Thirty four

Looking back, a lot of things have changed since the last year. Many things happened when I was 33. I tried really hard to get back into dating again. I met a lot of people and even became friends with some. With regards to work, only me and another engineer were left in the squad that I joined last year. Most of my team members left and new ones came. Covid restrictions were lifted. I travelled again and made my very first trip to the USA! I volunteered to help organise an exhibition with works of 60+ artists. I took up Lindie Hop and never knew I could dance and even enjoyed dancing. It seems that even though a truckload of events happened this one year, I can easily sum it up with one paragraph and stop here. Isn't it boring? 😂

I’ve come to find it hard to describe events in significant details that’s enough to tell a good story. I wonder if that means that whatever happened in the past year I’ve come to let it go without much care to even describe it thoroughly. I wasn’t like that before. I think I just don’t remember them as detailedly and cared about it enough to tell it to someone. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. But I do wish I was more interesting. Though I do think the things that I’ve done and happened to me were meaningful, I lost passion in harping too much about it now that it has passed? I know I’ll be thankful to myself for writing it out so I’ll still do so.

I think for the first time in my life, I thought about renting and thought a little more seriously about what it’ll be like living in my own place, what kind of skills will I learn. That came from visiting and staying with my friend in the US. I experienced what it could be like - cooking my own meals, doing chores, owning my own furniture and shaping my own space. The ability to be able to take care of people through cooking, or just hosting friends seem really cool. But I’m still not super motivated to move out until I have an additional source of income, and also, I’m still very lazy.

Not caring is liberating. I’ve had a painful “break up” with a guy I really liked but whom did not liked me back the same way. I came to a conclusion later on that if I had cared less about the outcome and left the situation as it was it might have been less painful? All I had to do was to be more patient, let things be and go with the flow. But alas, easier said than done. If such an emotional situation were to happen again, I hope I’ll be wiser to handle the situation less rashly. Patience 123.

In a chance encounter with Jazz and Lindie Hop, I took up Lindie Hop classes myself in an attempt to push myself out of my comfort zone. I do enjoy it though it stresses me out a lot too. I think the key essence to lindy hopping well is to let go, enjoy yourself, and be in the flow. It’s all about connecting whomever I’m dancing with and everyone has a different vibe. Can you imagine if I apply this in real life, that means I’d be able to vibe with anyone? 😂 That would be an incredible life skill. I get too uptight and anxious too often. To master this would mean I’ll be able to dance with whatever life throws me my way. haha, I might be giving too much meaning to this philosophically.

My wishes for this year? I hope I’ll be able to tide through all procrastination and reach my goal of having an additional passive income source by the end of the year. I want to be able to make more impact with my designs and grow to be a senior designer. I want to be more independent, and be able to verbalise more deeply. I want to be able to hold my ground and stand firm in all situations. I want to live well, love passionately, learn more of the world and be challenged of my world views. Whatever it is from here, I know I don’t want an average ordinary life. So bring it on, thirty four. 

Thirty Three

It's been a year and a half, Covid is still present. We went through a phase of loosening restrictions where life seems to have gone back to normal for a bit, just that we had to wear masks and maintain social distancing. Then we went back to tighter restrictions. At this point, dining in is restricted till late August. Last year I felt a lot more excited on staying indoors but this time, I miss being out a lot more.  

Earlier this year I bid goodbye to my favourite company I was working at for a good 3 years. In a bid to expose myself to a different working structure, I decided to change my job. 

Boy it was rough, I had to speed up 3x how I usually work, and I had to master the domain knowledge and design something workable at the same time. There were many times where I really missed my previous company. Despite that I definitely learnt a lot as well, being way outside of my usual comfort zone. I knew nothing about real estate just 3 months ago and didn't think it was a topic I might even be the slightest bit interested in. Now I think maybe, just maybe feel that looking at data, figures and understanding all these jargons ain't all that bad. Hey I was designing annual reports back in my younger days looking at graphs and figures and didn't think it was boring. An important thing was also learning to tell myself that no matter how much work I have, my well-being will always be priority. I told myself I must learn to emotionally detach from the never-ending comments, anxiety from meeting deadlines with quality that I have to do in my job. I'm still learning but I think I'm better than a few weeks ago. 

Another key change was me getting slightly better at investing. Thanks to fintech apps and huge advertising posters plastered all over the MRT station whenever I pass by going to work. (It works!) I got curious about all these broker apps and signed up for an account to play around. I haven't made a lot of money but I've seen the figures go up and down, some days I earned 20% some days I lose 20% all within a month or two, it's interesting to know what affects stock prices. I've also got my friend to thank for introducing me to stocks. After I started, I naturally went to read up more. This was something I couldn't imagine myself doing just months before. Maybe now that I'm working in real estate, and designing for data displays reading, checking out these information seem slightly more relevant. Another reason that triggered this was just me wondering what other ways can I diversify my income so I don't have to stick to a job. So I'll give this a shot.  

Hobby wise, I've started painting on a new medium – Gouache! It's a rough medium to master given how sticky the paints are compared to watercolour. But I quite like the effects it gives on the painted. It looks way more pigmented than watercolour!  

I might have changed the most this year, dabbling in all these new areas that I didn't think I would have done. Some habits as well, (I think that my new work attributed) one big one was I used to eat my dinners watching shows on Netflix, but nowadays after work I actually find myself preferring to eat at the kitchen away from my big computer screens. This wasn't something I would have done previously! I was just feeling too tired being glued to the screen working from home all day. I'm also preferring to watch documentaries or short real life knowledge infoseries kind of shows. 

Last year I talked about increasing my chances of serendipity but I don't think I've done much given the restrictions. I hope to try more new things the rest of this year and I can't wait to head out again! 

Thirty-two

Pre COVID, I was someone who enjoys being outdoors, meeting up with my friends, exploring areas of Singapore I haven't been to before. Being with the presence of my friends energises me. Novelty excites me. I was someone who couldn't stand being indoors for more than 2 days because I always thought it's boring at home.

Post COVID, I'm thankful to have my job and am able to continue work as life was as before though we're all working from home now. Contrary to what I feel previously about staying at home all day, I actually enjoy it. I picked up a number of new hobbies that I probably wouldn't have started if I wasn't spending so much time at home.

• I bought an ipad, along with apple pencil and began my digital illustration journey.
• I exercise regularly with Ring-fit Adventure now
• I picked up playing the piano
• I bought a toaster oven and can cook some meals with it. (Probably not a big deal to people cos everyone I know can cook something)

There, plenty of things I can do at home now to have a fulfilling day. It's safe, cozy, don't have to spend time choosing nice clothes to wear, put on make up, or mind what other people think about you etc. It's a new found kind of freedom! (Again probably not new to introverts who enjoy lazing at home already)

One of my new favourite activities these days's watching my favourite Youtube channels with with/without my brother. Particularly this piano one called LOL笑哈哈 that plays all my favourite final fantasy and anime tunes on the piano. The more I watched the more I thought: this is the most wonderful piano pieces I've ever heard. So cool. I want to play like this too. Hence I started on my piano journey. Never in my life has it even cross my mind I'd wana try learning piano, seeing my half-baked interest in my erhu. Nor seeing how my brother actually wants to learn something new that is not gaming. This was really unexpected.

So my routine on weekends go around like this, I wake up, watch some shows, go back to nap again. Switch on the keyboard to practise playing something, go to my room and maybe do something with my ipad, more random surfing. These days when I'm bored I'll just switch on the keyboard and start practising with my ipad. It's definitely a long journey before I can hit my first goal, which is to play Zanarkand. 2 months ago I had a goal to illustrate a picnic scene on my ipad too, but much procrastination has postponed it indefinitely. We'll see how this goes.

---

Other things I've been thinking about:

Ways I can increase my chances of serendipity.
I was watching this video by Ali Abdaal and got inspired by his reason to move to the US. It wasn't the money, it wasn't because being London wasn't good. He was just interested to increase his surface area of serendipity – More different random nice things that can happen spontaneously when you're in a different place, or doing something new. A sense of adventure.

Well, not meaning that I'd like to work or live overseas in my case but wondering if there are other ways I can do that. I think I have already unconsciously been doing – like with volunteering, hosting sketch events and joining sketch groups. These communities have definitely broaden my exposure to things and got connected with more people whom I otherwise won't be exposed to. But thus far but I haven't been doing more. So yeah, something to think about the rest of this year.

Thirty one

I have always wanted to get a &Premium magazine and read at a chic cafe with a nice scenery. 😂. Now I can do that.  一人の時間は、大切です。



Alright, I'm going to be 31 real soon. To be honest, I am scared of turning old. Will opportunities be lesser? More physical suffering? (I'm starting to get neck and shoulder pains) Less chance of getting hitched? Though it has only been half a year into 2019, I think i've done a number of things.

- I tried snorkeling - turns out to be really fun and therapeutic. I could barely swim or move myself when I landed into the water at first. Seeing how small I was and the ground so deep down below me was overwhelming and scary. But eventually I got round to it and find it chill to just stare at the moving fishies and corals floating below me.

- I started a sketching initiative at a non-profit community. That was a push out of my boundaries. I even held a workshop! I never thought I'd go this far in getting people to know this place. I was really stressed during my first sketchwalk. But I'm glad with the support of my friends, the event went well and I'd be continuing to do this for the rest of the year. Oh boy. Sometimes I still can't believe I'm doing this.

- I took JLPT N2! Though I don't know if I made it yet, I think taking the exam itself was quite a feat already, considering I was also starting a watercolour workshop around the same time. Towards the exam date I got really stress. But I'm glad I went through the exam! Even with little sleep then.

- Gradually enjoying time spent by myself. Today I alighted at a stop early from the train station to take my bus home. I thought to myself why not just take the bus from this station. It's nice to see a different scenery. I even purposely missed a bus to wait for a double decker to show up. I then popped in my earphones to listen to my favourite mood songs. I enjoyed these moments.

- Toy story 4. This is the funniest toy story I've ever watched so far. It made me close to shedding a tear and that's something. I feel Woody and what he went through.

Despite getting older and leading a more meaningful life than ever before, it doesn't make me feel more relaxed or chill. I still worry incessantly, fear for my life, get paranoid about not getting enough sleep etc. Kiasi about this recent neck pain I had for 2 weeks, I went to seek treatment twice. Sometimes thinking it unbearable and feeling frustrated. I wonder what's the trick to being so nonchalant or chill about pain and sufferings. Or just keeping my cool even though things aren't going well. So if there's anything I want to improve this year, it's to learn how to relax and keeping calm and cool in the face of my fears and worrying. Or even better, to always seek a positive side to bad situations.

It's not about being unafraid. It's about being afraid and doing it anyway.

辛いよ。人生

I came across this quote by Kimura Takuya san while watching a random clip on youtube.

辛くない人なんていないよ。絶対。
不辛苦的人不存在吧。绝对。
There is no one in the world that doesn't suffer definitely.

天気が暑くなって、眠れない。辛い。
仕事で問題は複雑すぎて、解くかどうか、自信はない。辛い。
風邪を引いちゃう、喉が痛くて、辛い。
日本語はあまり使わない、上手になれない。辛い。

一日にいっぱい辛い事があるんよね。その「辛くない人なんていないよ。」と聞いた時、あ、自分の辛いさは小さい過ぎないだろう。


When it gets too hot and I can't fall asleep. 辛い。
When the problem gets too complicated and I'm not sure if I can solve it. 辛い。
When I caught a flu and my throat hurts. 辛い。
When I can't seem to understand what I'm studying. 辛い。

There can be so many things to feel painful about in a day. When I heard this quote, I wondered if the things I feel bitter about seems too trivial to be worth bothered by. Everyone has probably experienced this sort of day I thought. I felt better.

That's all for 2018

It’s time for a post to review the year again. It’s a hot and humid night with the fan blowing at me, my mind undecided in my financial planning, multitasking my hobbies and some side freelance projects.  Here's what I think are highlights for me this year: 

1. I attended a sketch symposium on my own, albeit meeting some friends along the way. It’s a small new milestone to mark? I slept in a hostel on my own, and boarded the plane alone for the first time if that’s something to celebrate. I also drew most in this trip ever! Tried to make it a point to do a quick piece everyday if I can. I had a pleasant stay on Alishan sipping tea despite having not much concrete plans what to do. I panicked a little actually, but glad that worked out.

2. I held my first drawing workshop and had my first mini sketch exhibition in Kluang! I went not knowing much people except for 1 sketcher. So I’m glad I got to make new friends and got closer with new people towards the end. The trip also forced me to improve my drawing skills as I practised drawing on bigger sheets of papers, I found them ain’t as intimidating as I thought large sheets would be. Thanks to the sketching trips, my drawings improved too. 

3. Adapting to my new job. I was glad my skills in my previous jobs were useful experience to help me adapt to my current job. I had numerous highs and lows in my work here. Frustration, excitement, joy, inefficiency, but to sum it up, I do like what I do here and I like the people here too.

Bonus question: What are the top 3 things that surprised you in design 

1. It's universal. I could apply my design theories and foundation in designing software. 

2. The hard part isn't coming up with a creative solution, but understanding the product limitations, engineering efforts and consequences of each actionables on the interface
and solving business problems / user painpoints with the understanding in mind. 

3. I spend more time convincing stakeholders of my design decisions than working on the design itself sometimes

4. I took off my braces earlier this year in March! When I looked at the mirror for the first time with my pearls back, I felt that I couldn't recognise myself. I even missed my old teeth because I thought I didn't look like myself anymore, like a part of my youth was gone with the imperfections. I guess it's a physical milestone of coming of age now that I'm 30. Fast forward to present, I'm definitely used to my straight teeth now!

---

I made a number of new friends this year, through my transition in adopting a product design career, some new friends from sketching. With my regular routine of work, urban sketching and my Japanese class, in a blink of an eye, it's another year! It might be the fastest passed year I've felt? This year was a stable year I guess.

I've had lows too like conflict with my bro earlier in the year, times when I doubt myself for being too dependent, times when my indecision and lack of knowledge paralyses me, times where I thought I should be a nicer person, times when I ought to say no, times where I wish I know what to do in spontaneous situations. Life past 30 doesn't feel too different. There's still much learning and growing to do.

With that, I'd end this post with a resolution to the future that I'd be a better person in 2019, with a soul braver, kinder and firmer. May 2019 be better! Cheers!

Being a Hakka

I learnt more about my family, my parents and my grandparents a lot more just by sitting around at my grandma's wake the past few days. As there wasn't much to do, I started chatting with my parents. I started asking questions about their days at the kampung, how they lived in attap houses. I asked about where my grandma came from. I asked how hard their days were when they were younger. I asked how my deceased grandparents were like. How did my grandparents lived when they moved to Singapore. Why did they come here. Eventually I got curious about my lineage being a hakka, questioning where exactly did the Hakkas come from and what kind of lives did they lead.

Hakka means 客人. The Hakka people were migrants who ran from social unrest in the North to the South to seek better lives. A quick google on the internet revealed that a hakka woman is characterised as being tough, resilient and forward. Unlike women from other parts of China, the Hakka women didn't bind their feet as they need to work too. An early form of feminist. Having knowledge of this heritage made me feel proud of being Hakka.

There's much history and stories to hear! It's one thing learning from history textbooks what our ancestors did and how they led their lives. But hearing a more intimate rough history from my parents about my grandparents and their younger days made me feel extremely blessed to be living in this era. That we don't have to go through what they did. Knowing how rough life was for my parents, I feel bad too. I ought to be kinder and treat them better. If there's anything to learn from being in funerals, it's to remember to 饮水思源。

Thirty

I guess leading up to this milestone at thirty, I've thought about how epic this post ought to be. Being able to sum up the kind of 20s i've been leading for this past 10 years as a young adult must be some kind of a long dramatic story. But here I am sitting here in front of my com and messy table of loose sheets of paper and books, I suppose life didn't magically snap into rainbows and unicorns at this point. But I'm still happy at where I am!

I might be happiest where I am now in terms of career and may be the best version of myself thus far. So with that I think I do deserve a clap for getting here like this! Yay.

(30 and doing awkward jump shots but I don't care)

I spent my birthday at work where I got a strawberry cheese cake and my wonderful colleagues singing happy birthday to me. It was nice. I also had a great adventure cycling at Coney island. Getting a new awesome watercolour pad for my painting endeavours. Life's pretty decent at this point, despite not being married, attached and all.

The past 10 years, I've had plenty of downs and ups in my life that helped shaped me the kind of person I am now. I hope moving forward I'd be a better version of myself as I grow older. @fumblies asked what's my wildest dream. Perhaps being able to experience work in different countries? Be self-sufficient, independent and adaptive. Meet plenty of new people from different cultures and countries and make new friends etc. I'm not too sure what the next ten years will entail. But here at the starting point of yet another milestone in life, I want to onward with peace, curiosity and that no matter what ordeal to come, things will be okay. For every state is temporal.

Melody towards tomorrow

I'll be starting at my new workplace tomorrow! New place, new people, new field. To be honest, I don't really feel anything different than normal days so to speak. 还是一贯平常心。Perhaps just a little sad I'd be parting with my current favourite software Adobe InDesign. On the bright side, it's a blessing I'll be working near my friends and be learning new things!

Since I rarely have the day to myself on a weekday like this, perhaps I should wound up my thoughts about my graphic design career first?

I remembered I aspired to be a magazine designer at some point of my university days - designing fancy layouts that featured my idols. With that thought rooted in mind, I became a publication designer. I designed books, corporate books, reports, newsletters and corporate magazines. Although a seeming boring subject to design for, I had fun and of course the hair-pulling moments. I liked what I was doing.

To quit what I was doing to move onto a different field wasn't an easy feat. What more I enjoyed my job and workplace. However I was somewhat at the peak of my career and I was getting too comfortable. There wasn't much left for me to learn and I couldn't see a future doing the same thing for the next 5 years. It took 4 months for the thought to leave to seriously kick in and start learning the new skillsets I'd have to equip. Another four to take action and look for the right job fit. 

Through this journey, I couldn’t bear to leave many times. Some opportunities came by and I’d go through a struggle wondering if it’s something I want to do. Then I thought maybe they weren't the right ones when I don't feel excited about it. Then there were days I'd look back and think why the hell did I let such an opportunity just slip me by. Just what was I looking for? Alas I managed to find something I feel good for. Location and people wise, it seemed a warm place to work at. My gut finally feels good about my next stint hence it made leaving easier. Oh wait guess what my new boss just reminder emailed me that he’s looking forward to see me tomorrow. That was nice. So here I am waiting for my new day to start! I have this song playing in my mind now as I finish this last sentence metaphorically envisioning the dawn breaking from the last scene in the cardcaptor sakura movie.. ^^"

Moving on from 2017..

2017 was a year of change for me. 

Changes in relationships, career and forward state of mind perhaps. It wasn’t an easy year although I had a slight expectation that according to Chinese horoscopes, this would be a good year. Alas just thinking that alone wouldn’t make good things just drop from the sky. I had to overcome plenty of emotional stress to move forward. 

1. The most major change was my decision to set foot in digital product design some time during April, over a casual lunch conversation with a colleague. Something I wouldn’t have the slightest thought to venture into if not for current circumstances in my graphic design career and my close friends’ influences. It took months and it was tough letting go of my current portfolio where my pride in publication design resides. But looking back, I’m glad I made the effort to learn as quickly as possible in this new field and eventually found a job in this area. During this transition, I pushed myself to join hackathons, full day workshops, talks, online courses and met new people who helped me in different ways to make my portfolio possible. I’m really glad for the opportunities that I’ve been given and those that I missed on this journey. Each missed one taught me to fight harder for the next one. 

2. I made new friends, reconnected with old friends and lost friends who were close. It never occured to me they’d be gone from my life just last year. I mourned and did what I thought best regardless. I’m grateful to the ones who are still around, and happy to have met new friends too. 

3. I dated seriously for three months. 

4. I travelled out of the country three times this year. Two of which were new parts of Malaysia I’ve never been to. The third, although my fourth time to Japan, there were plenty of firsts! I slept in a capsule hostels for the first time to challenge my comfort boundaries. To my surprise I actually enjoyed the experience although I had limited space. I also probably broke a personal record on the number of museums we visited - a good 4-5 different museums! Really enjoyed them.  

5. I plucked up the courage and removed the last two of my wisdom teeth. To my surprise, it was painless from the operation to post operation. I didn’t even take any painkillers! I was even worried why I didn’t feel any pain after the pre-op painkillers wore off. 

Having went through all of that, I learnt that taking responsibility for everything you do and say is important. It helps to make things happen and people take you more seriously. Also being kind could be more important than being right at times. 

My resolution for next year would be to keep doing the things that make me uncomfortable but would make me like myself better for doing it. So far I think this mantra has helped me pushed through difficult decisions. I’d also like to get better at exits and overcome my indecisiveness a little faster with less emotional attachment. May 2018 be good! 

暂停

如果人生能有个pause按钮，现在就想按一下。
享受这雨后凉凉的周五晚。
什么都不做。
什么抉择都不选。
什么工都不干。
努力也能暂停。
成功靠边站。
青春不流失。
夜空最美。

Doing the right thing is easy but doing the kind thing is hard.

Doing the right thing is easy but doing the kind thing is hard.
做正确的事很简单，但要做体贴的事很难

The thing that draws me to Japanese drama is how they handle emotions and embracing the realism of how life is as it is. There’s a lesson in every good japanese drama. In this one, the lesson here is being kind is harder than being right.

Koisaka Miyamoto is a human drama about a middle age couple. After their only son moved out, Miyamoto Yohei and his wife Miyoko begin a new phase in life. Little did Yohei knows what his wife was thinking when he stumbles upon a divorce application form stashed away in one of his books. That’s the premise how this movie started.

There was this scene that moved me. A teen, Don was struggling deep down whether to visit his Mom at the hospital. Don’s Mom had an accident with her lover from an affair. It was hard to forgive her but she’s his Mom after all. Yohei suggested to cook a bento for his mom to convey his feelings for his Mom to get well soon. His grandmother discovered them cooking, got angry and questioned, why should we forgive this woman for betraying her family? Did I say anything wrong?

ただしと思います。けど。。。優しくない。
No you’re right but, it’s not kind. 

“Maybe this is not a right thing to do, but don’t you think this is a kind thing to do? Doing the right thing is important but don’t you think doing the kind thing is even more important? Small kindness begets larger kindness.“ Yohei explained.

There, the secret to long lasting relationships revealed - kindness. Can I accept what is good and more importantly, be kind towards the bad that comes together too? I thought about my own relationships and wondered. I want to.

Twenty Nine

In a flash, I'm here in my last year of my twenties. It has been an eventful 28th year. I experienced love at first sight. I truly fell in love and out. I lost a friend whom I held dear. I travelled to Japan with a close friend whom I've yet to travel with, stepped out of my comfort zone and tried sleeping in a hostel and capsule hotels. It was a dramatic 28th and I learnt many many things.

It is with such experience that I truly appreciate the people who has stayed with me in my life. My friends and the people I've met, through ups and downs made me a more mature and grown up person. I'm really grateful for my friends who have listened and supported me through hard times and good times. I am blessed after all. Thank you universe for letting me meet these people. Thank you my friends.

I spent my birthday attending my regular Japanese class in the morning. Then I had an impromptu lunch with a dear old friend who gave me Haruki Murakami's latest book and thoughtfully bought the japanese version too so I can read side by side and learn from it. I had a good lunch at Real Food in which I ordered a simple mushroom Aglio Olio. It was simple and good. Then I came home and spent the rest of the day packing the house in view of renovations to come. This was it. My first day as a 29 year old spent.

Life is good.
When one door is closed, another opens.
I look forward to experience what more life has to bring. :)

花没画

眼看着即快枯萎的花，原本想乘枯萎前好好画幅画好保存。
想着应没那么快枯，明儿再画也不迟。
怎知第二天，我爸竟把花给丢了。
说花已经烂了。再不丢就要生蚊子了。

Life goes on.

Hello 2017

Can’t believe it’s 2017 already. How can 2016 pass this fast? I don’t think I’ve done much but stayed consistent in pursuing the things I seek to get better at, like at work, drawing and continuing my japanese language study. My resolution for 2016 was to do more things that I’d like myself better for even if I lack the courage to or dread it. I think it’s a really good resolution that I should keep at the back of my head to whenever I lack the spring the jet myself forward. So let me recap the best things that I did this year!

1. One Jan morning I woke up wanting to sing but couldn’t find anyone to sing Japanese songs with. To challenge myself I went karaoke with strangers from an public japanese interest meet up group. I went on to sing from 2-8pm? Longest hours I’ve ever sang and with people I don’t know. That only shows one thing, I really like to sing lol. 

2. This year I didn’t go to Japan like I would but instead I went to 2 new countries I’ve not been to and they are; Bangkok in Thailand and Yogyakarta in Indonesia. In Bangkok I attended a watercolour class with a Thai artist. Though we had some language barriers in communicating I learnt some new techniques that I hope I still remember. In Yogyakarta I finally completed my 2 bucket wishes to visit Borobudur and Prambanan. I even did sketches there! Probably did the most sketches this trip. 

3. Braces! It wasn’t something I thought I would do in the past but thinking that I would likely regret not taking up the chance to fix my protruding lower jaw, I plucked up the courage and decided to go for it. I was really ecstatic the first three months to see the results so fast. In 3 months, the braces fixed my underbite and it really wasn’t as painful as I was expected! My smile looks wider now 5 months in. 

4. New initiatives. This year I tried a handful of new things- I entered a hearthstone game tournament though I didn’t win anything. It was an interesting experience. I also tried podcasting with my friend fumblies for a few months. It was hard keeping it up and finding new insights to talk about a topic. I was finding it hard to be a good speaker without pausing to umms and finding it hard to connect my thoughts in proper sentences.

Last but not least though this is not relevant, my favourite boyband SMAP has disbanded this year. I started becoming a fan when I watched Kimura Takuya in Hero one fine day in 2007 and from Kimura, I found out there was SMAP. Gradually as I watched their shows I’ve come to like all the members and their dynamism as a group. To calculate I’ve only been a fan for a short 9 years! Before this fan paragraph gets too long. (all that deserves another lengthy post on its own) I’d like to thank SMAP for existing in these 9 great years of my life. Watching you guys on SMAPxSMAP has always cheered me up whenever I feel low. You guys gave me so much positive energy and I got to learn so much about Japan and singers from your show. Arigatou Gozaimasu. 

Generally I think my 2016 has been a happy one. Perhaps one of my happiest since I graduated from university. There isn’t much stress at work and I have a lot of freedom and free time to do my own things. With that it is easy to take things for granted and get lazy. But I’ve got to think ahead and make use of my final few years of my 20s to learn, be exposed to and achieve more things. That’s what I want in 2017. I’ve also thought a lot about what to put as my resolution for 2017 and I’ve a few on my list. But in summary I only have this advice to myself: be open to change, especially new things and make things happen, don’t just think about it. 

The mandatory reflection post of the year

Being the "reflection pusher" fumblies said that I am and because of my records of year end reflections since I started blogging. Here's it, my mandatory reflection post of 2015:

I've finally left my dreaded workplace and am in a place with greater freedom to create and have ample time for myself. There are some down sides but I think I'm happier than before! I have much more time to create and watch more dramas. Without feeling so tired all the time, I had more energy to pursue my hobbies. I picked up Japanese where I left off. I pursued my drawing hobby and went on more sketchwalks and sketched more on my free time. I'm glad to say I've improved tremendously this year and indirectly it helped me in my job too. I understand perspectives and composition a lot better now.

I also went to japan and experienced some hints of autumn for the first time. Gotta say it’s my favourite season to visit! I took 40% less pictures than I took the last time. 600 instead of a 1000. That’s an improvement ain’t it? I always take so much photos and they take up so much of my disk space when other than posting them on fb, they do nothing much..

These are pretty much it for the best highlights of my year.  In 2016, I want to be doing more things that I’d like myself better for. So whenever I find myself dreading to do something / lacking the courage to do something, I will just think to myself, will I be more proud of myself if I did it? I think it’s a good way to persuade myself to try more new things out of my comfort zone. 

For a better 2016!

twenty seven

What does being twenty seven mean?
That I ought to be more independent, self reliable and dependable. The past year I've been through quite a number of things. I finally quit my first job and joined a company with a better environment that has a great work life balance. With that I picked up Japanese and my drawing hobby and has been continuing so for the past few months.

What I feel lacking for being twenty seven's my lack of life experience, day to day skills, and my knowledge of the world seems to be limited to only what I'm interested in. It seems crucial for an adult to be more aware of what is happening around you, money matters, world affairs - basic know-how, life-skills like how to cut a mango, how to fry an egg, why it's important to keep my brushes dry, how long can you store meat in the fridge, how to cut tofu, the best way to mop a floor, what's happening in other countries... It's embarrassing to say that all these things are only what I came across recently and felt I'm inadequate in.

I guess that's what I'll be working on this year and continuing to push my own boundaries to try new things and be a better Huiling.

Advice from a bona fide bummer

The reflective time of the year

Every end December calls for a reflection of the year with new visions and goals for the next year. The best things that happened this year are these:

1. My visit to Helmut Schmid in Osaka. Took me some courage to email Schmid that I'd like to visit. It was a fulfilling trip to spend an afternoon having lunch together and visiting his studio.

2. A new stamp carving skill I picked up with some practice and researching.

3. I read 17 books this year. (Got an email from Goodreads telling me so.)I think I've never read so much fiction since my secondary school days. Maybe I should do a book review of my reads this year. My last book for the year was George Orwell's 1984. A deeply disturbing book that I hardly comprehend of the dystopian society that Orwell has created. My favourite read this year was unexpectedly a book that I didn't think I would like so much- "The Lord of the Flies". An old classic that I thought I learnt some points about power, truths and fear.

4. Best movies I watched this year are Gravity and Frozen.

It's been more than a year since I started working and life has been pretty much a routine. Time flies too being in that routine. I guess if there's something I can wish to have, it's to have more time, it's to be more feeling and sensuous, it's to have more vitality and drive. I think I've lost quite a lot of these in the mundane. I was just watching the story of stuff again to remind myself that there are other things I can do during my leisure time than consumption.

My 2013 resolution was to make new friends and I think I did made 2 new friends. So that's a small accomplishment. *gives a small pat on my shoulder* 2013 was pretty much a year of struggle to find the kind of life that I want and getting used to the amount of freedom I have lost since I got my day job. I had new found fears. I also have more responsibilities and decisions to make. I also learnt new perspectives and accepted my routine. Somehow there's always this unsatisfying feeling that's sitting inside of me. Is it a desire to want to make things that I haven't been making? Or a distaste at the kind of desk job bounded life I've been leading, I'm not sure.

A while ago, I met up with some friends whom I haven't met in years and they were telling me how can I be so active despite being so busy with my day job. I could still afford time to pick up my erhu to make it for concert and I even have a small hobby running that I've been even commissioned sometimes to custom make a stamp. I didn't think these were any big deals worth mentioning but being told by someone else that they are made my day. So I AM doing something about my life other than consuming (though I'm not convinced sometimes).

Okay that being said I think my resolution for 2014 would be: Follow my instincts/bliss and to accomplish at least one thing that is out of my comfort zone. May the new year be better than the last!

List of things that made 2012 special I

Most amazing thing that ever happened to me this year: I inspired my idol to publish a book about our workshop last year. 

Funniest thing I heard from my friend Voon this year that had me laughing for 5 minutes.

2012; so amusing.