THE SECRET TO WEIGHT LOSS

All this time, I've been banging my head against the wall, searching for the motivation, failing and picking myself up to try again. Little did I know that all I had to do to find the sticktoitiveness to succeed at my diet/fitness plan was to go to the doctor. Dr. Black Cloud supplied with me with all the information necessary to conclude that I need to get fit and thin PDQ or I should start shopping for burial plots, I can look forward to an old age filled with disease and medications that will surely bankrupt me. Bottom line: Dr. Black Cloud is scaring me skinny.

Since making the executive decision to switch my family to the South Beach Diet way of eating, I've lost 14 lbs. My Harley Stud has also lost 14 lbs. This really ticks me off I'm so happy for him and God bless his soul, he isn't even trying and is losing the same amount by default. You see, he eats whatever I cook in the evening and eats however he pleases throughout the day. However, I don't buy sugary, high fat treats so he has less to choose from. Still and all, he is matching me pound for pound without any apparent effort and THAT IS SO UNFAIR isn't it wonderful!

I still have a long way to go but I am optimistic that I can still lose another 10 lbs before my class reunion. I still won't be at goal but finally moving in the right direction works just fine for me.

Daughter #1 has made it her personal mission to kill me, drag me all over the county to walk 4 miles a day, oversee my food and beverage consumption like the food nazi that she is (She hates that name) get me in better shape before my reunion.

Oh and by the way, wii wii no longer shouts to the heavens in his way too cheerful fashion that I'm OBESE! I am now just merely OVERWEIGHT. The damn wii wii still makes the announcement with a smile on his face and isn't even aware that he's in danger of having a remote shoved up his arse. Stupid wii wii!

Hugs,

Smart Mouth Broad

SOMETHING ABOUT SMB

I’m back from hiatus and want to thank you all for reading or re-reading my reruns. I was certain back then that the only people to read this blog would be my family and friends who were shamed into it. A year later, I’m by no means in the league of VodkaMom or Braja but am astounded by and grateful for the blogging buds I’ve met here in the interwebs. You guys are the BEST!

I think I may have mentioned after my physical that my physician, Dr. Black Cloud, ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid. What I didn’t mention is that I’m a knot-head. Yes, I have a knot on my head. A perfectly round slight protrusion from my forehead. (Certain family members are saying that my natural horns are beginning to show.) So Dr. BC figured since I was already having the ultrasound of the thyroid, she would just throw in my head as an extra study. Doctor’s appointments were just some of the things on my plate last week while I was on hiatus.

Last monday, I arrived on time wonders never cease for my ultrasound studies. The tech was friendly and since he recognized me as someone in the medical field, he put me at ease by chatting about his experiences in the OR with my employer. The thyroid ultrasound was without event and we moved quickly on to the knot on my head. The location of the knot made it difficult to get a good image and several gadgets were used to try to get a better picture. If you’ve ever had an ultrasound, you know that they use that slimy gel on the probe to facilitate ease of movement. I was very clear that he was not to mess up my hair or makeup. It took him a minute to realize that I was kidding.

Eventually he was satisfied that he had gotten clear images and the study concluded. He gave me a towel to wipe off the gel and led me out the door. There was no mirror in the room. I was sure that my hair was a mess. I did my best to smooth it down as best I could without a mirror. I thought I had done an OK job. I walked to the elevator where I rode with a father and his two young children. I walked thru a crowded lobby and out the door to my car. It was there that I saw my image reflected in my car window.

Remember that movie, “Something About Mary”? Poor Mary mistakes Ben Stiller’s character’s body fluid for hair gel and creates quite the “doo” for their date at the restaurant. Yeah, that was me. *sigh*

Hugs,

Smart Mouth Broad