Sunday, February 22, 2009

Tonight as I put my children to bed, they asked me to tell them as story about when I was little. Instead of telling them stories about me, I told them about my recollections of my great-grandfather. The kids listened with rapt attention and asked me many questions about how my great-grandfather had lassoed a deer . I told them about having family reunions up in the mountains in southern Utah where he had lived. I told them about a latch hook rug that he had made for me when I was only slightly older than them. I still have that rug. It connects me to my past, and one day I expect I will pass it on to one of them. I think how meaningful these stories are to me and how they connect me to my heritage. They help me understand who I am and where I came from.

When I started attending graduate school, I was surprised when I opened the school newspaper to see that there were advertisements recruiting sperm donors. Though I knew this existed, I still found it disconcerting to see parenthood so blatantly commercialized. It is difficult for me to understand how a person can separate the notion of donating sperm/eggs and the idea of selling one's own children for profit. In a sense, the term donor is a misnomer since a donation is usually not associated with remuneration.

The companies and individuals that do the recruiting go to great lengths to avoid linking the notion of parenthood with the act of selling sperm. The ads for sperm "donors" emphasize how easy it is to make a few dollars and sometimes even throw in incentives like movie tickets. Adjectives like "fun" and "easy" are used. The transaction is further facilitated by emphasizing that you are helping infertile couples become parents. Care is taken not to refer to "donors" as parents, even though in a biological sense that is what they being paid to become. The only mention of the "donor's" role as a parent that I can recall seeing in their literature is a document that must be signed relinquishing all parental rights... But what of the child's rights?

The rights of the child are left out the discussion. When I think of the cultural and material heritage that I have from being connected to my biological family , I cannot understand how the donors and prospective clients can unilaterally deprive their children of similar knowledge of who they are. The United Nations affirms this as a right in the Convention on the Rights of the Children.

Article 7
1. The child shall be registered immediately after birth and shall have the right from birth to a name, the right to acquire a nationality and. as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents. [Bold Italics added]

...

Article 8

1. States Parties undertake to respect the right of the child to preserve his or her identity, including nationality, name and family relations as recognized by law without unlawful interference. [Bold Italics added]

http://www.unhchr.ch/html/menu3/b/k2crc.htm

Anonymous sperm donors deprive their children of not only the right to know their parents, but also their uncles, aunts, siblings, grandparents, great-grandparents etc. This is not trivial. I found an article called "In the Best Interests of Children?" which discusses the emotions that our first generation of donor-conceived children feel regarding their missing history. It is worth a read. (link)

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