A lot can change in a month

Has it really been a month? Wow. Ok. Well, you won't believe this.

I texted my Mom the day of THIS post. I just couldn't help myself. I told her that I was having a really rough time with my Dad and support for the situation and I would just really appreciate her giving me a call so we can chat and I can get her opinion on some things. Six hours later, I come out of Parker's bedroom from putting him down and Howard is on the phone with my Mom. She said she never got the text message, but it was weird that #1) She was calling...and so late and #2) She was talking to Howard.
Howard had filled her in on the things that I had told him what was going on (which wasn't all of it, because he is having trouble dealing with all of the issues) and by the time that I got on the phone with her all I got was a lecture and then a whole bunch of crap about how she has disowned her brother and is never talking to him again because apparently he doesn't approve of her life or relationship choices (she is apparently dating a contractor that used to/sometimes works for him). She also told me that the counselor she was seeing (about her bipolar, manic, grief, ect.) said that they no longer want to see her until she gets in a rehab type situation because mental health wise she is all over the place and her addition issues are out of control, she made it clear she was blowing the entire situation off.
All in all, I didn't get even a fraction of what I was hoping for from the conversation but at least I know she's alive, right?
Fast forward to February 9th-
She calls me, crying. Says that her father and brother have given her an ultimatum saying that she is no longer aloud on their property, my grandfather is taking back the truck he gave her and she is completely cut off if she doesn't check herself into a rehab type situation. So, they were taking her to the counselor's rehab facility or recovery center. She checked herself in and has been there ever since.

She has had to go to the emergency room twice, and was admitted both times because of major fluctuating blood pressure that is probably ultimately caused by being cut off of alcohol and drugs which she has been on and off for about 40 years.

To sum it up, she basically sounds wonderful. Is being somewhat supportive when she actually calls and asks me how we are all doing (which is a huge change, let me tell you!). She is working on her own issues mental health wise and addiction wise. She originally decide to stay for 30 days but now that her 30 days is coming up and she had a bad day recently and all she could think about was drinking and getting high she has decided to stay another 30 days. She is being very responsible and I'm proud of her for that. My only concern that she is going from one extreme to another and she initially doing this for the wrong reasons but at least she's doing it, right?

So, she is in a safe place and due to come here at the beginning of April for court and to stay for Easter. We'll see how this all goes.

Mother Schmother

I am going to tackle this one...issue or person or what have you at a time.

My Mom

The weekend before Christmas my family went to my Grandfather and Mom's house for our Family Christmas. We came a day early so our kids wouldn't be super cranky for the family gathering which was good planning on our part.
It went very smoothly, staying there. Until the night of the actual family gathering. My mom got extremely intoxicated and was reprimanded for her behavior and attitude by her sister while our family was at the restaurant that we have Christmas dinner at every year. At that point, my mom left the table and went and sat at the bar where she saw some friends she had made since she lived there and continued to get plastered and ignore the entire family and also driving back home on her own.
The whole family arrived back at the house and she was no where to be seen and didn't show up for another two hours after everyone else did. And at that point she was plastered, crying and really being obnoxious. I did not want my kids around this type of behavior and Howard or I didn't want to be either so my sweet cousin offered to get us a hotel room because even she could see how uncomfortable the entire situation was.
So, Howard loaded up the car and prepared to leave with our family in tow and my Mom showed up right before we were going to leave. She was an absolute mess and was completely out of control. She said that she had gone to the man's house whom she had been dating and caught him with another woman, who happens to be the major's wife and she was upset as to why we were leaving and it was just a total mess.
Needless to say, we hightailed it out of there and we didn't speak until Christmas Eve. We spoke once more between then and New Years. New Years Eve I am sitting at my house with Howard, the kids, my awesome brother in law and my friend Brandy and her two children and we're having a lot of fun, having dinner, playing games, ect. My mom calls and is, once again, extremely intoxicated and hanging out with a bunch of new neighbors she has. She proceeds to put me on the phone with every male within a 5 mile radius which was extremely uncomfortable. I think I told off a few of them as well when they called me 'sweetheart' and 'baby' uh...no.
I didn't speak to her again until she was due to come here for a court date on January 3rd. She came. Then went. And I've spoken to her once since then. I have called her 12 times this month. Since she left on the 4th, she's called me once. She refuses to talk to me for the most part because all I have to say is things about the ever fucked up situation with my father that she put me in and refuses to talk to me about it or even support me in any way.
I hate that I want her support. I really hate it.

She is due to come back in a few weeks, again for court. Wonder if she will answer my phone calls or texts between now and then?

Probably not.

So much, so little time

So much has happened over the past 22 days.
Wow, I...cannot believe it's been that long.

So the Wednesday after I posted the last entry my girls got their report cards, which were wonderful and I am very proud of both of them! They are both doing very well. Mackenzie made the honor roll and Maddie exceeded all of the teachers expectations.

The Saturday after that, Howard decided to take an entire weekend off, which he hadn't done since Labor day and he majorly needed it. We had planned on going to Sweet Berry Farms, like we did exactly one year ago but the girls decided they wanted to do something a bit more and asked their Daddy if we could go to the zoo. So, we spent the day at the San Antonio Zoo and had an absolute blast.

The following week was spent on the phone, a lot. My mom kept stressing that my Grandmother was going downhill, quickly. Her body was filling with fluid, and it was just a matter of time until her lungs started to fill as well. On Wednesday, October 26th my Mom called me and told me that my Grandmother (Mama Kay) had slipped into a coma and my aunt was on her way there. Once Mama Kay was surrounded by her children and an amazing Hospice Chaplain, Sissy, they told her it was okay to let go, they were all there, and she needed to let go. My mom told her that her parents were in Heaven partying it up and were waiting for her and that she'd finally get to hold Morgan (whom was named after her). Immediately her muscles relaxed, she smiled, and her breathing evened out. That evening we waited for a phone call, it never came. At 4:38am, on October 27th, 15 days after her 87th Birthday my mom called and said that Booka (my Grandfather) had requested that he was able to sleep next to his wife one last time, and they honored that. At about 4am he woke up to use the bathroom, came back in the room and she had stopped breathing. Always independent, she had to wait until she was completely alone to completely let go. HERE is her obituary, if you'd like to read it.

L to R: Eddy, Trisha (Uncle and Aunt), Philip Jr aka Booka, Karen aka Mom, Kathleen/Kay aka Mama Kay, Robbie and Philip III/Flip (Aunt and Uncle).
Taken in July, 2011.

So, Friday night we packed up and headed to Bacliff, Tx to attend her memorial service and to help with anything that needed to be done for this quickly put together gathering. It was so good to see my Mom and be there for her. I was able to help my Aunts and Uncles out by doing errands and helping set up the memorial service which I was so glad to have a purpose with all of this. The memorial service...was beautiful. The Hospice Chaplain, Sissy, performed a memorial ceremony that was beautiful, personal and touching. Some of the grand kids said a few words, we watched a wonderful slide show of every digital picture taken over the last 10 years or so. We brought copies of photos we had that we placed throughout the house and in photo albums. It was a very nice day, Mama Kay would of loved it.

Since then, my mom has moved in with my Grandfather, until her apartment behind his house is done being built. They are doing as well as can be expected. They will scatter her ashes later this week in the Bay near their home, which was, by far, her favorite place on Earth.

♥ Kristin

Delusions

My mother has court on Tuesday, October 4th. She also gets paid around that time {She receives Social Security Disability} and cannot access her money because my Dad has her debit card.
So, she's coming back.
And yesterday this text conversation occurred: {exact texts are in Italics}

Mom: So I will be there Sun evening and was gonna share Mackenzie's bed is that a problem?

Ha, you ask...but you already know.

Me: That is not possible. Dad is still here, obviously and he has told everyone he has come into contact with that he fully intends to strangle you the next time he sees you. Also, Howard does NOT want to see you. Also, I am still beyond hurt and angry about what you took off and left me to deal with, with no regard to what you ere leaving in your wake and I am not the only one that feels that way.

Mom: I made some really bad choices. My mother is dying and my Dad's heart is breaking and I cannot undo what I have done. I will stay in a motel but can I see the kids and can you take me to court?

Me: Yes, you most certainly did. And I know what your parents are going through is a terrible ordeal. But as noble as your purpose is for being there it doesn't erase what you did to Dad, me, Howard and the kids. They don't cancel each other out. And yes, you can see the kids, and yes, I will take you to court.

Mom: Thank u

Mom: There was nothing noble about wrecking mine and y'all's life and I will be sorry and pay for it forever. I make bad decisions anyway but this hurt, this helpless grief I am going through right no is pretty overwhelming and I just want to cuddle both my parents in my arms and make it better, but I can't.

Me: No, there wasn't. And I'm surprised you're sorry because you sure haven't said it. I can appreciate what you're going through Mom. I can't say I understand it because I've never gone through that but I can imagine. I am thankful that you are there for them and for you but like I said, it;s hard to deal with the level of betrayal that you committed against us. You have no idea what it feels like to always back someone up, always try to help them through anything hard in life no matter what to have them all but physically spit in your face. It hurts, and I'm angry, but that's temporary, I'll get over it. What IS important is what your parents are going through but I cannot ignore what I have been through either. I cannot allow you into my home, a home full of people with a lot of negative emotion towards you and act like nothing happened.

Mom: I did say sorry, that day on your bed {She's referring to the day before she took off when I blew up at her for doing this to everyone telling her she needed to man up and take care of her own responsibility which also meant that if she is leaving, she needs to take my father with her and she agreed...at the time} and I am sorry taking care of your Dad is such an ordeal {it is, but I have NOT EVEN ONCE said a thing to her about any of the things I am going through with him} So, I wish I had done everything different. From the bottom of my heart I am so sorry.

Me: That day, on my bed, you also said you were taking Dad with you.

Mom: That was just not possible.

Me: Considering that alleged apology happened that day as well, you can imagine why it holds ZERO significance.

And I haven't heard from her since. She did call my father yesterday evening, about an hour after this text conversation ended. She told him that apparently we care about her anymore and don't want her here or want to see her so she is going to get a motel.
She's my mother, of course I care and I do love her. But I don't like her at all. I don't owe her anything, she owes me...everything. Howard keeps asking me if this situation was finally my breaking point with her, and yeah...it really is. I don't regret anything I have said and done in this situation. I have kept my integrity and stood my ground.

It makes me feel so good.

♥ Kristin

We all have mental issues

I was able to get into my parents apartment and get the few articles of clothing left of my fathers, his medicine, some of his toiletries and his USMC Korean War Vet hat. That was all that the apartment complex was willing to let me get out of the apartment. I am thankful that they let me in without an issue and without having to pay off their balance. They weren't nasty about the situation and were generally good spirited about the whole thing when it could of turned out very different.
The chest x-ray for my Dad came back ok. He was a few steps away from having pneumonia but with an aggressive steroid and antibiotic treatment he is feeling better. We went to the doctor again this morning, and his doc said he was fine sickness wise now. His current concern is his mental well being. My Dad has continued having panic attacks and they're becoming more frequent. So, his doctor put him on an anti depressant and some panic attack medicine to help with his mental well being.
He is still very short tempered. When he is not sleeping he is usually freaking out at me or the kids. He is belligerent to say the least and a bit delusional as well. He seems to think that my mom left town to get away from bad influences. According to her, she left town because it was the only way she could think of to get rid of him. I didn't say this to him of course, because I'd rather not give him another reason to freak out on me.
In the past week I have spoken to my mother a few times, all because of my grandmother's health which is not good at all. She barely asks how we are doing. Has not asked once about her grandchildren and has yet to apologize for anything she has done. The anger I feel is so strong I don't know how much longer I can contain it.
Will it do any good to blow up at her? Probably not.
Does it stop me from feeling like I need to and I'm entitled to? Not one bit.
One part of me is saying to tamp it down. Quit thinking about it. Think about the positives in the situation and just go on like it didn't happen. But the other part is like, WTF KRISTIN?! I have to live every day with what happened. I have to clean up the aftermath of her complete and total selfishness and lack of giving a crap about anyone but herself.
I'm torn, to say the least.

I spoke to my sister about this on Thursday. I told her that I felt terrible about not being able to get everything out of the apartment and everything I did do before we were locked out and everything I've done since then. Her response was to tell me that I didn't owe my mother anything. Now that's a novel concept. In my brain I am still paying for getting pregnant at 16 and having her help me through that. Still...11 years later. And she helped me through that for almost 2 years until I was a legal adult. I've been cleaning up after her since BEFORE I got pregnant. Why the hell do I feel this way? Obviously I have some major psychological issues going on here, lol. But dammit, my Sister is right. I don't owe either one of them a damn thing.

...Except maybe a thorough chewing out.

♥ Kristin

I CAN'T DO THIS

The situation with my parents wasn't like I thought it was in the previous post.

My mom did the bipolar thing and totally wasted away their September funds leaving them with no way to pay their bills so they're being evicted. They are moving close to my mom's parents, in a house my uncle owns and rents out.

The first sentence is correct. The second is as well, except for one word...They.

THEY didn't go anywhere.

She did.

With 2 suitcases of clothing and toiletries.

Leaving her 900 sq foot apartment, everything in it (minus her sectional couch which she sold for money for bus fare) and my father behind, never looking back.

So I am forced to sell, throw away or pack and move into my garage everything my parents own before the 15th of the month when their apartment complex will lock them out of their apartment for nonpayment.
But, they didn't give us until the 15th (which they were within their rights). My dad was locked out today. Leaving My dad's medicine, a ton of toys, everything in their kitchen, all their plants, their flat screen TV, 2 DVD players, their kitchen table and chairs, My great grandmother's marble table and my Dad's entire solid cherry wood bedroom suite that's not even 3 years old.
My new challenge will be to contact their property management company and beg to be let in to get my kids toys and my dad's medicine, which is the only thing I am asking for because I'm sure they want the rest to make up for payment.

Now, lets look at the person that is facing the aftermath. My dad.

My dad's current challenges are the fact that he's 76 years old, has melanoma, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, he's a smoker (2 packs a day), recovering from a stroke (last winter) and has Dementia which causes major mood swings, extreme anger and confusion.

Since this begun my Dad hasn't been feeling well. He's been dizzy and wheezing at lot. He's been complaining of stomach and headaches and having panic attacks as well. The stress is unparalleled. I took him to his doctor today and his blood pressure was through the roof, he had a panic attack while he was in there and his doctor wanted him to have a chest x-ray. So, we did that and now have another appointment in the morning.

My Dad is angry and bitter at my mom and at the situation. He has been constantly screaming at me and the kids. He yells at them for playing with toys, watching TV, playing with each other, even laughing. The tension in my house is so thick it makes me dizzy.

I can't do this.

I can't take care of my family, my kids, my husband, my household and their drama and my Dad. It is just too much. His health is so bad and it's so incredibly time consuming to take care of it all and there aren't enough hours in the day. My kids have barely been home this week. They're not sleeping enough, not eating right, not getting homework done and my house...ugh my house...ew.

So, what do I do? Howard and I have talked about an Assisted Living Facility but if I do that, will my Dad hate me? Will he resent me for leaving him like my mom did? Right now, he's my only parent. I don't want to lose him. But I'm afraid of what I might lose if he stays.

♥ Kristin

Culture Shock?

My relationship with my parents has always been close and...interesting? Not sure if that's the right word, but it's certainly never boring.

I lived a seemingly 'perfect' childhood until one day, literally I saw my parents fight for the first time. It was in May of 1997 and it was a violent fight. I had never even heard them raise their voices to one another.
My parents split up that very night and I lived apart from my mother for the first time in my life. I had only been away from her for 3 days until then. I was 13 years old.

In August of 1998 my parents divorced, amicably. My mom remarried as soon as it was legal for her to do so. Between 97 and 98 I was apart from my mom for a few weeks at a time, but not too much longer than that. She dated a lot between then too.

I lived mostly with my Dad because of school boundaries and bus riding but I still saw my mom at least once a week. In July of 2000 I found out I was pregnant. I was 16. My mom's husband killed himself a few months later. Since then my mom and I have either lived together or within 10 minutes of each other.

My daily life today consists of taking care of my children, husband and home but also dealing with my parents issues (my parents live together, as roommates and have since 2004). My mom has a lot of legal issues, health issues and just all around...issues. I take them everywhere and handle all of their business, health care needs, you name it...I do it. I see them practically every day.

And now, they're moving. 4 hours away.

My mom did the bipolar thing and totally wasted away their September funds leaving them with no way to pay their bills so they're being evicted. They are moving close to my mom's parents, in a house my uncle owns and rents out.

I have never been this far away from my parents in a living situation...ever. I don't see how they are going to survive without me handling all of their business from day to day. They have no car, no coping skills, no budgeting skills and when they move they will have to hunt for new doctors to oversee their care, my mom will have to find a way to get to Austin in the coming weeks so she can go to court. I don't see how they are going to do this on their own, but apparently they think they can because they're definitely going through with it.

It is going to be strange to not have to be a caretaker to them anymore. To not have them in my daily life. For them not to be in my kids daily life. I will admit, I'm kind of excited about having my work load lifted a bit but it is going to be a culture shock not having them with me every day and factoring them in every decision I make about schedules and things that my family and I do. My children are going to be heartbroken, and I would think my parents would be too. But they seem fine with it.

So why aren't I?

♥ Kristin

Road Trip Journal

3:30am-Time to go to sleep! Exhausted but having trouble shutting off my brain!
7am- Ugh, the alarm's going off. Snooze button pressed x2. Oooo cuddles, yay! Short lived, Howard is jumping in the shower.
7:30am- Just got a text from Howard telling me he loves me and I need to get moving. Um, brr..it's cold in here. That's...weird. Ahh, thanks TS Don for the overcast skies!
8am- Howard's waking the kids up, God help us! They're not cranky-SCORE! They're cold too, little ones are in a snuggie with Daddy.
8:50am- Leaving the house to go get my mom. Parker went nuts when Howard and the girls were loading the van.
9am- Picking up my mom and breakfast. Aaaaaand Howard just dropped the portable high chair down the stairs. Awesome, I give it a 3.2
9:05am- First tears of the day, Maddie shook her orange juice and it splattered EVERYWHERE.
9:50am- First stop of the day, Elgin, Tx. Drinks, Potty Break and WOOHOO FREE POPCORN!
10:10am- Maddie has now misplaced her paci (I know, I know...) She is pissed but will have to wait until we stop again.
10:56am- HALF WAY MARK! Brenham, Tx. 69 miles to Houston.
11:18am- Second stop of the day, found the Paci...potty break!
11:45am-IN HOUSTON, YAY!
1:00pm- we're 2 miles from our exit off the major highways. Something smells...off.
1:08pm- Code Brown repeat we have a CODE BROWN!! Parker has exploded out of his diaper, shorts and the leather driver seat is not covered!
1:55pm- we're dressed, madeup, cleaned up, hair did and ready to go. We also stopped at McDonalds to grab a snack.
2:17pm- we're here...but no one else is. Hmm :/
2:19pm- HA! Grandparents are here! Omg my grandmother is SO skinny! :(
2:49pm- All childrens in the pool. Parker's pissed that I'm not in there, but me and a bathing suit...not a good combo.
3:40pm- All the fam is here except for my cousin Shari and her family. Rightfully so too, she's a busy girl, her husband was traded to the Arizona Diamondbacks from the Seattle Mariners...this happened late Friday night. Sheesh! Parker was falling asleep in the pool so I'm going to clean him up and see if I can get him to sleep.
4:25pm-HE PEED ON ME! The brat peed all over my pants, so now it looks like I peed on myself. He is being so bad, 2 tantrums. Sheesh, still trying to get him down.
5:05pm- Thank you GOD he's asleep! Nap time for bubs, Nanny's going to nap with him so break time for Mommy!
6:20pm- Dinner's ready! Gourmet sandwiches...yum-o! Oh and Parker's up now.
6:35pm- sitting on the floor trying to feed Parker, so not happening! Dum, Dums for dinner it is!
7:58pm- Time to leave. Saying goodbye to everyone! It was so good seeing them all. My cousin stopped me to talk about my dad. Is it bad that I told her that I'd have to email her. Meh.
8:27pm- @Walmart to get gasoline and off we go! Getting onto major highways again.
9:17pm- 2nd stop at Sonic for yummy drinks and a small snack for Little Mr. I didn't eat my dinner.
10pm- 3rd stop @Loves Truck Stop for my hubby to get coffee, potty break and snacks for the girls. Their snack of choice: Tereyaki beef jerky and pork rinds. My kids are redneck ya'll.
10:17pm- We left Loves 4 minutes ago, 24oz Loves 'Bold Blend' coffee...GONE!
10:45pm- Half way point! Parker is almost asleep thanks to my singing. Oh hey, he is asleep!
10:55pm- Maddie lost her paci...again. Why do we have a paci clip on it if she doesn't use it?!
11:37pm- 37 miles to Austin. Parker's sleeping good, as is Mack. My mom is having restless legs like a big dog. She can't get comfortable. :( Maddie is awake and asking every 2 minutes or so if we're almost there and how many miles we have left. Howard has heartburn and I'm...hungry?
12:26am- just dropped my mom off at home, now time to head home ourselves!
12:36am-HOME!
2:40am- kids and husband are in bed, my turn!


I hope you all enjoyed this, thought it would be fun!
♥ Kristin

Hey, hey it's her birthday!

Today is my mother's birthday.

Our plans for today include having lunch with my sister and her beautiful kiddos and I am going to get my Mom's nails done and I may possibly get a pedicure. Why do I say possibly? Well, I am the Queen of Buyers Remorse. I constantly regret spending any money on myself, so justifying a pedicure...oh what the hell am I kidding? Pedicures are necessary, especially as of late so...I got one. Eep.
My mom's birthday did not start off well. She is having a really hard time with my Dad who has been diagnosed with an extremely advanced stage of Dementia. My parents live together, although they've been divorced since 1998. They are best friends and love each other very much, just not in a romantic way anymore. However, he was still the love of her lifetime and seeing him deteriorate so quickly and having him be so out of character is literally breaking her heart. It's frustrating for her and very hard to deal with especially because she has so many issues of her own.
When she got in my car she was a blubbering mess, well that just couldn't do. So I spent the next 20 minutes while waiting for my sister to arrive at the restaurant (she was at the doctor with my niece who was feeling under the weather) I did everything I could to put her in a better mood, which I am happy to say worked. Then we had an awesome lunch with both her daughters and grandchildren around...it just made her feel great. The margarita may have helped a little too.

Bubbers trying on Nanny's new glasses, which are just too cute

My sister, Stacie, The Birthday girl and Parker trying to share his grilled cheese

The Birthday girl and her Bubs.

After lunch we headed to drop the kids off and went in search for a place to get pampered. And no, I didn't make appointments like I should of, it's been a while since we went to a nail salon and I wasn't sure which one we were going to. On the way there, her phone was blowing up with phone calls with 'Happy Birthday' wishes. I told her to start answering her phone saying "Hey, hey it's my birthday, what do you want?" She didn't do it...killjoy.
Finally we found a place that had an awesome staff, reasonable prices and no wait. So we started, and we chatted the entire time. My mom got a phone call from her sister teasing her that she was getting awfully close to 60. But basically we chit chatted and just relaxed and enjoyed being pampered.

I KNOW she needed this!

We were kinda talking to each other from across the room, but it worked, our voices carry.

And...the finished products...

GORGEOUS! I'm so jealous!

My pretty toes! The birthday girl picked out the color.

It was a great day, I love my mom.

♥ Kristin