174/366: Parenting

Two weeks ago, Little Man had a Sing-Along and Author's Tea in his Kindergarten class.  I'm so proud of how he has developed through Kindergarten.  He even researched and created a PowerPoint presentation on Sea Turtles, complete with migrating (moving) photos.

The Big Boy had a stellar year as well.  With an excellent teacher, BB was encouraged to work hard, read every night and try.  Just try.

He did try and that's all we really wanted, when he tried, he learned.  We have lots of math memorization to work through this summer, but we are so proud of how he has matured and developed strong friendships and has begun to accept reason.  He rolls his eyes when his father does something silly, he shrugs when his brother doesn't get his way and he tells me he loves me at night.

For this child, speaking feelings was never part of his daily life.  He has been very closed off and frustrated.  Love was the first step, next up, working through the frustrations.

The other night, Big Boy asked me to lay with him in bed and share my deepest darkest secrets.  I got a little scared, thinking of those deepest darkest secrets and decided making something up might be best in this situation.  I told him my fear of drowning.  I was so delighted and nervous for his fears and secrets and thought about how I'm being an excellent parent.  I'm talking one on one with my kid.  Patting myself on the back, I asked BB what his secret was. 

You ready?

"My deepest, darkest secret is...are you sure you are ready, Mom?  My darkest secret is...

...my favorite color is Red."

Yes, I am an excellent parent.

170/366: Listening

Source: spirituallythinking.blogspot.com via Carrie on Pinterest

This week has been hectic, to say the least.  But the hurry up and do nothing kind of hectic.  I've been rushing around trying to pack in a full days work in a not so full days time.  Working at night, before the kids get on the bus...just to make it all work.

Then I rush around trying to get a bag packed for the pool.  We stay through dinner, so we get awfully hungry.  Then, come home at 7 when the pool closes to eat a light dinner.  I like it, except that the kids then think it's only six pm when it is really nine pm...which makes bedtimes linger.

But in this rush and wait scenario, I sit by the pool, or am in the pool with the boys and we talk.  About their important things.  So and so isn't my friend because of this; My teacher scolded me for something I didn't do; Look how long I can hold my breath underwater;  Want to watch me do the best cannonball ever?

These words that seem so simple and repetitive are the most important words in their world at this age.  I need to remember that this is the big stuff for them.

And I want to be there for the really big stuff.

42/366: Saturday Inspiration

The other day, Big Boy came home from school in an awful mood. When I talk to this boy, the story is always truncated in the important parts and exaggerated in the parts that seem incredibly inconsequential to me. Something about Little Man tossing BB's backpack on the bus floor and another couple students swiping it as they were leaving the bus. In the grand scheme of things...I mean it's not like you forgot to file your taxes... But for an 8 year old, it was tragic and the worst thing his brother could have done.

So, after slamming shoes and backpack on the floor, up to his room (his own decision) he went. A bit of frustration tears and back downstairs to get on his shoes and coat.

He was running away.

BB is a very sensitive boy that tries to hide it. I was able to keep him in our family and avert child welfare services asking me why I let him leave the house if I were standing right there.

Sometimes you need to call the boys bluff.

So stick this story in your back pocket so that when you think my life is all fattening food and pretty crafts, you will know I am just a regular gal raising a desperate wannabe runaway.

Imagination and Creativity

We have new neighbors across the street.  The mom is from Japan and asked me the other day about some American customs and proper American etiquette.  Oxymoron?  American Etiquette. 

She was afraid she wasn't being a good mom and wanted some advice on the most important things to teach her kids.

I told her that if they use Please and Thank You, they will be all set.

On Friday, I was watching my kids out our front window setting up this mini obstacle course, like they have done before, and realized I need to add two more things to that list.

Imagination and Creativity.

Imagination to realize your dreams and set goals.

Creativity to not sit in a box and copy what others have done before you.  This doesn't mean you have to make clothes, or build shelving, or develop the newest software.  Just explore your mind.

This is my parenting advice for Monday morning.  Say Please and Thank you and be imaginative and creative.

And if you didn't ask for it (which you didn't) too bad.  And if you don't have kids, still use Please and Thank You.

Homework

I feel like I'm starting to slip.

Another full night with my kids and homework.

Perhaps its the homework.  My eldest can't sit still long enough to focus on the words in front of him.  He gives up and laughs.  Cracks a joke.

Gets up and fiddles around with something. 

Picks up a piece of paper, crumples it up.

Looses his pencil.

I become frustrated.

He doodles a scary monster eating a tree.

I get mad that I can't stay calm for more than 45 minutes of homework.  Yes, it's that long.  Tonight, it was more than an hour. 

My anger and frustration seeps into my son and I can see it crush his confidence.

Homework was never enjoyable for me.  I was so happy when I graduated from college.  I knew I would never go back.

And here I am, almost 40 and sitting at the kitchen table doing homework.

Again.

Something needs to change.  Homework right after school will be number one.  No more TV or playtime until the work is done.  I think a change in the food in our house is necessary as well, for all of us.  I'll make the time to go to the grocery store and buy the vegetables and fresh foods.

One step at a time.

Time to get off the slide and climb the stairs.