That's all for 2018

It’s time for a post to review the year again. It’s a hot and humid night with the fan blowing at me, my mind undecided in my financial planning, multitasking my hobbies and some side freelance projects.  Here's what I think are highlights for me this year: 

1. I attended a sketch symposium on my own, albeit meeting some friends along the way. It’s a small new milestone to mark? I slept in a hostel on my own, and boarded the plane alone for the first time if that’s something to celebrate. I also drew most in this trip ever! Tried to make it a point to do a quick piece everyday if I can. I had a pleasant stay on Alishan sipping tea despite having not much concrete plans what to do. I panicked a little actually, but glad that worked out.

2. I held my first drawing workshop and had my first mini sketch exhibition in Kluang! I went not knowing much people except for 1 sketcher. So I’m glad I got to make new friends and got closer with new people towards the end. The trip also forced me to improve my drawing skills as I practised drawing on bigger sheets of papers, I found them ain’t as intimidating as I thought large sheets would be. Thanks to the sketching trips, my drawings improved too. 

3. Adapting to my new job. I was glad my skills in my previous jobs were useful experience to help me adapt to my current job. I had numerous highs and lows in my work here. Frustration, excitement, joy, inefficiency, but to sum it up, I do like what I do here and I like the people here too.

Bonus question: What are the top 3 things that surprised you in design 

1. It's universal. I could apply my design theories and foundation in designing software. 

2. The hard part isn't coming up with a creative solution, but understanding the product limitations, engineering efforts and consequences of each actionables on the interface
and solving business problems / user painpoints with the understanding in mind. 

3. I spend more time convincing stakeholders of my design decisions than working on the design itself sometimes

4. I took off my braces earlier this year in March! When I looked at the mirror for the first time with my pearls back, I felt that I couldn't recognise myself. I even missed my old teeth because I thought I didn't look like myself anymore, like a part of my youth was gone with the imperfections. I guess it's a physical milestone of coming of age now that I'm 30. Fast forward to present, I'm definitely used to my straight teeth now!

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I made a number of new friends this year, through my transition in adopting a product design career, some new friends from sketching. With my regular routine of work, urban sketching and my Japanese class, in a blink of an eye, it's another year! It might be the fastest passed year I've felt? This year was a stable year I guess.

I've had lows too like conflict with my bro earlier in the year, times when I doubt myself for being too dependent, times when my indecision and lack of knowledge paralyses me, times where I thought I should be a nicer person, times when I ought to say no, times where I wish I know what to do in spontaneous situations. Life past 30 doesn't feel too different. There's still much learning and growing to do.

With that, I'd end this post with a resolution to the future that I'd be a better person in 2019, with a soul braver, kinder and firmer. May 2019 be better! Cheers!

Being a Hakka

I learnt more about my family, my parents and my grandparents a lot more just by sitting around at my grandma's wake the past few days. As there wasn't much to do, I started chatting with my parents. I started asking questions about their days at the kampung, how they lived in attap houses. I asked about where my grandma came from. I asked how hard their days were when they were younger. I asked how my deceased grandparents were like. How did my grandparents lived when they moved to Singapore. Why did they come here. Eventually I got curious about my lineage being a hakka, questioning where exactly did the Hakkas come from and what kind of lives did they lead.

Hakka means 客人. The Hakka people were migrants who ran from social unrest in the North to the South to seek better lives. A quick google on the internet revealed that a hakka woman is characterised as being tough, resilient and forward. Unlike women from other parts of China, the Hakka women didn't bind their feet as they need to work too. An early form of feminist. Having knowledge of this heritage made me feel proud of being Hakka.

There's much history and stories to hear! It's one thing learning from history textbooks what our ancestors did and how they led their lives. But hearing a more intimate rough history from my parents about my grandparents and their younger days made me feel extremely blessed to be living in this era. That we don't have to go through what they did. Knowing how rough life was for my parents, I feel bad too. I ought to be kinder and treat them better. If there's anything to learn from being in funerals, it's to remember to 饮水思源。

Thirty

I guess leading up to this milestone at thirty, I've thought about how epic this post ought to be. Being able to sum up the kind of 20s i've been leading for this past 10 years as a young adult must be some kind of a long dramatic story. But here I am sitting here in front of my com and messy table of loose sheets of paper and books, I suppose life didn't magically snap into rainbows and unicorns at this point. But I'm still happy at where I am!

I might be happiest where I am now in terms of career and may be the best version of myself thus far. So with that I think I do deserve a clap for getting here like this! Yay.

(30 and doing awkward jump shots but I don't care)

I spent my birthday at work where I got a strawberry cheese cake and my wonderful colleagues singing happy birthday to me. It was nice. I also had a great adventure cycling at Coney island. Getting a new awesome watercolour pad for my painting endeavours. Life's pretty decent at this point, despite not being married, attached and all.

The past 10 years, I've had plenty of downs and ups in my life that helped shaped me the kind of person I am now. I hope moving forward I'd be a better version of myself as I grow older. @fumblies asked what's my wildest dream. Perhaps being able to experience work in different countries? Be self-sufficient, independent and adaptive. Meet plenty of new people from different cultures and countries and make new friends etc. I'm not too sure what the next ten years will entail. But here at the starting point of yet another milestone in life, I want to onward with peace, curiosity and that no matter what ordeal to come, things will be okay. For every state is temporal.

An Ideal Day

In a conversation with @fumblies, it has come to an alarming revelation that in my >ten years of reflection blogging I've yet made a post on a fairly simple theme - what an ideal day would be like for me. So here I am, imagining what a great day experience would be like in my world.

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It's morning. I wake up at 630am and went over to my window. The window is fogged with morning dew and I'm greeted with a gaussian blur of a view of a beautiful town outside. I decide to snug back into my white futon and play with my phone a little longer.

I got up and pulled back the balcony door and was greeted by a gush of fresh cold air. The view is a scenic landscape of misty mountains in green and a dash of red hinting autumn's arrival. I heaved a sigh of contentment with the sight I've just seen, then close my eyes, taking a deep breath as though taking the view with me.

Breakfast is a light hearted bowl of japanese rice, grilled fish, miso soup and natto with ladyfingers, accompanied with a spontaneous dish of scrambled eggs done just right.

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I head out to the streets, greeting obasans and ojisans good morning along the way. I sat at a bus stop and continued where I left off from a nice book. After 15mins, my bus came and I hopped on, marvelling at the sights along the way. I got off my stop and came to visit a majestic cultural structure in the midst of nature. I decide to do a sketch of the scene.

While sketching, some friendly strangers came to sit with me. One eating his sandwich and popping their heads over from time to time to see how my sketch has progressed. Sometimes I meet a nice elderly couple telling me their travel stories.

I finished my sketch satisfied and made some new friends.

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It's late afternoon. I meet a friend to catch up and visit a small town of rustic feel. It had some nice cafes. We went into one. The cafe was empty so we managed to chat with the owner. He then shared with us his vinyl records and it turns out he has records of my favourite artiste! I then had the most wonderful music experience of my favourite songs playing in a nice cafe, while sipping ice cream. He then recommended me more tunes and stories from my favourite genre and artistes.

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It's evening. The day went on with my friend, chatting about our lives and everything under the sun. We saw a huge tower in the distance, and spontaneously decide to go on an adventure walking towards it. We then had a nice dinner in an underrated place in an alley near the tower.

The day ended with me feeling tired but fulfilled. Snugged in my clean and warm futon, I fell asleep smiling.

What is this burning frustration

I've been feeling upset and frustrated for a few days now and I can't quite figure out what's wrong.
Looming 30?

Previously I was upset at being micro managed. I was upset things at work weren't communicated properly. Now I'm upset at myself for not being independent enough to think about working abroad. Is it a mindset I have to change? I want to be free.

I've been thinking about who am I without my designer skin. Being a designer is an identity and pride that I hold so close to. Without being the designer I want to be, what am I? Is my frustration a loss of identity that got chipped away as I change my job?

Melody towards tomorrow

I'll be starting at my new workplace tomorrow! New place, new people, new field. To be honest, I don't really feel anything different than normal days so to speak. 还是一贯平常心。Perhaps just a little sad I'd be parting with my current favourite software Adobe InDesign. On the bright side, it's a blessing I'll be working near my friends and be learning new things!

Since I rarely have the day to myself on a weekday like this, perhaps I should wound up my thoughts about my graphic design career first?

I remembered I aspired to be a magazine designer at some point of my university days - designing fancy layouts that featured my idols. With that thought rooted in mind, I became a publication designer. I designed books, corporate books, reports, newsletters and corporate magazines. Although a seeming boring subject to design for, I had fun and of course the hair-pulling moments. I liked what I was doing.

To quit what I was doing to move onto a different field wasn't an easy feat. What more I enjoyed my job and workplace. However I was somewhat at the peak of my career and I was getting too comfortable. There wasn't much left for me to learn and I couldn't see a future doing the same thing for the next 5 years. It took 4 months for the thought to leave to seriously kick in and start learning the new skillsets I'd have to equip. Another four to take action and look for the right job fit. 

Through this journey, I couldn’t bear to leave many times. Some opportunities came by and I’d go through a struggle wondering if it’s something I want to do. Then I thought maybe they weren't the right ones when I don't feel excited about it. Then there were days I'd look back and think why the hell did I let such an opportunity just slip me by. Just what was I looking for? Alas I managed to find something I feel good for. Location and people wise, it seemed a warm place to work at. My gut finally feels good about my next stint hence it made leaving easier. Oh wait guess what my new boss just reminder emailed me that he’s looking forward to see me tomorrow. That was nice. So here I am waiting for my new day to start! I have this song playing in my mind now as I finish this last sentence metaphorically envisioning the dawn breaking from the last scene in the cardcaptor sakura movie.. ^^"

Moving on from 2017..

2017 was a year of change for me. 

Changes in relationships, career and forward state of mind perhaps. It wasn’t an easy year although I had a slight expectation that according to Chinese horoscopes, this would be a good year. Alas just thinking that alone wouldn’t make good things just drop from the sky. I had to overcome plenty of emotional stress to move forward. 

1. The most major change was my decision to set foot in digital product design some time during April, over a casual lunch conversation with a colleague. Something I wouldn’t have the slightest thought to venture into if not for current circumstances in my graphic design career and my close friends’ influences. It took months and it was tough letting go of my current portfolio where my pride in publication design resides. But looking back, I’m glad I made the effort to learn as quickly as possible in this new field and eventually found a job in this area. During this transition, I pushed myself to join hackathons, full day workshops, talks, online courses and met new people who helped me in different ways to make my portfolio possible. I’m really glad for the opportunities that I’ve been given and those that I missed on this journey. Each missed one taught me to fight harder for the next one. 

2. I made new friends, reconnected with old friends and lost friends who were close. It never occured to me they’d be gone from my life just last year. I mourned and did what I thought best regardless. I’m grateful to the ones who are still around, and happy to have met new friends too. 

3. I dated seriously for three months. 

4. I travelled out of the country three times this year. Two of which were new parts of Malaysia I’ve never been to. The third, although my fourth time to Japan, there were plenty of firsts! I slept in a capsule hostels for the first time to challenge my comfort boundaries. To my surprise I actually enjoyed the experience although I had limited space. I also probably broke a personal record on the number of museums we visited - a good 4-5 different museums! Really enjoyed them.  

5. I plucked up the courage and removed the last two of my wisdom teeth. To my surprise, it was painless from the operation to post operation. I didn’t even take any painkillers! I was even worried why I didn’t feel any pain after the pre-op painkillers wore off. 

Having went through all of that, I learnt that taking responsibility for everything you do and say is important. It helps to make things happen and people take you more seriously. Also being kind could be more important than being right at times. 

My resolution for next year would be to keep doing the things that make me uncomfortable but would make me like myself better for doing it. So far I think this mantra has helped me pushed through difficult decisions. I’d also like to get better at exits and overcome my indecisiveness a little faster with less emotional attachment. May 2018 be good!