Rebel Yell

Hi. I mean HI!! It's been a VERY long time since I've been on the blog... looks like it might need some minors repairs and things. Lots of info and pictures are really outdated.

I've had a few people ask me lately if I'm still blogging and well, you guys made me feel pretty SPECIAL. Thanks for saying you miss me. Even if I can just make you laugh, I will feel like I have contributed something good to the world.

Wow. I don't know about you, but I'm the type of person whose mood can change in an instant. I guess that sounds really immature and unstable... I don't know, maybe it's just the circumstances I'm given that actually create such extreme emotions.

I have so much emotion swirling around inside of me lately I feel as though my head might actually explode! It's like baking soda and vinegar sitting in there, but it's constantly being shaken together, sometimes a little too VIGOROUSLY.

So.... I was thinking back when I first started a blog. It was 2010. I had 4 small children ages 12, 9, 6, and 2 (WOW!) I remember I was serving as the Young Women's President in our ward and I got released that May. I WAS DEVASTATED. I mean. I knew it was time and callings change and all that, but I've never enjoyed a calling as much, before or since I served with the Young Women. It was the BEST!

I decided to start a blog and I don't know... try to occupy my mind and maintain my sanity while raising my 4 kids while Zeke was in school and working full-time. I was lonely and emotional and I needed a place to share my feelings... more than a journal,  a way to connect with others going through similar struggles and have a laugh or TWELVE along the way. I've gotta laugh... or I just might cry.

Well, fast forward 5 years and I'm feeling very much the same as I was, but for very different reasons. I hope I've learned a few things during the last 5 years. I think so. What's changed?? Well, my kids are now 17, 14, 11, and 7 -- how can I truly explain how crazy that is? It's NUTS. Mostly way fun, but NUTS.

And well, I turned 40 this year.... didn't really bug me at all, I guess. I don't mind getting older, but I still feel so young and by that, I definitely DON'T mean I feel like I'm still 20.

I mean I feel like I'm 12. Maybe even 10 some days... yeah.

The music I listen to, the movies I watch, and the books I read would definitely correlate with that feeling....

Last week I was shoe shopping with my kids and my girls talked me in to getting a pair of "combat boots" for myself:

You know... Just LOOKING at this picture makes me smile. I used to have a pair of black 12 hole doc martens in high school... they were my babies. Now these are definitely NOT real doc martens... I'm just too practical cheap to get real ones. Anyway, I'm thrilled with these and they are very tangible evidence of the way I feel inside.  I almost wore them to church today. 

Oh, and I named them Fred and George. (Yes, that would be Weasley. See? I'm 12.)

I feel like a REBEL! I mean. I'm not going to do anything crazy... but I just want to run away sometimes, don't you? Ok, maybe you don't. Now please, before you go call my Bishop and tell him I'm feeling this way... he already knows!!!

You see, my husband IS the new Bishop!!!!! Yeah, I'm not gonna lie... I'm pretty much freaking out. It's just so weird. We are truly blessed, but man, it's just SO WEIRD. Again, I feel 12... so maybe other 40 year old women may not feel quite as traumatized as I do. Help. 

It's been about 6 weeks now and I've decided I need to blog again. I need to vent. I need some advice and moral support. I need to feel normal... whatever that is. 

Just some random thoughts and TWO major announcements!

Hello out there, I haven't been blogging much lately. I was just enjoying my friend's blog, Thoughts and then some, and thought I would pop over to mine and see if I felt any little blogging urges of my own.

We're just sitting here all cuddled up watching "Fantastic Four" -- kind of a random movie... but we all like superhero stuff and it's really hard to find a movie that 4 kids ranging in age from 6 to 16 all enjoy. I like Mr. Fantastic, he reminds me of  my sweetie, Zeke.

Can I just tell you how grateful I am for my friends? We were able to attend the baptism of my friend's son this morning and it was such a great day. I was just sitting there all warm and fuzzy inside, just enjoying being with everyone and realizing how special these fabulous women are to me. I hope I'm not too needy, but I feel like they are my adopted sisters in a way... I'll try not to suffocate you guys too much, but man, I love you! They know the real me, you know, I'm FINE (Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional) and for some reason, they put up with me and even seem to like me and laugh at my dumb jokes.

Well, I don't know if anyone out there enjoys my blog, but I do. It is SO fun to go back and see what we were doing last summer or two Christmases ago... I guess a journal can do that too, but it's just fun to see the pictures with it and to read all the funny stuff my kids say that usually gets forgotten by the time I do a journal entry. So many things I'd forgotten -- I was reminded today how important it is to me to take time to blog.

Well, as for the TWO MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS! Yes, I guess I like to be dramatic and no, it's nothing new if you're my friend on Facebook, but I haven't put them on my blog yet.

Wow, I'm not sure which one to share first -- both are quite extraordinary!

okay, #1 -- WE GOT A DOG!!!!!!! :) I've wanted a dog since Gabe was 5 and well, the planets aligned and now, our family has grown by one.

Meet Odin:

He is THE sweetest little dog. We are absolutely smitten with him. We adopted him from the local shelter. He's about 2 years old and a the shelter says he's a Jack Russell? terrier?/chihuahua? mix (anyway, a little mutt. :)

LIFE CHANGING! 

Even the cats don't mind... too much.

and #2 -- it's been 15 YEARS, but I'm going back to school in just 23 days. (I'm just a *little* excited.) I'm going to get a Bachelor's Degree in Biology. You know my Miss Frizzle dream??? Well, I'm going to make it come true. I went to the store today to get school supplies for my kids and I realized I needed some for myself! I was so giddy I might have squealed just a bit. :)

Anyway.... until later. 

PS Little random dinner ideas -- we've been making grilled cheese sandwiches, but with mozzarella cheese, a bit of pizza sauce, and pepperoni -- like a Pizza sandwich. It's really good! Also, Beck suggested one day we should spread salsa on our grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and guess what? They were YUMMY.  

This blondie has a lot of back story...

I don't know why, but I just keep thinking about blogging the last few weeks. Maybe it's because school is almost over or maybe because I just finished up coaching an Odyssey of the Mind Team (science/art/drama club thingy) that I've been working with since November.

I don't know if I have more free time necessarily, but at least my mind feels a tiny bit less cluttered, although FULL.

I always have so much I want to say. Too much to put on Facebook and not always the right platform to do so.

I posted a status a few weeks ago about my feelings concerning Mormon Olympians who also happen to be mothers of small children. I think we had a fairly good "discussion", but I'm still trying to remember the advice "not to ask a question I don't really want to hear the answer to". There was a lot of anger and misunderstanding brewing underneath the surface of some of the comments. Combine that with my "somewhat vague" explanation of what was really on my mind and it made for a bit of a mess as far as I was concerned. Anyway, I got to the point where I didn't want to hear any more, so I deleted my post. Ha! I love having control like that. It just wasn't going where I wanted it to go and I was tired of trying to explain to everyone what I really meant.

It's taken me 3 weeks to figure out why I'm was so bugged with the idea of a young mother spending all that time training for an Olympic sport. It's been a good time for me to really think about myself and analyze why I feel so strongly. It was a good opportunity for self-reflection and re-evaluating my life. That being said -- everyone has a different life: background, abilities, experiences, children, husband, vocation, desires, etc, etc, etc.

So, here's an important realization I came to while chatting with a dear friend about it: no one can really understand where I'm coming from and why I think and feel the way I do  -- so, it just goes to show me I can't ever truly understand why these Olympic athletes choose to do what they do. No matter how anyone tries to explain it to me, no matter how amazing they are, no matter how many people love them. That means nothing to me -- you can definitely love someone and not agree with or support what they do. So, that's not the point I was trying to make.

I'm not even sure what point I was trying to make... I think I just wanted to express my feelings "out loud" and see if anyone understood or felt the same as I do. Again, I realize now, that no one can feel the same as another person. There are simply too many factors that make up their opinions.

My life experiences have made me feel a certain way: basically, I think women should do all they can to be there for their children - even at the expense of sacrificing (or at least putting on hold) some of their own dreams and aspirations. Why? Well, after watching my sister suffer through 4 years of cancer and then actually succumb to it, leaving behind 6 children (the youngest was barely 5), it REALLY scared me.

Then, to struggle through years of my own on-going health issues and wake-up calls it makes me realize life is SO SHORT. You never know when your life will be over. I always feel like I need more time. I feel like Heavenly Father is constantly and specifically reminding ME what my mission here on earth truly is -- always pulling me back on course and helping me focus on what truly matters. In a small way, I guess I'm grateful, but ever fearful of the unknown difference between my time frame and God's.

For me, I can't bear to think of really focusing on anything else right now other than spending time with my children and being there when they need me. I don't want any regrets when it comes to my children. I'm selfish too. I want to be there for every milestone and every special occasion. I want to prepare them for the future and hug them and tell them I love them and make sure I've given them all I can.

I remember when Gabe was a baby and I was going to school. Zeke was working full-time and also going to school, so Gabe went to my neighbor's for a few hours every other day while I was in class. It nearly killed me the day I came to pick him up and she said he started crawling for the first time.... I missed it. I know, I know, you may think I'm a bit dramatic and over the top maybe, but I just had to be there.

I tried to balance kids and school for awhile. It wasn't too bad -- I was only taking a couple classes at a time. Then, way back in 2002 when Gabe and Zoe were little, I took them to a different neighbor (who, by the way, came HIGHLY recommended by several women in our church group). To this day, it is still hard for me to talk about what happened. Let's just say this woman must have put on a really good front, but she was truly a wolf in sheep's clothing. A very disturbed woman who shouldn't have anything to do with children -- she desperately needed some help.

I came to pick them up early one day as my chemistry lab finished sooner than the regular time and THANK GOODNESS I did! I pulled up in the driveway and could hear yelling even from outside. The lady's door was open and I could hear her SCREAMING at the top of her lungs through the screen door. My kids were IN there with her!

Without knocking, I marched right in and found Gabe and another child crying and cowering in a corner while she continued to SCREAM at them, shaking her fist at them, and just basically freaking out. Let me remind you, Gabe was only 3. What could a 3 year old possibly do to warrant that type of behavior? What could any child really do to justify something like that? I can't even remember what I said to her, I only remember the look of horror and embarrassment on her face. She didn't even try to apologize or explain.

Then, I looked out the sliding glass doors to find Zoe outside banging on them and crying to get in. Her cheeks were red and blotchy with tears and snot all over her as well as the glass door, indicating she had been locked out alone for who knows how long (possibly two hours?) ... she was only one year old. Those images still haunt me to this day.

I took my kids home and held them and cried for hours. I reported her to the police, but I honestly don't know what happened to her. All I know is, I never went back. Definitely not to her or any other type of child care for that matter. I know there are great child care providers out there, but I've had a hard time trusting anyone with my children ever since.

My heart hurts for those women who have no choice. I'm so grateful I found out sooner than later, but for me, I've never been able to justify leaving them in someone else's care to pursue something unnecessary. It's just not worth it.

Wow, this is what I love about blogging. It's so therapeutic for me. When I sat down awhile ago, I had no idea what I was actually going to blog about, other than I felt like I needed to write and get some feelings out. I always have a lot to say. I'll save more for another time.

If anything, I hope this post helps you understand me a little more. I really don't mean to come across so serious and extreme and condemning in my opinions. I truly think what Noelle Pikus Pace has done is inspiring and positive. However, knowing what I know and going through what I have, I try to explain to myself or justify someone else's behavior and sometimes it just doesn't make sense to me. I can't unknow these things or undo my experiences. They are part of me.

Although drastically different, I know my life is just as positive and inspiring as an Olympic athlete. Mothers come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, backgrounds, lifestyles, abilities, and vocations AND they can all be a positive and loving influence on their children no matter how different they are.

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle” ~ J.M. Barrie? (there are so many sources giving different credit for this quote, I'm not sure who really said it first, but it's a good one)

I'll Repent...

Hey bloggers, these are the words I promised my dear friends this morning "I'll repent!!" I haven't been reading or writing any blogs lately. Not one. I honestly don't know where the time goes.

It's interesting to me how much I've noticed the balance of things in life lately. Lots of trials, but LOTS of blessings.

My heart is ACHING for those families in Connecticut affected by or involved in that terrible shooting... I simply cannot imagine. It has been a rough week sending my kids to school. A few more hugs and kisses here and there, extra "I love you's" -- I feel ashamed to think what it took to remind me how precious each of my children are to me. I hold them just a little longer than I used to and I find myself trying to reassure them, almost pleading with them, "Do you know how much I love you? I hope you do!"

Things I love:

1. My husband -- he is so loving and supportive of me in all my quirky glory. People say building a home can destroy your marriage -- I feel like it has brought us closer in many ways, although we do like much of the same things so picking out colors and things to go in and on the house has been really fun!

2. My friends -- ditto to the above, I only wish I could see them more. You wonderful women keep me afloat when all the other things in life seem to get me down sometimes.

3. My kids -- they're pretty darn patient with me and they're all in these really fun phases right now: 14, 12, 8, and 4. I'm not saying they're fun 100% of the time -- I'm just saying they CAN be. They love me and I love to see all the ways they show me.

4. My Mom -- she is just plain AWESOME in every way. Again, I wish I could see her MORE.

5. All of my family -- we went to visit my family and Zeke's family during Thanksgiving and it was truly one of THE best trips ever. I love them all and I'm grateful to have them in my life.

5. The Gospel of Jesus Christ -- my greatest source of peace and direction. I really appreciate our new ward. It truly is where we're supposed to be.

6. My cats -- seriously, they are so much a part of our family. They are great company and so fun! People have told me they prefer dogs because cats aren't affectionate or happy to see you. I wonder if these people have actually had a cat in their home? I'm amazed at how loving they are and how they just seem to know when one of us is sad or sick. I'm grateful our kids can have these beautiful animals in our home. I know they are a great source of comfort to them and they teach them to be more gentle and kind. By the way, have you ever played with a cat and a laser pointer? Seriously, you should.

7. This crazy roller coaster ride called "building a house". Did I tell you our apartment is 1000 square feet? Did I tell you we've been living here for almost 6 months? Yeah. It's a bit crazy, but every time I go out to our new house and see the progress I tell myself "I can do this -- not much longer -- it's going to be worth it." This has been a miracle for our family and I feel so blessed. Am I crazy to admit I've been drawing little shapes of all of our furniture to scale on the floor plans already? :)

Merry Christmas!

Ramble On

For the record, I love Led Zeppelin. Not in the way you might think. I remember dragging main with my friend and her boyfriend (Yes, I was the lame 3rd wheel!) and we listened to "Stairway to Heaven" over and over and over and over.... no, I'm thinking about Black Dog, Kashmir, Misty Mountain Hop, Immigrant Song, and Ramble On (just popped into my head when I was trying to come up with a title for this post).

I'm kinda bummed at my lack of blogging lately. From this moment henceforth, I intend to be exceedingly serious about blogging. Well, for a moment at least. There's so much going on. TOO MUCH.  My blog has been left to fend for itself.

We've all been sick the last few days. Fever. Ache. Sore Throat. Cough. What's that commercial about NyQuil? the something something so-you-can-rest medicine. Well, anyway, I can't take NyQuil, I pretty much do the opposite of rest. I have ultra-vivid/bizarre dreams all night long, but I'm halfway between awake and asleep, so yeah. Not sure where I was going with that...

Today, I think we're somewhat on the mend thankfully. I took some of my kids to school and I was able to go visit with some friends this morning. We had a good visit about yesterday's election and some really yummy muffins. Friends and family make me so happy. :) Some of my best friends are really more like family and some of my family are my best friends. For the record, thanks for caring about me. Life is good. Crazy, but good.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot. I've been reading a lot.

Two books in particular have me thinking:

1. "Pretending to be Normal" by Liane Holliday Willey
2. "The Book of Mormon Girl" by Joanna Brooks

These books have NOTHING in common other than the fact they were both written by women.
I'm very choosy about the books I read. I don't have a lot of "free" time and I really feel like "you are what you read...." (Sorry, my head's still a bit fuzzy and I just cannot seem to stop quoting movies.... wait, I do it all the time.)

I'm glad I read both of them. For very different reasons. Both of these books are memoirs -- I could relate so well with the author in book #1, but not very much at all with the author in book #2. However, we are all women. I respect them and their courage to tell their story; to share their honest opinions and most personal experiences. Somehow, it makes me want to be a better person and reach out to others more; to love everyone regardless of our differences.

It's funny how books come into my life at the right time.

There's a lot more I want to say, but alas, I randomly started writing this post at a most dangerous time: 4pm on a Wednesday. I should be making dinner and helping with homework.

Okay.... you've been spared for now.

Blogging is cheaper than therapy...

It's been almost 4 months since I've posted on my blog. I'll backtrack later (maybe).

All I know is that it has been 4 months of CRAZY.

In a nutshell, we are (hopefully) building a home. Yes, I can hardly believe it. More details about that later.

Somewhere around the first of May, I felt like I didn't need to blog anymore, like it was just one extra thing to take away what little free time I don't have. I actually unpublished my blog for awhile... just didn't want to mess with it during the move and I was having issues with the idea that anyone could read it. Well, obviously I'm past that now.

Suddenly, I regret not keeping a blog during all of this insanity. To go back and remember and laugh and look how far we've come...

I've come to a realization. Blogging helps keep me sane. Blogging helps me vent and purge all of those crazy thoughts and fears I have at 3am. Blogging helps my husband get more sleep at night. Blogging helps me be nicer to my children. Really. It sounds like a contradiction, but I need to MAKE time to blog. I need to create and think and have somewhere to put my thoughts -- and I'm NOT talking about "to-do" lists! It's good for me. :) There. Done.

Today, by the way, is the first day of school for my 3rd grader and HIGH SCHOOL Freshman..... What the??

My 6th grader starts tomorrow and my preschooler starts Monday.

I'll post pictures later...

Things I've learned in the last 4 months:

• We are selling our house --- just because you have an offer on your house doesn't mean it is actually sold.
• When you move from a neighborhood and more specifically from a ward (group in Church) -- you find out FAST who your real friends are.
• All of our belongings fit quite comfortably in a 1000 square foot apartment. Huh. And we're moving because.... well, because we feel like we are supposed to, because we want a more functional floorplan, because (hopefully) we sold our house.
• It's better to laugh than to cry; crying gives me a headache. (I think Marjorie Hinckley said this, but I know it is so true.)
• Peppermint Oil works great for a headache. Rub it on your forehead, temples, and the back of your neck.
• In general, I like things to be quiet -- unless people are laughing.
• People can change. (I hope that includes me.)
• Zoe, my 11 year old daughter, is one of my best friends.
• Cats are the "gateway conversation" with a teenager. ALWAYS. Cats are comforting. Cats are quiet for the most part, much quieter than children or dogs. Cats are funny. Cats make me smile. Cats make everyone in our house smile. Smiling is a good thing. However, I don't like cats sleeping on my face!
• I like structure. More than I realized.
• I have a shopping habit. I like to buy stuff. I even like to buy groceries... sick, I know.
• I like hiking and swimming and sitting under the trees at Merlin Olsen Park.
• Being a parent to a 14 yr old boy, 11 yr old girl, 8 yr old girl, and 4 yr old boy is HARD. I have to interact with each one in a completely different way and usually all at the same time. I still haven't figured out how to do this effectively.
• I also like playing Mario Kart on the Wii. I come in last place every time, but hey, it's fun.
• Zeke and I are getting older... good older, but just older. It's so weird... I remember having a major crush on him when I was in 8th grade and he was in 10th...
• Zeke is SO patient with me. WOW! Honey, I'm hoping by resuming my blog you can have some peace.

I could go on and on...but last of all I've learned that I need to blog! In the last 4 months I've had several people ask about my blog and it's meant so much to me. Thanks! I've missed you.

Blogging is Good, MY MUSIC is Better, Best Picture

Well, you may have noticed I haven't been blogging much...

You know when you look at your schedule and your life and all you want to accomplish and be...
What can I cut out? It hasn't really been a conscious thought, but I haven't been blogging and I don't really have the urge at the moment.

I have been listening to a great radio station, 101.9 "The End", thanks to my friend, Sharon! I don't buy very much music anymore so this has been a true gem to find this station. X96 just isn't the same. SHARON, I OWE YOU! I can't believe how much I LOVE this music SO much better than anything else. I feel differently when I listen to it. GOOD different. I feel like I've found an old friend. I feel alive. Listening to this music back in the day was the reason I survived growing up in Salina, Utah. YES, it is TRUE! Mistie... you can attest to this!

It makes me SO happy: Oasis, The Cure, Bush, The Pixies, Death Cab for Cutie, Modern English, Beck, OMD, Camouflage, Depeche Mode, Coldplay, Broken Bells, Yaz, ABC, They Might Be Giants, Toad the Wet Sprocket, 311, Foster the People, The Waterboys, Duran Duran, Midnight Oil, Modest Mouse, Men Without Hats, Dave Matthew's Band, Incubus, Jet, The Cranberries, Love and Rockets, The Verve, Blink-182, The Smithereens, Violent Femmes, The Fixx, David Bowie, Weezer, Cage the Elephant, Oingo Boingo, Crowded House, Talking Heads, Middle Class Rut, Cake, The Cult, Echo and the Bunnymen, Green Day, Keane, INXS, Fall Out Boy, Stone Temple Pilots, Eurythmics, U2, Evanescence. The Fray, The Clash, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Xymox, Peter Gabriel, 30 Seconds to Mars, R.E.M., Big Audio Dynamite, AFI, The Killers, Muse, Radiohead, The Proclaimers, Anything Box, A-ha, B-52's, The Cult, Snow Patrol, Bare Naked Ladies, The Black Keys, Tears for Fears, Erasure, Jimmy Eat World, Neon Trees, Dashboard Confessional, Wall of Voodoo, Smashing Pumpkins, Collective Soul, Switchfoot, Jane's Addiction, Linkin Park, Incubus, Bronsky Beat, Jesus Jones, Mighty Lemon Drops, Information Society, The Smith's, Franz Ferdinand, King, Sould Asylum, Thompson Twins, Anything Box, Howard Jones, Pet Shop Boys, Underworld, Figures On a Beach, New Order, etc, etc, etc. :) I'm sure I've missed some...

We went to Colorado to visit Zeke's parents last week and it was a great trip. Really great. As usual, I was too busy doing stuff to take pictures, but here's one of a few and definitely my favorite:

Grandma and Beck

See you in awhile...... enjoy life, find the good in people, take time to relax, play and laugh with your kids, read a good book, hug your sweetie, pet your cat (if you don't have one, come pet mine, it makes me happy).

I love all of my family and I hope everyone is doing well and feeling good. I miss you ALL. Here's a great big cyber (((HUG))) from me! :)

And now we interrupt your regularly scheduled program...

Hi all, just a quick check in:

I haven't been feeling well off and on this last week -- I think I have a sinus infection? Anyway, I've watched "That Darn Cat" three times with various family members and I've felt too crappy to leave the room... I do like that movie, and I LOVE Hayley Mills, but seriously? Maybe it's because the FBI detective's name is Zeke...

I have been invited to do a quilt swap. I am MORE excited about this than I can say! And I really need to get started YESTERDAY. We have a blog to document our progress! Thanks, Dedra and Kate, for letting a beginner/wanna-be dabble in your expertise. :)

The kids are back in school and for some reason I am SO busy. Homework, dinner, baths, keeping Beck happy while everyone else is away (i.e. keeping Beck from destroying the house while everyone else is away.) I have not been reading many blogs lately. I love you all, it's not you, it's me you know. I'm still here, just not blogging much.

The last week or so, I spent my "free" time reading "Unbroken" by Laura Hillenbrand. This book is unforgettable. It is quite graphic and very disturbing in parts, but I think it is well worth your time. This man is a fighter. I loved how it all turned out in spite of the circumstances he was placed in. Sometimes we can't choose what happens to us... but we CAN rise above it and survive. Thanks to brave people who serve in our military, hopefully we'll never have to experience any of the horrors that he and so many others faced during WWII. I love to read books that make me want to be a better person, that change how I think, that remind me why we are here. I would LOVE to meet Louis Zamperini. WOW.

I'll check in here and there. Other than that, I'll be cleaning my house, reading a good book, working on my quilt blocks, and doing homework and watching silly old movies with my kids...

This is my thinking face

I feel so behind on blogs and blogging. We had a good trip. It's always nice to see my parents. I didn't feel too well most of the time and well, that's just not any fun is it? Can I just tell you how much my parents LOVE the soundtrack to Mamma Mia? ha ha ha... good times. We went for a ride with them and they were SO into the music. It was a treat to see them out of the house and enjoying each other and the music. :)

I'm trying to get my children into some kind of summer routine. Yesterday was great, but I'm not sure yet how blogging will fit into it. Yesterday was also full of unpacking and extra laundry.

I'm trying to finish reading a book because Book Club is TONIGHT! I'm excited, but I've gotta get reading! So far, I really like the book. It's called, "The Forgotten Garden" by Kate Morton. We'll see how it ends. I also need to find a babysitter because Zeke and Gabe are going hiking with the deacons... I will TRIUMPH!

I always feel kinda weird visiting the cemetary... kind of sad and just really introspective. So many memories, so many regrets, so many worries, so many questions, so many hopes and wishes. I enjoyed going to visit the graves of both sets of grandparents, as well as my sister, Brenda, and my cousin, Rory. Life is SO precious. It can be over in an instant. This weekend was FULL of emotions and I find myself overly cautious and smiling on the outside, but worrying like a paranoid crazy person on the inside.

Here's my Mom, Zoe, and Kaia at the Centerfield, Utah Cemetary... it was very cold and windy. This is the headstone of my paternal grandparents, Leo and Eliza Andersen. Don't you just love Zoe and Kaia's headbands/bows? My Mom always has some special little thing for them. She is THE best grandma.
I am so thankful that she can be part of their lives.

Here's the boys: my Dad, Gabe, and Beck
(sorry the picture is so fuzzy, I took it from my phone)

The highlight of the weekend was my Dad singing "one of his songs"... you just have to know my Dad. I'll have to share a few with you later. But this was a song I've never heard before and well, before he got to the second verse, my Mom came running in and shut him up. My kids were laughing so hard and just DYING to know what he was going to sing. Dad, I'm still curious. You said you'd sing it to Zeke later and he could sing it to me. Oh, I can only imagine. :)

As soon as I finish that book, I will catch up on my blog reading!
Oh, and go hug your little ones at least two or three times, ok? :)

Blah-ging: it's not you, it's me

I've been so busy and I'm just not in the mood to blog... I'll try to catch up on my blog reading tonight. I promise: it's not you, it's ME! Blah.

We had a wonderful weekend:

• We took Friday off and just played. All six of us. It was more than splendid. I'll write more about that later too. We kind of planned it last minute. It was SO fun. We are so blessed. By the way, I love sushi.
  
• On Saturday we cleaned out our garage and car, just to mention a few things. And those are MAJOR things.
  
• I went to a Stake RS meeting and heard a great talk by Emily Watts. She was AWESOME! I'll write more about that later too.
• We rented Harry Potter 7 from the Redbox and I loved it. (Kaia and Beck didn't watch it -- I'll save you the trouble of cussing me out. You're welcome.) *SPOILER ALERT* Tell me I'm not the only person that cried when Dobby got killed? I knew it was going to happen; I've read the book, but it still made me really sad.
  
• We ate dinner outside -- to me, this is THE welcoming ritual of summer. Any suggestions on yummy things to grill?
  
• The girls and I got new swimsuit cover ups and flip flops -- another sign that summer is really coming!

Are they cute or what?
My cover up is the same color as Zoe's. The sash can be worn many different ways and well, that fact made us want them regardless of the color. They can be dresses, skirts, sleeveless cover-ups over your bathing suit, yeah, it's just too groovy. We can't wait to walk around Bear Lake all dressed the same. I am so blessed to have these precious girls.
They are definitely my shopping buddies.

I hope you all have a FABULOUS week.
My kids get out of school on Friday and for the moment,
I'm really happy about it.
No more homework, no more books, no more children's dirty looks! :)
I just want to play...

If you could

If you could see my pile of dishes. I'm really glad you can't.

If you could be with my 3 year old and understand just how crazy and busy he is. He needs some serious Mom time.

If you could know how crazy my day was yesterday and even how much crazier my night was. It takes a village...

If you could understand what it's like to have a child with asthma and everything that goes along with that. She misses out on so much.
This time of year is hard.

If you could get inside my brain and see how much I really want to read all your blogs and make a fabulous post about Kaia's birthday.

Not today.

"No success can compensate for failure in the home." -- David O. McKay

Find-A-Friend Friday

Guess what!?
I was chosen to be interviewed by Stephanie at Diapers and Divinity
for "Find-A-Friend Friday". I'm so excited! I love Stephanie and her blog.

Look for my interview tomorrow... I hope you like it! :)

I can take a hint!

Here I am. Monday, January 3rd, 2011. The 3 older kids are back at school again. Zeke is at work. Beck is watching "Kipper" (Thank you, Netflix!) And I'm thinking I need to post on my blog... it's been a week and that's a long time for me!

This last week has been a blur. The entire holiday break is a blur. But we did have fun in spite of all the sickness. And more importantly, we are feeling better for the most part. I'm doing as well as I can right now.

Way back in January 2007, my Dad had a heart attack and I wanted to go see him. Zeke was so wonderful. He took off work and stayed home with the kids so I could drive to Orem where my Dad was in the hospital. Only one problem: my retarded bladder was acting up again. (FYI, stress is one of the triggers for my IC) I remember Zeke gave me a blessing before I left and it was one of those blessings that you didn't really feel better, but you felt peace at the same time. Does that make any sense at all? Probably not. But he said something like, "You will have health problems your entire life, but you will be able to enjoy your life in spite of them." It took my breath away, but at the same time I already knew that would be my fate. I am just so thankful to be here.

I don't suffer from any serious/major health problems really, but I always have something. Anyway, my IC has been terrible this Christmas. Dr. Pitcher gave me a HUGE list of foods that can be triggers for a flare up. Chocolate is one of them. I'm almost positive it affects me. NOT CHOCOLATE! I love chocolate so much! Really. But as horrible as I have felt, it's an easy trade. 2011 will be very different in that respect. But I might fudge a little on that one now and then, no pun intended!

We watched two great movies over the holiday:

"Avalon High" -- A Disney movie made from a book by Meg Cabot (author of the Princess Diaries). Now, this movie won't win any major awards, but I LOVED it! We all did! The twist at the end was AWESOME! I love when I'm surprised by a movie. Very cute. It's all about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, Sir Lancelot, and Queen Guinevere. My kind of movie.

"Stone of Destiny" -- true story about Ian Hamilton, a guy from Scotland who tried to raid Westminster Abbey in 1951 to bring back the "Stone on Scone" a symbol of Scottish pride back to Scotland where it should be. LOVED THIS!! Charlie Cox from "Stardust" starred in this movie. He's great.

Gabe made shoes out of duct tape! He is so creative.
He actually wore them to school today. :)

On New Year's Eve, we took the kids bowling. It was great!
This was Beck's first time :)

Zeke cooked steak and homemade fries for us and we also had Fortune Cookies (one of our New Year's traditions). I guess I'm the kind of person that believes in fate and destiny and all that, but I try to take my fortunes pretty seriously. The rest of the family got happy, predictable, positive fortunes like: "You will be very prosperous and successful in your business ventures." or "Your travel plans will take an exciting turn this year." or "Your wit and ingenuity will bring great success to your life."

Well, this was my fortune for 2011:

"There is a time to be practical -- NOW."

Coincidence, no! Remember the quote from Elder Holland, "A coincidence is just a small miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous." This fortune was PERFECT for me. Not exactly what I wanted to hear (not at all really), but I can take a hint.

I have too many plans, I'm trying to run faster than I am able and I know I just need to slow down. For now, my New Year's plans are to:

1. Join the Ward Choir (I've been waiting for the "perfect" timing and I think this is as good as it's going to get)

2. Finish writing my book... more details later. I actually have 3 book ideas, but I've decided to focus on one this year and see if I can actually get it published.

3. Take better care of myself.

4. AND take Ballroom Dance lessons with Zeke! (Did I tell you that was his Christmas present to me?) I was so excited, I started crying when I opened the envelope.

Happy New Year!!

I forgot to add a scripture to go with this post (this is one of my goals for the year as well):

Jacob 6:12 says, "O be wise; what can I say more?"

My gift to you

I've been blogging now for about 7 months. It has been a great experience. I have met many new friends and have enjoyed getting to know old friends even better. I've been wondering what I might give all of you for Christmas. I've decided to share with you one of my very favorite stories... I'm not sure where I heard it from. But I know you will love it! Thank you for all of your comments, advice, funny stories, and your examples of faith and obedience. I look forward to a new year: "My life is an uphill climb and I'm going to smile everyday." Merry Christmas!

You may have heard the story before about the woman who goes to a silversmith to watch the process of refining silver. The story goes like this:

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' (Malachi 3:3) She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?' He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy — when I see my image in it.'
"The greatest man in history had no servants, yet they called him Master. Had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today."
(Thank you to the Oldham family for this great quote!)

I hope that we can all slow down this holiday season and take time to feel the true Spirit of Christmas; that we might reflect His love in all that we do and say and think and feel. I hope each of you can have the opportunity to give service and to share the Gospel with someone. I know that our Savior lives and that He knows and loves each of us.

Confessions of a Book Snob, Seven Silly Eaters, and Tortellini Vegetable Soup

I was in a blogging frenzy last week.... this week, not so much. I've just been busy taking care of my children and my house and the million other little things that go along with it.

I'm feeling a little "link happy" this morning...
you have been warned.

Saturday night, we rented "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" from the Redbox. Zoe and Gabe have loved the books and we have been wanting to see it. We really enjoyed the movie, even though it strayed from the book quite a bit. I thought it was hilarious... some of you Moms out there may think a few scenes are a bit off-color or whatever... maybe you don't have sons, but it's okay, I forgive you. It's a cute family show and I would watch it again. Steve Zahn is the dad, and he is one of my all time favorite actors for sure. So funny!

I've decided I need to confess something... I am a total "BOOK SNOB". Yep, it's true. I'm sorry, I'm working on it. I get bugged when people freak out and gush and swoon over movies such as "Chronicles of Narnia", "Harry Potter", "The Lightning Thief", and now "Diary of a Wimpy Kid". I'm sure there's more... don't get me started. And I am happy so many people have enjoyed these movies and have been exposed to them, because they are such wonderful stories... but the books are SO MUCH BETTER!!! They are missing out... "The Lightning Thief" for example, is NOTHING like the book! Who is Clarisse? yeah, I bet most people don't know. I guess I just need to let it go.... my husband makes fun of me. I am obsessed with Young Adult Science Fiction and Fantasy books. I'm almost 36 years old, so maybe that's a little strange, but I don't care. Maybe you won't be as upset as I am when they leave out or change major parts of your favorite book. Then you don't know what's missing so you can just enjoy Annabeth, even though she isn't mean at all and she doesn't have brown hair! Yeah, I have a problem.

Just one more thing, "Dear screen play writers and movie producers, please take special care of my good friend, Fablehaven"!!

ok, breathe...... I'm good.

So now, I have a wonderful book, I want to recommend to you. It is one of our family's top ten favorites! It's called, "The Seven Silly Eaters". Read it, you will love it. It almost makes we want more children (I said ALMOST!) And I don't think anyone will ever make a movie of it for me to complain about either.
This is Kaia and me reading a book (July 2007-ish)

Tonight for dinner, I'm making one of my favorite soup recipes. I got it from my good friend and neighbor, Lorie. Thanks, Lorie.
It's called "Tortellini Vegetable Soup"

Here it is:
2 tbsp. olive oil
1 small zucchini, diced
5 1/2 cups chicken stock
1 bay leaf
1/2 tsp. salt
1 med. onion, chopped
1 med. carrot, peeled and diced
1 tsp. dried basil
1/2 cup crushed tomatoes
8-9 oz. fresh or frozen tortellini (meat or cheese filled)
3 tbsp. chopped fresh parsley
black pepper to taste

Heat the olive oil in a medium soup pot. Add the vegetables (except tomatoes) and saute over moderate heat for 8-10 minutes, stirring often, until the onion is soft and translucent. Add the stock, basil, bay leaf, tomatoes, and salt. Increase the heat and bring the mixture to a low boil. Add the tortellini and bring the soup back to a low boil. Cook for 2 minutes, then reduce heat and simmer for another 5-6 minutes. Gently stir in the parsley and pepper during the last minute or so. Goes great with a big loaf of french bread :) Mmmmmm, I love soup in the fall!

I'm still here..

I haven't blogged for awhile I guess it's been over a week. We got home from our trip at midnight on Monday. I've been doing laundry and more laundry and such. I've also got a "yard work bug" this week and it's a really good thing (Thanks, Mom, I think I caught it from you). The kids and I have been outside all week (except for when we're doing laundry). I'll post pictures and write more later... I've gotta get out in the yard before it gets too hot.

Oh, and I've been reading a very interesting book by Viktor E. Frankl called "Man's Search for Meaning" (Angee, I told you I wasn't super into it, well, I got home and now I can hardly put it down :)

I just can't sit still at the computer this week.

Zeke says my blog is too girly...

Hey all, so I haven't been totally in love with my previous blog background, I hope you weren't either. I showed my blog to Zeke and he said, "It's too girly, you need some colors that look more like you, like BROWN (he said this like it was a bad thing)." Yes, for the record, I do like brown, A LOT! Does that mean I'm not girly? So anyway, I'm just testing this one out... what do you think? I've had a hard time matching all the other fonts and colors to this new background and such... and THAT is why it took me so long to get around to changing it again. silly silly silly and still GIRLY!