa. For one month, my personal cell phone has been replaced with a new Blackberry.

I oohed and ahhed over my shiny silver phone for the entire afternoon on Friday. I checked my e-mail over and over and over again all weekend. I'm finally making some progress on my Brick Breaker score. And now I'm sick of it. Every part of it (except for Brick Breaker). Sunday morning, it rang several times to notify me of a new e-mail. Why Sunday morning? Because apparently that is when American Express chooses to e-mail my company card transactions for the week (and my new bosses' and my old bosses'. I received A LOT of e-mail).

Last night after work I received an e-mail from a client telling me they get something approved by the time I need it approved (typical). Since I'm behind on this project already, having another setback put me in a frustrated and annoyed mood. I then took out my frustration and annoyance on my Working Boy.

Why don't I just not check my work e-mail? Because nothing bothers me more than having a number next to my inbox. And if I don't open it, it'll just make me more anxious and stressed about going to work the next morning.

Why don't I just turn the pretty little Blackberry off? Because it also serves as my personal cell phone. My LG Chocolate won't make calls or send text messages. I'm stuck with the Blackberry.

My boss saw me on Friday ooihng and ahhing over my Blackberry and she said that maybe after the trip, I could get a permanent one (that isn't also my cell phone). In some cases, like working events or assisting with a video or photo shoot that keeps me away from desk all day (this happened 3 times in my first two weeks of my marketing assistant career) having a Blackberry makes sense. But as fun a Brick Breaker is, I just don't think I want a Blackberry of my very own.

Hello, Lover

On workdays, my body begins to crave the sweet, syrupy cola from the fountain machine in the cafeteria or carbonated and cold in the form of its signature can right as the clock reads 12:00 pm.

It's about that same time that the caffeine from my morning coffee wears off and I realize my to-do list is nearly two pages long. I don't think I'll get through the rest of the day. I think about lunch, how nice it will be to have an hour-long break, which helps but only a little. Then, I think about my Diet Coke and all its deliciousness. With each sip I take at lunch my head starts to clear and my eyes awaken and I know I'll make it through the long working afternoon.

Go on, grab a DC. You know you want to.