Americans: The Manipulation By Complacency

Over the past few weeks, it seems as if the more spiritual and/or personal issues that surfaced occupied most of my posts. I am ready and willing to return to the political arena once again for a bit of fireworks and stimulation. Since I must finish my brief today, I want a bit more challenging information as the fodder for thinking.

On my way to Disneyland on Monday, I noticed that the price of gas had gone up to $2.83 per gallon. It seems as if the last time I looked closely, it was at $2.59, and that was just a week or two ago. Is it possible that the price of gas had risen by 23 cents per gallon without my really noticing it so quickly? Had I become conditioned into accepting what is in this country without thought or question?

Many of you remember a post I had about where have all the stories gone. Those stories on Carl Rove, Downing Street Memo, Abub Graub, the costs of the war in Iraq, the nomination of John Roberts for U.S. Supreme Court Justice, and on and on, seem to be here one day, and gone the next. It seems as if perhaps the question I had posed was not completely a fair one, when I asked, where have all the stories gone. The real question, it seems, deals more with our ability as Americans to accept the stories as they are told, ask a few questions, and move on with the order of business of the moment. Are we not just as much at fault, in some ways, by failing to act, think, talk and make a big deal about an issue we think is important in this country? Remember the saying, from the cult movie, Network, where, I believe it was the amazing actor Peter Finch who yelled, 'I am mad as hell, and not going to take it anymore?' Have we stopped becoming mad at what is going on in America today?

Here is the question of the day: Have we as Americans become complacent people? Are we manipulated into accepting news that happens to us and our citizens, without asking questions or making waves? Has our perception of what has gone on simply changed, or have we become a complacent group of citizens?

On a side note, I am determined to start finish my brief today, and begin working in a bit. Again, my posts and comments may be hit or miss.

To the kind soul who suggested that I start another blog writing erotica, I want to voice my thank yous for that suggestion. I have created a blog especially for that purpose and am having a fantstic time with the writings. Thank you.

Thank you for your minds.

Keeping our Place inside the World: The Value of Friendship: EDITED

Today was a day for the celebration of friendship. Real and true friendship is a great gift, to be valued and treasured, in my humble opinion. My girlfriend and I went to Disneyland, just two women, alone, no children and we had a blast. We were both talking about how we grew up at Disneyland, and watched the magic of this kingdom loom into a larger than life place. As I was going on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, I remembered how that entire experience could have been used, at one time to describe the roller coaster quality of my own life. Loving adventure, drama and a flare for the unusual, it seemed as if my life, was to some degree or another, like being on a wild ride. Today, I live a quieter, more peaceful life, for which I am so grateful.

When I came home, I found many emails including one from a dear friend with some news about his life that has made me feel sad and has caused some pain tonight. Being someone whom I care about deeply, this email has jared and shaken me up a bit. It made me think how, when we experience change, or personal pain, in one form or another, it can be difficult to keep a sense of balance and keep our place inside of the world. Writing this post on the 30th of August is strange and a reminder of how fragile life can be. It was a day when my daughter became ill last year, and acts as a trigger of all the memories of the pain and difficulties that one can feel when a life is uprooted, or the foundation cracks. The building still stands, but is not stable, and can at times be shaky with some lose parts. How we must care for, nuture and be there for our friends, no matter what to help that foundation be rebulit if necessary.

Accrording to Marjorie Holmes, the person who treasures his/her friends is usually solid gold to himself/herself. The best way we can climb mountains and achieve the greatest of all goals, it to be there for our friends. We carry on our own values and dreams, as we stay connected to our loving, caring friends.

My sincere hope is that my friend will regain his strength and balance. That his foundation will stay together and remain or become strong. That my daughter continues to be strong and stay well too.

Tell me about a special friend in your life, and what makes him/her so special. How do you stay strong for that person in difficult times, and let him/her know that you are there always?

My posts and comments may be hit or miss over this week due to a heavy work load. I'll check in as often as I am able. Be well and take good care.

Thank you for your minds.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

Do any of you remember the movie by Clint Eastwood, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil? The movie was shot with a rather out of focus lens, and many of the glorious scenes took place in a unique cemetery in the middle of Savannah, Georgia. Inside this unusual place, surrounded by weeping willow trees and many unusual grave-markers made from stone stook a solitary figure of a young girl holding up both of her hands, as if reaching towards the sky. From what I recall, most of the movie centered around understanding the significance of this particular tomb-stone and the living relationships that developed around it. When we went to Savannah years ago, it was imperative that we go to that particular cemetery to visit it ourselves and see how it looked in real life.

Cemeteries have a certain appeal the the living, and can be beautiful, interesting places in their own right. After all, these places and their belongings are created by the living, and are a home to many people whom we hold dear and near to our hearts. Although they symbolize the ultimate passing, death, the plots, grave-markers and grounds are created by the living. Technically, I am not supposed to be under the same roof as a dead body (I am a Kohan), but this does not prohibit me from going to cemeteries and exploring their grounds like some accidental tourist about to embark upon some unspecified discovery.

Some of the more unusual cemeteries I have seen have been in Vienna, Austria, the home to the graves of Strauss, Brahms and Beethoven, the Jewish cemetery in Prague, where graves are piled on upon the other, and a small cemetery in a place called Winchelsea, England, surrounded by moats and architecture created in the 12th century. A joke I made when I saw Richard Strauss's elaborate tomb-stone, with cherubs flowers (he was far from an angel), was that his was a grave to die for!

What are some of the great cemeteries that you can identify and what makes them unique and memorable? When traveling, do you inxlude visiting cemeteries as part of your itineary?

On a side note, this has been a weekend full of friends celebrating friendship. My close friend of over 20 years had a birthday bash Saturday night, yesterday I met some beautiful women from a perfume site, and we went to the Getty, had lunch, and of course went shopping. Today, my dear friend, and son's former violin teacher, are visiting, and she is treating me to a day at Disneyland.

Thank you for your minds.

A Jew Full of Emptiness

This is an open letter to the troll who comes here.

Why do you call yourself a good Jew? You spend Shabbos, from Friday sundown until Saturday sundown, sitting shomer Shabbos, not turning on lights, ripping paper, carryiing turning on the computer, being an observant frum Jew, giving praise to the name of God. When Shabbos is over, you come over to our blogs, pretending to be someone you are not, full of nastiness, hatred and deception. What kind of a Jew are you? How do you honor God with your actions, one minute with prayer and davening and other with such meanness, hate and deception? Do you think that what you are doing makes anyone want to turn towards Judaism? If anything, you have created an image for many, including myself, which makes me want to turn my back on my religion. What do you have to offer that is so full of attraction? You wake up this morning, on your way to minyan, post on our blogs, creating an environment of more deception and deceipt and lies. You call yourself a pious soul? Someone who honors God? How can you honor God and His name when you are so full of contradictions and hyprocracity? Another Jew would not want to be like you. Do you practice the principles you learn about being a good Jew in your personal life and affairs? If anything, they would want to stay away from everything you say you are, because you are person filled with hate towards God and his fellow Jew.

Some frum Jews have sent me private emails. A few are apologizing for the example you are setting, and the type of image you are giving to the world. Another says, he is exactly the reason he turns away from being a frum Jew. Another says, please, I am crying to think that this person can say he is frum and act this way on another Jew's blog. What kind of an image is he going to give to everyone about the religious Jew? What about to his fellow Jew?

We set a program of attraction by example. Your example is not one that anyone would want to follow. While you are at it, you dishonor the name of God and show Him no respect whatsoever.
You are turning others away, not towards God and His mitzvot.

We Interupt This Program....

As you have probably seen from the activity yesterday, the undercover troll is back. He emerged after sundown on Saturday, which makes me, and others who have sent me emails believe that he is in fact a frum Jew. This makes me sad for a variety of reasons. First, as many know, and have seen from my posts, I do not like to portray any Jew in public in a negative light. This is very painful to me, as we have so much trouble of our own from people hating us around the world. But this choice, given the individual's posting patterns and remarks on my blog as well as other people's blogs is the most logical conclusion, thereby creating a judgment on my part regarding who this person is and what he represents. I have been patient, attempting to be dan l'kaf zechut (judge him favorably), but the evidence which exists for me to form a judgment sadly proves otherwise. This is not a judgment of all frum Jews, as most truly practice kindness, and loving acts, and act what what they are taught to believe, resulting in them being good people and are kind to others. There are, of course bad apples in every lot.

Nevertheless, I am not turning against my people nor condemning all frum Jews, and if such appears to be the case, I apologize. My comments were directed to the actions of one person. Poor behavior and unpleasant manners speak to individuals and not to groups, and this individual does appear to be troubled. Just as you may feel the need to be judgmental of the comment's have made, please try to understand the difficulties I and some other bloggers have been having as a result of the unwanted and chronic disturbing remarks and participation of this troll with this individual hijacking our names and likeness. It is as if someone were committing identity theft. This person has come inside of my person, and made an attempt to take apart, something here, not vice-verca. What would you do and how would you feel? He has engaged in a form of unwelcome fraud and it has been unpleasant for everyone here.

I have notified blogger.com. They are going to watch the posts on my blog and some others that I have alerted them to in an attempt to smoke this person out and if discovered, from what I understand, he will be technologically prohibited from creating a blog of his own or posting in the future.

Please accept my apologies for any disturbances in the posts and comments. I have many devoted readers, who do care about the quality of this blog and what it is said. In the same vein I care very much and am grateful for your comments and participation as always.Thank you for your patience.

As a side note, this person did begin to post here at 7:48 A.M. EST, Sunday morning. The person who I have suspected went and posted at that time as well on his own blog. Blogger.com has been notified, and is making every effort to disable this person's account, and prevent him from being allowed to post as well.

Life's Greatest Gifts: Your Secret Self

Convinced with absolute certainty that this troll is probably a pious Jew, we will see if and to what extent, if any, he comments from sundown, Friday to sundown Saturday, I have decided to continue with my blogging, at least for today, when I believe he will not be on the computer.

Be that as it may, I consider it a great gift that I can stay quiet, focused, and peaceful when confronted with an annoying person who crosses my path today. This has not always been the case, and there were times, especially during my younger days, when I would blow up at the drop of the hat. Sometimes, what is not said holds more weight than what we say, if we are being honest and not hurtful to others. Silence, to me is a great and welcome gift, and one that it cherished today. Now, if I could only learn patience, I think I would truly be inside the large circle of peace.

To change subjects a bit, and a topic that I will keep up over the weekend is one that I wrote about when I first started blogging, which was, if you could do anything in this world, other than what you were doing, no holds barred, what would it be?

For me, this is a two-fold answer. I love to drive fast. When I was young, I used to hang on to fantasies of becoming a race car driver, putting on that helmet and going 150 miles per hour round and round a speed-way. Today, my goals are a bit smaller, and I would settle for being a taxi cab driver in New York city or even in Israel. There is something about fast driving that I find intoxicating. The other 'occupation' that I would want to do, in secret, without disclosing my true name or identity is be able to write erotica. Having a vivid imagination, and loving the written word, especially in many forms is something that is very appealing to me. I wish I could write some of these provocative, tasteful and even elegant and sensual tales and be able to share them with others to read anonymously.

Here is the question of the day: Tell us about your secret self? Who or what if anything would you like to be or do with your life if there were no holds bar and anything were to be possible?

Good Shabbos. Have a beautiful weekend!

Thank you for your minds.

On the Nature of Change

Some of you have noted that there has been a blog highjacker on some of our blogs, who has appropriated our name and likeness to create a name and icon like our own. I have made some necessary changes to this blog in the hopes that this person will disappear. Seeming like someone who is completely invested in making our lives miserable, he has taken it upon himself to untake this task.

As you see, my icon is different. (please do not mention the name of this one if you know it) and I have made other changes as well in the hopes of driving this person away from here. I have alerted blogger.com as well regarding this issue in the hopes that it will not continue. This person appears to be anti-semetic, as when you click on his name it says, yudden, not Woman on the Verge of Thinking. Please see on the post prior to this one as the person keeps making comments, and adjusting his icon to fit mine, but when you click on the name, it says, yudden, or vergeof thinking. When you click on the icon, you can see that it is not my blog.I am not going to delete these comments so you can see how this person is operating.

This person is obviously very crafty with the computer, and probably someone who does not have much love or richness in his life and feels the need to invest it all in the definition of others. I am aware that no matter how many times I change my icon, this person can get it, but at least I can demonstrate to you how invested he is. Actually, I am flattered that someone would go to such trouble and take so much time to want to be just like me. Please click on the icon to make sure it says women on the verge of thinking and has all of my posts listed, so you know it is me. I have also changed my sign in name for now as you can see.

My new image is one I have hanging inside my home: Le Violin by Man Ray. A picture of a nude woman facing backwards with the f holes from the violin sitting on her back. One of my favorites!

Thank you for your patience.

On the Meaning of Relationships

Who among us does not enjoy having a relationship with another human being? What I mean by this, is a connection, a vibe, a chemistry, an interaction that makes us feel good about who and what we are. Are relationships not to some extent the very life blood that keeps our lives working, and the threads, whether loose or strong that hold us together?

Take a moment and think about the relationships we have in our lives, as wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, friends, lovers, soul mates, and the list goes on and on. Some of our relationships are artificial, some superficial, others, strong, passionate, and sweltering, others necessary for our very own growth, development and wing spreading and flying so that we can leave our nests and build our roots, blossom like a night-blooming jasmin on a sweltering bush.

My relationships are many. Some involve people out there in the real world, and others are composed of some lovely individuals I have met over the internet, either though sites, or as a result of this blog.

Here is a question that I have been thinking about over the past two days: Tell me about some of your great relationships with people? Are the expectations and investments that you have with people in the real world different from those you have from the internet? If so, it what way? Does the nature, intensity and value of relationship depend upon what connects you in the first place, such as a common interest, a religious tie, a common theme such as recovery or illness, or something else completely different? Have you met with people whom you became acquainted with over the internet? Do you continue to be friends, and has your friendship flourished and/or diminished?

As a side note, I am meeting with a group of women this Sunday with whom I connected with over the internet through a fragrance site. A couple of us have spoken on the phone, and are connected on many levels. I have been lucky and have met women and men over the internet who are in my life. and continue to be an important part of it, thankfully. We have been there for one another through the ups and downs of life, including, but not limited to illness, death, childbirth, graduations, highlighting pet moments, etc.

To be honest, I am letting everyone know that I have begun working on my brief, and have been working for over 5 straight hours this morning, and am taking a lunch break. Back to work at lpm, it is in writing and I am holding myself to it!

Thank you for your minds.

Sunny WIth a Chance of Blistering Heat

Today, I am going to follow my dear friend Scott's format, and create a gratitude list, as a reminder, especially to myself for all that I am grateful for at this moment. Today, it is already warm, the light is shining and it appears as if there are no dark clouds in the sky.

I am grateful for:

-a loving family, good friends, and my dog, Astro, who after many illnesses and set-backs is still alive.
-that I can be there for people, especially those in need, when they ask me to, or I can tell them that I will be there and follow through on my promise.
-that I do not have to travel in rush hour traffic one and half hours to go to work, and can do so from my home
-that I know how to look at myself honestly, and when I am wrong admit it, and also set healthy boundaries to take care of myself.

Tell me, what are some of the people, places and things in your life that make you grateful today.

Today, I am working to write a brief. I will not be on line until later on this late afternoon. I wish you all a good, peaceful day.

Thank you for your minds.

Profile In Courage: I am What I Am

It was not until later in life that I began to appreciate that one of the truly great conclusions reached about the state of human thought and mind was not made by Plato, Socrates, Descarte or even Aristotle, by Popeye the Sailorman when he said, "I am what I am." When we ask, who are we, what does it mean? What makes us tick, what do we do, what are our possessions? Ultimately, we all are who we are.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself, as some comments have been surfacing over the past few days that I believe require some expression of thought here. All of you know that I love deep thought, and ask lots of questions. Less often than not, small talk is displeasing to me. I am a wife, a mother, a dog owner, loyal friend, proud Jew, passionate supporter of many causes, among them those who suffer from mental illness and gay rights. I do not like people who are not treated fairly, dishonesty, cowardliness nor mean people. I speak more than one language fluently, and am not a great speller.I dislike George Bush. I am well educated, holding two B.A.s, a master's degree and a law degree. Point of fact, I am a voracious reader, love to travel,listen to classical music, visit art museums, stare at architecture with a provocative eye, and do, on occasion, watch pornography. I love the human body, and many describe me, and I describe myself as a sensualist, someone who loves the senses to their fullest. I do not smoke nor drink and am proud that I have given up both of these vices, and consider them as among my great accomplishments. I am an honest person, and as far as my blog is concerned, invite everyone to come and post and participate in comments. I do not feel invalidated because you disagree with me, on the contrary, I enjoy it. I do experience hurt, pain, and have suffered in my life. I am a secure woman, and consider peace of mind to be a great virtue. Living live today with a quiet mind and peaceful heart are virtues that I cherish. In fact, I still allow anonymous comments, as some people say that they enjoy posting, but are shy, and I respect that quality in people.

What you see explained about is who I am. Just like Popeye.

If deep thought and discussion, sometimes resulting in controversy, are not what you enjoy, and you are not instrested in the above-subjects, perhaps my blog is not for you. I try to be fair and encourage everyone to post and comment. Please be fair to me as well.

Thank you for your minds.

Blog Wars: EDITED

Over these past few days, many of you can see that there have been some rather intense, conversations on this blog, some resulting in adversity, others support, and at times hurtful comments about blogging and fellow bloggers have surfaced. As indicated, the blog is for oneself, but to say that we do not enjoy the comments, attention and discourse would be untruthful. In the same vein, we can also be affected by the negativity may put more emphasis into it than others, and it is not for me to say nor judge.

What has surfaced, dispute this realization, is that the blogging world is composed of real people, some who are great, others not so much so. Frankly, I am spending way too much time and energy and investment too much of myself in the internet and the blogging world. Since my job entails me working from the computer, it is easy to log on and post comments. Yes, it can be stimulating, and distracting, and it can also be aggravating. War is not something that I find to be attractive, either in the real world or on the internet.

Having impassioned discussions are one thing. Disagreement is another. Putting one's entire being into a machine and letting it define who you are and what you think about yourself are completely something else as well.

A blog should not be a replacement of life, but an expression of it.

Since this is my blog, I am going to delete comments that I determine to be necessary, period. If some of you are coming here with an agenda, and I think you have one, I will delete your comments if I feel you have an agenda that is mean, spiteful or has an element of hatred or unkindness in it. I have deleted some comments below, and I am telling the people that I am deleting them, so there are no surprises. As of today, I have eliminated the anonymous comments section as well out of an abundance of caution.

I am not leaving, but I am going to begin to enforce my own rules. This is my blog, and I am going to stop being Ms. Nice and sticking up for myself when I feel it is necessary. If you truly do not want to read what I have to say, please stop coming here to read, and posting hurray when someone, who is posting without a proper address comes here and does so and you show allegiance. The element of suspicion begins to emerge, and frankly, I am tired of it.

Many people enjoy reading my blog, as much as I enjoy writing it, and I am not going to stop because there are some people who have their own agendas. I left the make-up site because I felt that there was meanness towards some people, defined by personal agenda. I am not going to leave my own blog.


Thank you for your minds and spirits.

Why the Jews?

Today, my son and I were driving in the car, and began having a discusison about why Jews have been hated so deeply and for such a long period of time. Is it because of the issue of them being labeled as Christ killers (even though we now know the Romans actually killed Jesus), does it have to do with their levels of education, affluence, or presence in many top level jobs? Although we are only about 1 percent of the entire world population, just about everywhere you go, you see Jews as a thriving presence in some form or another. Are Jews hated because they are different, were designated as God's chosen people, or is anti-semitism something that has nothing truly to do with Judaism at all?

My son graduated this year from a very good Ivy league university, and indicated that he took an entire class devoted to this very subject of Jew hatred. According to his professor, Judaism, is one of the few religions where people are encouraged to ask questions rather than accept things blindly. Even the most pious of Rabbis can be challenged, when speaking about the mysteries of the Torah or on subjects as complex as the Kabbalah, without offense. Questioning is something very Jewish, and also very different. According to my son, many other religions ask that their followers accept the tenants and principles without questions, thereby making it easier, to a large extent, for those who are in a position of power and control to become even more powerful. Just take a look at how we all argue in blogsville as an example of our inability to conform to opinions. Each question it seems brings about a new questions, the very slogan of my blog.

As we have faced the withdrawal of 9,000 Jews this past week from Gaza and now sections of the west bank, anti-semitism continues to exist and is a very real concern, especially in the middle-east and in many European countries today. Synagogues are burned, people assaulted, and racial slurs abound as many memorials and places of worship are desecrated in the name of Jew hatred. Need the horrors of the programs and the extermination of 6 million Jews alone during the Holocaust even be mentioned as the worst forms of anti-semitism to exist in history.

After 9/11, many people in this country experienced what it meant to feel hated because they were a member of a certain class of people, i.e. Americans. Is it truly the case that many in the Islamic and Arab rule hate Americans in the same way that they hate the Jews? Citizens of this country are beginning to acquire a sliver of understanding of what it means to be hated because of who you are.

Here is the question of the day: Why is do people hate the Jews? Is there something about Judaism and its values that defines the basis of anti-semitism in the world today? Is Jew hatred truly a value issue, relating to economics, ethnicity or education, as well as a religious issue? Does anti-semitism in any way, shape or form, dove tail on anti-Americanism today and if so, in what way?

Anticipating lots of discussion, this post will stay up for several days. Please be respectful and kind, as I know you will, in your comments.

Thank you for your minds.

People Pleasers

First of all, let me say thank you so very, very much, from the bottom of my heart for all your kind and heartfelt wishes for my daughter's birthday, and my friends. I am truly humbled, and overwhelmed by your comments and emails. I feel overpaid here.

While I was reading over these comments, the issue surfaced regarding the nature of my blog and how it is set up in an interactive way. I love hearing what people have to say, whether they agree or not with me, and as many probably know by now, I am someone who says what is on my mind. If controversial results, so be it, but ultimately I write what I feel in an open and honest fashion. It is truly the case that I understand that there are people who prefer to stay silent, and shy away from controversy, and that is their absolute right.

Some people, it seems live their lives and perhaps even control their blogsin a manner that is pleasing to others. They want to be liked, at whatever cost, and want others to like them. Being liked validates them and their own wishes, needs and desires. In other words, it is more important what other people think about them than what they think about themselves. What motivates people to say or not say something ultimately? Do people tell you one thing, and go off and do something completely different?

What makes me raise this issue today, especially, is that I made a comment on someone's blog, a general statement, and found that what I had to say was deleted. It was not rude, nasty, disrespectful nor in poor taste, but I suspect that for whatever reason, the person felt that it made her look bad to others, and therefore decided to make it disappear. A while back, this person indicated that she did not comment on my blog, because she was too busy with her own. I accepted her response, continued to post on her blog, and moved on, without question or doubt. Then I noticed that my blog was removed from her list on her blog roll. This woman used to email me, was on a makeup site with me, and I thought, liked me. As I began reading over her blog, it made me wonder, in a way, about the faces that we let the world see, and whether our own inner faces are less important than the outer one that we show to the world. Do we like everything to appear neat, tidy, compartimalized, and in an orderly fashion so that other people will like us?

Do not get me wrong: I like to be liked, and as you can see, feel so grateful to have a good family and be surrounded by so many friends. But what you see is who I am.

Which brings me to the question of the day: Are you someone who needs validation from others in order to feel good about yourself? Are you a people pleaser? Is the face you show to the world consistent with the one that lies within? Ultimately is it important for you to be liked by others more or to like yourself more?

Ultimately, I tell myself, we are all about what motivates us to act or not act. Motives are the key to understanding who we are, in my humble opinion.

Thank you for all of your spirited minds.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DOLLY!

Today, August 23rd is my daughter's 20th birthday. As a matter of coincidence, this is also my 200th post. Other important events happening today include the birthday of another friend of mine, a woman, who is like a mother to me, is having a pace-maker put in, and Winter-Wheat is having an amnio.(she is pregnant) Being a person who is somewhat superstitious, and trusting the rich and complex history of the ancient Kabbalistic masters, whose lessons of wisdom and the mysteries of the world are far too complex for me, I see unity and meaning in the combination of these numbers and meaning of events.

Six months ago, our daughter was ill, and we had no idea that she would be doing as well as she is today. This is indeed a beautiful celebration and one for which I am so very grateful. Each morning, before I get up out of bed, I face east, and thank God, for the good health of my children. It is something that is not ever taken for granted, and each good day is indeed a wonderful and great gift, a true blessing.

Who is Dolly, you may ask? Well, three years ago, my daughter decided to use her middle name, Ilana, and forget about her first name. Since it is difficult for me to make this transition, even though this is a name she was given, I call her Dolly, an endearing name that I have used to describe her since birth. I told her yesterday, that when she turns 20, I will stop calling her Dolly. No longer a teen-ager, it is impotant for me to see and respect her for the wonderful young woman she has become. She told me, today, that it was alright, I could still use this name, because I like it so much. So therein lies a small, unexpected gift for myself as well.

So for today, Happy Birthday, Dolly, and Chuck. Many good thoughts and wishes to you my dear friend Joyce and Kris, as you both undertake these procedures on this day too.

Thank you for your minds.

Judging Others

Most people, when asked, will tell you that they do not like to be judged. In fact, if you read through many posts, there is a typical conclusion reached by many, especially, in an area where some controversy sparks, that if an opinion is reached, it should not be in the form of a judgment. Frankly, I do not like to be judged, although, perhaps I may do it myself on more than one occasion. And if the truth be told, others do not like to be judged either.

What what does it truly mean to sit in judgment? From a legal perspective, the role of a judge is to hear all the evidence, weigh it, and make some type of binding decision, a determination and/or decision about a matter at hand. In this instance, a judgment is an authoritative opinion with consequences.

Reading below, in a post that I make, I say, that I do not understand how some follow the tedious mitzvot of the Torah, yet cheat on their spouses, lie or are dishonest. Someone responds, that it is not appropriate to judge others. To me, a judgment is something more than rendering a personal opinion. In fact, it is negative, with a proviso that not only do you not understand how a person acts but that you are voicing your disapproval of the conduct as well.

Here is the question of the day: What does it mean to judge others? Is rending an opinion or speaking ones mind a form of judgment? If not, how does it differ from judging others? Are there circumstances when judging others has positive or beneficial consequences for oneself or others?

Please note, that most of my posts, as you can by now, are rather complex in thought, but diverse in quality. For example, the one about sinning truly has nothing to do with nudity. I am, as many probably know by now, a deep thinker.

Thank you for your minds.

Nudity: The Beauty of the Human Body in Art

Needing some respite from the harsh realities of what has been going on in Israel this week, my husband suggested that we both do something calmning for our souls. He suggested we go to an art museum, knowing how much I appreciate beauty and art.

Today, while my husband and I were at an art museum, we were both looking at many European paintings, from as early as the 1700s until the 21st century. Let me begin by saying that I love art museums, and have been fortunate to visit some of the most beautiful ones in the world, with perhaps the exception of the Hermitage in Russia. When we were in Paris alone, we went to 5 museums in 5 days. Having been to many of the major art museums around the world, including those in Los Angeles, New York, the Louve, Musee de Orsee, the Prado, and Victoria and Albert in England, the Rodin, and on and on, I began to think about the nude body in art and how it has been used throughout the years.

As someone who loves art, and the nude body as a beautiful expression of the artistic mind and hand, I confess to owning several nude paintings and sculptures. Along with my collection of Judaica, hangs some very sensual pieces of art, particularly of the female nude body.

Something that struck me, as I looked at many of these works from Dutch, French, Italian and Flemish masters, were that many used the nude body as an expression of beauty in art. Think about the majestic fully nude body of David, penis and all, and some of the more illustratratious paintings of women, usually pictured with their breasts exposed as an example of their shear beauty, and as a mark of their femininity. Think about Ingress, and those paintings of voluptuous women, or the American artist Thomas Eakins, or even the American photographer, Man Ray, and the manner in which he used the naked body to define his art. More often than not, nudity was considered to be a form of beautiful expression, and for many years, other than perhaps the Church or synagogue art, was the norm rather than the extreme in art.

Last night, I was watching a re-run of the movie, Basic Instinct with Sharon Stone. Not discounting the drama, intensity and boldness of that movie, which I truly love, it made me think about the way in which the nude body is portrayed today as an art form. Mostly, when we see art with a nude body today, it is not so much the subject of beauty, sensuality, or natural expression. It is associated with sex or sexuality in some form or another, including but not limited to pornography.

Here is the question of the day: Has nudity as an art form become lost or diminished over time? Has the human body has a form of sensual expression, beauty, and admiration been replaced in art, and is understood today in purely sexual terms? Have we become more or less modest about the expression of the naked body over time?

Noted is that most of my comments and observations pertain to Western and/or European art.
If there are exceptions, any information would be most appreciated.

Thank you for your minds.

Sin City: The Nature and Appeal of Sins

Thanks to some truly beautiful and kind soul, I was sent a Siddur, a Jewish prayer book, over this past week. Let me say, that I have never owned a Siddur, and to me, sending this gift was one of the most wonderful, kind and loving gestures anyone has done for me. A gift of love truly from the heart.

While reading the Siddur over this Shabbos, I began to think about the nature of sins and why people commit them, atone for them, and keep doing them over and over again. According to Jewish law, at least the way I understand it, and please correct me if I am wrong, in addition to the Ten Commandments, there are 613 mitzvots that tell people how to live their lives, what is permitted and what is prohibited. All sins are created equal in the eyes of God, although the punishment may in fact be different. For example, the sin of stealing, adultery, killing, lying, or disrespecting one's mother and father are the same as driving or turning the lights on or working on Shabbos. The manner in which the law defines and punishes certain acts is clearly distinguishable from the way such forms of conduct are defined and punished within a religious context, and are not really the topic at hand.

As I started thinking about what sin means, I must confess, that it is true, according to strict Halacha (Jewish law), I am a sinner. Although I honor Shabbos by lighting candles, making a dinner for the family and not leaving my home on Friday night, I turn on lights, drive, work sometimes, and operate the computer. There are probably many more of those 613 that I break, which, would make me a sinner, at least in the eyes of God.

For people of other faiths, I am certain that there are sins defined by your religion, in addition to the Ten Commandments, if you are Christian or Catholic, and I welcome any insight into what these may be and how they define behavior, thought and action.

Each and every one of us, even those who claim to be the most religious, commit sins. To say otherwise is simply not truthful. There are some, surely, who view sins as equal to one another, and therefore, justify their poor behavior as being a violation of one of the Commandments, therefore meaning, to them, that driving on Shabbos is equal to cheating, lying or committing adultery. The conclusion being, 'what is the difference.' Since violation of any of of the sins carry equal weight, in the eyes of God, cheating in a business deal is measured with the same yardstick as turning on one's lights on Shabbos. Even those who try to observe all of God's Commandments and mitzvot, may cheat, lie, be judgmental of others, speak harshly or cruelly to his/her fellow person, thereby resulting in sin.

To me, however, there is a personal difference. Although sins may be equal in the eyes of God, lying to one's spouse is not the same as wearing wool and linen together. There are some sins that impact greatly on those around us. Leading a good life, being a good person, and leading life in accordance with cherished and honored values that we deem appropriate are of major importance and not to be underestimated. For example, I do not cheat, steal, kill,, lie, and try to do as many good deeds for people as possible each day of my life. In other words, I try hard to live life in line with my values.

It seems as if one compelling reason why people sin is because they have unrealistic expectations of themselves or others. We lie in business to make more money, we do not respect our parents because we do not accept them for who they are, and therefore act accordingly.
We are not honest with our spouses, because we want them to be someone other than who they are, and thefore, perhaps find it necessary to lie, cheat or act poorly. These are just some of my own impressions. All opinions are most welcome.

Here is the question of the day, and it is a deep one: Why do people sin? What does it mean if we sin but continue to sin, knowing that it is wrong, that it is against God and/or man/woman? Is it your belief that all sins are of equal value with equal consequences to God, self and others?What impact does it have if we sin, ask for atonement or forgiveness, and continue to do so over and over again? How do our sins and atonement affect our relationship with ourselves, our loved ones and God? (this point has been edited and clarified, thank you trw.)

Thank you for your minds.

To do or Not to Do: Would you Get Another Pet?

Many of you who know me personally, or are acquainted with me or know me through MUA, already have heard about my love for my beloved golden retriever, Astro. We had had this dog since he was about 6 weeks old. He used to belong to my son, who, in point of fact, picked him out (the biggest one of the litter) and paid for him, but after two weeks of realizing that he needed to be responsible for this beautiful creature, the job of taking care of his daily needs was delegated to me. Hence, he became my dog, well, actually, he became my baby. Today, he is 11 1/2 and beginning to show the signs of aging, quite fastly, I might add, and the fact that he will not be around forever here with me has begun to surface.

Astro is a part of our family. I have nicknames for him, such as beautiful, doll baby, etc., and he has come on family trips with us, eats out of our plates, and is ravaged with so much attention that my husband has, on more than one occasion, accused me of loving the dog more than anyone in the house. I even had a portrait sitting of Astro and myself done. He is the love of my life.

Since a very early age, Astro and I have gone on long walks. During one of these walks, we have encountered our rather silent neighbor, who lives about 2 doors down from us. The man had a German Shepard, who he would take for a walk each and every day, never bothering to look at us or say hello. In fact, I used to whisper to Astro that both that man and his dog were losers. (I know that is not nice.) Today, Astro is unable to go for walks due to major problems with his joints and bones, but I still walk each and every day. If I am able, I walk twice a day, in the early mourning, and evening. One morning, I saw this man and his dog sitting outside, and as usual, there was no hello or greetings whatsoever. That same day, in the evening, I went by his home, and saw that the German Shepard was not there, but a new chocolate lab puppy was sitting on his lawn. The dog came running to me, and the man ran after him. I broke the silence and asked, 'what happened to your other dog?' He replied, 'he died this morning, and I got a new one.' In my mind I thought, wow, no down time, no period of mourning, the other dog is here one minute and replaced the next.

When Astro passes, for now, I do not hink I will get another dog. For one, it will take me too long to mourn his lost, as it will feel as if the love of my life is gone. The other reason, is that I do not view him as something that can be so easily replaced. He is too special, too unique for me.

Here is the question of the day: If you are a pet owner, and your pet, expired, would you get another one? If so, when? Has this happened to you, and if so, what has been your experience with the second pet?

Thank you for your minds.

The Winds of Change

First of all, thank you all for your kind and supportive emails and posts to what has been a couple of weeks of controversy on this blog. In an attempt to restore it, and my readers, and myself, by the way, to some sense of light equilibrium, and sanity, I am going to post something completely unlike me and ask the following question:

Tell me what the weather is like in your city today? Where do you live? Do you experience the seasons? If you could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?

Thank you for your minds.

What does it Mean to Speak Freely?

As I have been reading over my own blog these past few days, as well as some comments from people via email, the issue has surfaced regarding free speech especially as it pertains to the blog world.

First of all, let me preface this by saying that freedom of speech, according to the First Amendment is not absolute. Some types of speech are restricted and not protected by the first amendment. For example, fighting words or acts that are libel to incite violence are considered unprotected speech.

In 1942, the U.S. Supreme Court in the case of Champlinsky v. New Hampshire held that a police offer who was called a "God damned racketeer' and a 'damned fascist' held that this speech was not protected under the First Amendment. The Court held that there this speech was in the category of a face-to-face epithets, or 'fighting words' that are wholly outside the protection of the first amendment. In other words, 'words, by their very utterances designed to inflict injury' and are not an essential liberty of any exposition of ideas are construed as non-protected speech.

Moreover, in Wisconsin v. Mitchell decided a year later, the Court held that sentences which resulted in racially-motivate assaults were not protected by the First Amendment. In 2003 the Court in Virginia v. Black held that cross-burning was not protected speech because it has a history of particularly virulent form of intimidation and is outside protection from the First Amendment.

It seems as if many here in blog world, some people have confused freedom of speech with the ability to say what is freely on one's mind. This is simply not the case, and some speech is regulated as you can see. Some posts have resulted in name calling, and assaults on the character of others, or have been designed to go beyond the expression of opinions and have been virulent in the form of intimidation. Just as our Constitution does not protect these types of speech, I am going to prohibit them from appearing on my blog as well, and deem them to be unprotected forms of expression.

I love and respect our Constitution and see it as a true living document which regulates behavior, words and actions.

When posting, please ask whether what you have to say is in the form of fighting words, or designed to insult, provoke or instill racial hatred before you say it. If so, please refrain yourselves from posting on this blog if your comments are in this form. If all you have to say is in the form of inciting words or a face to face epithete, please do not say it here.


Thank you for your minds.

Israel and the Disengagement: Peace v. Security

EDITED:

For the past several days, weeks, actually, many of my days and hours have been spent thinking about Israel and the disengagement plan. Being a voracious reader and subscriber to both the Jerusalem Report and The Jerusalem Post and listening to national Israel radio these past few days, my heart has been breaking piece by piece, each layer crumbling as I watch Jews slandering and fighting each other. Moreover, the pain from many of my friends in Israel, and from fellow bloggers seems to be unbearable, even at times so piercingly overwhelming, that I too, have been driven to tears.

A larger question, however, looms in my mind. Is the disengagement really so bad for the Jews?
Ultimately, will this plan result in making Israel more secure against terrorists and hate groups rather than result in a conscious effort to expel other Jews from their homes? Is the ultimate result peace or security, or both? When weighing and balancing the pros and cons, as my husband has concluded over these past few days, disengagement is not such a bad proposition afterall.

Let me preface what I am going to say with these words: not all Palestinians are terrorists, nor do they all hate the Jews. In fact, prior to the intifada, many Arabs living in the Gaza strip enjoyed productive and gainful employment in Israel. Since the intifada, much movement has affected these people as well. But here is my thinking. If the Palestinians truly want their own place, why not remove all the Jews from there and let them live freely and securely? This way, if there are further attacks or suicide bombs in Israel, the Jews can act accordingly and defend themselves without the risk of killing their own people. Is this not really an issue of security rather than peace? Both sides want to be secure, at least so it seems.

It pains me deeply to see one Jew have to expell another from his/her home. Surely these acts are difficult, if not heartwrenching for the soldiers as well. Is the larger goal one of security for Jews and Israel?

Being unable to sleep, I read this morning, on on blog, how a young woman is going to help other Jews relocate in their new homes where they have been forced to move. This to me, seems to be a truly constructive effort, and will result in dealing with the solution itself, rather than making the problem bigger.

I am under no delusion that if a suicide bomber comes to attack Israel that the world will come to its aid, understanding and assistance with the proviso that at least the Jews tried, and this is what happened. Jew hatred sadly exists, and I have yet to see any country come to the true aid of the Jews to prevent loss of lives for the past 2,000 years, the Holocaust being no exception.

But I can pray that there be no bloodshed.

Emotions run high, I am aware, and the deadline for evacuation has passed. In fact, it was reported late this afternoon that some Jews refuse to leave, and have called the Israeli soldiers Nazis. According to the Torah, mitzvah 317, it is forbidden to curse another Jew and to call another Jew a Nazi is both factually incorrect and sinful. The Nazis killed 6 million innocent Jews. These soldiers are not killers; they are following orders to evacuate, and although painful and difficult, it is not resulting in the loss of any innocent lives, thank God, so far.

There is a program here in the U.S. where adults can go and help out, live in the armn barracks and be of service to one's fellow Jews. I have often thought about doing it, and truthfully, now seems like the time when service and duty to help is needed more than ever to be of assistance to my people.

One blogger noted that the Jews are stronger than the land they sit on. We know this to be the case, especially when we look at the resilency and courage it took for many of our people to survive the horrors of the Holocaust. We are a people with great strength and will, and this must not be forgotton.

As I write this post, it is my prayer that there is no further bloodshed in Israel. That a peaceful transition can take place in an effort to bring about security.

You are What You Do

A somewhat philosophical, and non-political post is in order, at least for me. With everything going on in Israel over these past few days, my emotions are raw, and feelings sad.

Surely, by now most people have heard the saying, 'you are what you eat.' What specifically does it mean by 'you are?' Does it define what makes each of us an individual and is it a measure (see below for that post) of our worth? What about the conclusion reached that we are what we say, somehow the assumption that each and everyone of us are under an assumption that our words have some type of power, and that their mere utterance defines what we feel, believe or think about a particular issue?

What about another saying, that we are what we do? Is not the ultimate measure of the quality of our character, and the nature of our being best measured by our acts? In Judaism, there is a concept of tikkun oleum, repairing the world, as I have discussed. There is also an idea that the best way to show love and kindness towards others, and to make ourselves feel at the most peaceful and serene level, is really measured by our acts, or deeds, and not truly our words.

So for today, rather than just say what I think, I am going to go out and do something kind for a person, unconditionally. Not something with invisible strings, like sending a gift, and expecting something back, but doing something good, out of my heart, to brighten up the day of another soul, something within my ability and means, just because I want to do a good deed. If you are in need of a good deed today, please let me know, and if I am able to do it, I will.

Thank you for your minds.

The War in Iraq & Bush's Meeting with Families of Dead Soldiers

With Bush's approval ratings, especially falling to below 61 percent recently on whether the U.S. should have engaged in the war on Iraq, in an unprecedented move, Bush met with about 900 family members of some 270 soldiers killed in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Keeping stoic and steadfast in his usual my way or no way tone, Bush indicated, as stated below, that the United States would not pull out its troops until Iraq was able to defend itself. In otherwords, no timetable was clearly set.

It has been reported in Newsweek magazine, that Bush's eyes were red, acknowledging the pain and suffering that some of these families were experiencing having lost a son, daughter, husband or wife, brother or sister during the war. He even said, "I am sorry for your loss."

Here is what I do not understand. To my knowledge, more than 1700 lives have been lost in Iraq. Why only meet with family members of some 270 soldiers? Are some soldiers lives worth more or deserving more of the President's attention than others? Cindy Sheehan, a symbol by now, and known as the mother of a soldier killed in Iraq, has camped out in front of Bush's ranch, keeping a vigil, expecting an answer from this President. Although Bush says he sympathies with Ms. Sheehan, he has refused a personal meeting or visit with her.

What are these meetings all about? Are they a publicity ploy to gain public support for a President whose popularity is dwindling, who appears insensitive to the needs of the average American who wants answers to hard questions? Why should he not say he is sorry? Is an apology not in fact expected and necessary? Each man and woman has put his/her life on the line serving in a branch of the military where Bush serves as Commander in Chief. Why is his behavior viewed as something so extraordinary based on a war with a country who was not a threat to the United States?

This war has cost America more than lives and dollars. It has cost us, as a nation, our pride, dignity and a sense of responsibility that we have with other countries, who used to look at us with envy, and now, to some extent shun us with fear and trepidation. In my opinion, China is likely to become the super-power that the U.S. was at one time with its new advances in technology and large intelligent population, and birth control.

Thank you for your minds.

Bush and the Disengagement Plan in Israel

Today, about 9,000 Jews are being told to evacuate their homes in the seaside community of Gatif Kfash, also known as the Gaza strip in Israel. The purpose of the evacuation is in an attempt to give Palestinians land, to show them that Israel is serious about peace and that it would be beneficial for all Jews and Arabs in Israel.

The issue as to whether Abbas can bring stability to Gaza, a separate one from the disengagement process is addressed at:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8942480/site/newsweek/

Personally, I am not truly for the disengagement, as I do not think that it will result in peace for the Jews, but understand why it must be done. To me, many Palestinians will not be happy until they see the Jewish state, all Jews, for that matter destroyed. This speaks to extremist groups, not all and I do know that the Palestinians and their families suffer as a result of the intifada just as much as the Jew.

There is one question, however, that those who disfavor disengagement do not address completely? What if any role do you feel American and the Bush administration has had in this plan? Do you not feel that Bush, Condeleza Rice, Rumsfeld and his entire group have put their stamp of approval on this plan? How is it possible to be against the disengagement plan, but continue to support Bush and his policies in this context? How, if at all do you find this to be consistent or inconsistent with the policies that this President and this administration have towards the United States? Do you really think Bush cares about the Jews and Israel?

Thank you for your minds.

A State of Worry

Many of you have noticed my new icon that is displayed to the right in the form of a blue and white hamsa with doves and stars of David insides the fingers. A hamsa translated as a hand of God, and known as a symbol of protection from evil or bad. Point of fact, I wear one all the time around my neck, having two or three different ones, and have these powerful symbols scattered around my home. Most of the time, when balanced, and thinking correctly, the hamsa reminds me that it is not me who is in change of the world, nor that I have any power of people, places, things or how something turns out in the end.

If the complete truth be known, I worry quite a bit. My main worry is about my children, their well-being, and safety. If honest, however, it can be concluded that I worry about everything. For example, today I am worried about my daughter, about Israel, about whether I will finish my brief on time, about gaining weight, and the list goes on and on. It can on a given day be said that I live inside of fear. This is not a healthy state nor place, and it prevents me from enjoying the gifts of life as they are at any given moment. When my head is in a place of worry, I am not able to experience the beauty of any given unique moment for what it has to offer.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day worrying about my daughter and her health. I keep a journal, and told myself, that today, I would write about my feelings on my blog. My journal is called, Black Rats and White Rats, and I noticed that my last entry was April 8th., around the time that I had started to work on this blog. What does this mean? My journal is about my inner most feelings and issues, some which are shared in the blog world, and others not so much. There is not one entry about Bush, the state of the economy, the State of Israel, or penises. It made me see that some of the real stuff in life, that allows me to grow and sprout are not being written about. Consequently, I spanked myself (do not get too alarmed or excited) and said that for today, I would write about what I was truly feeling.

When I live inside of fear, I do not experience life as it is, but as I think it is. Most of the time, my thoughts are not even correct, and consequently, more often than not, many precious moments of each and every day are wasted, because of the thinking inside of my head.

For today, I am going to make every effort to let go of worry. Letting go does not mean to stop caring, nor to give up, but to allow myself to learn from the natural consequences, and know that each and every outcome is truly outside of my power.

Thank you for your minds.

The Meaning of Measurements

The other day, I had the opportunity to attend a health and fitness exposition. While I was there, various counters were set up to measure glucose levels, blood pressure, cholesterol, heart rate, lung capacity, etc. Something that was quite apparent to me, was that most of my measurements were low. My blood pressure is 96/64, the blood sugar level was 62 and my lung capacity, even for an ex-smoker was below 90. These low measurements, I was told, were a sign that I was in good health.

I began to think how much we place a value on measurements in our society and their importance. Are we a society fixated on measurements? For a woman, sizes are especially important. For example, a woman with a DD bra size is considered voluptuous, and someone wearing a size 4-6 in clothing is considered appealing. For a man, his attractiveness or level of appeal may be measured by the size of his penis (yes that particular organ again), his muscles or his weight.

But what about other aspects of our being, our soul and how they are measured? For example, can we measure our patience, or ability to accept others for who their are without judgment or condemnation, or our level of tolerance of others?

If the truth be told, I am not a very patient person. In fact, one of my true downfalls, is my lack of patience, and if there were a barometer to measure this level of my being, it would surely exceed a triple digit number if that were possible.

To me, those very qualities which we cannot measure in actual numbers are those that are to be valued most in our society.

For today, Tisha B'av, as I fast, I will be certain to measure my words, thoughts and actions towards others in the best way possible.

Thank you for your minds.

If I forget thee, Jerusalem....

As Tisha' B'av comes to a close and we get ready for a new chapter in the lives of those in Israel, I want to share one of my favorite poems by Yehuda Amichai:

"If I forget thee, Jerusalem,Then let my right be forgotten.Let my right be forgotten, and my left remember.Let my left remember, and your right closeAnd your mouth open near the gate.I shall remember JerusalemAnd forget the forest -- my love will remember,Will open her hair, will close my window,will forget my right,Will forget my left.If the west wind does not comeI'll never forgive the walls,Or the sea, or myself.Should my right forgetMy left shall forgive,I shall forget all water,I shall forget my mother.If I forget thee, Jerusalem,Let my blood be forgotten.I shall touch your forehead,Forget my own,My voice changeFor the second and last timeTo the most terrible of voices --Or silence. " Yehuda Amichai

May the transition that meets Israel tomorrow be mesured by tranquility and be met with peace for all people in the State of Israel.

Bush Says Iraq Exit Timetable is 'Speculation'

In his usual move to avoid specific answers to questions about Iraq, Mr. Bush dismissed as speculation recent statements by senators and U.S. Generals in Iraq that the Pentagon could begin to withdraw troops by spring. Bush concluded that an exit timetable would be based solely on political and military progress. He further emphasised that leaving too soon would amount to a betrayal of Iraqi voters.

Bush concluded that a premature pullout would send a terrible message to the enemy. and would imply that as Iraquis stand up, we will stand down. We must be there to support their government.

Here are my questions to Mr. Bush, or anyone else who cares to answer: Are not the citizens of the United States of America being betrayed by this administration in fighting a war, loosing thousands of lives and spending billions of dollars? Is it more important to our country to pledge an alligence to Iraqi voters rather than American citizens? How, if at all does Iraq continue (if it ever was) to be an enemy to this country?

This article worked me up to such a lather, white foam at the mouth and all, that I could not stay silent any longer.

Thank you for your minds.

Judging Other Jews

As we get ready for Tisha B'av, the day, of mourning, many thoughts are circling inside my mind. For those of you who do not know, this is a sad day where Jews mourn their expulsion, and the tragedies that fell upon the Jews after the destruction of both Temples as well as their explusion from Spain in 1492. They fast, and the Torah is draped in black to symbolism this period of grief.

There is another type of tragedy resulting in grief that I am thinking about as we get ready for this solemn day. That is the grief that exists in modern society where one group of Jews judges, condemns or berates another group because he/she happens to be different from the other. For example, it is no secret that I am not Orthodox, but I have experienced many negative comments and remarks from these blogs that I have posted on. Just the sight of my name stirs up people to make comments that are judgmental and unkind, and one woman, whose blog I post on, treats me like a footnote, bypassing anything I have to say no matter what it is.

I have absolute respect for the Orthodox Jew, as I understand it takes much dicipline and focus to live one's life by such rules and commandments. Nevertheless, it seems as if the same courtesy is not extended to those who chose a less pious path, at least by many I have encountered in blogsville and in real life. On the other hand, I have met a handful of people who are truly respectful and kind to those who are different from themselves.

What does it say about us as a group of only 14 million when we begin to judge one another this way? Is this an internal kind of expulsion, only worse than when the Temple was destroyed, since we are harming each other with our words rather than our swords? What is worse? Who is to say that a man or a woman, for example, who is born a Jew, whose mother is Jewish, according to Jewish law, but that he/she is less of a Jew because of not being observant, or even being an athesist, if that is the person's choice? Is this a form of exile in the worst of all possible manners? There must be something in one of those 613 mitzvot that speaks out to the issue of it being forbidden to judge and condemn one's fellow countryperson. Feeling exiled and annihilated by one's own people is the worst of all possible sins, in my opinion. Of course, there is the whole issue of the disengagement in Israel, where this very type of situation arises to an actual physical expulsion, but a verbal one is and can be just as bad, in my opinion.

As we get ready for this solemn day, let us learn to stop judging others, especially our fellow Jews. Let us strive for unity among one another rather than division. To destroy the heart and soul of another Jew is like destroying the Temple.

To those who are fasting, have an easy fast.

EDITED: In the spirit of unity, and out of deep respect for my friend, aaron at
http://jewishissues.blogspot.com/, I am opening up this post for comment.
He has a broader message in his post today, that we should learn to accept, and not
judge others regardless of what color or who they are. He is indeed a great inspiration, and I embrace his words fully.

Connections

Sometimes it can be said that we feel connected to people, some type of bond or line that leads us back to or away from ourselves.

But what does it mean to feel truly connected to another person? Are the elements of time and space ingredients to be factored into our sense of feeling connections? Can connections be false, although on the surface they appear to be real to us?

For me, true connectness is a rare gift. This quality of course can be distinguished from friendship, infatuation and admiration. Connectness is something special, that develops over time and withstands the test of time.

Although I am blessed with many friends, there are few people to whom I would say that I am truly connected. It is like a cord that extends, but spreads its wings out and then curls inside again. I can think of one friend to whom I am extremely connected. We actually mainly correspond over the email, although have met one another and our spouses on a couple of occasions. He does not speak much, at least with words, but with musical notes, he is a majestic wizard. To him, I have always felt a deep connection, which has withstood the tests of time. Whenever there has been a crisis, he has always been here for me, for my family, never being afraid to run away from those difficult issues, but letting me and my family know that in every way he cares deeply. Now that I think about it, he rarely ever talks about himself, although if the truth be told, he has so much to discuss. He is a truly gifted composer and beautiful person, and when my heart and soul are going flat, he seems to know the right words to sayand bring them back to a sharp key. (no pun intended)

When we connect with people, we are brought back to ourselves, only in a richer, deeper, better way. It can be a beautiful spiritual experience reminding us of what is truly important in our lives, allowing us to grow and spread our wings and maybe even fly.

Part II: Confessions of an Attention Whore: Obsession

All of the comments below make me wonder whether obsession, by definition is unhealthy and results in self-destructive and/or harmful behavior it possible to be obsessive about something healthy? Exercise, good eating? Is it not the act of obsessiveness that puts us into a downward spiral?

Bipolar princess makes a good point when she says all of her obsessions are about something that turns out to be unhealthy. I think, by definition, if we are focusing on something abnormally, becoming precoccupied to the point of excluding other things inside of our lives, then it does become an obsession, which is unhealthy, and ultimately puts us in a place to spiral down. The tedium and boredom of everyday life become too mundane for some people to handle and therefore, want to add excitement and thrill, which often leads to poor behavior.

I have noticed that the internet has been doing this to me lately. I seem more concerned about what everyone has to say about what I am saying than what I have to say anymore. Someone just sent me an email this morning, indicating that she was feeling the same way, that her blog was becoming about others, not herself. This is not from someone who makes frequent comments on my blog either, but does know me from the fragrance site.

But her comment made me think of something larger. Is the blog more about yourself, if and only if others are saying what you want to hear or paying you the attention that you feel you need? So it made me wonder, about this issue of blog-snobbery and elitism or bloggism again. Do we only comment if we want to appear to please ourselves or others in some way? Are some of us truly attention whores? We say something, wanting the attention from others about what we have to say. An example would be to get reassurance, confirmation or praise? Or install a blog counter? We like knowing that people come to see us. There is nothing necessarily wrong with any of this behavior, by the way, but for me, I am wondering what, if any impact it is having on my real life.

This all, of course, does not exclude the possibility that there are some real friendships to be had out their in the internet world, but I wonder if we measure them with the same yardstick that we do when taking stock of our real life friends. By the way, I have met some wonderful people over the internet, whom I truly have grown to respect, admire and love. There are those too, who seem to be there for you if they can only be there for themselves in some ways. What this means is that I have met some people whom I thought were friends, but in the end, when we stop giving them what they want, they simply vanish or disappear. Is this a real friend?

This woman proposed the idea of eliminating the comments in the blog, and that would make it more about her writing than about the audience's reaction. But someone, in that case, considering that the blog does cry out for others to notice who we were, I doubt that would make the difference. If it did, why not keep an 'internet private diary' for yourself.
There is something about others agreeing with what we have to say that makes our words more meaningful, to us, rather than to anyone else.

This issue of obsession is a work in progress. For me, obessive behavior has turned, more often than not, into addictive behavior. Today, I try to lead a healthy, balanced life. But when those old demons begin to creep under my skin and take hold of my arteries, it is time to take a step back. Actually, many of the feelings that I am having now about the internet the importance I have placed upon it in my own life are beginning to surface, so I am writing them here today based upon the comments.

Rooster peabody and normal Jew, I guess you are both right in saying that I should not say that I am going to stop commenting, as I keep coming back, either because there is an issue to be worked out, or because I want to hear what others have to say. Leaving my blog alone will be like my decision to stop smoking and drinking. I will just do it. No advertisement, flying red flags or need to say I am taking a break from anything.

Enough musings out of me today. With two briefs and two book reviews due in the following weeks, there is enough to keep me busy. If only I could get one of those remotes like normaljew had on his blog and press off for the thinking part of my body for a day.

I hope everyone has a beautiful and productive day today.

Thank you for your minds.

Obsession

Often when someone thinks of or talks about obession, his/her thoughts run in the direction of deep emotion, often passion. Calvin Klein himself named a fragrance after the word, with the intention of soliciting images of fierce preoccupation and desire. More often than not, however, obession has a much darker side, resulting in such preoccupation and intensity of feelings, that abnormal and/or extreme behavior surfaces leading towards a spiral down into destruction.

Speaking from personal experience, I know all about obsession. In fact, if being honest with myself, I would say that more often than not, when I do something it turns into an obsession for me, whether it be shopping, talking about fragrance, going on the internet, this blog, the former make-up site I used to belong to, being on ebay, smoking, drinking or finding a topic to discuss and not letting go. The result has been a preoccupation with such people, places and/or things, that I am robbed of my own time and so are others around me. If the obsession involves a person, the result will often be a dramatic distincing of oneself, resulting in extreme behavior. For example, if someone is sexually or emotionally obessed with someone else, the reaction may turn into a type of distant, detatached admiration. Why can people not react in a balanced way and just be kind, gentle and loving?

Obsession takes me away from self, God, love and service. Having given up smoking, drinking, shopping on ebay, and to a large extent the fragrance board, most of the obsessions that are described above have disappeared from my life completely, and those that have not, have been tempered (going on the fragrance site and shopping.) When inside the realm of obsession, the subject or object takes over my thoughts and actions completely, leaving little room of anything else. Thankfully, I do, to a large extent, live a balanced life today for the most part.

For me, knowing when I am being obsessive means that I must be honest with myself. Dealing with obsession has been about learning how to be more in touch with the intensity of feelings and actions. It also means that I must step completely back, and take a real look at what is going on inside. Often times, I must stop myself in my tracks and retreat completely to gain some balance back.

These past couple of weeks, I feel as if I have become obsessive about blogging. Some of it has coincided with the death of my father, and some of the other personal painful issues that we have had to deal with this year, I understand. But if I am truly honest with myself, the blog has become not so much about allowing myself to write each and every day (which was how it started) as much as it has become about wanting to know what people 'out there in blogsville' think or have to say about my writing. After writing yesterday, I was even thinking about adding a blog counter, which is how my thinking about being obsessed with blogging began. Consequently, I have robbed myself and family of time that could have been used to pay attention to them. Additionally, I have been robbing my soul of the connection that needs to be made so that I can be a person of true love to God, to self, to others.

Here is the question of the day: Are you obsessed with anything in particular? What are the positive and negative sides of obsession for you, your loved ones and friends? Can you share a time when obsesion has been good for you? What about not so good?

After coming to this realization, for today, I am going to be taking a break from blogging for a little while in the hopes of becoming rebalanced once again. For those of you who are observing Tisha B'av, as you mourn, I wish you an easy fast.

Thank you for your minds.

Musings From an Attention Whore: The Culture of controversy

As many of you know by know, thinking and being able to argue, especially passionately about various issues is something, that for lack of a better word, 'turns me on.' I love a good argument and debate, whether people find themselves agreeing or disagreeing with me. Part of the fun, and stimulation (this is not sexual, I promise) comes in the argument itself.

That being said, it is obvious that I have always been different since the time of my birth. First of all, I am a Jew, sharing this honor with about only 14 million other human beings in the entire world. Second, I am left handed, another form of minority status. Being a woman, and a lawyer sets me further apart, and I only listen to classical and klezmer music, and it I went on too much more, I would be revealing more than I desire for those to see on this blog.

The point of this post is a bit more complex, however, and is about the types of bonds we form with those people on the internet, and how, if at all, they are continued and develop in the real world and what makes them stay alive. Do people enjoy others who stir up the pot and create controversy?

As many of you know, I used to belong to a fragrance site. While I was there, I connected with some truly kind and gentle women. I left that site, however, and only periodically post, as it was taking up too much of my time, and I was spending too much money. To my surprise, I have noticed that many women from that site now have their own blogs, and have, to a large extent created an MUA culture of blogs which connect at blogspot.com. Some come to vist, on this blog, others, not so much, a few have emailed me saying that my posts are 'too controversial' or that they are too busy with their ownblogs (although they are posting on other people's blogs) or not interesting enough to comment about. If one looks at the history of my posts, it is evident that I have a wide range of interests from Marilyn Monroe to the Catholic Church to Judaism to penises to the Art of Perception. What is fundamentally present in my blog, however, is the ability to think and exchange ideas at some deep level. It seems as if some people are indeed uncomfortable with this idea, with the conclusion that simple is good, and there is an expected type of subject that should be discussed, in a particular maner, period.

Truthfully, as you see, I have no blog counter on this blog and do not keep track of how many people log in, post or what they have to say. But what I do notice, is that people who used to be bonded to me from that fragrance site seem to have disappeared, with a very few exceptions. This makes me wonder about the meaning of their presense in my life.

Are you a person who runs away from controversy? Do you enjoy a good discussion and/or debate? Do you feel find yourself connecting with people in blogsville, staying loyal to them because they come to you or you like what they have to say? Have you met some wonderful people over the internet and developed what you would call authentic friendships? Do you think some people use others for their own purposes, like a zipless f*** and disappear from your life once their own needs are no longer being fulfilled? Has such a thing as blog snobbery or elitism begun to develop?

What stimulated all of these questions today was my telephone conversation with my dear friend WW, http://www.yellingfireinacrowdedtheater.blogspot.com, is pregnant and expecting her first child, by the way. She is someone I did meet from the fragrance site who continues to be an important and meaningful part of my life today.

Thank you for your minds.

Requiem for a Dream

Many of you may remember the visually elusive and artistically stimulating movie, with its haunting sound track by the Kronos quartet Requiem of a Dream. Many scenes in the movie played out as a visual assault on the senses, with a theme leading to the destruction of hope.

I use the title not so much for its content and and significance, but more to talk about the subject of dreams and how they manifest themselves and play out in our own lives. Many say that dreams speak of inner desires, or fears, longings or hopes, something consumed, but unexpressed deep within our unconscious.

For about a year now, I have been having a theme appear in my dreams. Luckily, my dreams are quite vivid, colorful and full of details, which I can remember when upon waking up in the morning. One theme, however, that has replayed itself over the last year over and over, in various forms, is this image of me pulling string through my teeth. The string is tenacious, rough, more senious than floss, but not as strong as rope. I keep pulling and pulling it through my teeth. Sometimes it breaks, and there is relief. Lately, however, it is too strong, and unable to break, and I am left with the act of pulling and pulling it in a never-ending manner.

Here is the question of the day: Does anyone have any idea what this type of dream may symbolism? Do any of you have a recurring dream, or any dream that you remember, that is significant to you, that you would like to share?

Today is a long needed work-day. My blogging will be limited. (but I will check back during breaks for answers.)

Thank you for your minds.

Thou Shall Not....But Does...What Does it All Mean?

Inspired by a post today from my friend: http://jewishissues.blogspot.com/, on the meaning of sexual indiscretion and cheating, I have decided to tackle a broader more difficult issue.
What is the meaning and significance of the Ten Commandments? Are they meant to say one thing, but are the specific rules within a religion set up to tempt us to do otherwise?

All Ten Commandments, as far as I know, unless one has authority to prove the contrary, are to be treated equally. Can it be said that the order in which they are numbered is someone representative of their significance?

As Normal Jew sets out to explain in his post, and as some have responded, many people end up cheating on their spouses during their marriages. He asks, how does this differ from murder, cheating in business, or not honoring thy mother and father? Some of the very rigid rules in Judaism about women and sex are set up, to a large extent, it can be argued, to force men to cheat upon their wives and go elsewhere for sexual and/or emotional gratification. Is it not better to relax rigid rules of a religion so that a couple in a marriage can stay to make each other happy and try to work out their differences as opposed to straying and committing adultery? Which is the lesser of two evils?

Here is the question of the day: How do you reconcile what these Commandments say and what people do? Are some of the religious rules that are set forth set up and designed to make us, as humans break the Ten Commandments? Are we all designed to fall in some ways, or are some avenues of descent more terrible than others?

Thank you for your minds.

For Pure Fun

My posts over the last couple days have dealt with some rather serious, deep and heavy issues.

Consider all of you tagged. Appealing to my more playful side, please answer all of these fun questions:

(1) If you could go out with a famos actor or actress for one day, if you are a man you man chose a man or woman, and if you are a woman the same rule applies, who would it be?

(2) If you could only eat two foods for the rest of your life, what would they be?

(3) If you get another pet, any kind, what would you name it?

(4) What is your favorite sport?

Here are my answers:

(1) Oliver Martinez from the movie Unfaithful with Richard Gere and Diane Lane. Although on the young side, those scenes with him in the bathroom were very steamy and I think he is very handsome.

(2) Lox and Bagels

(3) Halavah or Prometheus

(4) Water polo. It is fast moving, and I like to watch those men in the water. Women's water polo is fun as well to watch, but not as visually stimulating, at least for me.


EDITED: For those of you who have asked, here is a photo of Oliver Martinez:

http://www2.filmweb.no/stuff/bildeserier/article.jhtml?articleID=11094&picnr=4

Thank you for your minds.

Understanding Mental Illness and those with Mental Health Issues

In Judaism, there is a concept called tikkun olam. Many Jewish scholars have written volume's on this concept and what it means, by basically is about to act torepair a broken world. To me, the concept is about individual responsibility and if one person's acts or words can enlighten or change the heart, mind or actions of another, then he/she is repairing the world.

First of all, I am so grateful to have so many faithful and regular followers of my blog. It is a great pleasure, and I am humbled and grateful for each and every comment to my posts. Thank you so much.

As you can see from the post below, the subject of mental illness is one that I am extremely passionate about, having dealt with it in my personal life with a family member and also in a professional capacity as a lawyer. I would like to share some information with others, that may be helpful in your understanding and ability to respond to these issues.

First of all, those who suffer from mental illness, usually schizophrenia, biipolar disorder, serious depression, psycohsis, OCD, borderline personality disorder, etc. Experience some type of chemical imbalance of their brains. This is a biological condition and a brain disorder, and as such it is a medical problem. For excellent information on mental illness, please see the following site for information: http://www.nami.org/.

NAMI is a fantastic group and offers a free twelve week family to family course in every state, and it can be taken in various cities around this country. I have taken the course myself, and signed up to teach it in the future as a volunteer, as I believe it is wonderful to help families understand how to deal with mental illness if it hits a spouse, child, brother, sister, parent, partner or someone you love.

Those who suffer and need to be hospitalized require the care, understanding and compassion just as if someone you know has been hospitalized with a physical illness, such as cancer, a broken hip, or anything truthfully. Many people do not know how to react to mental illness, and consequently ignore those who are in the hospital, not telephoning the families or going to visit those who are confined until they are stable. Please do not neglect to call, visit and make yourself available to those in need just like you would if someone was hospitalized for anything else. To do otherwise, is insensitive and makes the people who have to deal with this crisis left out in the dark.

Additionally, advocacy and the fight against stigma are critical. In February, the Vermont Teddy Bear Company put out a bear called, Crazy for You complete with a straight jacket and commitment papers. The point, which was met with disdain by the mental health community, was that you give this bear to someone you love and it means you are 'crazy' about them. After receiving thousands of letters and a reprimand from the governor of Vermont, the company pulled this bear. Using words like crazy, nut-case, wackjob, wako, are cruel and perpetuate the stigma against those already treated poorly in a cruel world. This is not about free speech, but being sensitive in what we say, just as we do not call people names or use degrading labels to refer to ethic or racial groups. It is the same thing in this context.

I find myself reaching out to those in need who are on the streets. If the person does not appear to be violent, but talking to himself/herself, I will go buy food, give money or lend a helping hand, if I can do so.

Additionally, there are many great books on the subject as well. I could go on and on, but I have promised to devote the rest of this day to my briefs, so enough out of me.

Be kind, sensitive and loving to all who have mental health issues. You will be personally doing an act to repair the world.

Thank you for your minds.

In the Poorest of All Taste: In Defense of Those with Mental Illness

As many people may know, I am a passionate advocate for those individuals suffering from mental illness which effects approximately 2 million or more people in our country. Individuals who are affected with biopolar disorder, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, or major depression do not find it amusing when they must be commited into institituions against their will and have to be put into a straight jacket.

The July 25th issue of the New York magazine shows a picture of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in straight jackets :http:
newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/culture/features/12264/
index. html

The words 'crazy', 'breakdown', 'nutcase, are all condesending conclusions and not really funny especially to anyone who has had to deal with mental illness or a mentally ill realtive. As amusing and attention grabbing as these descriptive labels may be, they stigmitize those who suffer from serious mental illness and make it appear as if their condition is something to laugh about. Far from it. Often people with chemical imbalances do not take medications, end up homeless, and in some instances commit suicide. (I have added this sentence in response to a heartwrenching post from one of my bloggers today.) This is no laughing matter by any means.

The conclusions drawn from this article on Cruise and Holmes is that they are both 'crazy' in their behavior, and act 'crazy ' for one another and consequently belong in straight jackets. This notion is offensive and insensitive to those individuals who suffer from serious mental illness and who have had to be committed and placed in straight jackets against their will.

Mental illness has ravishing affects on individuals and their families. Most people who are committed to mental hospitals do so unwillingly, and the pain for the person suffering with the illness as well as the families can cause much heartache and result in havoc on the entire family.

Since stigma against the mentally ill is a cause I fight for vigorously, I will ask that those who are offended by this cover to please contact the New York magazine at the following email address, and let them know that it is an inappropriate and insensitive cover for their magazine as well as a story that should not have been printed in such demeaning words towards those who suffer from mental illness. nyletters@newyorkmag.com

I have sent my own letter, without mincing but tempering my words.

Thank you for your minds.

Falling

Since my father's death, I have not realized it, but life, to a large extent, has seemed to be operating in a kind of slow motion. Although I have kept busy, it appears that no matter which way I turn, or direction I take, I keep falling.

What is falling? When we say this word, which is such an important part of the English language, in can mean so much. Think about it. There is falling in love, falling in line, falling in step, falling behind, falling in style, falling in sync, falling into a black hole, falling in gov. (an e-com network for a government project.)

According to Webster, falling can mean to go down by gravity. But when we think about it, and if you google the word, falling in, the most common word following that phrase, is falling in love. It could be falling in love with you, falling in love once again, falling in love with a killer, falling in love, etc. Does it not seem a strange twist of logic and common sense that to say we fall in love is to take us to a lower rather than a higher place. (i.e. if we go down by gravity.)

Lately, I have been falling down. This notion, without a doubt means to go decend into a lower place, ending up where one should not be with his/her face on the floor. It means that the light is standing still, but has not become sufficiently ignited. When I am falling down, it usually means that I am not being honest with myself nor those around me, and doing the kind of inner work necessary so that I can stand up straight on my own two feet and light the match.

Can anyone relate? What other ways can you think of when you say you are falling?

Thank you for your minds.

Some Like it Hot

Renewed interest is surfacing in the life and death of the sensuous, and often mysterious beauty, Marilyn Monroe. Men, women, gay straight, interest in Marilyn seems to be a universal factor.I was very young when she died, and do not really remember her during her liftime, but do have vivid recollections of her movies and photographs as they glared across the television and movie screens and the long-lasting fascination with her as a woman and sex symbol. If the truth be told, I thought Marilyn was one of the most intoxicating and sensual beauties who has ever lived.

Thought of as a 'dumb blonde,' the real Marilyn was far from that unflattering image. When she married playwrite Arthur Miller, she converted to Judaism for him. I cannot imagine what a thrilling union that must have been to be candid. Known for her internal spark, child like soft voice and voluptous body, Marilyn was every man, and woman's dream of what they wanted in a woman and what they wanted to be like as a woman. While in my 20s, years after her death, I can remember spending hours watching her movies and looking at her face.

Her death occurred on August 5, 1962. New information claims that she may in fact not have committed suicide as stated in this article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8841843/

Since 1962, the world has never really lost its fascination with Marilyn. Books, songs, movies, plays and poetry have since been written about her by many who were held captive to her provocative charms.

Jessica Simpson, Britnnay Spears, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman, in my opinion, none of today's women come close to the sensual charms and mysterious pleasures of Marilyn Monroe. I do think that Angelina Jolie is stunning, but in a completely different category of sensuality and charm from Marilyn.

Here is the question of the day? What do you think about Marilyn? Do you find her life to be of interest, even today, 43 years after her death? Do you think that today's women, movie stars, compare to her, and if so, how?

Thank you for your minds. (and bodies in this one.)

Where have all the stories gone?

The other day, I had a post about perception and what it means to each and every one of us.

Has anyone noticed, or is it just me, but it seems as if during this past couple of years, whenever there is a story reflecting negatively about someone inside the Bush administration, it seems to appear and then evaporate quickly. This gives the term, "fifteen minutes of fame" an entirely new meaning.

Remember the stories about Rumsfeld, Abu Grab and Iraq? What about Pat Tillman and whether his death was concealed or covered up? The Downing Street Memos? And Carl Rove, a story that should be simmering if not percolating with an interest so large that it occupies the headlines each and every day seems to be less than a foot-note in today's newspapers.

Remember when Clinton and Monica Lewinsky were discovered as paramours? Months upon months of stories, day after day, to the point of being over saturated, that some parents complained that the daily news, with its talk about oral sex and stained blue dresses were not fit for prime time viewing.

Here is the question of the day: Where have all the stories gone? Is it Republican control of the media, or have we, the people of America been conditioned to believe that mishaps by the Bush administration are just not so important?

Thank you for your minds.