I'm feeling half-alive and i know one day you and i will be free, to live and die by our rules.

Leaving this space for a breather. This blog will be history (yeay me!). Nice to look at and read, though.

Went through all the previous posts, i feel so pryed open and stupid.

Love like this.

With Mr Superman, the family, and Dad's bestfriends.

See the world behind my walls.

I tried. I tried so hard. I keep all i can from you. I can't let you read my mind and know my inner thoughts.

I love you. And i know you love me too. But it's just a different kinda love.

pull the trigger.

hi, i'm in school right now, and i'm feeling okay.

i had lunch with two skinny men today, Azrul and Yadi. Azrul's okay... very fair for a sporty guy like him. Yadi's brown eyes... aiyoh! fatal attraction oi. hahahahaha. k i'm bored. blog soon, i have to do Fax Accounting on FACT in school.

hi. i miss Muhd Sadli Mohd Nasir very badly. and i mean it.


can't he see it? people go away from me, as fast as they come near me. i want Muhd Sadli back not because i think i've got no one else, but because there's no one else that i want. i knew he was a nice guy, didn't i? that's why i chose him over Ahlep and Fahme. i'm still choosing him, just that he's now gone. WHATTHEFUCK. WHATTHEFUCK. WHATTHEFUCK. i'm going bonkers already. i can't stand being alone. i nak jadi gila ni!

hello awak.

takmo nak step awak ada boyfriend lagi better dari boyfriend saya, sebab pada saya, boyfriend saya is the best.

takmo nak step awak mana punya bagus, sebab zaman saya nak step besar kepala dah berlalu.

pada saya, awak masih budak taik. k period.

saya lagi bahagia menjadi saya, dan bukan jadi someone i'm not.

saya malas nak try very hard, sebab bila saya laidback ini macam pun, saya lagi ramai kawan.

sorry uh, kalau awak terasa. saya dah fed up dengan perangai awak :)

it's been quite sometime since i last updated, and many things have happened.

firstly, Ahlep got caught for inhalant abuse. it hurts me knowing that he still does it- going against the authorities, his family, and me, of course- because i knew somehow, it was my fault when he did that stupid mistake. i know wasn't being there for him when he needed someone, i was being so selfish, so self-centred that i only cared about spending time with Fatboi, and not him. although i chose Fatboi over him, i know i shouldn't have ignored him just like that, because he still deserves a part of me. he still needs me, and i promised him, nothing's going to ever change between the both of us. but i broke that promise, and i broke his heart all over again. i'm sorry Ahlep, i really am. and i'll be there on my birthday for your sentence. it'll break my heart, tear me apart, but that's the least i could do. i deserved this pain of losing someone closest to me after Fatboi and BestBitch, because i shattered his hopes and dreams.

apart from all the heartbreaking part, i am very happy to have fallen in love with Muhammad Sadli Mohd Nasir. hehe. i knew i wouldn't have regretted making that decision! we're now like normal couples, and it's so fun and exciting to have fallen in love all over again.we've been doing fine so far, though sometimes, Ahlep would still be the cause of our little quarrels. and after so much pain, heartbreaks and tears, i'm sure it was all worth it. it takes all those little sacrifices to realise that we both equally need each other very much for support and comfort, and i'm very sure, we don't waste our time working out on something that we just wanted to end. we're both putting in the effort to cover up the rough patches, the blank pieces of our lives and the relationship, and we always want to take a step forward. no doubt we're going to go through hell in future years to come, but as we all know, hardwork and effort leads to success.

baby, i'm looking forward in meeting you every single day. i just want to see your smile, so that all my worry would go away. i love you, sayang, and i don't want to love another after you.

today is one month with Sadli. four days ago, one month with A'lif. eleven more days to come, supposed-to-be three with Ahmad Fahme. okay, put him aside, okay bitch? let's erase Ahmad Fahme. capek dehh pikir tentangnya-.-

i suddenly feel that me and Sadli have become very close to each other, i can now reach out and touch his heart. after finally deciding, i know i won't regret. i'm soooooooooooooo going to be happy all over again. three cheers for PIKA! wee! hehe.

i've already made a decision. it hurts because i never wanted to leave both, and never wanted all three to leave. but all i know, i can't have all three. so the decision is final, and i'm settling down already.


i know the truth will be out, sooner or later. especially in a modern world like today, with the internet and all. i never knew how to seperate all three, i can never divide my little heart. all i know, i love each and everyone of their company.
Ahmad Fahme, though you're long gone, and there are little memories of you, i still keep them safely at the back of my mind. i cannot help but get paranoid looking at your pictures. i try very hard not to even look, but something inside me tells me that everything's gonna be alright. you told me that the past has been forgotten, but i guess not? i still remember the look you gave me when i saw you at Cineleisure. i wonder why it's so hard for you to go out with me, when it's so easy for you to be with her. all i can say is, Fuck YOU, and God Bless. aku dah cukup penat fikir pasal kau yang tak fikir pasal aku-.- babi. babi. babi. so, pandai-pandai kau jaga diri.



thank you for being there and still there when the truth is out. i know it hurts so much, i thought i could almost read your heart when i look into your eyes. Dee, and Ahlep, i'm really sorry for breaking your hearts. it hurts me more when i realized i've hurt both of you so deeply. you know at first i thought, all this wouldn't have hurt this much and i'll actually settle it before each of you know about each other. i didn't know both of you were that serious in being in a relationship. i'm really thankful both of you can still remain calm, even when no one knows how troubled your sleeps are. OMG, i'm really sorry.
i really want everything to end. truth is, i've already made my decision, and i've decided on Dee. i just don't know how to tell Ahlep because i don't want to lose his company. i want to be all the time by his side to keep smiling without losing him when making this decision. i know Dee can make me as happy, but i really don't want to lose Ahlep. i really don't want to, because he's like everyone's other half, a match-made in heaven. he's the best friend no one wants to lose. i really love Ahlep's company and i want to always be with him, even when we cannot be in love.

please help me tell this to them both, 'cause i don't know how to.

Syaheedah
Sara A.E.S
FyQa A.E.S
NoiReedessa
Lala
Yaneey
Shahzan BR
Eir BR
Iskee BR
Nuyul
DeeyannaDonna
FeezaMonjeng
Azimah
Izzuan!
Eyra!
Ericca.
Mashhy
A/fee
Liy!
Thaqifah!
FilzahSepet!
Sya'ee
DIY!
Bella bby!
AIN!
ika; girl hindi
Fadhz
Shahilah
Mimie Meow
Ting Ting!
YanaEbby
Nanaa


the class of LOVE; cakes and pastries and YUM! Cik Idah's fingerlicking goods

January 2009
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