It's Unfair!

I sit here with salty tear stains on my cheeks and I just want to scream.  I know life isn't fair and I know life never really gave my Dad a break, but sometimes I just want to scream, "It isn't FAIR!"

A few weeks ago, the staff at the Psych Ward started talking to us about his discharge.  It was pretty evident that the VA home was not going to re-accept him, and I was pretty calm about it.  (We always knew that was a strong possibility.)  My mom on the other hand was fuming over the phone every time we talked about it.  I honestly felt overwhelmed... I didn't have the time or energy to fight this.  It takes time to drive to West LA... and babysitters cost money... and getting the right person on the phone is almost impossible... and when I do talk to the right person, I never get a straight answer... and let's not forget that I have my own life!

What imploded my attitude of 'calm acceptance' was the arrival of Dad's MediCal application.  Since he has no money, Dad will need to apply for MediCal and that will pay for his new home.  I spent the last 3-4 years getting to know the ins and outs of the VA system.  We waited 2 1/2 years to get Dad in the VA home.  We planned and we were organized, and now we have to start all over with a new system I know nothing about.

Well, Mom, now both of us are fuming (or crying and screaming). 

Talking this morning, we feel that we need to exhaust every resource to keep him in the VA home. We don't feel comfortable with anything less.  I just got off the phone with two VA Social Workers.  I managed to keep it together when I spoke to the Social Worker from the home, and he was receptive to having the Doctor look back over Dad's file now that he seems to be less aggressive.  The second Social Worker basically just listened to my concerns and then told me to fill out the MediCal form asap.  That's when I started crying on the phone.  I really tried to keep it together, but no such luck.

The bottom line is this:  Dad has Alzheimer's.  All of his behavioral issues and motor functions are affected by Alzheimer's.  So, for the VA ALZHEIMER'S home to kick Dad out because he is aggressive or because he lost the ability to walk and has a restraint around his stomach keeping him from falling out of his chair -- is UNFAIR.  It's all a part of Alzheimer's.  And that is why we are fuming.

On another note, we are once again participating in The Long Beach Walk to End Alzheimer's.  And team "UpsidetoDementia" is fired up!  Click on the link to learn more, to register, or to donate to end this disease!  Kristen's Walk Page

Success... in my opinion!

After my last blog, I think everyone was nervous for our Assessment at the new VA home in West Los Angeles, but I'll get right to the point... THE DAY WENT VERY WELL!  Success!... in my opinion at least.

The facility is big, clean, and brand new with wide hallways and delicious food.  Despite terrible traffic on numerous freeways, we arrived just a few minutes late and were able to get a bite to eat with some of the assisted living folks.  I got shrimp cocktail, Dad got cod with rice and veggies, and we finished off with chocolate covered bananas and strawberries!  Wow!  Oh, and Dad was eager to eat everything on his plate, so he grabbed a slice of lemon and ate it like a slice of orange.  When I looked up and saw the look on his face, I knew immediately what he had done.  Then he pointed to the lemon and stated that it was "spicy... watch out".  Hahahaha.

Our "tour" really just consisted of visiting one of the rooms.  The rooms are designed for roommates, but there is a wall down the middle of the room, so each resident has their own private area, tv, shelves and cupboards... they only share a very large closet and bathroom.  The room we saw actually had a distant ocean view.  Apparently The Memory Care area where my Dad would be living is on the 3rd floor but has a couple terraces so that the residents can spend time outside.  

I was most worried about how the staff would approach Dad and how he would react.  After dealing with his current home, which is supposed to be well trained in handling Alzheimer's patients, but clearly is not, I don't trust anyone.  Well, I had nothing to worry about... because it appears that they know what they are doing there!  What a relief.  The Social Worker walked right up to Dad, spoke loud and clear, shook his hand and Dad was delighted.  He even patted the guy on the shoulder while shaking his hand.  They spoke privately in a room for about 4-5 minutes and then I was allowed to join them.  After speaking with us for a while, it almost seemed that the Social Worker was watching us with a slight sadness in his eyes at our situation.  He was seeing a 72 year old man with moderate/advanced Alzheimer's sitting with his 28 year old daughter... both in good spirits, but both obviously dealing with a very frustrating disease.

Basically the same thing happened when we saw the Nurse and the Doctor.  Dad handled all of it really well, and I answered all the questions once they realized he couldn't.  

It really felt like the staff was approaching my Dad's application in the manner of 'when he gets accepted, not if', so we left with high spirits.  The only bad news, is that it could still be 3 months before the facility opens, but we're hoping it's sooner than that.

Below is a picture of us celebrating that the day went well.  

And of course, as promised... a picture of Dad with his Grand-daughter Emry!