Post Script

I really envy their friendship with each other, like they are totally comfortable and secure in each other's presence and readily display affection.


I think if I had a kid sister, I would so be like this with her and want to bring her around in my pocket. Just like how I am with Tacky --
My little baby boy. HAHAHA ok yes too bad terrapins can't really be affectionate back. I seem to have this masochist in me that choose to love things that can't love me back. Maybe it's safer? Because then you can show as much love as you want without the burden of expectation or judgement.

Then I realise, hey actually I'm kinda like that with kids, except that I'm not too touchy with them due to my OCD tendencies, then again I actually couldn't resist and went stroking the heads of the kids I met in Batam, each and everyone of them who crowded around me to send me off. That is another story.

I think I've learnt a lesson on how to be myself now. The IDGAF feeling, I'll be whoever I want and not have to make an effort to be cheerful and smiley, unless I really feel it. Because happiness comes to me rather more easily now, I don't have to fake it. Who cares if I'm too outgoing, too affectionate, too talkative, too curious too whatever, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. This is who I am, who I am going to be, who I am going to die being, and I'll stand in front of God and say "I tried my best to stay true to myself, to love with my whole self, and shrug off the bad comments, the hurts and the disappointment."

Life is too short to waste trying to fit yourself in to other people's perspectives just so you confirm to their notions of what's proper. IDGAD.

Of course there's a difference between asserting yourself, and being a total rebel without a cause. I am not going to flaunt conventions just for the sake of it -well maybe not all the time.

Who is to say your right is more right than mine? Or my right is more right than yours?
I'm going to love and do things with my whole heart and being, and spread that joy of being in what ways I can, even if makes me look foolish or look like a total happy camper. Happy Heidi is happy Heidi. I was given the name Joy for a reason, now to show why.

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." – Albert Camus
"The glory of God is in man fully alive."