Monday, May 03, 2010
Waaa so long no blog wor. haha i think nowadays like only girls blog, while guys just as usual kao pei to their buddies.
Okay first, i will touch on what happened during this few years when i seems to be detached from the living world. I was serving my NS at Tengah Air Base as a RP, air trooper or Force Protection Trooper whatever you want to call it. Basically, what we did was security guard's job plus alil of unglam jobs including cleaning the drains! But the best thing was that i got my sec sch fren, zhen yang there haha...at least still not that bad. BMT got einstein's reincarnation, Ji wei's company and unit life got MJ-in-the-making, zhen yang's company. I guess i am really much luckier than many guys in the veggie uniform out there. Anyway i have ORD-ed and served the nation for two years, marking yet another milestone in my life.
After that took up several jobs before ending up in Biopolis - MOH/NMRC. Even though i am just working as a temp admin there, i learnt a lot things not just all about knowledge and skills but also about the life working in office. This job enriches my com knowledge which was pathetic to start with and barely acceptable up to date. It also enables me to know a lil more about the medical fields and bio medical in terms of research. Ok and most imptly i have made some colleagues-friends during my work. Maybe just a short period of time spent together, but i enjoyed and appreciate it alot. For three of them, Xuan Hong , Carrie and Xiang Hong, i really hope to keep in touch with you all cos u all are just so cool. Feel guilty and bad that i dint get anything for them when they left haha i just dunno what to get...what an excuse man.
Xuan Hong - A dude who was one of the first person i befriended in the office, same age as me but much taller than me. WTH, always make me appear so short whenever i stood beside him. In contrast to me, he is a plant-lover who is both smart and passionate towards his life. The chats on facebook during office hours, the laughter during lunchs and the after-work rants will definitely etch in certain part of the brain. Thanks for the talks and laughter shared.
Carrie - Like a younger sister to me as she is one year younger.Came to our office just for a month but her smiles never fail to brighten the office otherwise tense atmosphere and brighten up our days. Once when i was too busy and sick to go for lunch, she actually handed me a sweet and energy bar, that is how sweet she is to her frens. She loves to bake and everyone knows that, wonder why? Look at the photocopy machine in the morning and you will see loads of baking recipes. Whose? I guess the answer is obvious. Yes, it belongs to our dear Carrie. And is funny how she always complain that she is too free and is funny how she catches naps during lunch hour. Yes, she have found a better job and i am glad for her. Thanks for the sweet treats, the day-brightened smiles and care and concern you had shown.
Xiang Hong - A friend who is trustworthy and worth having. She is a reliable person who takes her work seriously. Is not like the rest of us dont take our work seriously, is just that not as much as her. Given her heavy workload, she never complain and always maintain her smile. During lunch hours, we will always chit-chat for some moments before going back to the warzone. Thanks for being a sweet companion, colleague and friend.
I guess we should appreciate what others have for us. Really hope to see them soon=)
Recently, with the departure of a JC classmate, Ying Jie, it makes me realise the uncertainty and fragility of life once again. I not going to touch on the the sadness i saw in his family's eyes or the sorrows we as his friends feel. Instead, I am going to talk about our dear friend, Ying Jie.
I wasnt very closed to you during JC days, even though we were classmates we seldom have the chance to be in the same subject class. However, your presence were very much feel by us. You would always join me, Ivan and Jin-e during lunch, civics periods. To me, you were someone who never bow down to the obstacles in front of you, the hardship you underwent and instead faced them with a smile. However, i was very shocked that you once shed tears for bio test. I was totally oblivious about that and i am indeed very shocked. Yes, we are all human , we all shed tears when we feel sad. But what i am trying to say is, when i saw you, you were always with a smile. And i took this fact for granted, i never once shown more concern of your studies and life.
I am always talking crap, rubbish and nonsense with most of my friends. I never once take a step further to understand them, to understand how they are doing. Is never too late to learn, your departure has made me awaken from my apathetic attitude towards life. Life is all about happiness but not the way i am having them by being happy-go-lucky, hecking care about everything. Is about sharing that encompasses giving and taking.
I remembered i once saw someone which i was 90% sure it was you, at Chua Chu Kang Interchange while returning to camp. However, i dint call out to you, as i thought we can always talk during the next outing or what which i always seem to miss. And i hurried off back camp. I dint expect the next time i saw you, you were lying there in the ICU unit. There i stood with Jason Foo, looking at you from outside the glass doors. We both felt helpless and sad to see you in there, to see the heartbroken faces outside the wards. Jason and i went to have a drink and caught up with each other. We were both hiding our emotions with jokes and laughter, however we both knew we werent what we appeared to be.We just dont want to worsen the atmosphere by talking about how fragile life is.However, I am not telling you how sad we feel, instead i am telling you that we all felt heartbroken because we all love you as a friend, as a classmate, as a CCA mate, as a brother, as a son and as an individual for who you are.
Is inevitable to feel heartbroken for losing you, however i truly believe that you would want us to smile like you always do when we think of you instead of dwelling on the tragedy. Yes, your fighting spirit, your smiles, your never-say-die attitude towards life will bring everyone on with their lives i believe. Ying Jie, i know that you have not left everyone, instead you will continue to live in our heart.
Following that, i realised the other party involved in the accident was my GP classmate, Jun Han. I heard from news that, he will be facing charges in Phuket. Hope he will be fine. He used to crap with me like i always was during GP lessons. Even though we lost contact, you always are a topic between one of my army friend who happened to be your friend.
A vacation took for a turn and became tragedic. One left us and one facing charges. A lesson for everyone, never take anything for granted.
Next, i am going to share about what has happened to me, myself.
One night, went with wayne, jj (both my sec sch fren) and a few friends for some drinking session at St James Powerhouse. Werent really in the mood for both me and wayne, thot we can loosen our mood to relieve ourselves. After drinking, went to jj's house to sleep. Just before i managed to sleep, my heart was pounding erratically once again. Had been experiencing this since sec sch, except this time seems to be more serious. In the end, I was taken to TTSH's A&E via an ambulance that jj has called. Yes, it's serious but not life-threatening.
I am sharing this because, it made me realise some things. First, thanks JJ for being such a great friend and Wayne of cos. They were both very worried about me, especially JJ who accompanied me to TTSH and waited there for hours outside,both worried and tired(as he dint really sleep).
Secondly, I brought worries to my family. I really feel so bad about that, even though it may not be my fault to have this condition. However, is my fault to consume alcohol which indirectly caused this whole episode. And yes i love my family and friends, and i will try my best to abstain from alcohol and i must! Sometimes, an action done not only implicates the person himself but also the ones around him. Therefore, think for others before you do something especially silly ones.
Alright, is 4.33am in the morning.... enough sharing by lawrence and is time to sleep. Good night, readers, dont be idiotic and sleep early!=P
posted at 3:00 AM
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Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I will always have a theme song for certain period of time and recently my theme song is 害怕(afraid)....
here r the lyrics:
我突然觉得有点怕~ I suddenly feel slightly afraid
爱跟生活的一切~Everything about life and love
你以为 我知道 怎么拆开~You thought i know how to unveil
我们的想法和落差~Our thoughts and difference
我的爱 是说停不能停 ~My love is said to be stopped but it just can't
已经浓得不能说是曾经~Is so deep that it cannot be said that it has passed
也可说成我是错的~Can say that i am wrong
还未曾变成真的~It havent become true yet
也没谈到多少你需要的爱~Also havent really talk much about the love you need
我不再 去执着我是谁~I am no longer persistent about who i am
或是我在夜里掉的眼泪~Or the tears that i shed in the nights
也可说我看不开的~Also can say that is me who cant see through it
为你我能做的~For you i can do
竟还没让你相信是爱情~Shockingly,still din't let you believe is love
左右你我~Both you and me
而哭泣都是因为爱~And the cries are all because of love
别逼自己不掉泪~Don't force yourself not to shed the tears
这网里不只是有你~You are not alone in the net(net referring to the love that tangles)
这网里我也撑着~I am also enduring in the net
拼了命地守着~Risking my life to defend it
我的爱 是说停不能停 ~My love is said to be stopped but it just can't
已经浓得不能说是曾经~Is so deep that it cannot be said that it has passed
也可说成我是错的~Can say that i am wrong
还未曾变成真的~It havent become true yet
也没谈到多少你需要的爱~Also havent really talk much about the love you need
我不再 去执着我是谁~I am no longer persistent about who i am
或是我在夜里掉的眼泪~Or the tears that i shed in the nights
也可说我看不开的~Also can say that is me who cant see through it
为你我能做的~For you i can do
竟还没让你相信是爱情~Shockingly,still din't let you believe is love
左右你我~Both you and me
我的爱 是说停不能停 ~My love is said to be stopped but it just can't
已经浓得不能说是曾经~Is so deep that it cannot be said that it has passed
也可说成我是错的~Can say that i am wrong
还未曾变成真的~It havent become true yet
也没谈到多少你需要的爱~Also havent really talk much about the love you need
我不再 去执着我是谁~I am no longer persistent about who i am
或是我在夜里掉的眼泪~Or the tears that i shed in the nights
也可说我看不开的~Also can say that is me who cant see through it
为你我能做的~For you i can do
竟还没让你相信是爱情~Shockingly,still din't let you believe is love
左右你我~Both you and me
左右你我~Both you and me
This song fully describe everything.
From Juliet point of view :
She feels afraid of everything about love and life now after what has happened.She thought she understands him, both thinkings and their difference.But she was wrong.And she is really upset about it.
Her love just cant be stopped even though everyone is telling her to stop it as he is no longer worthy of her love.Her love is so deep that it cant be left into the past so presently she is holding onto it dearly.You can say that is her mistakes or that everything she hopes just havent come true yet.At least this is what she hopes so that one day he will be back to her.She havent been telling what she expects for her love but everything just got destructed before she can list out her expectations.
For love, for him, she has lost her ownself.Her true self.She can no longer retain the self within her or retain the tears that she shed throughout the nights.You can say that is she cant face the reality,but she has done her best, done what she can. However,her love dint manage to convinced him.
For love, she had cried countless times,but nobody knows.Neither him nor anyone that dont really matter to her.She cant force herself not to cry because the hurt deep within is so overwhelming.And she is trying her best to retain him even if to the extent of risking her life...
Poor Juliet...finding her Romeo
From way's point of view:
He is afraid to face the love he has for her.He knows that she is suffering but just cant bring himself to tell her he will be there.She suppose he will understand her thoughts and their difference.She told him her sad story and he knows what she expects for love, that's why he understand their difference and that he is not good enough for her.
Even though they are not that closed but he still cant stop himself from falling in love with her. Is so real and deep that he cant buried it in his past.It's his own doing because he is just not meeting her expectations.You can say that his love havent come true yet but he knows is never going to come true.He knows there is nothing to talk about the love between them, because she will never love him.
He wants to change for her so that she will never cry again, even if she cries she will never be alone.For what he done he still cant convinced her what is love really like.No hurt no tears no pain no false hopes and no false wishes.She cries because of love,the love she has for someone else.His tears falls in accordance with hers,but she will never see his tears.In love, he will be with her protecting her till she finds happiness....
He loves Juliet,but he is not the Romeo she is looking for.
And he will Never be ONE...
If only she stops looking for her Romeo one moment and turns her head...then she will realise Way is always standing behind her...guarding her happiness for her...
posted at 1:56 AM
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Thursday, February 07, 2008
Yoz...been botak for two months....remember the feeling of shaving all my hair off...looking back, it had been two months from now.... life in ns seems to put a temporary stop to my life, as if i had been detached from the world i used to live in....detached from the outside world....life seems to be such a routine now.... i always look into the sky and wonder how everyone is doing under the same blue sky, yet they seems so far from me haha...
Chinese new year comes and i got a few days off woohoo.... a few days back to reality... haha... bought a new cap to cover my botak head lols....actually look quite cool ... lols... dint really have the habit of wearing cap but actually it isnt that bad either lols.... missing alot of my friends and relatives lols...optmistically it is not too bad....like what my sergeants say, take it as you r protecting ur loved ones, ur family and friends.... it will be worthwhile afterall....two years of my life may be long however worthy...alot of things i wanna do, but dont have the time to.....things that i really want to go for , which i may regret if i dont fight for it.... but it jus dont allow me to... the constraints r taking off all my chances which i can never fight against....i could jus pray and see it through... may it be there when i can go for it....sometimes life is jus uncontrollable and giving up may be the only option out....
even if i knew i love you and i still do
posted at 11:11 PM
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Monday, December 31, 2007
Maybe it's intuition,some things you just dont question. The feeling deep within is jus overwhelming, sometimes to the extent of taking over the mind, taking away ur breaths. And the feeling of helplessness, not being able to get her attention for even seconds... it isnt enough to know that you love her, it isnt enough to let her know that you love her, but to let her feel that you love her. In addition, to let her feel your love and then let her love you is even harder...
What the point of love when she dont even feels it and reciprocate it? haha... everyone knows this but just cant stop the love lols, maybe hoping one day she will understand.. haha...In an instant, the answer is so clear yet unbelievable... what can u say? Cos in her eyes, the right one isnt you, and you isnt the right one...Love sometimes jus dun turn out the way u want it to be...Have been waiting all of your life....so should you continue to wait or give it up and move on?Memories of her smile in the mind, thoughts of her words in the heart, and feelings for her in your soul...put ur mind, heart and soul in, getting frustrations, helplessness and loneliness out of the love you give...
That is jus no rhyme or reason for ur love to stand, and it is bound to fail...give up now or continue to put the love in till one day she might feel it... there is no definite answer for the love but one definite decision that lies in you...continue with the hope of completing the love or give up to find the new love of completion... it all lies in you... what can you say when the time is jus not right?
sorry, i jus cant let it go...
posted at 6:36 PM
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Friday, December 14, 2007
~I Knew I Love You Before I Met You...~
hmm long long ago liao this song...haha sort of dig it up from the songs albums...haha dunno why jus feel like putting this song and replacing the "cai hong" haha.... very long dint put english song on my blog le and most imptly "I Knew I Love You Before I Met You", and really i do=P.. ahaha
Going ns tml le... this is probably my last post before i enter ns and gonna be away for a long time hope ppl will keep this blog alive by feeding it with tags or it will starve to death and also most imptly must rmb me and keep in contact with me....especially you=P
Sometimes finding a song that suits ur feeling is really easier to express oneself than a thousand words or actions... haha...a song by Savage Garden...i guess most of you must have heard of this song but has long forgotten it lols...sometimes love is jus sooo mysterical and you can never explain it haha...even if u are in love with someone ... the feeling is jus unexplainable and u could never express it with words cos it is more than jus words...more than jus a single actions...however a simple action or phrase can show love but never express it haha=P... ok no more crapping=P now jus look at the lyrics of this song=)
Maybe its intuition
Some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I love you before I met you
I think I dream you into life
I knew I love you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There’s just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I love you before I met you
I think I dream you into life
I Knew I love you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
Wooooo..woooh..wohohowoho..ohohoh
A thousand angel dance around you
Wooooo..woooh..wohohowoho..ohohoh
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I love you before I met you
I think I dream you into life
I knew I love you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
I knew I love you before I met you
I think I dream you into life
I knew I love you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
I knew I love you before I met you (Wooooo..woooh..wohohowoho..ohohoh)
I think I dream you into life
I knew I love you before I met you (Wooooo..woooh..wohohowoho..ohohoh)
I have been waiting all my life
~ohohohohhhohohoh……
posted at 1:31 PM
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Saturday, December 08, 2007
hmmm...back to blog again...lols.. jus returned from running or rather jogging. lols. i finished 2.4km today, not too much but is the first complete 2.4km i have ever run after the four months of slacking. i feel so great after sweating that much..lols..i going ns soon haha cant blog that much le... haha not been blogging much either lols.. nvm i try to update as often as possible bah haha...
hope everyone will keep in contact and remain cheerful as always haha=P having a mixture of different feelings now haha... first of all after finishing a levels, i have like released myself from burdens of studying which have started since primary school lols... maybe not burden but sometimes studying is jus stressful... i feel so light and relaxed now haha...
hmm.. also will miss alot of thing... lols...most of all freedom!! freedom of joking and ranting on and on with friends..freedom of getting through nights chatting with friends on msn online haha.... freedom of ponning especially lessons haha... freedom of doing whatever i like even trivial things like singing a few songs before i sleep every night haha... imagine i sing and woke the whole bunk of tired ns men up... probably got bashed up lols!!! but thinking from another perspective i can learn to be disciplined lols which i am not ... which can be seen from the slacking i had done even during exams!!! listening to cai hong playing while i blogging haha...~ni yao li kai wo zhi dao hen jian dan~...lols...
hmm and on the other hand ... feeling excited abt the challenge ahead and the new friends and buddies i gonna have during two yrs of my life lols...i gonna learn a lot and be a better man lols...which girls do not have the privilege to haha!!!... erm and i sort of consoling myself? lols... sometimes it is better to console oneself than being pessimistic and rant on and on haha=P gonna miss my "tongue- sticking out smiley" ( =P ) lols=)
hmm miss the days where i play the toys in kindergarten..miss the days when i play catching during recess breaks in primary school... miss the days when we play all sorts of ridiculous games in secondary schools with my gang (zhixiang,ji wei and zhen yang), miss the days during npcc which we gone thru ups and downs fun and the not-so-fun trainings with crazy ppl like jun jie, wei en, adrian... miss the days where the whole 4e2 mugging tgt lols...miss the jc class i am in where i make great friends who joke with me like jason, jin-e and ivan amd all and also girls like valerie and gang and wonderful teachers, making the jc life less stressful than usual lols=P haha but life got to move on and one day i will look back and miss the days in ns.. or will i? lols... haha memories reminsced is really only meant to be reminsced haha... gonna find other beautiful things in life ... the new rainbows in life haha=P
i have learnt a lesson that it doesnt really matter how your life changes, what matters is how you change your life and want it to be.=)
posted at 10:37 AM
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Thursday, November 29, 2007
yoz...i am back ... after three months plus finally i am back...and first thing i do is to change my blog song from xi jie to cai hong.
oh man, i love cai hong la, nice song nice lyrics by jay chou too bad here cannot put his lyrics hais...
lols.the mtv also sad la, the boy dying and go fake he studying overseas,then send back his diary after he died so sad...
posted at 1:13 AM
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