Alright, I'm going to be 31 real soon. To be honest, I am scared of turning old. Will opportunities be lesser? More physical suffering? (I'm starting to get neck and shoulder pains) Less chance of getting hitched? Though it has only been half a year into 2019, I think i've done a number of things.
- I tried snorkeling - turns out to be really fun and therapeutic. I could barely swim or move myself when I landed into the water at first. Seeing how small I was and the ground so deep down below me was overwhelming and scary. But eventually I got round to it and find it chill to just stare at the moving fishies and corals floating below me.
- I started a sketching initiative at a non-profit community. That was a push out of my boundaries. I even held a workshop! I never thought I'd go this far in getting people to know this place. I was really stressed during my first sketchwalk. But I'm glad with the support of my friends, the event went well and I'd be continuing to do this for the rest of the year. Oh boy. Sometimes I still can't believe I'm doing this.
- I took JLPT N2! Though I don't know if I made it yet, I think taking the exam itself was quite a feat already, considering I was also starting a watercolour workshop around the same time. Towards the exam date I got really stress. But I'm glad I went through the exam! Even with little sleep then.
- Gradually enjoying time spent by myself. Today I alighted at a stop early from the train station to take my bus home. I thought to myself why not just take the bus from this station. It's nice to see a different scenery. I even purposely missed a bus to wait for a double decker to show up. I then popped in my earphones to listen to my favourite mood songs. I enjoyed these moments.
- Toy story 4. This is the funniest toy story I've ever watched so far. It made me close to shedding a tear and that's something. I feel Woody and what he went through.
Despite getting older and leading a more meaningful life than ever before, it doesn't make me feel more relaxed or chill. I still worry incessantly, fear for my life, get paranoid about not getting enough sleep etc. Kiasi about this recent neck pain I had for 2 weeks, I went to seek treatment twice. Sometimes thinking it unbearable and feeling frustrated. I wonder what's the trick to being so nonchalant or chill about pain and sufferings. Or just keeping my cool even though things aren't going well. So if there's anything I want to improve this year, it's to learn how to relax and keeping calm and cool in the face of my fears and worrying. Or even better, to always seek a positive side to bad situations.
It's not about being unafraid. It's about being afraid and doing it anyway.