Pass The Bucket, Please...

Following on from Womble On Tour Junior I's eviction onto the streets by the organisational Wonder Horse that is Kirklees Council, yesterday we went to the event it was all in aid of.

The rugby match was excellent; close, entertaining and with the right result for those in the family who cared about the outcome. And Womble On Tour Junior I faithfully did her bit with the pom-poms as part of a curtain-raiser to the main event.

For those of us concerned about the extent of State activity, however, it wasn't a pain-free outing. The pre-game programme was pulled together as part of the Kirklees Youth Games, a project with the admittedly laudable aim of getting more kids involved in sport.

This project (from a Conservative-led council, mark you) apparently involves flying in kids from France, Germany, Poland and China to take part. It also involves a phenominal amount of propaganda about what wonderful work the council is doing; propaganda including but not limited to a ten minute speech by a Cabinet member, and the utterly excruciating Kirklees Anthem. I'm almost apologetic for doing this to my readers, but for the benefit of completeness I think it only fair to reproduce below some of the utter drivel that has been penned in "our" name (and at our expense). Such was the fervour with which this was promoted I half wondered whether everybody would be expected to stand up and join in. Fortunately, no one did.
WoT Health Warning: what you are about to read may induce feelings of physical sickness.

"Feel the power of working together,
Being part of a growing team,
Share the joy of winning together,
Try to live the dream – live the dream!

If one young person smiles at another,
Then a friendship can really start!
And if that special friendship can double,
Our community will find its heart!
So seize the moment! Seize the day!
And as you travel along life’s way,
Join your hands to a thousand more,
Making Kirklees strong!"

Give me strength.

One More Reason To Hate Kirklees Council

Last night Womble On Tour Junior I went to a rehearsal ahead of her performance as a cheerleader at a rugby match in Huddersfield on Sunday.

"Drop the children off at the local sports centre at 6pm and pick them up at 9pm", we were told. Just after 7:30 we got a panic phone call saying "Dad, they've kicked us out early and you need to come and pick us up". The upshot was scores of kids, some as young as seven, milling around unsupervised while parents and carers had to rush into town over an hour earlier than planned.

Cheers, Kirklees !

There's No Smoke With Fascists

It's so obvious that this kind of thing is going to happen that when I saw the story in our local paper last night I nearly decided not to write about it . But then I thought it was so indicative of the way in which personal freedom in this country is beoming ever rarer that actually it deserves as much attention as possible.

Just imagine. You're 89. You're in a care home. You haven't many comforts left in life. One of the few is lighting up an occasional cigarette. Anyone who's spent any length of time in those terrible places knows how important it is to have the odd remaining pleasure - a short and sweet escape, something to look forward to.

There is debate within this story about who's exactly to blame. The management of the care home claim to be complying with legislation that comes into effect on 1st July, and appear to say that they are following advice from Kirklees Council (God, I hate those people). On the other hand, the Commission for Social Care Inspection (whoever they are) appear adamant that smoking is NOT banned in the bedrooms within care homes. But for me, just who the villains are in this particular instance isn't really relevant.

The bottom line is this. A few years ago no one would have dreamt of denying an elderly person living the right to smoke a few cigarettes in what is, to all intents and purposes, her own home. Now it hardly merits a mention. It bears testament to the systematic dismantling of personal freedom that has been taking place for many years, and is symptomatic of a country where the ruling few care not a jot for the rights and feelings of the many. It it mean, callous and fundamentally wrong.

Pitching In To Kirklees Council

Here's a localised complaint. About Kirklees Coucil. I really do hate those people.

This weekend they banned all the local football clubs from playing on pitches owned by them, because of the rain we've had. Our own local club, for whom my lad controls the midfield at Under-11 level, plays on two pitches, and both of them were completely playable today. Many others will have been in exactly the same state. But today, hundreds of children, instead of being outside playing the national game, were, more likely, stuck at home playing with their Playstations.

I'm not sure how Kirklees arrive as their decisions when it comes to calling off games. I suspect that someone looks at the fields near their Headquarters - low-lying, near a river - and assumes that every other pitch is in an identical state.

However they do it, it really cheeses me off that they cannot trust local club managers and coaches to take the decision themselves. Do they really think that people in charge of teams cannot be trusted to judge whether a pitch is playable ?

Kirklees' approach is typical of the centralised, one-size-fits-all, we-know-best attitide that runs through pretty every government organisation.

Actually, my lad's team trained on the pitch today anyway. Don't say anything will you, because if the State finds out we'll probably all get shot...

UPDATE: For the hell of it, I've made a complaint to the Council. Well, it'll give someone something to do. Apparently my unique reference number is S444836. Gosh.

What Do These Guys Do All Day ?

The more I see of the State's activities, the more I think that there must be a serious number of people in its employ who have nothing to do.

Yesterday both Womble On Tour Juniors arrived home from school with a letter from the Council informing us of the perils imposed upon all-and-sundry by those who park on the zig-zag lines outside the school.

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At the bottom of the letter there was an invitation, complete with tear-off slip (see above) for parents to make a signed declaration that they wouldn't park their cars on the zig-zag lines. Once we've filled in this form, we're expected to return it to the school.

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What happens to these forms then, I wonder ? Do you think they get collated, and sent to some sort of "Zig Zag Tsar" at the Town Hall ? Perhaps schools that don't return more than a certain percentage get penalised in some way ? Perhaps parents who don't fill them in get enrolled for Remdial Parking Classes ?

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More fundamentally, how can it be that we end up paying so much in taxes that we're actually funding this kind of rubbish ? If they want to stop illegal parking outside schools, all the have to do is send a traffic warden up there every so often, which is what they're threatening to do anyway.

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I'm intrigued as to what happens with these forms. I'm going to mail the guy who's sent them out to discover the truth. If you want to mail him too, you can do, at david.warbuton@kirklees.gov.uk. Go on, give him something to do.

Kirklees Busy-Bodies Are At It Again

Word reaches me that the Enemies of Enjoyment are on the march again in West Yorkshire. Kirklees Active Leisure (KAL), which is some irksome offshoot of Kirklees Council (itself well-known locally for many previous attempts to abolish fun in as many forms as possible) is at war with the excellent Holme Valley Amateur Swimming Club for the way it manages its junior swimming sessions. The upshot is that the club have been forced to abandon their children's "fun swim" on some ludicrous and doubtless trumped-up Health and Safety concerns.

Womble on Tour is still drilling down to get to the detail. When he has it, so will you.

UPDATE: Initial investigations underway and it doesn't get any better. KAL has issued the swimming club with a whole number of (undocumented) ultimata, which the club has continuously bent over backwards to meet. The Club is doing its best to manage the relationship but KAL appear hell-bent on confrontation. They seem especially vindictive and mean-minded about children's fun swims, and have even gone as far as physically removing children's equipment from the pool side.
Watch this space for more news about the way these government-sponsored cronies are bullying the very people in our communities that they should be supporting, but in the meantime Womble On Tour asks: Who the hell do these people think they are ?